Twisted Heartstrings

by A Kelly Sweeney

  When I don't get a reply back right away, I know he must be busy. Most likely getting ready for their show tonight. They would have left to head to the next venue some time after I caught my flight home since the roadies had left the day before to arrive on time to get things set up. “I can't believe that it's gone viral, Keri. Our families may see that.”

  “Toni, who cares if your family sees it? All they will see is how happy you both are, and you can't deny that he makes you happy,” Keri admonishes.

  Smiling, I reply, “I was happy.”

  “Was?”

  “I'm terrified right now. I'm so glad I’m home so that I can finally talk to you and get your opinion.”

  She glances over at me. “Ok, talk then.”

  I let out a huge sigh. “Well, I've been helping Jasper with their social media a lot over the past month. Posting the pictures I’ve taken, answering fan questions, and that sort of thing. Anyway, Jasper wants me to stay on and keep helping them, and the rest of the guys agree that it would be a good idea. But I don't want them to get sick of me always being around; I’ll have to be on tour with them.”

  “Seems to me like they've enjoyed your company just as you did theirs. I've seen the group selfies that were taken with you in their midst. It's obvious that they like you.”

  “That's just it. Lucius says the guys respect me and enjoy having me around. They treat me like one of the guys, even though I'm not.”

  “And?”

  “Well, I love hanging out with them. It was fun to actually enjoy myself while still doing my job and helping them. But who's to say that eventually they won't get sick of me being there all the time?”

  “What about Lucius?”

  “He didn't want me to leave. He asked me to stay, but he wouldn't push it like he pushed for me to go on the trip in the first place. He said I needed to make the decision on my own. Part of me wanted to stay so badly, but another part of me was glad to be leaving. I was glad to be getting the space to be able to think without lust getting in the way. But at the same time, I knew I was going to miss having him sleeping next to me.”

  “Toni, he's right. You need to make the decision on your own. I can't tell you what to choose. I can help you sort through the pros and cons of everything, but ultimately the decision is yours.”

  I know she's right. So, I decided to drop the bomb. “He said he wants to marry me.”

  Her head whips in my direction. “He said what?”

  I laugh to myself. “He said they have a few days in Vegas and he can fly me down to visit. He said while we’re there we could always get married.”

  With Keri's eyes back on the road, she screeches, “And you left him? The man tells you he wants to marry you, which means he must love you, and you just left him?”

  “What was I supposed to do, throw away my career and become a groupie who follows them around everywhere?”

  “Toni, men don't just tell women they want to marry them on a whim or for shits and giggles. Men only tell women that when they love them. I highly doubt he even thought of marriage with any of his previous girlfriends.”

  “Keri, we're young. Deciding to get married is a big decision and commitment. We haven’t even been together that long.”

  “Do you love him?” she asks.

  Blushing a little, I answer honestly, “I do. But I feel so insecure about our relationship. He hasn't done anything to make me feel this way, I just can't help but feel like I’m not deserving of him. He's so different than his public persona. He's so kind and fun. He deserves someone who makes him happy and doesn't have the baggage I have dragging him down.”

  “That's a load of bull, Toni. You deserve to be happy, and if he makes you happy, then why throw it all away? I've seen the pictures posted of the two of you together, and you both look happy. You know that love has no time limit, people fall in love at first sight. Remember, you're the one who dragged me to the bar six years ago in order to be able to see him. I think you fell for him then.”

  “What should I do then?” I ask.

  “I'd be telling our boss you quit and head back to him. I'd marry his fine ass. But that's what I would do. You have to do what you want to do, what feels right for you,” she replies.

  “You're not making this any easier, Keri. Maybe I should talk to mom and get her advice. You know, I'm actually closer to my family now then I have ever been.”

  “And I bet it's because of him.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Well it's a Thursday, and I know you have to work tomorrow. You look beat. Why don't we order in, and then you can head to bed to catch up on the sleep you missed last night with your mattress gymnastics.”

  “Mattress gymnastics?”

  “Bedroom rodeo. Boinking. Boning. Bumping uglies. Dancing in the sheets. Take your pick.” She laughs.

  “Keri, I don't want to know where you came up with some of those euphemisms,” I say with a laugh.

  She pulls into her parking spot and we drag my stuff up to our apartment. “I'm going for a shower while you order in something.”

  As I grab my toiletry bag and head to the bathroom, my phone dings with a message.

  Luc: I saw the post. I'm not ashamed to let people see that I love you. I hope you aren't.

  Me: What will your family think when they see that?

  Luc: As long as there's no sex, they won’t care. Are you really that upset over it?

  Me: Don't you feel like our privacy has been invaded?

  Luc: Baby, it comes with the territory. It happens.

  Me: Have you not seen some of the comments that people left?

  Luc: They can write what they want. It won't change the fact that I love you.

  Me: Do you think I'm overreacting with my response to the photo?

  Luc: You've never been exposed to anything like this before. It takes some getting used to. I just don't want you to get hurt by it. But there is nothing I can do to stop fans from taking pictures when we’re out.

  Me: I love you. Thank you for being patient with me.

