When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  “I called you.”

  “Whatever. Where are you?”

  Christy looked around the pub. It shouldn’t be a secret. In a few hours, it was most definitely not going to be a secret. “Well…you’re not going to believe this, but—”

  “Are you singing with the Lumber Kings tonight?”

  “What?” Christy’s mouth fell open and she immediately spun around in her seat as if there were a spy watching her and reporting on her every move. Her eyes landed on Ben and it all made sense. Not a spy. Just a small town.

  “Well?” Cam said. “Are you actually singing tonight? Like with the band?”

  Despite all the things she was thinking and everything she should be feeling, Christy smiled. “Yes.” She whispered the word into the phone at first and then, louder, said it again. “Yes. I am singing. Can you believe it?” She stopped just short of squealing like she had when she was sixteen and landed the lead in Grease.

  “No.” Cam laughed. “I totally can’t. I mean, I can. You were always super talented. But…wow, Christy. I had no idea you were singing again.”

  “I wasn’t. And then I did and then…well, I can’t even believe I’m singing tonight.” She shook her head and for the first time let that fact sink in. Really sink in.

  “I’m coming.”

  “No.” Her focus shifted again to the phone and her friend on the other end. “You can’t come.”

  “Yes, I can. And I am. We’ll be there in time for the first set. Ben’s saving us a table.”

  “Of course he is.” Christy shook her head, but couldn’t keep from smiling. Maybe it would be nice to have some friendly faces in the audience.

  “Is Mark coming?”

  A hot flash of guilt pierced her gut. She shook her head and then, realizing that Cam couldn’t see her, said, “No. He won’t be here. He has a long run tonight. I told you he was in training again, right?”

  Cam ignored the question. “He’s really not coming?”

  “No. But it’s fine.” She didn’t bother telling her friend that she still hadn’t mentioned to her husband that she’d been singing with a band, let alone that she was performing that night. The truth was, if Mark knew about it, he wouldn’t miss it and for some reason that she couldn’t fully articulate, she didn’t want Mark there. It was almost like if he were in the audience, it would be too real. And that was the last thing she needed. She was enjoying her little escape from reality way too much. Singing allowed her to forget about every terrible thing in her life. Having Mark in the audience would only remind her.

  Across the bar, she saw Jamie. Was he part of the reason that she didn’t want Mark to come?

  In her heart, she knew he was. It wasn’t fair and she shouldn’t be thinking of Jamie like that, but she couldn’t seem to help it. And if Mark came to watch and saw Jamie…would he be able to guess that they’d been flirting?

  And that’s all it had been. Flirting.

  Harmless. But harmless or not, she enjoyed it. His attention made her feel good and she wasn’t ready for that to end yet. Even if it was wrong.

  As she watched, Jamie was joined by the other guys and Christy felt the pull to join them. “I should run, Cam. But I’ll see you later, I guess.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.”

  Warmth and a genuine happiness spread through her. “So am I,” she answered truthfully.

  Chapter Eight

  Cam hadn’t been able to take her eyes off the stage, or more specifically, off Christy. From the moment the band struck up the first chord of the first song, she’d been riveted to her best friend standing in front of a full crowd, holding the microphone as though she’d done it every day of her life. She was a natural.

  It wasn’t until there was a short break between songs that Cam allowed herself to exhale the breath she must have been holding in anticipation and sit back in her seat.

  “She’s so good,” Cam said to Evan, who raised his bottle of beer in agreement.

  “I can’t believe she’s so calm up there,” Drew said.

  Cam had been thrilled when Drew and Eric had agreed to join them for the evening. Drew had warned her that they wouldn’t be able to stay all night, but she was happy to get Eric out of the house and have a bit of normalcy. Not that Eric looked very normal, bundled up in a thick sweater and knit cap on a hot summer night, but it was good to see her friend’s husband with a smile on his face as he enjoyed the music, too.

  “I would be totally freaking out,” Drew added. “I think I am freaking out for her.”

  “Me too.” Cam laughed. “I didn’t know I was so tense. But she’s doing amazing.”

  “Right?”

  The women quieted as Christy started singing again up on the stage.

  Cam twisted in her seat so she was once again facing the stage and settled in to enjoy the entertainment. The Lumber Kings were great and she wasn’t just being partial because it was Christy on the stage. They played a wide variety of songs everyone could sing and clap along with.

  Christy looked stunning in her dark jeans and jade-green top that fluttered around her chest. The color accented her hair beautifully, and Cam couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her looking so confident.

  She closed her eyes as she belted out the lyrics and Cam’s heart swelled with pride. Cam was watching her friend so intently, she didn’t miss the briefest moment when Christy opened her eyes and looked directly at the guitar player. Christy’s lips twitched up in a coy little smile and she looked quickly away. It happened so quickly, Cam wasn’t sure it had actually happened at all. But then she started paying attention, and it happened again. And then there was a wink from the guitar player.

  Concerned, Cam glanced around the table at Evan and the others. Had any of them noticed the interaction? It didn’t seem as though anyone else were bothered. She was likely overreacting. But Christy had been acting so strangely. And even more bizarre was the fact that Mark wasn’t in the crowd to see his wife’s big debut.

