Wreck & Ruin

by Emma Slate

  “Mia?” Colt pressed.

  “Sorry. Yeah, I’m ready.” I looked at him in confusion. “Where are we going?”

  “Home so we can grab your clothes and whatever else you need. We’re staying in the clubhouse for the next few days.”

  My gaze narrowed. “Next few days, huh? So that’s Colt-speak for ‘until the threat has passed’.”

  He smirked. “You already speak my language. You must be some kind of savant.”

  I rolled my eyes and pressed my hand to his chest, forgetting about his tattoo. He winced and I immediately pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Wait a minute, you two,” Darcy said. “Hush, everyone!” The room quieted and all eyes looked to Gray’s wife. “We’ve got a situation here that no one has addressed.”

  I shrank back into the wall of Colt’s chest, afraid that Darcy was going to call out Joni’s injury and what had had happened last night. She surprised me when she announced, “Mia and Colt got tattoos. We need to celebrate that!”

  There was a resounding cheer that was deafening and made my eardrums vibrate.

  “Tonight we rage!” Boxer yelled.

  I looked at Colt and whispered, “Is this a good idea?”

  “Is what a good idea?” Colt looked down at me, the smile lines at his eyes crinkling. “Living life?”

  “But what about all the other stuff?”

  “It’ll still be there tomorrow,” he said. He wrapped his hand around my waist and pulled me to him. “You never know how long you’ve got, Mia.” His eyes darkened and his mouth clamped shut even though he looked like he wanted to say more.

  He’d lost his parents young. I’d lost my family too. By all accounts, Colt and I finding each other, finding some measure of happiness in a chaotic world, was a miracle.

  “Okay,” I said with a slight smile. “Let’s celebrate. One condition, though.”

  “Name it.”

  “I want Shelly and Mark to come.”

  “Mia…”

  “She was there for me, Colt. When Grammie died. She was there for me when no one else in the whole world was. She has to be here to celebrate this new life with me. Celebrate us. I know it will be weird, and she has thoughts about you and the entire MC thing. She won’t get to know you in a night, but it’s a start. Please?”

  Finally, he nodded. “Boxer is right, though. Tonight we rage. You think she can handle that?”

  I grinned. “Guess we’re going to find out.”

  We headed home, leaving the party planning in Darcy and Rachel’s capable hands. While Colt showered, I packed a bag full of clothes. I went into the bathroom to gather some of my toiletries, but lost all sense of concentration when Colt stepped out of the shower, naked and wet.

  Utterly gorgeous.

  He reached for a towel and quickly ran it across his head and then swaddled it around his body. He grabbed his toothbrush and slathered toothpaste across the bristles.

  “What did you do with Richie’s corpse?” I asked.

  Colt looked at me. “Do you really think I’m going to answer that?”

  I sighed. “You’re not going to tell me.”

  “Do you even really want to know?”

  “I guess not.”

  “As far as anyone is concerned, Richie is still missing. I’ll leave it at that. Okay?”

  “Okay.” I blew out a breath of air. “Does it bother you when I ask questions?”

  He rinsed out his mouth. “No. Does it bother you that I handle shit and might not always be able to tell you what goes down?”

  “I thought it might. I don’t know. Maybe it will at some point in the future. But not now.”

  “Speaking of future,” he began.

  “We were speaking of the future?”

  He shot me a look. “We are now.”

  “Okay, I’m listening.” I followed him out of the bathroom, carting my toiletries and setting them down on the bed.

  Colt flung off his towel and strode nude to his dresser. “Do you want kids?”

  “What?” I asked, startled. “Kids?”

  “Yeah. You know. Children.”

  “Yes, I’m aware of what a child is, Colt,” I snipped.

  “Do you want one? Or more than one?” He pulled on his boxers but kept his gaze trained on me.

  “I don’t know if I want them,” I admitted.