  Luc: I can't wait to see you again. Hopefully it's soon. I'm gonna miss you sleeping in my arms.

  Me: I'm gonna miss sleeping in your arms too. I'm heading to my parents’ tomorrow, so I’m not sure how much time I'll have to talk. Maybe Mom can give me some advice. ;)

  Luc: I'll try to call you after the show, will text you first.

  Me: Ok. if I don't reply it could be cuz I’m asleep already. I'm exhausted from your insatiable appetite.

  Luc: If I don't talk to you tonight, sleep well, baby. I miss you already.

  Me: I miss you too.

  I shower and change into my normal sleep attire of shorts and tank top so that I'll be ready for bed after eating. Keri and I keep the conversation light while we eat; she knows I’m still pondering my decision of what to do about Luc. I know that no matter what, she will support and accept any decision I make regarding my relationship.

  Completely exhausted, I fall into bed, and I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillows.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Toni

  I wake to my alarm going off. Rolling over, I reach for Lucius only to feel an empty space. Opening my eyes, I realize I'm in my room, alone. I've gotten so used to snuggling into him that it's automatic to reach for him. I sigh, slightly sad that I'm not with him. I check my phone to find several texts from him.

  Luc: Hey, baby, show's over.

  Luc: You awake?

  Luc: Guess you fell asleep.

  Luc: Good night, baby. Hope you have a great sleep.

  I smile to myself. I'm a little sad that I missed getting to talk to him. I get up and head to the kitchen to get coffee before I start to get ready for work. I find Keri already with the pot on and pouring us both a cup. With a sleepy smile, I say, “Morning, Keri.”

  “Morning, Toni. Will you be ready in half an hour?”

  “Should be,” I reply, as I take a sip of the coffee, carrying the cup back
to my room.

  Knowing that Fridays are casual, I pick out a pair of capris and a nice shirt. I pull my hair back into a ponytail and begin pulling out my notebook, tablet, cameras, and external drives, transferring them to my computer case so I can bring it to work with me. I didn't send any photos while I was on the road and have a file on the external drive for the ones I want to give my boss for the article.

  On the way to work I sneak in a quick call to Luc, secretly pleased that he was already awake. Talking to him makes me miss him more. As we pull into a parking spot I quickly end the call, not before Luc can ask me to marry him again.

  Getting to work, I find that my boss, Rick, is in a foul mood. Standing in his doorway, I knock to announce myself. “What,” he barks without looking up.

  “I'll be emailing you shortly with my full notes and some of the photos from the trip,” I reply.

  “Good, they’re chomping at the bit to get that information so they can get the article done and ready to be published. Hopefully you kept your personal opinions out of it.”

  I step into his office and close the door behind me. “Since when have I been known to put my personal opinions in anything I’ve submitted? Sure, I’m dating one of the members of the band, but I can remain objective. My relationship status has no bearing on the quality of work I do.”

  “You've never been involved with subjects before,” he snaps.

  “Do you have a problem with me?” I ask boldly. He's almost always an asshole to me, has been from day one. But this attitude he has going on is above and beyond his normal assholishness.

  “Yeah, you're a pain in my ass.”

  “Fine, I quit. And since my work hasn't been submitted, I'll just go have a chat with Mitch about getting my pay before I even think of passing the information along.” I turn and leave. I slam the door behind me, causing a few people to look my way.

  I grab my bags and head up to Mitch's office. Thankfully, Mitch isn’t busy so I am shown in right away. I give him the rundown on what just happened, along with my resignation. I tell him I can’t work with a man who doesn’t respect someone who has worked their ass off for them for as long as I have and continually take his shit. I was done with it. He cuts me a check for my pay for the time I was gone and says I can email him the files so he can ensure they get where they need to go. He says he is sorry to lose me, but he understands why I’m choosing to leave.

  I go back to my desk and pack the couple of personal belongings I have and leave. I grab a cab home rather than ask Keri for her car; she'll need it to get home later. Once at home, I quickly send my files to Mitch before deciding to pack to head to Red Deer to visit my family. By the time I’m finished packing, there is no way I will make it to the depot to catch the next bus, so I’ll just have to wait for Keri to get home since she’s coming with me.

  Picking up my phone, I decide to send Lucius a text.

  Me: Hey, wondering if you’re free.

  Luc: What's up, baby?

  Me: Can I call you?

  Luc: Give me five minutes to find someplace quieter.

  As I wait, I think about if I should tell him I quit my job or if I should hold off for a bit. Maybe I should wait to tell him until after I've visited with my family and figure out what I want to do.

  After about twenty minutes of waiting I get the message I’ve been waiting for.

  Luc: Sorry it took so long, but I'm free now if you want to talk.

  I immediately dial his number and wait for the call to connect. “Hey, baby.”

  “Hey.” I hope he doesn’t pick up on the sadness in my tone. God, I've missed his voice, his strength when he's held me in his arms, making me feel like the most precious thing in the world.

  “What's wrong? Aren’t you at work?”

  “My boss is being a douche. I left work early.”

  “It couldn't be that bad.”

  “The entire time I've worked with him he's always treated me like shit. And after not being around him for a month I'd forgotten how much of an asshole he can be. I'm done putting up with his BS.”