  She was probably just seeing things, or it was part of a stage act. After all, Cam didn’t know the first thing about performing on a stage. It was probably nothing. Even so, she made a note to talk to Christy as soon as she had a chance. With everything her friend had been through in the last few months, with the infertility treatments and the latest result, Cam should have been a better friend and paid closer attention to what Christy was going through.

  However, Cam didn’t get her chance to say anything during the intermission because after Christy came over to the table to say a quick hello and receive everyone’s praise, she disappeared to sit with the rest of the band and go over the next set list.

  “She’s so great,” Evan said as soon as Christy made her excuses and left them alone. “I’m so impressed. Who knew?”

  “We knew.” Drew laughed. “I mean, we all knew in high school. Remember when she sang the lead in the play? What was it again?”

  “Grease.” Cam remembered well. “She was Sandy.”

  “How could I forget?” Drew smacked her forehead and laughed again. “Miss Sandra Dee. She was amazing.”

  “But not like this,” Evan said. “This is awesome. What do you think, Eric?”

  “Well, I don’t remember the play. But I’m very impressed with this.” He looked around the pub. “All of it.”

  Cam watched as Eric’s gaze drifted to the bar where Ben, Eric’s little brother, was tending bar. It was easy to forget that Eric and Drew hadn’t been back to Timber Creek much since marrying and moving away. Eric had probably only been in his brother’s pub a handful of times over the years.

  “Your little bro did a pretty good job here, didn’t he?” Evan asked.

  “He really did.” Eric nodded slowly. “I’m proud of him.”

  “You should tell him.” Drew covered her husband’s hand with her own. “I bet he’d like to hear it.”

  Cam watched the exchange with interest. The brothers weren’t close. They hadn’t been in year
s, but it hadn’t always been that way. Growing up, they’d been tight despite the two-year age difference. Along with Evan, who’d spent more time with the Ross family than his own, the boys had spent all of their free time fishing, camping, and skiing in the back country. Things had changed during Eric’s senior year, when he started dating Drew. Evan had recently confided in Cam that Ben had been in love with Drew since the second grade and as his best friend, he’d been sworn to secrecy, especially when Eric started to date her.

  As one of Drew’s oldest and best friends, Cam remembered well when Drew first started crushing on Eric and how she’d begged Ben, whom she’d only ever seen as a good friend, to please talk to his older brother about asking her out. Ben did as she requested; Eric asked her out, and they’d been together ever since.

  Now, knowing that Ben had been in love with Drew, too, the distance between the brothers made sense. At least it had made sense. Now that Eric was home, and terminally ill, they still didn’t seem to have mended any bridges between them. At least not in any kind of real way. Cam could see the concern in Drew’s eyes.

  They were running out of time.

  “You’re right.” Eric smiled sweetly at his wife. “As usual, sweetie. And I will.”

  “He looks pretty busy,” Evan said. “But I’ll go see if he can spare a few minutes and—”

  “No.” Eric stopped him. “Not tonight. Not here. It’s Christy’s night.”

  “But you will tell him. Right, Eric?” Drew looked straight into her husband’s eyes, and Cam couldn’t help but feel as if she were intruding on a private moment between the two of them.

  She turned to Evan and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Not for the first time since Drew and Eric had come back to town, she found herself more and more thankful for Evan and the love they shared together. Watching her friend’s long, painful good-bye was heartbreaking, and Cam vowed never to take a single day with Evan for granted.

  “This is amazing.” Christy tried to play it cool, but the second she walked into the staff room behind the kitchen, during their set break, she bounced up and down like a little girl. “I’ve never felt…I can’t believe…did you see the crowd…how are you guys not freaking out?”

  Josh laughed and handed her a bottle of water. “You’re pretty cute. It’s always like this.”

  “Well, not always,” Caleb said. “Remember that time when no one showed up and we played to like three people?”

  “Three?” Christy looked at the guys in horror. She just assumed that a packed room was normal. She thought she’d be nervous, but she was anything but. The crowd had fired her up. Invigorated her and given her the energy she needed. “I would die with three.”

  “You wouldn’t die.” Josh laughed. “But you are doing great. I don’t know, guys…maybe if Grant doesn’t sort out his stuff pretty soon, we might have a replacement singer.”

  Christy almost spat out her water. “Really?” She looked between all the guys. “Are you serious?”

  Jamie nodded with a grin and Caleb agreed as well. “I mean, if you’re up for it,” he said. “We have some more dates planned and it would suck to cancel them because Grant’s not available.”

  “It would,” Josh said. “And I don’t want to put any pressure on Grant. His dad’s pretty sick,” he said to Christy. It was the first time she’d heard a real explanation as to why the lead singer was missing. “Are you up for it, Christy?”

  Was she?

  “Absolutely!” She didn’t even have to think about it. For the first time in months—hell, maybe years—she felt alive in a way she’d never felt before. For once she didn’t have to think about babies or ovulation schedules, or temperatures, or injections, or any of the other details that had consumed her life. She didn’t have to be Christy the patient, or Christy, Dr. Mark Thomas’s wife. She could just be Christy. “I’m totally up for it.”