  He stared at me for a long moment and then asked, “Did you want kids before you got tied up with me and the Blue Angels?”

  I swallowed but didn’t answer.

  “If you want kids, we’ll have kids. If you don’t want them…then we can fuck on the kitchen floor whenever we want and not have to worry about scarring a kid for life.”

  A bubble of laughter escaped my lips. “That’s your vision? We’re on the kitchen floor and our kid comes in?”

  “Well,” he grinned wickedly, “the real vision is you on top of me while I’m on the kitchen floor and you’re screaming my name. Never really factored a kid walking in on that, though knowing us, it would be bound to happen.”

  The carefree way he described the situation made me smile.

  “Tell you what,” I said. “Let’s get through all this crap with the Iron Horsemen and we can reevaluate the kid thing.”

  “So you’re not saying no,” he said. “Just so we’re clear.”

  “Not no,” I agreed. I cocked my head to the side. “But I think you want kids. Don’t you? You’re just trying to be accommodating?”

  “You think I’m the accommodating sort? You clearly don’t know me well enough yet.”

  I refused to let him sidetrack the conversation. “I think you want kids,” I said softly. “I think you want a family like the one you were raised in.”

  He stilled, the amusement fading from his features. “Truth?”

  I nodded.

  Colt sat on the edge of the bed in nothing but his boxers, his hands clasped in his lap as he stared at the floor, mulling over his words before speaking.

  “My parents loved us. They really did. But they loved each other more. Dad didn’t die of cancer. Not really. He let the cancer take him because it was less painful than living without my mom. He died of a broken heart, but you don’t say shit like that in our world. You know?”

  He shook his head and went on.

  “Joni and I…we had each other. Still have each other. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Sure, I left her like an ass and tried to figure out my own shit—living in a world that my dad wasn’t in anymore, but I came back. And it’s been the two of us ever since.” He looked at me and smiled. “Until you came along, I didn’t think much about having kids. Why have kids if you don’t have the love of a good woman to raise them alongside you?

  “I don’t know, darlin’. One day we’ll be old. One of us will go first. Whoever is left behind…well, I like the idea of having the comfort of family when that time comes. A family you and I made together. A part of me, a part of you, will always be left in the world, even when we’re gone. And if we have more than one kid, they’ll be there for each other when we’re both gone.”

  His words wrecked me and I felt tears coat my eyelashes, but they didn’t fall. Somehow, I held it all back. Not because I was embarrassed or afraid of being vulnerable. The walls that I’d erected around my heart after Grammie died were long gone, obliterated by Colt.

  But there was something I had to say before I broke apart completely. “I watched Grammie die. Slowly, at first. She suffered for a long time, and then she was gone. Even though I was by her side, she died alone. You’re born alone and you die alone, no matter what anyone tells you.” I frowned. “I don’t know if what you said is a good enough reason for me, Colt. Do I hate the idea of you being old without me? Yeah, I do. But will having children really ease the burden of loss? I can’t say. I don’t know. But I think, we’re supposed to want better for our children than we had. It’s one thing for me to choose this life. Choose you
and all the shit that comes with it. It’s quite another to have kids and bring them into a world where a skewed moral compass is the norm, with mentors and protectors that break laws and teach them it’s okay to do it. I just don’t know, Colt.”

  He was silent for a long moment, his dark eyes murky without giving away any emotion.

  Was he upset about what I’d said? He was good enough for me. But was he good enough to be the father of the children I didn’t even know I wanted?

  “Call Shelly,” he said finally. “Invite her and her fiancé to our party.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold down to my bones.

  “Okay.” I bit my lip. “Are you mad at me? For what I said?”

  “No.”

  “Then why are you—”

  “I’m mad because your words have merit.” He got off the bed and went to the dresser to grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. “I just need a bit, all right?”

  Nodding, I left the bedroom, closing the door behind me. We were both strong people. Strong-willed, strong emotionally.

  But were we strong enough as a couple to weather the truth?

