The 12 Christmases of You & Me

by Jennifer Joyce

  ‘Why don’t we forget about them?’ Gavin suggested.

  Ally continued to rummage in the drawer, her fingers slow and clumsy. ‘Did we forget to buy some?’

  ‘No, I mean why don’t we stop using them?’

  Oh. Ally’s fingers stopped their search and instead slammed the drawer shut. ‘Not this again. Please.’ She was too drunk and knackered for this old argument. They’d moved into the slightly bigger house a year ago, and ever since then Gavin had been desperate to fill it to the brim with babies.

  ‘It’s got to happen sometime, Ally. You’re thirty now.’ Like she needed reminding! ‘You’ve been saying we should wait for ages now, but how long do you want to wait? Until it’s too late?’

  ‘I’m thirty, Gavin, not sixty.’

  ‘But I want us to have a family. Don’t you?’

  Ally didn’t answer as she slid back under the covers, her back against Gavin’s chest. She wasn’t nearly ready for babies. And she wasn’t sure she ever would be.

  TWO

  Oh, God. Ally was in the clutches of a hangover before she’d even opened her eyes, her head throbbing on the pillow, her gut churning and threatening to spill at the slightest movement. Her eyelids refused to lift but that was fine by Ally. She didn’t want to open her eyes anyway. A whimper escaped her dry lips as it dawned on her what day it was.

  It was her birthday.

  ‘Oh no.’ The words were barely distinguishable as they bubbled from her lips. She reached out for Gavin, needing the comfort of his familiar skin against her own, but the bed was empty. ‘Gavin?’ She prised her eyes open and eased herself into a sitting position. Her head felt like concrete, heavy and solid as she attempted to keep it upright.

  The bedroom was empty and she knew Gavin wasn’t in the shower as he was the world’s loudest cleanser, the shower radio blaring almost as loudly as Gavin’s singing. Ally was sure even the volume of the gushing water was raised when Gavin stepped under the stream.

  But there was no sound emitting from the bathroom. The rumpled sheets beside Ally were still warm so he hadn’t been gone that long. Ally squinted at the clock and groaned when she realised her alarm would be yelling at her any minute now. Gavin must have sneaked off to work early in a huff after their row last night.

  Well, stuff him. If he wanted to sulk, let him sulk. It was her birthday and she should be enjoying the day, being pampered and having her mind taken off the fact that she was another year closer to receiving her free bus pass, not worrying about stupid quarrels.

  Ally’s throbbing brain sighed with relief as she sank back down into the pillow, closing her scratchy eyes to make the most of the final two minutes before she had to punch her alarm.

  ‘Happy birthday, darling.’

  Ally lifted one eyelid and, in spite of her lethargic muscles, managed to smile up at her husband.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  Gavin glanced down at the breakfast tray in his hands and then at his wife. ‘Breakfast in bed.’ What else could he be doing with a tray of tea and toast? ‘I’m sorry about last night. I don’t mean to go on at you, but we’re in our thirties now. We need to start thinking about this kind of thing.’

  Ally’s smile drooped into a scowl. ‘What is this? Breakfast in bed or a lecture? I don’t want to think about babies. I don’t want to think about anything right now. I’ve got a raging hangover and want to die.’

  ‘You never want to think about babies, hangover or not.’ Gavin dumped the breakfast tray on the bed and Ally had to leap to steady it before the tea sloshed onto the covers. The sudden action caused her to retch but nothing came up. Closing her eyes, she took deep breaths to calm the nausea, and when she opened them again, the room was empty. The front door slammed shut a moment later, followed by the piercing squeal of her alarm and the noise of both made Ally wince in pain.

  Why did she need a baby when she was already married to the biggest, sulkiest baby of all?

  Ally was not in the mood for the bus ride to work, with every sharp turn and sudden stop making her want to chuck up her breakfast. The air was stuffy, the seats cramped and there was a kid in a buggy kicking hell out of the side of the bus. The metallic thump, thump, thump was driving her crazy, so it was a relief to finally emerge into the fresh air, away from the noise and chatter. Westerly’s Coach Tours was a short walk from the bus stop, but it was nowhere near enough to clear her head before she limped into the building.

