Spoiler Alert

by Olivia Dade

  She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Her smile was so wide, she might as well have been starring in a toothpaste commercial.

  And no wonder. No wonder.

  This was her last day in the dirt.

  She was starting now.

  WHEN SHE GOT back to the hotel, she dumped her jeans into a waiting plastic bag and got naked. In the shower, she scrubbed her body pink under the hot spray.

  Her clean flannel pajamas felt like a cloud against her skin as she drained a glass of water and read over BAWN’s latest messages. At long last, he’d decided what to write for his next fic. Monday’s prompt for their upcoming Aeneas and Lavinia Week requested a showdown between Aeneas’s two lady loves, and BAWN had been contemplating the best way to handle it for days.

  Since the two women haven’t met in the books or on the show, you could always come up with a fluffy alternate-universe story, which is what I’m doing, she’d written before work that morning, already knowing how he’d respond to that suggestion. Or—and I really think this idea might work for you—maybe Aeneas could dream about the showdown, so you can keep things canon-compliant and in his POV? What do you think?

  The latter option offered plenty of opportunity for angst, so of course he’d chosen that one. BAWN was such an insightful writer, but April had to admit it: some of his fics were depressing as hell.

  Less so now than when he’d started, though. Back then, even his Aeneas/Lavinia stories had been bursting with their hero’s guilt and shame when it came to Dido, all dirges and funeral pyres and lamentations. April’s first real conversation with BAWN on the Lavineas server, in fact, had involved her half-joking suggestion that he use the tag misery ahoy! on some of his fics.

  For his mental health alone, it was better for him to focus on the Lavinia-Aeneas OTP. Clearly. Writing occasional fluffy fics wouldn’t do him any harm, either.

  Tonight, though, she didn’t have time for the Good Gospel of Fluff. By the time she finished describing her own fluffy AU fic idea—Lavinia and Dido would meet as teenage combatants in a trivia contest, their feelings for Aeneas making each round of questions and answers increasingly fraught and hilarious—she was on the verge of losing her courage. Again.

  Months ago, when she’d applied for her new job, she’d decided she was done shielding different parts of herself for fear of others’ disapproval. That applied to her fandom too.

  On Twitter, to dodge possible professional disaster, she’d always cropped her cosplay pictures to exclude her face. But she’d failed to share her Twitter handle with fellow Lavineas stans for an entirely different reason.

  Her body.

  She hadn’t wanted her friends on the server to see her body in those Lavinia costumes. Particularly one of those friends, whose opinion mattered more than it should.

  For a ship whose essential heartbeat was all about love for goodness, sterling character, and intelligence over appearance, Lavineas fics included a surprising, disappointing amount of fat-shaming. Not BAWN’s, to his credit. But some of his favorite fics, the ones he’d bookmarked and recommended to her, did.

  After a lifetime of struggle, April now loved her body. All of it. Red hair to freckled, chubby toes.

  She hadn’t expected the same from others. Still didn’t. But she was tired of fucking hiding, and she was done with more than just contaminated mud on her jeans and colleagues she only allowed so close.

  This year, she was attending her fandom’s biggest convention, Con of the Gates, which always took place—appropriately enough—within a sunny day’s view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Countless bloggers and reporters showed up to that con, and they took pictures, some of which always ended up going viral or printed in newspaper articles or splashed across the television screen.

  She wouldn’t care. Not anymore. If her colleagues could openly discuss their terrible folk-music trio, she could certainly discuss her love for the most popular show on television.

  And when she went to the con, she was finally going to meet her fandom friends there in person. She might even meet BAWN in person, despite his shyness. She would give all of them an opportunity to prove they’d truly understood the message of their OTP.

  If they didn’t, it would hurt. She couldn’t lie to herself about that.

  Especially if BAWN took one look at her and—

  Well, no point in imagining rejection that didn’t yet exist.