  “What do you want to do about it?” he asks.

  “I kinda already quit,” I whisper.

  “You quit? Does that mean you're going to meet up with us?” He sounds hopeful, I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “I know quitting is a rash decision, but I still want time to think about it. I'm still going to visit my family this weekend with Keri. Hopefully I'll figure out what I want to do soon.”

  “Baby, no matter what, I love you. If you want to find another job and stay there, we'll make it work. If you want to come work for us, then we'll get you down here. I know Jasper would be stoked. If it doesn't keep you as busy as you like, I’m sure he'd be happy to completely step away from it.”

  “I love you too, Lucius. I promise I'll let you know once I figure out what I’m doing. I just didn't expect that I'd quit my job on a whim.”

  “Everything happens for a reason. I just hope that reason includes me.”

  I smile to myself as I self consciously play with my hair. “And what would you give up for me?”

  “If it meant having you, I'd give up everything.”

  I mentally swoon, raising my hand to my chest in hopes to stop my pounding heart. “You know I'd never ask you to.”

  “I know, and you know I'd never ask you to either. I'd take what I can get even if it means quick visits as often as we can.”

  “You're making it hard for me to resist saying ‘Fuck it’ and getting on a plane right now. But I promised I'd visit my family this weekend. And I thought about maybe going to visit your parents, kinda just call them up and see if your mom wants to meet me last minute.”

  His low chuckle comes through the phone. “I'm sure my mom would love that. But don't let what happens with her affect us. She may try to bully answers out of you, but just remember it's cuz she wants to see me happy, considering I wasn't before.”

  “The idea of meeting your mother actually scares the crap out of me. What if she doesn't like me or doesn't approve of me.”

  “Her approval means nothing to me. Her liking you or not won’t affect my feelings for you. Besides, Alucard has talked to mom about us.”

  “OMG, I hope nothing bad.”

  His laughter rings through. “No, just how my attitude has changed and how happy I am.”

  “I'm sure you have tons of things to do, I won't keep you. But thanks for letting me call.”

  “Baby, I'll always make time for you, no matter what. I'm here for you. Even if it will take me some time to try to get quiet time away so I can talk to you.”

  “I love you, Lucius. Say hi to everyone for me.”

  “I will. I love you too, baby.”

  I end the call and sink to the couch. I didn't notice I had been pacing as I talked to Luc. Nervous energy climbed in me. Was it telling Luc that I quit my job due to my asshole of a boss or my thoughts of wanting to join the band again and take on the job they offered me? Or was it that I just wanted to be with him? All I know is that I need to figure out my shit, and fast.

  I pull my notebook out and look on the band's Facebook page. The picture is still the top post and the comments are getting nastier and nastier as I read them. I can hardly believe that a bunch of catty women could be so cruel.

  My Messenger window pops open with a message from Jasper.

  Jas: Sorry about the drama happening on the page. You'll like the post I’m currently writing.

  I can’t help but smile to myself. Jas stepping in to help protect me from the wolves, always willing to take on the big brother role.

  Me: They’re just a bunch of spiteful women jealous that they’re not who he wants.

  Jas: Posted. Hope it helps some in the future.

  Me: I'll go check it out.

  “In light of the recent post, it has come to the band's attention that several of our page members are being abusive with some of the comments pertaining to Lucius Black's relationship
with his girlfriend. As many of you know, Lucius Black had a break-up with the ever-famous Nikki Goldburg. By chance, he ran into a woman who he'd been interested in in the past, but the timing wasn't right for them then. Lucius is currently off the market and we are happy that he has found happiness with this woman. Twisted Tragic has always been a supporter of preventing abuse and bullying, and at this time, the behaviour of several members is against what we believe in. This is the first and only warning. Anyone caught expressing this behaviour in the future will be removed and blocked from all social media accounts the band has, including personal social media. A vast majority of you owe an apology to Lucius and his girlfriend. ~ J”

  Me: OMG, Jasper, you did not just do that!

  Jas: Lucius said the post made you uncomfortable. After reading some of the comments, it pissed us all off. They have no right to say the stuff they said about you.

  Me: Well, they’re just jealous that it isn't them that he's with. Some fans get crazy when it comes to that. Those who have boyfriends are just jealous that their boyfriends are afraid to show affection in public.

  Jas: Regardless of the reasons, we won't put up with it. I posted it in the comments of the pictures too so people can't say they didn't see it. If we see anymore, they’ll be removed from the groups. If you’re on modding at all today feel free to start booting people and shoot a message with who's been booted so we can keep track.

  Me: I'll keep an eye out for sure if I’m on.

  Jas: Take care, and we'll talk soon.

  Me: Thanks, Jas. I missed our nightly talk last night.

  Jas: Well, if you hadn't fallen asleep, I’m sure I would have pestered you. I could tell by the sulk Luc had that he didn't get to talk to you.

  Me: He was sulking?

  Jas: Oh yeah. We gave him shit about it.

  Me: Aww. I'll tease him about it when I talk to him next.

  Jas: Don't make him wait too long for that, him sulking is not a fun sight.