  ‘You look how I feel.’ Francine flashed a tiny smile of solidarity from behind her reception desk as Ally threw herself into one of the plush blue chairs in the waiting area. ‘We had way too much to drink last night.’ Ally nodded, unable to speak as her mouth was dry and fuzzy. ‘It didn’t help that Maisie was up three times during the night.’

  ‘Three times?’ Horror forced Ally’s voice into action. ‘Isn’t she six? I thought they slept through after a few months.’

  ‘Ha! That’s what they’d have you believe. Charlotte didn’t sleep through until she was nineteen months. But even when they do start sleeping through, anything can keep them awake. It was nightmares for Maisie last night, poor chick.’

  ‘Doesn’t Mike ever get up with them?’

  Francine spluttered. ‘You must be joking. That man could sleep through an earthquake. Or pretend to, at least. But I do get a lie-in every other week when he takes the girls over to his mum’s for a couple of hours. It’s a blessing she hates me, really.’

  A lie-in every other week? That was barbaric. Why would anybody want to put themselves through such hell?

  ‘I think I’d better be getting up to the office.’ Ally heaved herself out of her chair and began her trek up the old spiral staircase. The building was a former bank, but while it was beautiful and Ally loved the remaining original features, she would prefer the use of a lift, especially on days like these when each step felt like her skull was being rattled.

  ‘Oh, I almost forgot. Happy birthday!’

  Ally continued up the stairs, pretending she hadn’t heard her friend. She was struggling to deal with this horrendous hangover without adding her birthday woes to the mix.

  Ally worked in the HR department of Westerly’s, located at the front of the building on the first floor. Sunlight streamed through the large windows, which was usually delightful but today was a menace. Being early spring, the sunlight was weak, but it was still enough to send searing pain through Ally’s already aching head.

  ‘You look like shit.’

  Ally wandered over to the windows and began closing the blinds. ‘Thanks, Jason. It’s good to know I look as bad as I feel.’

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Hangover.’

  ‘Ah.’ Jason gave a slow nod of his head, a smile lighting up his face. Ally looked away. She couldn’t stomach her manager’s handsome face, not today. She couldn’t bear to see him in his charcoal suit, tailored to perfection and hinting at the amazing body Ally could only imagine was underneath. Watching the gorgeous Jason was usually the only thing that got her through each working day, but it was too much today.

  ‘Jesus, you look like shit.’ Ally’s colleague strode into the room wearing a tiny black skirt and a silky red blouse. Ally counted the buttons that were actually fastened – three – before averting her gaze. Of all the things Ally didn’t want to see that morning, Kelly’s black lacy bra was in the top three.

  ‘Thank you, Kelly. It has been noted already.’

  ‘Ooh, touchy or what?’ Kelly sauntered over to her desk, wincing as she pulled out her chair. Ally noticed the bandage, which was probably wider than her skirt, wrapped around Kelly’s wrist. Ally imagined she’d sprained it during some sort of sexual activity and the thought had her reaching for the metal waste paper bin, just in case she had to hurl. Kelly Fox was young and beautiful, with shiny blonde hair cut into a severe bob with a short, sharp fringe. She frolicked about the office in next to nothing, flashing her ridiculously long legs and perky tits, bringing with her tales of
rowdy, drunken nights. Even outside there was no hiding from Ms Fox as she drove around in a flashy sports car, music blaring.

  ‘What’s happened here?’ Jason had crossed the office and was holding Kelly’s hand in his, stroking a finger along the bandage. Ally would sprain her wrist too if it meant Jason would hold her hand with such tenderness, but then Ally wasn’t enjoying a supposedly secret fling with the gorgeous Jason.

  Kelly Fox was a lucky, lucky woman.

  ‘Oh that. It’s nothing, really. I was out with Martine last night and we got really wasted.’

  For a change, Ally thought, her mouth filling with bitterness. Kelly was always getting wasted and this Martine girl featured in most of her drunken antics.

  ‘We were dancing on a podium and, daft cow that I am, I fell off. It hurt like hell but it was so funny.’