  Worst-case scenario, though, she’d find other friends. Other fandoms more accepting of who and what she was. Another beta reader for her fics whose DMs were beams of sunshine to start her morning and the warmth of a down comforter at night.

  Another man she wanted in her face-to-face life and maybe even her bed.

  So she had to do this tonight, before she lost her nerve. It wasn’t the final step, or even the hardest. But it was the first.

  Without letting herself think too hard about it, she checked a thread on Twitter from that morning, still going strong. The Gods of the Gates official account had asked fans to post their best cosplay photos, and the responses now numbered in the hundreds. A few dozen featured people her size, and she very carefully didn’t read replies to those tweets.

  On her phone, she had a selfie from her most recent Lavinia costume. The image was uncropped, her face and body both clearly visible. Her colleagues, present and future, would recognize her. Her friends and family too. Most nerve-racking of all: if she told him her Twitter handle, Book!AeneasWouldNever would finally see her for the first time.

  Deep breath.

  She tweeted it. Then immediately put down her phone, shut her laptop, and ordered some damn room service, because she deserved it. After dinner, she began her one-shot fluffy, modern AU fic so BAWN could give her some feedback over the weekend.

  Right before bedtime, she couldn’t stand it anymore.

  Block finger ready, she checked her Twitter notifications.

  Holy fuck. Holy fuck.

  She’d gone viral. At least by her modest standards. Hundreds of people had commented on her photo, with more chiming in by the second. She couldn’t read her notifications fast enough, and some of them she didn’t want to read at all.

  She’d known how certain swaths of the Gods of the Gates fandom acted. She wasn’t surprised to find, scattered among admiring and supportive responses, a few ugly threads.

  Looks like she ate Lavinia seemed to be the most popular among those tweets.

  It stung, of course. But no stranger on the internet could truly hurt her. Not the same way family and friends and coworkers could.

  Still, she didn’t intend to inflict that sort of harm on herself longer than necessary. It might take time, but she needed to wrestle her mentions into submission.

  But . . . Jesus. Where had all these people come from?

  Blocking all the haters in one particular thread took a while, as did muting—at least for the moment—certain key livestock- and zoo animal–related words.

  By the time she finished, she had dozens more notifications. These seemed friendlier, for the most part, but she didn’t plan to tackle them until the morning.

  Until she noticed one at the very top, received seconds before.

  The account boasted a bright blue bubble with a check inside. An official, verified account, then.

  Marcus Caster-Rupp’s account.

  The guy playing Aeneas—fucking Aeneas—had tweeted to her. Followed her.

  And . . . he appeared to have—

  No, that couldn’t be right. She was hallucinating.

  She squinted. Blinked. Read it again. A third time.

  For reasons yet unknown, he appeared to have—

  Well, he appeared to have asked her out. On a date.

  “I read a fic like this once,” she whispered.

  Then she clicked on the thread to find out what the fuck had just happened.

  Lavineas Server DMs, Two Years Ago

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: I saw that you wanted a beta reader
for your fics? I know we don’t write the same types of stories, but if you’re willing to beta my fics too, I’d be interested.

  Book!AeneasWouldNever: Hi, ULS. Thanks for writing.

  Book!AeneasWouldNever: I figure it might be good to get a different perspective on my work, so—to me, anyway—our different styles are a bonus, not a drawback. I’d love your help with my fics, and I’m more than willing to beta your stories too.

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: Oh, yay!

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: My first suggestion: using the tag “misery ahoy!” so your hapless readers don’t inadvertently end up running through a year’s supply of tissues in one story. [clears throat] [blows nose] [stares meaningfully at you]

  Book!AeneasWouldNever: Sorry about that?

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: The good news: the tissue industry is saved!

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: The other good news: your writing had such an emotional punch, I managed to refill several dwindling saltwater reservoirs.

  Book!AeneasWouldNever: That’s good?

  Unapologetic Lavinia Stan: That’s good.

