Second Chance Temptation

by Joss Wood

  He’d always thought it was because his dad took too many business risks, but Levi had been anxious long before he became aware of his dad’s business practices.

  What had happened to make him feel this way?

  Well, huh, so Tanna wasn’t the only one who had unresolved issues from her past.

  Tanna’s shoulder pushed into his biceps and then her hand came to rest between his shoulder blades, her touch reassuring. Suddenly everything inside him stilled and his resentment and guilt retreated as her touch filled him.

  He didn’t need to be in control; he didn’t need to have his life wrapped up in a box, tied with a bow. He didn’t need much—hell, he didn’t need anything—if Tanna stood next to him, in his house and in his life.

  He needed her. Period.

  “Are your brothers bringing guests to the wedding?” Jules asked Tanna, her question pulling Levi from his thoughts.

  “Ah, that’s not something they’d share with me,” Tanna replied, sounding apologetic. “But yeah, I guess they would.”

  “Okay, so do you and Levi want to sit with us or with them?”

  Levi started to tell Jules it really didn’t matter, but then he looked down at Tanna and saw guilt infuse her face. He frowned, and panic squeezed his lungs, tightening his throat.

  Jules looked from the seating plan to them, her brow furrowed. “Well?”

  Tanna bit her lip and her eyes clouded over. Levi’s stomach hit the floor and bounced.

  Don’t do it, Tan. Don’t say it.

  Don’t break my heart again.

  For God’s sake, don’t run.

  “Can I get back to you on that?” Tanna replied, her smile forced.

  Levi wanted to feel relieved at not hearing the words he knew would change everything, but he couldn’t. There was too much happening in Tanna’s lovely eyes for him to feel comfortable. Or reassured.

  Tanna forced a smile onto her lips and excused herself. Levi frowned, grabbed his crutches and followed her out of the kitchen.

  Something was going on here and he wanted to know what the hell it was.

  Twelve

  Saving Sadie had been a sign from the universe, Tanna decided, walking out of the kitchen.

  It was life’s way of telling her that emergency medicine was what she was supposed to be doing, how she was meant to operate in the world. That Levi—and a life spent with him, working at Murphy’s—wasn’t something she could seriously consider, or consider at all.

  And maybe she’d needed to come back to Boston to be reminded of that.

  She’d grown up surrounded by amazing pieces of art, her childhood home in Beacon Hill was better than most museums. She’d been taught to appreciate the stroke of a paintbrush, a perfectly constructed dovetail joint, the fine placement of micro mosaics, the impact of negative space. She’d come to revere the Old Masters, to interrogate the meaning behind abstract paintings, to look beyond the surface.

  Her family made their living from trading beautiful objects, from passing pieces of wondrous art from one collector to another.

  But, when faced with death, their bodies battered and broken, people didn’t think of Monet’s Water Lilies or Fabergé’s brilliantly constructed, jewel-encrusted golden eggs. Thoughts about furniture made in rosewood or bronze sculptures didn’t happen.

  Tanna would bet her trust fund Sadie had been more concerned with survival, in taking the next breath, in getting through the next second, the next minute, the next hour than she had been about those fantastic dresses she’d been admiring earlier.

  People who were badly injured needed to fight and they needed a chance. Tanna’s job, her training, helped them do that.

  It was important. It was necessary. It was what she was supposed to do.

  Tanna stood in front of the massive windows in the most formal of Levi’s sitting rooms and ignored the richly decorated room behind her. If she stayed in Boston, if she continued to live with Levi, she’d slide back into being a Murphy, into the society princess she’d been before. Levi might not be as extroverted or as sociable as his father but he was still a Brogan, still one of the most prominent men in Boston.

  And as a Murphy, she was a Boston princess, and if she stayed, she’d be expected to fill that role. If she joined the PR department of Murphy’s then attending the social events of rich East Coasters, wearing designer clothes and shoes, would be part of her job.

  How could she stand around talking art when she knew she should be out there saving someone’s life? How could she live with herself? Within weeks, months, she’d be discontented; within a year she’d loathe herself. Why put herself through that?

  And how would Addy feel, knowing she’d sacrificed her life so Tanna could be a woman who stood around drinking champagne, eating canapés and talking through the finer points of a painting with collectors who were wealthy enough to buy a small third world country?

  Addy would be disappointed in Tanna and her actions would confirm all Addy’s mother’s accusations—she would be just another rich girl, her life sprinkled with fairy dust, unable to live in the real world and do a tough job.

  The bottom line: Tanna hadn’t cheated death to waste her life and her education. Yeah, she’d had a tough time in the hospital after her accident, but she hadn’t suffered, not really. She was still alive, wasn’t she?

  She wasn’t unhappy in London. She could cope. Okay, leaving Levi, not waking up with him, sharing his bed and his body, not being able to kick back and relax in his wonderful home, laughing and loving him, would be tough. But she’d left him before and, like back then, leaving Levi was necessary.

  Besides, unlike before, this time her leaving wouldn’t hurt him. He’d told her, without equivocation, that he’d never trust her with his heart again, that he’d never allow himself to love her again, so while he might miss the sex, he wouldn’t miss her.

