Finding Redemption

by Desiree Holt

  Have lunch with me, Lisa. I’ve seldom met a woman with your mind.

  Let’s go to dinner, Lisa. In Paris. The plane is waiting.

  Come to the Keys with me. I’ll teach you to scuba dive.

  God, Lisa, I never thought I’d meet a woman with your passion. Being inside you is like sliding into a flame.

  I want you in my life, Lisa.

  Marry me, and I’ll give you the moon.

  She’d been so uncharacteristically besotted with him she walked away from a growing reputation as a hotshot corporate lawyer to become a wife and mother because that’s what Charles wanted her to do.

  Plenty of time to practice law again later on, he told her.

  Later on. She never knew exactly what that meant, and while she tried to figure it out, the nightmare began. Hell would have been a relief. Even Josh hadn’t been able to help her.

  “Let me get you out of this,” Josh had begged over and over, whenever she was able to see him.

  “I can’t leave,” she cried. “He’ll take Jamie away from me. He swore it. Josh, he has the money and power to do it.”

  And then, like a cross-eyed blessing, Charles was killed. Was it any wonder she rejoiced at his death?

  “Lisa.” Josh’s voice cut into her thoughts. “Are you listening to me?”

  She shook herself out of her dark reverie. “What? What did you say?”

  “I said, ‘I wish the papers hadn’t made such a big deal out of the ten million dollar life insurance policy. Or that it was left in trust for Jamie’s welfare.’ Coverage like that gives every nutcase ideas.”

  “When the policy surfaced, the police were just so damn sure I’d killed Charles for the money,” she reminded him. “If Aaron Burke hadn’t produced the change of beneficiary form I’d still be sitting in jail.”

  “Burke.” Josh said his name like it was a bad word. “It frosts my ass that Charles made him the trustee and not you.” He made a rude noise. “That old bastard. I never trusted him, and I still don’t.”

  Lisa stared at the pictures of her son again. “At least he turned over the money for the ransom without arguing.” She fought back the tears that were ready to spill again. “And now someone’s got both Jamie and the money.”

  She pulled in a deep, shuddering breath. She had to get hold of herself. Falling apart wasn’t helping anything.

  Josh put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently, his lifelong sign of reassurance. “We’ll get him back, I promise.”

  “How will I pay him? Jamie and I…” She stopped and swallowed, fighting for control “I get along okay, you know that, but what if he wants some enormous fee? And you can’t keep paying the freight. I could always sell the house, and—”

  “Stop it. Would I balk at anything if it might get Jamie back?” he asked in a soft voice. “Anyway, he doesn’t need the money. That’s something he’s got in abundance. And he won’t take it any more than Guardian did. We’re friends, Lisa. All of us. That counts for more than money. The minute Nick and Reno get here, we’ll be on the job.”

  “So what will the three of you do? Go to Ethan’s house and just walk in on him?”

  “Maybe. We’ll strategize and figure out the best approach.”

  Her heart pinched at the thought of what might be happening to her son while they were doing this. Or might have already happened. She balled her hands into fists to control the rising tide of anguish.

  “Can I ask you one more thing? About Ethan? Just so I can try to understand where he’s coming from?”

  Josh laughed. “Sure, but if you do, you’ll be the first person who does. He really does have his reasons for, as you say, hiding out in the farmhouse.”

  “Like what?” she demanded. “You have to tell me, because I’m still struggling with the fact he turned you down before.”

  “Okay. I guess there’s nothing for it but to tell you what I can, but don’t jump to any conclusions.” Josh shoved his hands into his pockets and stared off toward the window, although the look in his eyes was far away. “Ethan’s last op went bad—very bad—because someone lied and someone else leaked details of their mission. They were betrayed, and innocent people were killed, as well as everyone on Ethan’s team except him and one other person. It about destroyed him. He still blames himself. He walked away and has been hiding away ever since.”

  “An op went bad?” Her eyes widened. “And this is the man we think is our last best hope?”