  They all raised their water bottles in a cheers and after a few minutes of discussing the details of the upcoming set, Josh and Caleb excused themselves out to the pub and she was alone with Jamie, who, up until that point, had been completely quiet about her joining the band.

  They stood in silence for a few moments after the others left. An energy filled the air between them. Christy wanted to chalk it up to the excitement of the show, but she knew in her heart there was something more going on.

  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Jamie spoke. “You really are fantastic out there.” He held her gaze in a way that felt very intimate. She blinked, but didn’t look away. “I really like watching you,” he continued. “You came alive out there. Incredible. Really.”

  He looked away first, focusing on his water bottle.

  “And you think I’d be a good addition to the band?” she asked. “I mean, not permanently…but…just to fill in, like Josh said.”

  Jamie nodded slowly, his eyes once more locked on hers. “You’re perfect.” He reached out and put his hand on hers. “In fact,” he said. “I think you’re—”

  “You two ready to go?” Caleb burst into the staff room and Christy jumped back in surprise.

  She ran her hand through her hair and nodded. “Totally. Just give me five minutes in the restroom.” Before Jamie could say anything, or she could be left alone with him again, she turned and squeezed past the men and into the refuge of the ladies’ room.

  She didn’t have much time to compose herself and she definitely didn’t have enough time to figure out what had just happened between her and Jamie. But nothing had happened. That was the thing. The only thing she needed to focus on.

  By the time she fixed her hair and touched up her makeup a little, she was calmer. At least calm enough to go back out there, forget about the not-really moment she’d just had with Jamie, and sing her heart out for the second set. And that’s exactly what she did.

  Christy surprised herself with the amount of energy she had to perform all night. She’d watched plenty of live acts before, and she’d always been impressed with the singer’s stamina, but now she finally understood. It wasn’t stamina at all; it was the pure excitement of entertaining for other people that drove her. By the time they’d sang their last song and then another when the remaining crowd demanded an encore, Christy was sure she still had more in her left to give, but Jamie and the other guys insisted that she would crash as soon as she sat down.

  They insisted on sending her home right after the last set, instead of helping them tidy up. They’d return the next day to gather their equipment, so there wasn’t much to do anyway. At least that’s what Jamie told her.

  She wasn’t in a position to argue; besides, there was something lingering between them and she didn’t think that one in the morning after such an emotionally charged night was a good time to figure out what that might be. So she gathered up her purse, said her good-nights and walked out to the parking lot with Cam and Evan, who had stayed until the very end.

  “You were so amazing.” Cam squeezed her tight into a hug. “I know I keep saying it, but you really were.” She released her and Evan pulled her into a hug next.

  “I am completely blown away, Christy.” He gave her a quick squeeze before he stepped back. “Super impressed. Hopefully next time Mark can come down too?”

  Christy blanched, but if either of her friends noticed, they didn’t say anything. “Who said there’d be a next time?”

  “Oh, I have a pretty good feeling there will be.” Cam smiled. “Are you good to get home?”

  “Of course.” Christy opened her car door and put her purse inside. “Thank you both for coming. I’ll talk to you soon, Cam.” She blew them a kiss, before climbing into her car and driving home.

  The house was dark when she pulled into the driveway, just the way she knew it would be. Mark would have fixed a quick plate of leftovers after his run, grabbed a shower and likely fallen asleep watching a documentary on Netflix. She sat in the driveway for a few minutes and stared at the sleeping house. As soon as she went inside, the high fro
m the night would disappear.

  She’d just be Christy again. Barren wife of Doctor Mark Thomas.

  The idea made her want to cry in frustration.

  She waited as long as she could. It was doubtful that any of her neighbors would be out and about at that time of night, but if anyone happened to see her sitting in her driveway, it would look strange.

  With a sigh, she grabbed her purse, quietly shut the car door behind her and made her way up the walk to the front door. She didn’t turn on any lights. She crept as silently as she could down the hallway to the master bedroom. She paused in the doorway and stared at the sleeping form of her husband illuminated by the moonlight from the open window.

  She had loved Mark ever since she could remember. They’d gone through school together, starting in preschool, but it hadn’t been until they were lab partners in grade eight biology that she looked at him in any way besides a school mate. She’d been terrified of dissecting the frog that was pinned to the board in front of them. She’d been stressed out about it for days, barely sleeping for fear of having nightmares of the poor creature jumping off the table.

  The day of the lab assignment, Mark saw how freaked out she was and moments before she plunged the scalpel into the frog’s puffy belly, he’d put his hand over hers and stopped it from shaking.

  “I’ll do it,” he said.

  “But…we’re both supposed to—” She was mortified by the hot tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks.

  “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of it. I like this type of thing.”

  “You like it?” She dropped the scalpel and stared at him. “Seriously?”

  He nodded and grinned, his mouth full of shiny braces. “I’m going to be a doctor.” He was so proud of himself, and so confident that Christy believed him. “I’ll do all the cuts when Mr. Muldoon isn’t looking. Don’t worry. You just take the notes.”

  Christy smiled, relieved, and looked at him with new eyes as he expertly handled the specimen.