  Her leaving wouldn’t break his heart.

  It might well break hers.

  But she’d still leave.

  She had to.

  * * *

  Levi found her in the formal sitting room, the one with the portrait of his father over the fireplace and a Picasso sketch on the wall between the two arched windows. He didn’t come into this room often as this was the “formal” room, the one the family used for serious conversations.

  These walls had heard more than a few of his discussions—or fights—with his dad. In this room he’d told his folks he banged up his brand-new car, and the walls had been witness to the many fights with Ray over deals Levi thought were too risky, and to Ray losing his temper when Levi told him he was leaving Brogan LLC.

  Few conversations in this room had ended well.

  He was pretty sure this one wouldn’t either.

  Tanna stood by the left window, her arms crossed tightly against her chest, staring out the window at the snow falling outside.

  Winter in Boston. Cold enough to freeze the balls off any primate.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on?” Levi placed his crutches against the back of the sofa. He bit the bullet. “Why didn’t you answer Jules’s simple question?”

  When he received nothing from her but heavy silence, his irritation started to build. “What’s going on, Tanna?”

  Tanna finally turned around. “You know why I didn’t answer her question, Levi. I’m not going to be around for her wedding.”

  And there it was, confirmation of his biggest fear.

  She was leaving him, again.

  “So, you’re still planning on going back to London in a few weeks?”

  “No.”

  His heart soared, she was staying...

  “I’m leaving today, flying out tonight. I called them and told them I was coming back.”

  Levi felt his battered heart, and all his organs, plunge back down to earth.


  You’re not going to die, Brogan. It just feels like it.

  Levi swallowed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Is that a wise decision? How do you know you won’t have an attack tomorrow, or next week?”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Tanna retorted before lifting and dropping her hands in obvious frustration. “Admittedly, I can’t guarantee the panic attacks and the anxiety won’t come back, Levi.”

  She continued to speak. “But they didn’t affect me while I was working on Sadie. The tracheotomy was a scary, serious option and I handled myself. That’s a huge improvement. I called my supervisor today, told him what happened, and he was impressed. He agreed I could come back on a trial basis, that I still have to go for therapy but if I don’t have another attack on the job over the next month, I’ll be fully reinstated.”

  “And what happens if any of your PTSD symptoms return?”

  “As long as they don’t affect my job, I’ll deal.”

  He didn’t want her to deal, he wanted her to be happy. Levi opened his mouth, ready to persuade her to stay. He’d start by telling her Carrick would employ her tomorrow, that she was both needed and wanted at Murphy’s.

  At the cocktail party, he’d seen the joy in her eyes as she spoke about art, how she loved interacting with their clients, charming both old and new customers alike. He’d listened to her long conversation with Jane about publicity for an upcoming sale of rubies, spinels and red sapphires. They’d been talking about how to publicize the “Red” sale and Tanna had been fully engaged in the conversation, her creative mind running fast and happy.

  He knew she’d be so much happier in Boston, working at Murphy’s, than in London, providing emergency medicine. But what did that help if Tanna believed differently?

  He had to make her understand. “Why do you feel the need to go back, Tanna?”

  Tanna shook her head. “I need to be out there, doing something important, playing my part.”

  Levi sighed. “At what cost, Tanna? How can I let you go back to London, knowing that the PTSD might come back and worrying about you being alone and in a strange place?”

  “How can you let me?” Tanna’s voice dropped a couple of degrees. “You don’t let me do a damn thing, Brogan. And London is more my home than Boston.”

  Bad choice of words. Levi swallowed down his desire to howl. “Why can’t you see that your place is here, that Boston is where you are supposed to be? It’s so damn obvious. I’m trying to understand why you are being so stubborn, so determined to leave me, to leave Boston again. Work with me here.”

  Tanna’s eyes shot green fire. “My place? Are you kidding me?”

  Brilliant time to use misogynistic words, Brogan. You idiot. Maybe he should just keep his mouth shut. But then she’d definitely leave...

  And that was unacceptable.

  “We’ll come back to your crazy notion that you still think you have some sort of power over what I do with my life...” Tanna told him, her face taut with tension. “I’m not leaving, Levi. I never came back.”

  Okay, then.

  “I’m good at my job, Levi. Or didn’t you notice I saved someone’s life last night?”

  “I was there,” Levi said, trying hard not to sound snappish. “I also held you as you dissolved in my arms. Do you think I like seeing that happen?”

  “Do you think I like having it happen?” Tanna shot back. “What’s important is that I didn’t freeze or have an anxiety attack. That’s all that’s important.”

  “Not to me. Your happiness is important. Doing something you love, every day, is important.”

  Loving me is important.

  “It’s the price I pay, Levi, for the life I’ve had, the life I have.”

  Say what? What the hell did she mean?

  Levi walked over to her and turned her so she faced him, her eyes defiant. “No, you don’t get to brush me off without an explanation. Talk to me, Tanna. What did you mean by that last statement?”

  “Can you please leave it alone, Brogan?”