  Chapter 17

  I didn’t call Shelly. Not after the discussion Colt and I’d had about children. It was one thing to say I love you. It was another to decide whether or not you were going to create a new life together. Just because you loved someone didn’t mean it was forever. Maybe it had been that way for Colt’s parents. Maybe they’d chosen each other above all else and it didn’t matter if they agreed or disagreed about the big things.

  I’d never witnessed a long marriage. Gramps hadn’t even been alive when I was born. I hadn’t grown up with a father, and I’d never seen my mother interact with another man. Even though she’d passed when I was really young, there was no hazy vision of me spending time with any father figure.

  “This is why I don’t do relationships,” I muttered, loading the few dishes that rested in the sink into the dishwasher.

  “Why don’t you do relationships?”

  I jumped and yelped, not having heard Colt approach. A coffee mug slammed against the faucet and broke into a few large pieces. “Damn.”

  “Let me clean it up. With your luck, you’re liable to cut the shit out of yourself,” Colt said, his tone gruff. He came all the way into the kitchen and sauntered over to me.

  He grasped the pieces of the broken mug and walked to the trash. He wiped his hands on his jeans and then returned to stand directly behind me, caging me in with his hands on the counter. “Why don’t you do relationships?” His breath was warm and teased my skin.

  I shivered. “Because I’m not good at them. I say the wrong things because I’m emotional first, rational later.”

  “When are you ever rational?” he teased.

  I gently elbowed him in the gut, causing him to grunt. “First of all,” Colt began, “every relationship is a failure except the one that works. You and I work.”

  “You don’t know that. Our relationship is barely longer than a mayfly’s gestational period. It was stupid. This whole thing was stupid.”

  I attempted to duck under his arm to get away, but he wouldn’t let me. His hands went to my arms to gently turn me around to face him.

  “Look at me,” he said quietly.

  “No.” I pinched my eyes shut.

  “Mia,” he said, laughter in his tone. “Will you please look at me? I want to say something to you.”

  “So say it. I don’t need to look at you to hear you. You don’t listen with your eyes.”

  “But you’ll see the truth in my expression. Please, babe, open your eyes.”

  Finally, I lifted my eyelids and tilted my head back to stare at him. His hands came up from my hips to cradle my cheeks.

  “You should always speak your mind. There will be times that I don’t want to hear it. Times that I disagree with you. Times that I agree with you. There will be times that I know you’re right, but wish you were wrong. Or I’ll know you’re wrong but wish you were right.” One of his hands left my face to brush against the bandage peeking out from my tank top.

  “This? This wasn’t a whim. It wasn’t bullshit. If you don’t buy that this is real or for the long haul, then I don’t know what I can do to prove that it is. Time is my only proof, I guess. I know the only thing that will make you realize it’s legit is by showing you. So you can do whatever the fuck you want to and try to push me away.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “I won’t go. You want to call me a criminal. Fine. I am. You want to tell me you don’t want babies with me because you don’t want them to grow up to be criminals? Well, I get it. But I don’t see myself that way even though it’s true. It’s all true. You don’t know shit about this way of life yet because all you’ve been exposed to is Dev and you’ve seen Richie’s burned, tortured body. Give me some time and I promise you you’ll see it all differently.”

  “Colt,” I whispered.

  “My name is James,” he said, his tone raspy. “James Stewart Weston, and when I marry you, you’ll be a Weston. And when we have kids—because damn it, there needs to be tiny yous running around in this world, they’ll be Westons too. There needs to be more light in this shit-as-fuck world. And the only way I know how to leave it a better place is to give it a piece of you. Because you’re all fucking heart and I know that. I know it in my soul, Mia. I swore I’d protect you and keep you safe. That goes for our family too. I’ll protect you,” he repeated. “All of you.”

  The tears that had been hovering finally came with an intensity I couldn’t hold back. Nothing could contain them, and I let out a heaving sob.