  3

  Of course you chose the option that’s both canon-compliant and rife with possibilities for Man Pain. Of course.

  MARCUS SNORTED, THEN SAT UP IN BED.

  As soon as he’d blinked awake in the early-morning dimness of a curtained hotel room, he’d reached for his phone. Before his eyes could fully focus, he’d already checked his messages from Ulsie on the Lavineas server.

  Although, to be fair, that blurriness could just be a sign of advanced age. He was turning forty in a few months, and maybe he needed bifocals now. Even the special font and extra spacing didn’t always help him read his screen comfortably these days.

  Late last year, he’d finally asked Ulsie how old she was.

  Thirty-six, she’d promptly replied.

  At that bit of information, he’d heaved an embarrassingly enormous sigh of relief and hoped like hell she wasn’t lying. Some of the people in their group were barely out of high school, and although he’d figured he and Ulsie were about the same age—one day, they’d discussed how they might turn to the X-Files fandom at some point, due to their adolescent crushes on Scully and Mulder, respectively—the explicit confirmation that he wasn’t DMing a near-teenager was . . . good.

  Not that anything suggestive had ever passed between them, either in public or in private.

  But still.

  Ulsie’s most recent message had arrived only minutes ago. He was surprised she was still awake. Glad, though. Very glad.

  Shoving a pillow behind his back, he sat up against the leather headboard. Took a sip from his bedside water glass, still smiling at her snark.

  Using the voice-to-text feature on his phone, he sent her a response. At least I mostly write happy endings now. Cut me some slack. We can’t all be masters of fluff. After a moment, he added, Are you about to sleep? Or do you want to talk about your fic and brainstorm a bit? If you have anything written already, I’m happy to look it over.

  Or, more accurately, have his computer read it aloud to him. Short messages he could handle without extra technical support, but deciphering lengthier blocks of text simply took too much time, given his recent shooting schedule.

  Of course, he had plenty of time right now. Until his flight back to LA that afternoon, he planned to do nothing more strenuous than hit the hotel’s breakfast buffet and visit the gym. If he wanted to, he could read her fic with his eyes. But as he’d discovered over the years, there was no need to struggle unnecessarily and no reason for frustration and shame. Not when his relatively common problem had relatively easy workarounds.

  While he waited for her response, he checked his email. Overnight, he’d apparently received a confidential message in his inbox from R.J. and Ron, one addressed to all cast and crew.

  In the past several days, multiple blogs and media outlets have reported rumors of cast discontent over the direction of our final season. If anyone reading this message is the source of such rumors, let us be clear: this is an unacceptable breach of both our trust and the contract all of you signed upon being hired by our show.

  Your job, as always, involves discretion. If you cannot maintain that necessary discretion, there will be consequences, as per your contracts.

  Well, that seemed clear enough. Talk out of turn about the show and prepare for unemployment, a lawsuit, or both. They’d received at least one similar email each and every season, all phrased almost exactly the same way.

  The only difference: In recent seasons, the messages had started to make him sweat. For the sake of his coworkers. For his own sake too.

  Would Carah share her deeply felt and profanity-laden hatred of Dido’s final-season story arc to someone outside the cast? Had Summer confessed her disappointment about how Lavinia’s romantic story line with Aeneas had ended so abruptly, in a way so inconsistent with their characters? Or maybe Alex—

  Shit, Alex. He could be so reckless sometimes. So impulsive.

  Had he bitched to anyone but Marcus about how the finale fucked up seasons’ worth of character development for Cupid?

  Despite his own discontent, Marcus hadn’t said a word to anyone other than Alex, although . . .

  Well, some might argue his fanfiction on AO3 and messages on the Lavineas server did plenty of talking for him.

  By some, he meant Ron and R.J.

  And if they ever found out about Book!AeneasWouldNever, there was no might about it. They would definitely accuse him of violating his contract terms, and he’d lose—

  Shit, he’d lose everything he’d worked for more than two decades to achieve. The potential lawsuit was the least of it, really. His reputation in the industry would be destroyed in an instant. No director wanted to hire an actor who might badmouth a production behind the scenes.

