Mars Needs Chickens!

by John Taloni

  “There goes another car,” said Peter ruefully.

  “Or the side of a building,” Kim mused.

  “It’s just property damage,” Smita said, responding to both. “Which way?”

  “Katy won’t go anywhere but straight to that chicken,” said Kim. “She’s much more attached to them than a simple agricultural project.”

  “Buckaw! BUCKAW!” The sound of wings fluttering carried on the still air of the colony.

  “Well, let’s go that way,” said Peter, nodding towards the sound. All three took off at a fast walk. They used the volume as a directional signal. The sound of “Buck buck” gradually grew louder, along with scratching and tearing noises.

  Several long minutes later the group found themselves at the rear of the police group. They only had batons drawn, no projectile weapons. The three went to one side and approached an officer.

  “No spectators,” said one as they approached. “I’m going to have to ask you to step back.

  “Yes, I understand your concern,” said Smita. She clasped her hands at her chest and took on a formal stance. “I am Smita Namputiri, Director of the Jurassic project. These two are members of my staff. I believe I have information regarding the animal you are pursuing. Can we please speak to your Captain.”

  “Hold on,” he said. The policeman detached himself from the group and walked to the center of the formation. A moment later the Captain came by.

  “Ms. Namputiri. Good to see you again. I believe we met at one of the colony functions.”

  “Yes, the holiday party last year as I recall,” said Smita. They shook hands and Smita made introductions.

  “You have information for us?” asked the Captain. “We thought perhaps this was one of yours. Although I haven’t seen any status reports addressing an animal anywhere near this size.”

  “Yes, unfortunately, it may be due to our efforts, although inadvertently.” Smita took a deep breath. “First I must inform you that there is a danger to human life, even more than what you anticipate. The Costello’s child Katy feels an affection for this creature. She is currently missing. We must ask you to proceed with restraint.”

  “Restraint is pretty much all we have,” said the Captain. “Tasers failed.”

  “Yes, Peter was there for that,” said Smita. “Do you have big-game tranq darts?”

  “On Mars? All of our weapons are intended for people,” said the Captain.

  “And of course projectile weapons are out,” said Smita, waving a hand at the dome.

  “Sure,” said the Captain. Unless we can lure it into a main street and take shots from the building tops. But this monster seems to prefer the open spaces.”

  “There are not so many of those here,” said Smita, to which the Captain nodded.

  “We’ve sent an officer to get some beanbag rifles from the armory. That’ll help us move it,” said the Captain.

  “We have some ideas in that regard,” said Smita. The two took to planning.

  Several minutes later the new armaments arrived. With his staff armed, the Captain ordered a firing sequence.

  #

  As a “whoosh” noise filled the air, the beanbag exited the barrel and struck the chicken. “Buck-KAW!” it exclaimed, and took a step forward. The next beanbag struck along the same side, pushing the chicken in the opposite direction.

  “Oh, no,” groaned Peter. He saw Katy down the street, waving at the chicken. She ducked behind a corner, then back out. “We’ve got to get the Captain to-”

  “BUCK-KAW!” came a loud screech. The chicken raised its right leg high, then put it down on the ground. It wobbled as the chicken put full weight on it.

  “Captain, you’ve got to stop!” Peter rushed into the formation, even as officers moved to hold him back.

  “Aim for the leg again,” the Captain said, not seeing Peter.

  At that moment Katy ran out into the street. “Nooooo!” Peter yelled. He jumped in front of the group. “Cease fire! Cease fire!”

  Katy pulled something from her backpack. She clamped it on the chicken’s leg, then wound a strap around and around. “Run, Hestia!” Katy exclaimed. The giant chicken stood there, not moving. “Run, I said!” she slapped the chicken on its backside. It moved two steps, then stopped.

  Katy jumped on its back. “I said run, you dumb cluck!”

  The chicken extended its neck as it made a swift “Buckaw!” It started trotting down the street, head bobbing back and forth. A few steps later it ran at full speed. Then it went around a corner and disappeared.

  Kim looked at Peter, who had stepped back from the firing line. “Was that what I think i was?”

  “Sure seemed to be,” Peter replied. “Knee brace. Probably 3D printed, plus some bandage wrappings.