  “Did you hear me say it wasn’t his fault? It won’t happen this time. I promise you that. The people who betrayed him are not involved.”

  She chewed her bottom lip, a nervous habit she’d developed since she’d been shot. “You’re right about one thing. If he gets Jamie back, that’s all that counts.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.”

  ****

  The ringing of the phone pierced Ethan’s brain like a heated arrow. He pulled a pillow over his head and tried to bury himself under it. When the ringing stopped, he removed the pillow, but the abrasive sound began again almost at once.

  “Damn it!” This time, he struck out with his hand at the offending instrument on the floor beside him, sending it skittering away from the bed. The ringing stopped, but then, in a second, it began again.

  He depressed the Answer button. “Go away,” he shouted at it. “I don’t live here anymore.”

  “Ethan? Get your ass off what passes for your bed and pick up the phone.”

  The voice penetrated the blurry state of Caine’s mind, and he blinked. He picked up the phone and held it to his ear, rubbing his eyes. “Reno?”

  “Yeah, old man. It’s me. Are you deaf?”

  “If only.” Caine rubbed his hand over his face, grimacing as he felt the tangling in his beard. When the hell had it gotten so long?

  “Get up. We need to talk to you.”

  “Jesus, Reno. I look and smell like something the dog left on the porch, I don’t even know what day it is, and you want to talk? And who the hell is we? You got a crowd out there?”

  “Yeah. Ethan, this is serious.” The teasing note left Reno’s voice. “Your friend—” he stressed the word—“needs your help, and I can’t believe you turned him down.”

  Caine lay back down on the mattress. He’d never gotten around to buying an actual bed for himself once he’d moved back into this shell of a house, and by now, he’d decided he didn’t need one.

  “I told him, I’m out of the business. Any business.”

  “God damn it, Ethan.” There was no humor in Reno’s voice now. “Get your head out of your ass. Nick and I just flew into Tampa, and we all need to meet with you. How about opening your front door? I’d ring the bell, but it might be booby-trapped.”

  “We all? What do you mean by all? You mean you and Nick? You’re here? At my house?” Ethan rolled to his feet and went to look out the front window. Sure enough, there was a fucking car in his driveway. Shit, shit, shit.

  “Go away,” he growled.

  “And Josh is with us. We’re not leaving until you open the door.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  He might as well give up and give in, because he knew none of the men out there would. He unlocked the front door then went to the kitchen to fix coffee.

  “Got some of that for us?” Reno had come up behind him.

  “Help yourselves. Cups are in the cupboard.”

  When they all had their coffee, they carried it out to the front porch, a much less depressing place to sit and talk.

  “Okay,” he told them, “make your pitch. But you might as well accept the fact that I’ve lost it. I’m not worth shit to anyone anymore. Last time…”

  “I know what happened last time,” Nick told him. “The blame isn’t yours, and I wish you’d get that through your fucking stupid brain. It’s not on you.”

  “This is really important, Ethan.” Reno’s voice was all business, something Ethan caught right away. “I mean damn important. I wouldn’t ask you other
wise.” Another pause, then, “Please.”

  Please? Reno never said please. It was always all business. When Ethan had worked combined missions with Guardian, the man gave the orders and the agents carried them out.

  He groaned and looked at Reno, then Nick. “This must be damn important to get both of you here.”

  “It is,” Nick agreed. “We’re here to make sure you help the best friend you’ve ever had.” There wasn’t even a touch of humor in his voice.

  Ethan turned his gaze to Josh. “And this must be some fucking bad trouble your sister is in.”

  “I told you. Her son’s been kidnapped. The ransom was paid, but it’s three months later and Jamie hasn’t been returned.”

  He didn’t want to tell them the first time around he’d hardly paid attention. He sipped his coffee. Was this Fate’s way of telling him he had a chance to redeem himself? What if he failed? This was Josh he was talking about, his best friend in the entire world. Did he still have the balls to do it? Only one way to find out he supposed. This was his acid test.