  His fellow cast members would likely feel betrayed too. Same with the crew.

  He should give up his fanfic alter ego. He knew it. And he would, he would, if only the writing didn’t mean so much to him, if only the Lavineas server group didn’t mean so much to him, if only Ulsie—

  Ulsie. God, Ulsie.

  He wanted to meet her in person almost as much as he wanted a clear path forward in his career, in his public life. Under the circumstances, though, that was never, ever going to happen. So he would appreciate what they could have. What they did have.

  And what they could have, what they did have, he wasn’t giving up. Contract violation be damned.

  After deleting R.J. and Ron’s email, he ignored the rest of his inbox and checked Twitter instead.

  His notifications were bristling with commentary on the photos Vika had posted of him overnight, complete with multiple references to him as a dirty boy. There were a few pleas for retweets and birthday wishes, as well as some impressive examples of fan art.

  Nothing he either needed or intended to answer. For the most part, he used this account entirely for the sake of publicity, retweeting especially flattering pics and alerts for con appearances and upcoming episodes. Occasionally he responded to one of his Gods of the Gates costars’ tweets, but that was about it. Keeping up the Well-Groomed Golden Retriever act was tiring enough in person; he had no intention of continuing the performance on the internet unless absolutely necessary.

  His real online life happened on one site. Okay, two sites: the Lavineas server and AO3.

  Ulsie hadn’t responded to his DMs yet. Dammit.

  He could wait a few more minutes before giving up and getting breakfast, though. With a sigh, he scrolled back further through his Twitter notifications, until he reached ones from an hour or so ago. Then he hesitated when an odd word caught his eye.

  Hoifer. No, heifer.

  Heifer?

  Frowning, he paused. Read the actual tweet.

  It was connected to a photo of a curvy, pretty redhead cosplaying Lavinia. She’d apparently posted the pic in response to the official Gods of the Gates Twitter account’s requ
est for images of fan costumes. Then some prick had attached his own commentary to the redhead’s tweet, comparing her to a farm animal.

  He’d tagged Marcus too, inviting his favorite actor to join in the hilarity at the very idea that a woman like—Marcus checked her Twitter handle—@Lavineas5Ever could ever imagine herself capable of portraying Aeneas’s on-screen love interest.

  She hadn’t responded, but other fanboys had piled on afterward, and shit.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  He couldn’t just ignore this.

  He wanted to respond: She’s lovely, and I don’t want to be an asshole’s favorite actor. Stop watching Gods of the Gates and go fuck yourself.

  His agent would keel over dead. The showrunners would explode. His carefully crafted persona would fracture, maybe irreparably, in a completely uncontrolled way.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face, then pinched his forehead between thumb and forefinger as he thought hard.

  Minutes later, he dictated his actual response. I know beauty when I see it, probably because I see it in the mirror every day. @Lavineas5Ever is gorgeous, and Lavinia couldn’t ask for a better tribute.

  He tried to leave it there. He really did.

  But Jesus Christ, this guy was a total dick.

  Come on dude, @GodsOfMyTaints tweeted moments later. Stop the hippocritical white knight shit, like u would ever let yourself get within 15 feet of that cow.

  The shitstain had left poor @Lavineas5Ever tagged in his tweet, and Marcus hoped to fuck she’d muted this particular conversation long ago. But in case she hadn’t, he couldn’t leave it there. He just . . . couldn’t.

  With a click of his mouse, he followed @Lavineas5Ever. Which made her one of only 286 people he followed, all the rest of whom were connected to the movie and television industry in one way or another. A quick glance at her profile revealed she lived in California. Convenient, that.

  He couldn’t DM her first, since she didn’t follow him. Which was fair, since he wouldn’t follow an account as uninteresting and useless as his, either.