  “She did mention that Hestia had a limp,” said Kim.

  “Now you’re calling it by name too?” Peter groaned.

  Smita cleared her throat. Both Peter and Kim looked at her. “Did I see right? Katy rode that chicken?”

  #

  After some hurried consultation, Smita and the Captain came up with a new plan: Drive the chicken to the center of the colony. There they hoped to contain it within the central park area.

  In addition to the bean bags, the Captain also ordered whatever noisemakers central supply could provide. These included some flash bang grenades from stores, plus a small quantity of firecrackers hastily manufactured from existing materials.

  The Captain split up his squad to patrol for the giant chicken. Given its size they didn’t have long to wait. Just over an hour from the time of the previous confrontation Katy and the chicken were spotted in an alleyway.

  Instructions crackled over walkie talkies. The squad organized into a loose formation: One group prepared to enter the alleyway where the two rested. The other two groups formed a blockade at the corners. The chicken would have no choice but to go where they wanted.

  As they crept up close the Captain motioned to the Costello’s. “Hsst! Katy!” Peter made a loud whisper. “Come away from the chicken! We don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Hestia won’t hurt me,” Katy replied. “She’s gotten hurted by them!” Katy threw out an accusing arm at the police officers.

  “The chicken is a menace to the colony,” said the Captain. “She pecked at the dome! She’s strong enough to get us all killed.”

  “You just have to be nice to her!” Katy yelled.

  “Buck...buck?” The chicken roused from its somnolent state.

  “They’re going to try to capture her,” Kim yelled. “Come on honey, just step away. Let these people do their jobs.”

  “I saw them try to capture her before,” shouted Katy. “Mom, make them understand!”

  Kim shook her head. “They have a duty. Nobody wants you to get hurt. Or Hestia.”

  “But they already hurted her, so I don’t believe you! Sorry Mom.” Katy flung her arms around the chicken’s neck. “Run, Hestia!” She swatted the chicken on the rump.

  “Buck BUCK!” The giant chicken exclaimed and started running.

  The Captain motioned to his squad. “Keep her going straight. You know the drill.”

  Katy ran side by side with the chicken. As they reached the first intersection, Katy realized their strategy. “Turn, Hestia!” She tugged on the chicken’s wing, but only succeeded in pulling it a little. The chicken wobbled a bit, then reoriented and continued running straight ahead.

  “BucKAW!” The chicken picked up speed and ran towards the only open space it saw. The center of the colony loomed.

  “No, Hestia!” Katy called out, but received no response. The giant chicken easily outpaced her. Its meter-long legs pumped like stilts on a circus performer, moving much faster than a human could run. In the Martian gravity it bounded up and down. At the height of each stride it fluttered its wings a little, obtaining lift.

  Katy kept up the chase, bounding in small leaps herself. Her stride looked like a glide, taking her well into the air
. She arrived at the colony’s central park shortly after the chicken.

  “Look out, Hestia!” Katy called out, but the chicken was distracted. Beanbag shots came from both sides. It accelerated forward, right into the statue of the colony’s first leader.

  “CLUCK CLUCK!” The chicken expressed its distaste for the obstacle.

  “Got you, kid!” One of the officers grabbed at Katy as she entered the park. “Hey, wait!” Katy pivoted in the officer’s grasp, then jumped onto his shoulders and pushed off. She ran towards her chicken, now clucking around the center of the park, its head moving back and forth. A trail of trampled bushes showed where the chicken had run. It now moved around the lawn surrounding the statue. A decorative fountain set off the statue, its water falling in a graceful flow due to the low Martian gravity.

  The police squad moved in and rolled netting over the entrance where Katy and the chicken had come into the park. As Katy looked around, she saw all the exits blocked.

  The Captain stepped forward. “Katy. We need you to be safe. Step away from the chicken.”

  “Uh uh!” Katy yelled back.

  “Honey? Please come over here,” said Kim. “These people know what they’re doing.”

  Katy stood firm for a moment, then took a hesitant half step forward.

  The Captain’s walkie talkie crackled. “Sir, ready to take the shot on your command.”

  “Belay that!” The Captain said quickly.

  “See? You’re all liars!” Katy shouted, a tear in her eye. “You all want to hurt her!”