  “I want her to ask me.”

  “What?”

  Josh stared at him. “You want what? Who?”

  “I want your sister to ask me herself. If I’m going to put my ass on the line again—and I said if—I want to know who I’m really dealing with.”

  “You’re dealing with me,” Josh told him, then pointed to Reno and Nick. “Us. All of us.”

  “Is it your kid? No. I want a face-to-face with the kid’s mother.”

  Josh started to say something, but Reno held up a hand.

  “Fine. We’ll set it up. Lunch tomorrow. The Club.”

  “The Club?” He ran his tongue over his teeth, wondering when he’d last brushed them. “Damn, Reno, I’m in no shape to go anywhere right now, let alone a fancy restaurant.”

  “Well, we’re not bringing her out here,” Nick told him. “We’ll do anything but that, although she’d probably do it if we asked. She’ll do anything to get her son back.”

  “The Club. Jesus Christ and all the angels.” He sighed. “Okay, okay.”

  These three men had been good friends to him, over and above any business arrangement. They hadn’t said no when he’d reached out to them for help. When one mission had nearly gone tits up, Reno and Nick had provided the additional support he needed. He, at least, owed them an hour for lunch. Not that he had anything else to do.

  “Noon tomorrow,” Reno said. “We’ll make the arrangements.”

  Ethan stood on the porch and watched them get in the car and drive away. So Josh’s nephew had been kidnapped. Whatever it was, he’d bet it had something to do with the asshole piece of shit his sister had married.

  Hell. He hated situations like this. If he didn’t like Josh so much, think of him as better than family, he wouldn’t even be doing this. The few times he’d been around Lisa Mallory, she acted as if he wasn’t even fit to wipe her shoes on. At least Reno and Nick would be there to run interference.

  He stood up and looked around. He wasn’t excited about lunch at The Club but better than bringing her here. The dilapidated state of the rambling farmhouse that had been in his mother’s family for generations suited him just fine, but it wasn’t meant for company.

  The property matched both his physical condition and his state of mind. He cleaned—in a manner of speaking—only when he was in the mood. The weeds and native grasses growing wild in the ten acres that remained of the family property were constant reminders of the untended state of his life. And the nightmares that never seemed to go away. A state he’d become comfortable with.

  In the bathroom, he stripped off the sweat pants he’d slept in, then turned on the shower full force. While the water heated, he stared at the face in the mirror over the sink and wondered who the hell he was anymore. He’d seen things that made Hell look like Heaven, and done things that robbed better men than he was of their sanity. His body was covered with the scars from his many battles. How he’d survived was still a mystery.

  He thought again about that last op, the one that had turned to eighteen kinds of shit. It didn’t matter how many people told him it wasn’t his fault. He was still the one who’d been there with the dead and dying.

  Sighing heavily, he stepped into the shower, wishing the hot water could wash away the blackness in his soul.

  Chapter Two

  The Club wasn’t actually a private club but a restaurant designed to look like one. Located in the high rent district of South Tampa, it catered to the quietly elite and generational wealthy. High-backed booths, many small rooms rather than one large one, thick carpeting, dim lighting even in the middle of the day. The owners catered to people who came to have privacy with their meals.

  “He won’t show.” Lisa huddled in the center of the large, curved booth, twisting her hands in front of her and wondering when she’d stopped being strong and started falling apart. Well, that was easy to answer. Exactly three months and three days ago.

  “Yes, he will.” Josh reached across the table and put his hand over hers.

  “When Ethan says he’ll do something,” Reno added, “he always does it. Even if it’s just lunch. Besides, if he changed his mind, he’d call. He wouldn’t leave us hanging. Not after I told him how important this was. We’ve been through too much together.”

  “Reno’s right,” Josh told her. “Drink your wine and calm down. Please. We talked about this. Remember?”

  “Yes, yes, yes. Don’t worry. I’ll do anything if it will get Jamie back.” She blew out a breath. “And if he hasn’t lost it all.”