  From that moment I knew that whatever Colt was, whatever life path he was on, I would be there for him.

  I would ride beside him as his woman, forever.

  “I’ve been alone so long,” I whispered. “I didn’t even know what a family is supposed to look like.”

  “It can look however you want, honey. But don’t say no because you’re scared. Don’t say no because you think you’ll fail. You can’t fail, not with me. I choose you and I will not leave you.”

  “Everyone leaves,” I said, my tears blurring my vision. “They don’t mean to, but they do.”

  “Not me. I’m not gonna die and leave you alone. Whoever has the rights to my soul will have to drag me kicking and screaming. You give me too much to live for. So whatever shit we have to get through now, we will. We’ll endure. Together.”

  His words left me breathless, like a powerful aphrodisiac. This strong, brave man—I knew he couldn’t protect me from everything. He couldn’t shield me from all that life would throw at us. That wasn’t the point. The point was he’d be with me through it all.

  “I need to feel you,” I whispered.

  His hands dropped from my body so he could step away. His eyes were dark.

  I leaned against the edge of the counter, widening my legs ever so slightly.

  He swallowed. “I don’t—I can’t—be gentle.”

  “I’m not asking for gentle.”

  He took me into his arms and our lips crashed together. We tore at each other’s clothes in a mindless frenzy. I was still in Colt’s boxers and my tank top so it took no effort to slither out of them. His hands went to my hair and his lips found mine again as he started walking backward.

  I pulled my mouth from his. “Where are you going?”

  “Trying to get you upstairs. You’re walking naked through my house, you know.”

  “I thought it was our house?” I asked with a grin.

  “Damn right, it’s our house.”

  “They why aren’t we having sex on our kitchen floor?”

  “I’m out of condoms,” he said with a chuckle. “I have more in my dresser drawer upstairs.”

  I inhaled a shaky breath as I forced myself to meet his gaze. “We don’t need them.”

  “We don’t?” he asked, his tone equally as flat as mine.

  “I get the shot. I’m—protected.”

&nb
sp; “You sure?”

  I nodded.

  “What if something happens?”

  “Then something happens.”

  His mouth swooped in to take mine. For all his dominance, this kiss was sensual, tender. Full of emotion that wasn’t just about lust, but about something so much deeper.

  Love.

  It was about love.

  It was about promise. A promise of the life we’d share together until death parted us.

  I kissed him back just as eagerly, wrapping my arms around him. We sank to the floor. True to Colt’s fantasy, I was on top, straddling him, completely naked. Only he still had all his clothes on.

  I helped remove them as fast as possible. Our eyes met, our fingers grazed skin. I took him into my body with no barriers between us. All our walls were down.

  “Christ.” He swallowed. His brown eyes looked bright against his skin.

  I’d never felt anything like it. I’d never been with a man without a condom. It was the ultimate bond of trust between us.

  This beautiful, inked, criminal wanted to protect and shield me. He wanted a family with me. He wanted a life with me, and I wanted one with him.

  Emotion that I had beaten back suddenly trailed down my cheeks. Colt’s hands reached up to cradle my face, his thumbs brushing my tears away. When we came, we came together, and my heart was no longer mine, but had been given fully to the man beneath me.

  I rested my cheek against his skin and closed my eyes. I breathed him in, savoring the moment, knowing that when we put our clothes back on we’d go back to being Colt and Mia. For now, we were just two hearts beating as one; bare, naked, unprotected.

  “Was it everything you hoped it would be?” I asked, finally lifting my face and setting my chin on his breastbone.

  He tilted his chin to peer down at me, a slight grin on his lips. “It was better. I should’ve known it would’ve been that way. It was a damn good fantasy come to life.”

  I smiled and slowly raised myself off him.

  “Ah, I need a towel,” I said, feeling my cheeks flush. “I’m kinda…”

  “Kinda what?”

  “You’re all—ah…”