  Katy stepped back and started smacking the chicken on the rump. “Buck! Buck! BUCKAW!” The chicken ran in circles, increasingly agitated. It fluttered its wings as it stepped on a bench, then off again.

  “Fly Hestia! Fly! I know you can!” Katy pushed at the giant chicken’s backside, then made flapping motions with her arms. The chicken ran and bounced off a bench into the air. It flapped its wings and took on air. One leg stepped briefly on the statue head. It flapped in a loose circle, flying in a wobble.

  “Buckaw! Buck BUCK!” The huge chicken flapped its wings, its flight now more orderly. It passed over the statue and let out a gigantic dropping, which smeared the statue from the head down. The chicken then flapped out of the park, passing over the buildings and the blocked exits.

  “I didn’t think chickens could fly,” said Peter. “Especially not ones that size.”

  “Who knows what they can do in two fifths Earth gravity,” Smita responded. She then turned to the Captain. “I want that chicken taken alive.”

  “It’s a danger,” said the Captain. “Look at the damage it’s done.”

  “Only property damage,” replied Smita. “The Company will pay.”

  “All right,” said the Captain. “First things first, let’s get that kid.” He turned around. “Aw, dangit!” Katy had already slipped past two of his officers and through the exit.

  #

  Katy ran to where she thought her chicken would land. It was a location they both knew: The warehouse where Katy had hidden her and brought her food. It was as close to a home as Hestia had.

  As Katy rounded the corner she spotted her chicken clucking around the warehouse entrance. “Buck buck?” The chicken turned and looked at her as she arrived.

  “Hestia! You’re okay!” Katy ran to the chicken and hugged it around its neck.

  “Cluck,” said the chicken. It shook a leg, then placed it down again.

  “Come on inside,” said Katy. “I think I know why you’re so agitated.”

  “Buckaw,” replied the chicken.

  Katy pulled open the warehouse door. She turned on just one of a bank of lights. “We’ll keep it nice and dim for you,” she said.

  “Buck buckaw,” replied the chicken, bobbing its head.

  “Over here,” Katy said, leading the chicken to a corner. “At least it’s kinda private.”

  The chicken leaned down and sat on the ground. “Buck buck,” it said calmly. And then, more agitated, “BUCKAW!”

  Katy stepped back. “Buck! Buck! BUCKAW! BUCKAW!”

  Just then the group arrived at the warehouse. “Oh god, it’s killing her!” Peter shouted and ran for the door.

  “BUCKAW! BUCK BUCK! BUUUUUCK!” Loud, screeching noises came from inside the warehouse.

  “It’s okay Daddy,” said Katy as she emerged from the warehouse.

  “BUCK! BUCK! CLUCK! BUCKAW!” The ear-shattering noise from the giant chicken permeated the air.

  “Is she dying?” asked Peter.

  “No...I don’t think so,” said Smita.

  “Did you have chickens too?” Katy asked.

  “No, but we had several agricultural classes in high school,” Smita replied. “I think I recognize this.”

  “BUCKAW! BUCKAW! BUCK! Buck...buck...cluck.” The chicken trailed off.

  Peter stuck his head inside. “Oh my god, it’s huge!”

  “You know the eggsong?” Katy asked.

  “We called it something else, but yes, I have heard hens as they laid eggs,” said Smita. “This one was rather louder than I have ever heard though.”

  Peter turned to Smita. “Thank you for protecting my little girl. I guess we’ll be going back to Earth in disgrace now. It’s been a good run here.”

  “Nothing doing!” said Smita. “This is the biggest breakthrough we’ve had yet. Oh, it’s not dinosaurs, not yet. But I have a feeling these chickens are going to go over very well at the next fundraising round.”

  Peter looked at her quizzically. “But the damage?”

  “Is nothing,” said Smita. She waved a hand dismissively. “Equipment has to be replaced anyway, this is just faster than expected. We’ve got an animal that eats anything, even garbage grain, and produces high quality eggs. And the droppings make great fertilizer. This will cut the cost of colonizing Mars in half.”

  Hestia walked out of the warehouse, moving slowly. “Buck buck,” she said, then nuzzled up against Katy. Then Hestia went over to the side of the warehouse and sat down again. She tucked her head down against a wing and closed her eyes.