  Yes, hilarious. Ally fell about laughing every time she came close to breaking a bone too.

  Ally placed the waste paper bin on the floor and nudged it back under her desk. ‘If you were so wasted, why do you look…’ Ally wanted to say fresh-faced and beautiful, but she couldn’t bring herself to compliment Kelly. ‘Normal?’

  Kelly’s damaged hand was still in Jason’s, so she placed the other to her chest. ‘Oh, sweetie. That’s because I’m still young. When I’m pushing forty, I’m sure I’ll look like shit too.’

  Pushing forty? Pushing forty? ‘I am nowhere near forty, thank you very much.’

  Kelly’s eyebrows arched in mock surprise and right then, hangover or not, Ally wanted to stride across the office and slap her youthful face. Kelly was twenty-two – practically a child still – and Ally now hated that most about the girl.

  ‘Now, now, ladies. I’m sure we’ve got more important things to be getting on with than having a catfight.’ Jason released Kelly’s hand and backed away before making his way towards his internal office at the end of the room. Kelly arranged herself neatly on her chair before leaning across the desk, resting her cheek on her good hand.

  ‘Was that true back then? Are you really not nearly forty?’

  Ally jabbed at her computer’s power button, pretending she couldn’t hear Kelly’s words or feel her poison seeping into her pores. She busied herself with her in-tray and clearing out her email’s inbox, but she couldn’t concentrate as she worried about Gavin and their rows. They had a great marriage and rarely argued over anything more serious than who had used the last of the loo roll without replacing it, but this baby thing was starting to eat away at them.

  ‘I’ve got a pile of filing to do. I’m going down to the basement.’ Kelly didn’t usually inform Ally of her whereabouts, despite Ally being of a slightly higher rank, but she always made it known, quite loudly, when she was going to the filing room. The filing room was down in the basement and only HR had access to the key, meaning it was the perfect rendezvous for Kelly and Jason. They thought they were being clever and discreet, but Ally knew exactly what was going on. Why else would Kelly disappear with a pile of papers to be filed and return with the exact same number of sheets?

  Ally counted down from ten, muttering under her breath. ‘…five, four, three, two, one.’

  ‘I just need to go and see Malcolm about next week’s meeting.’ Right on cue, Jason strode out of his office. Ally picked up her phone and dialled down to reception.

  ‘Jason’s on his way down,’ she told Francine.

  ‘Yes, I see him.’ Francine lowered her voice as the man himself obviously came into view. ‘And yes, he’s gone down to the basement. Funny, Kelly’s already down there.’

  ‘That is funny and it’s also taking the piss. Do they think I’m going to sit here and work while they skive off? Two can play at that game.’

  Ally hung up the phone, already reaching for her post-its and scribbling a note, sticking it to Jason’s door before trudging down the stairs.

  ‘If they ask, you saw me heading out towards the depot,’ Ally told Francine as she slipped on her jacket.

  Francine gave Ally the thumbs up. ‘Will do, chick. Where are you really going?’

  ‘To see Gavin.’

  THREE

  Ally had never learned to drive so it was fortunate that Westerly’s and her father’s garage, where Gavin worked, were only minutes apart. Gavin would usually drop Ally off in the mornings – sulking days aside – and pick her up in the evenings, depending on his workload. Ally wandered across Westerly’s car park and out through the gates, but instead of crossing over to the depot, she continued down the road. She smelled the familiar fumes as she approached the garage and was immediately taken back to her childhood, to the summer holidays she spent with Freya and Gavin, messing about with old, rusty bits of engines that her father had passed on to them. Ally hadn’t been really that interested in the inner workings of cars, but Gavin and Freya were fascinated, so she’d tagged along.

  Music blared between the clanging and squeals within the garage as the mechanics worked away. Ally didn’t know how they could bear the deafening sounds all day, and she was almost grateful she only had Kelly to put up with in her office. She took a tentative step onto the oily concrete, making her way to the rickety desk in the dark corner that constituted the office area. Papers and dirty cups littered the desk and lever arch files were left open, further papers peeking out of the plastic covers. Ally’s father had never been very good at the admin side of the business. He could transform a heap of junk on three wheels into a dazzling, purring motor but had yet to master a sustainable filing system. Ally couldn’t help grabbing a handful of loose papers and finding a home for them.