  Nick Vanetta leaned forward. “I know Josh has told you this, probably more than once, but when Ethan was at the top of his game, there was no one in the world better. I don’t think he’s lost his edge. He’s just been fighting demons. A mission like this is just what he needs.”

  Lisa took a deep breath, held it, and slowly let it out. “Okay. All right.” She obediently picked up her wine goblet and sipped at the amber liquid.

  Josh looked up. “See? Here he is now.”

  Lisa looked at the man the waiter was ushering to their booth. At once her body tensed, and she remembered a scene from a couple of years ago, when he threw a birthday party for Josh at Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Only Ethan Caine would walk into an ultra-classy, very high-end restaurant in sweat pants, a dress shirt, and Nikes. With his money stuck in the waistband of his pants. And here he was again. Were they crazy for asking him this favor?

  “I’m glad to see he dressed up for us. Which homeless shelter kicked him out?”

  He had on a pair of sweat pants, worn Adidas gym shoes with no socks, and a T-shirt that hadn’t seen the inside of a washer in at least a couple of weeks. She wondered if he had special privilege to violate the dress code for The Club.

  “Cool it,” Josh warned. He moved over in the booth to make room for Caine and held out his hand. “Thanks for coming, buddy.”

  “Sure. Can’t turn down a free meal, right?” He slid in next to Josh and turned his eyes to Lisa. “Or the chance to hear what your sister has to say.”

  She didn’t offer a hand to shake and neither did he .They just nodded at each other.

  This was the first time she’d sat in such an intimate situation with him, just a table’s width away, and she took a moment to study him. She knew he was thirty-eight, but he looked at least ten years older. His thick black hair was peppered with gray and worn long enough that he tied it back with a leather thong. His beard looked more like the result of not shaving rather than a deliberate plan, and dissolution had added extra flesh around the jaw line and pouches under his eyes. His skin was an unhealthy, ruddy color, probably from the amount of alcohol she heard he drank with regularity. Although he carried a few extra pounds, she still remembered seeing him lean and mean.

  And then a thought seared its way through her, shocking her. If this was, as the fairy tales said, once upon a time—before Charles had killed any interest she had in men and befor
e Ethan Caine had destroyed himself—she could see herself being drawn to him. With a supreme effort, she suppressed the unexpected, unwanted spark of attraction for this ruined hulk of a man. She’d pull herself together and beg him for his help. Anything for Jamie.

  But then she looked in his eyes and her breath froze at what she saw. Although they were alert, simultaneously studying everyone at the table and his surroundings, they were a bottomless black filled with so much pain it hurt to see them. That blown assignment must have been more than a disaster. More than anyone knew or realized. It was obvious he still carried the burden of so many deaths on his shoulders. Could she still trust him to find her son?

  “Lisa?”

  She shook herself at the sound of Josh’s voice and pasted what had to be a grotesque mockery of a smile on her face. “I apologize. My mind tends to wander these days. Thank you very much for coming, Mr. Caine.”

  “Ethan. Don’t thank me yet.” His voice was deep but not smooth, more like the scraping sound of gravel falling on cement. “Right now we’re just having lunch.”

  “That’s true.” She nodded, folding her hands in her lap and willing them to stop their incessant tremors.

  “Before we get to the task,” Reno said, “we just want everyone here to know that Guardian will be the backup on this. We’ll provide anything needed, any kind of support.” He looked at Josh. “But it’s off the books. No money’s changing hands on this, and we don’t want a paper trail for the wrong eyes to see.”

  “Not that we don’t trust our people,” Nick added. “But when you hear the details, you’ll understand why.”

  “Hey, wait a minute.” Josh looked at each of the two partners in turn. “We can pay the freight on this.”

  Reno shook his head. “Remember when we had that glitch with our server that could have put us out of business and created big trouble for our clients? You spent three days of your own time fixing it and refused to send us a bill.”