  Katy tugged at Smita’s sleeve. “Can I see my chicken when I want?”

  “Any time, Katy, any time.

  Chicken Park of Mars

  “Daddy! I wanna go see my chicken!”

  Katy’s voice reverberated through the Costello’s living room. Peter Costello jerked awake from his half-asleep position on the family couch. “Huh? Wha?” He blinked his eyes rapidly. “Oh! Hi honey.”

  Katy Costello stood next to him, tapping her foot. “It is SATURDAY and I want to go see HESTIA! You promised.” She stuck out her lower lip and inclined her head downward, furrowing her eyebrows. “You PROMISED!”

  “Yes. Yes I did, honey.” Peter gave his head a rapid shake and yawned, then sat up and stretched his arms upward. “Just had a busy week, is all. Give me a minute.” He leaned his head one way, then the other.

  “Okay,” said Peter. He stood up just as Kim Costello entered the room.

  “What is all this yelling - oh.” Kim looked at Peter. “Well, you did say you would take her.”

  “I know, I know! Just let me get a jacket.”

  “It is a constant 72 degrees all over the dome, Mister Freezypants.” She leaned in for a kiss.

  “I need pockets.” He gave her a quick peck on the lips, then pulled a light coat out of the tiny hall closet. “Come on, squirt.”

  “I am not a squirt! I’m almost eleven.” Katy huffed out the door.

  They took a local bus to the edge of the dome. There, a newly installed extension led to another dome. A guard stood a desultory watch at a check station.

  “Peter. Katie. Good to see you again,” said the guard.

  “Chickies! Chickies! Chickies!” Katy bounced up and down, her body making slow arcs in the low Martian gravity. Dust rose and settled sedately to the ground.

  The guard smiled and pressed a button. The bar at the gate swung open.

  Katy ran in
to the other dome. “HESS TEEE AAAAAHH!” She waved her arms as she ran.

  “Buck BUCK!” A loud clucking sound came from the other dome. A two-bar wooden fence separated the chickens into a free range yard, apart from the humans.

  “BUCKAW!” The fence seemed more like a suggestion than an actual barrier. If anything it kept the humans away from the animals. Hestia cleared it in a jump and a flutter of wings.

  Katy ran up to Hestia. Her head reached barely halfway up the chicken’s torso.

  “Buck BUCK!” Hestia clucked, then stood still as Katy tried to put her arms around the giant chicken. Katy’s arms could not encompass even half of Hestia’s torso.

  “Cluck que cluck,” Hestia emitted. She carefully lowered herself to the ground.

  Katy put her arms completely around Hestia’s neck. “Hugs!” she exclaimed, leaning into the chicken’s neck. Hestia reached her wings forward for a moment, then retracted.

  “It’s like your daughter is one of her chicks,” said Smita Namputiri as she walked up behind Peter. He jumped in surprise, then cycled his feet in the air until he floated down.

  “Smita! I didn’t expect to see you here.” Peter landed a little hard, then winced as his knees flexed, taking the brunt of his velocity. “Thought it was just locals today.” He waved at the park, now with three attractions.

  “I didn’t expect to see me here either,” Smita joked with a weak smile. “I need to make sure our most recent attraction is working well. The latest tourist group from Earth will be here soon.”

  “Already?” Peter tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “I thought we had another two days until they cleared interplanetary quarantine.”

  “Normally, yes. This group includes Yoshi Tabata and his family.”

  “Mmm. CEO of our largest investor. I’d heard he was coming but didn’t realize it would be so soon.”

  “Very soon. There were no issues so he insisted on early release. It seems his son Kazumi is very interested in our attractions. He’s with a group from his school. Five kids total.”

  “They really should have waited a year,” said Peter. He turned and looked towards the park.

  “The ‘Chocobo Ride’ is working well,” said Smita. She turned to look in the same direction as Peter. A hundred feet away, a dozen children lined up to be put in a saddle on one of the flock of chickens. As they watched one child stood on a stool to get into the saddle. The chicken flapped its wings and squawked a few times, but allowed the child to mount. Once she was strapped in, the two took off on a specified course. “Chocobo!” yelled the girl.