  ‘I wouldn’t bother if I were you.’ Freya had spotted her sister and was making her way across the assault course of engine parts and tools, wiping her greasy hands on her overalls as she went. ‘They’ll be a mess again within five minutes.’

  Ally finished the job anyway. ‘Is Gavin here?’

  ‘He’s out on a job. Shouldn’t be too long though. Do you want a brew while you wait?’

  Ally pulled the rickety chair out from underneath the desk and perched on it while Freya put the kettle on. Bob had expected his son to follow in his mechanic footsteps, but Ally’s brother wasn’t interested in cars, apart from their ability to get him from A to B, and it was his daughter who inherited the engine-loving gene. Ally had thought her sister just wanted to be like Charlene from Neighbours and the novelty would pass, but she’d become an apprentice after leaving school and the novelty still had its shine thirteen years later.

  ‘How can you stand this noise?’ Ally asked as she took the chipped mug from Freya. Her head felt like it was splitting in two.

  Freya shrugged as she blew on her own mug of coffee. ‘You get used to it.’

  ‘Even with a hangover?’

  ‘I guess so. Plus, I’ve taken some pretty heavy duty painkillers I had left from my accident last year. They seem to be working pretty well.’

  ‘You’re supposed to dispose of those at the chemist or something. And should you be working with machinery after taking them?’

  Freya patted Ally on the shoulder. ‘Ever the sensible big sister.’

  ‘Not that sensible, drinking so much during the week. I feel like I’m dying.’

  ‘It’s not that bad, surely?’ Gavin asked. Ally looked up to see him standing in the gaping mouth of the garage doorway and her stomach turned in on itself, which was ridiculous. She shouldn’t feel nervous about seeing Gavin. He was her husband.

  ‘It is. Can I use it as an excuse for my grumpiness this morning?’

  ‘It depends. What can I use as an excuse for being an arsehole?’ A smile twitched at Gavin’s lips and Ally knew she’d been forgiven.

  ‘There is no excuse for you being an arsehole,’ Freya told Gavin. ‘I’m afraid it’s just who you are.’ Freya backed away as Ally and Gavin glared at her.

  ‘Shall we go and get a coffee?’ Gavin suggested and Ally agreed, dumping her almost-full mug on the desk.

  Ally and Gavin often met up
for lunch at Diner 360, a café around the corner from the garage. It was small and a little bit grubby but it meant they got to snatch a few more minutes with each other. Gavin ordered his usual of spam on toast with lashings of brown sauce – the thought of which turned Ally’s stomach that day – while Ally settled for a vanilla slice and a strong cup of coffee.

  ‘I just don’t understand what you’re waiting for, Ally. We’ve been together for years, practically since we were kids, and we have the house now.’

  ‘Maybe that’s it.’ Ally picked at her cake but couldn’t bring herself to put any of it in her mouth. She’d lost her appetite as soon as the baby conversation had started up again. ‘We’ve been together since we were kids. We haven’t lived, not really. We work, we come home, we go to work again. Karaoke and poker on Tuesdays, pint and a kebab on Fridays. We go to your mum and dad’s every Saturday evening, mine every Sunday afternoon.’

  ‘So you’re bored with me. Again.’

  Ally and Gavin had been together since they were fifteen, but there had been a brief period when they split up while Ally was away at university. It had been Ally’s decision to end their relationship just weeks into her course, not because she didn’t love Gavin – he was her first love and her best friend – but because they were both so young and she couldn’t hack the long distance thing.

  ‘It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t bored with you.’ Ally brushed the cake crumbs from her fingers and folded her arms across her chest. ‘Besides, you got over me pretty quickly.’ Ally clenched her jaw and blinked away the sting of tears, determined not to cry over it. It had been twelve years but jealousy still burned when she thought about Helena. Ally had been on a few dates in between studying but never anything serious, so she was shocked to arrive home for Christmas and discover Gavin had a new girlfriend. An actual girlfriend. She’d only been gone a matter of months but there he was, looking cosy and loved up with her.