  Not this time. Tanna had been left alone for far too long. “Explain.”

  “Dammit.” Tanna pushed her hair back from her face before unwinding her scarf from around her neck.

  “Take off your coat,” Levi told her. “You’re not going anywhere until we thrash this out.”

  Wrong move because Tanna just narrowed her eyes at his barked order. “I’m not staying long enough to do that. Do you want to hear this or do you want to nag me?”

  Keep it together, Brogan. You’re not doing yourself any favors.

  Levi tightened his lips and gestured for her to continue.

  “Before my accident, I lived a charmed life—you can’t deny it.”

  “You did lose your parents when you were a toddler.”

  “But I had my brothers who adored me. I was wealthy and protected, spoiled beyond belief.”

  Levi thought she was exaggerating but at this point he was picking his battles.

  “Then I had a brutal accident, but I came through it, thanks to having access to some of the best doctors in the country. I even ended up falling in love with a handsome, rich guy who wanted to marry me.”

  This was a problem?

  “Isla, Addy’s mom, called me Little Miss Lucky. She said I lived a charmed life and that I had no idea what reality looked like.”

  “When did she say that to you and why am I only hearing about this now?” Levi demanded, furious.

  “When I left the hospital, I went to visit her. She was not happy to see me. She basically told me I should’ve died, not Addy.”

  Levi’s temper spiked and he reminded himself the woman had lost her only child. “She was grieving. People say things they don’t mean when they are in pain.”

  Tanna tried to smile. “I saw her recently too, the same day I barged in here, actually. She hasn’t changed her opinion.”

  Levi desperately wanted to hold her. “I’m sorry, Tan.”

  Tanna tried to look nonchalant but didn’t quite get there. Isla’s opinions still affected her. “I also overheard quite a few conversations between the nurses, some I’m pretty sure they meant for me to hear. Some of it was nasty, but a lot of what they said was true.”

  “Like?” Levi demanded.

  “I was rich and spoiled and had no idea what it felt like to live in a world that frequently isn’t kind and is definitely unfair. After all, only a girl sprinkled with fairy dust could survive a near-fatal car accident and then, during convalescence, find herself a handsome fiancé, making plans to go back to college to finish her degree while he supported her and then work at a cushy job in the family company when she was done studying.”

  “Sounds like jealousy to me. Why are we discussing this?”

  “Because those women poured water on the seeds of discontent I was already feeling. I did feel useless, unsure of who I was and what I was doing. But mostly I felt so damn guilty about being alive. About continuing to live my charmed life when Addy was dead. I felt this urge to do more, to be more.”

  “And you couldn’t do that, in Boston, with me?”

  Tanna shook her head. “If I’d stayed, I’d always be your wife, the spoiled and pampered princess. I needed to leave, Levi. I needed—need—to do what Addy couldn’t. I need to make a difference.”

  “You always were more, Tanna,” Levi said, his voice growly from all the emotion he was trying to suppress. “You were the one who decided you were going to walk again, the one who refused to give up and give in. You proved everyone wrong. You have no idea how strong you are. And I, for one, am profoundly grateful you didn’t die back then, Tanna.”

  Tanna lifted her fingers to her mouth, her eyes bright with unshed tears. He knew this conversation was hurting her but they needed to talk this through. She needed to understand. “I read somewhere one of the harde
st things in life is to let go. Guilt, anger, love, loss, betrayal, it becomes a habit to hold on to it, and it’s tough to let it go.”

  Levi lifted his hand to hold her cheek. “You need to let it go, Tanna.”

  Tanna stepped back and held up her hands, trying to put a barrier between them. “I need to let it go? That’s rich coming from you, Levi.”

  Levi frowned, not understanding her.

  “When are you going to stop trying to control everything because you couldn’t control your dad?”

  There were talking about her, not him. He was fine. Well, mostly fine. And his relationship with his dad had nothing to do with her, and his feelings for her.

  But, if it helped to move this conversation along, to get the result he wanted, he’d make a tiny concession. “We’re both carrying baggage from our past, Tanna, but I’m not the one who is walking away, again.”

  Tanna glared, her jaw tight with tension. “What does that even mean, Levi? Are you telling me you want to start something with me?”

  Levi shook his head. “Honey, we don’t need to start a damn thing because we never ended it. I’m as crazy about you as I ever was.”

  Tanna stared at him, shocked. “Please! If you really mean what you are saying, come back to London with me, live in my small apartment, support me as I do my job.”

  Levi made sure his look was steady, that she saw his determination. “I could agree to that, and I would do that, in a heartbeat. But—”

  “And here comes the but!” Tanna mocked him.

  God, keeping his temper was killing him.

  This would be so much easier if he just tossed her over his shoulder and locked her in his room, naked, until she came to her senses.

  “But I don’t think my moving to London would solve the problem because you would still be unhappy. You’ve been unhappy for a long, long time.”

  “And you think my moving back to Boston would resolve that issue?”

  Of course it would! Why couldn’t she see it? What was wrong with her? And what was wrong with him that he couldn’t make her see something that was so damn obvious?