Dead Inside

by Noelle Holten

  Maggie stared at her.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s a bit rich that you of all people are talking first about Shell having a gob on her and now Mrs Millard – you can be very much the same!’ The conversation felt like déjà vu to Maggie.

  ‘Hey, I know when to be professional! Besides, if someone was helping me, I would be grateful for that.’

  ‘You have to remember what Louise has been through. And her experience with most police officers has probably been none too helpful or positive, especially years ago when the police did fuck all about domestic abuse.’

  Kat looked embarrassed then. ‘OK. Point taken.’

  Maggie and Kat locked the car and approached the house. Just as Maggie was about to knock, the door opened.

  ‘I saw you two sitting there laughing away in your car. You think this is all funny? Well … do you!?’

  The officers apologized simultaneously and Maggie felt her face redden. She was aware that if she tried to explain it was a misunderstanding, it would probably anger Louise even more, so she left it.

  ‘Mrs Millard. My name is DC Maggie Jamieson, and this is my colleague, PC Kat Everett. We’re sorry about showing up unexpected, but we wondered whether we could speak to you about your ex-husband? We’re trying to piece together his last movements and gather details about anyone with a grudge against him.’

  ‘Ha! Are you serious? Hope you have a big fucking notepad. There are plenty of people who wanted Robert dead … including me!’ Louise Millard turned swiftly on her heel and walked towards the living room. Looking over her shoulder she shouted, ‘Well, what are you waiting for? Fucking neighbours will be gawping out their windows if you stand there any longer. Shut the door behind you.’

  Maggie and Kat followed Louise into her living room and settled onto the sofa, both spotting the empty bottle of vodka partially hidden by the chair. Louise followed their eyes.

  ‘And what? It helps me sleep.’

  Feeling slightly embarrassed at being judgemental after having a go at Kat outside for the exact same thing, Maggie passed Louise a card. ‘That is the Family Liaison Officer’s details if you need some help or support. Right now, we’re just going to ask you a few questions. Do you want a cup of tea or anything?’ She nudged Kat.

  ‘Uh, yeah – I can make us all a cuppa if you’d like, Louise?’

  ‘Like hell you will. Rummaging around my kitchen. Forget that shit! I’m fine, I’m not drunk if that’s what you’re thinking and if you wanted a cuppa, you should’ve stopped at the café first. Now, can we just get on with this? I only just found out he was dead and you’re already here pestering me. Pity you couldn’t be as quick when he was kicking the shit out of me.’

  ‘We’re so sorry, Louise. Shall we just start with the basic stuff? The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can leave you in peace.’ Looking over her notes, Maggie carried on, ‘I know you said a lot of people wanted him dead, but can you think of anyone who would actually kill him? Did he get into any arguments recently or disagreements with anyone that you’re aware of?’

  ‘Are you on crack? I had a restraining order out against Robert. Not that it did much good … but I stayed well away from him. The only thing we still had in common was The Smith’s Forge – the local pub. I avoided the place on the days when he’d be going there. He was a creature of habit, so it wasn’t too difficult.’

  ‘Did you hear anything unusual at the pub?’

  ‘Look. I just told you, I did everything I could to get that piece of shit out of my life. When I went to the pub, it was to catch up with my friends. To escape this shit, the bad memories, you know.’ She paused and shifted her position on the chair. ‘We may have chatted about Robert and, I’ll be honest, after the last kicking I got, I did mouth off. I wished he was dead – but those were just words. You get that, right?’ Tugging at her sleeves, Louise continued, ‘Ask Sharon Bairden; I met up with her for one of our sessions before I went over to the pub. Probably why I was all wound up. Sharon knows what I’m like, I was only messing about and even she jumped in saying she’d like to give him a good kicking, too. A lot of people didn’t like him.’ Louise leaned over and grabbed a tissue from the box on the table. ‘I hated Rob for what he did to me over the years. Fucking hated him. But we’d been married a long time. And there were some good times too, you know. And then … well, the baby.’ She stopped and grabbed for a tissue. Blew her nose angrily. ‘But that’s not a problem anymore … I had a miscarriage. So, I’m finding it hard whether to be happy or sad about this whole fucking mess.’

  Maggie nodded. ‘We’re so sorry for your loss and we understand, Louise. I’m sorry to sound insensitive, but can you tell me specifically who you were speaking with, or who you met, at the pub?’

  ‘Hang on. Am I a fucking suspect here?’ Louise shifted again in her seat and half-reached automatically for the empty bottle of vodka.

  ‘No, we’re not saying that. We have to question everyone. Right now, we know very little about Robert’s movements and we’re trying to piece them together to establish when he died. We just need to be sure we have all the information.’

  Kat had been noting down everything that Maggie and Louise were saying, and before Maggie could stop her, she butted in. ‘Those tears dried up pretty quick when you thought you were being accused of something, Louise.’

  Maggie shot Kat an angry look.

  Louise bolted from her seat, waving her arms furiously. ‘That’s it. Try to fucking help you pigs and this is how I get treated? I’m fucking grieving you know! Get out. Get out!’

  Furious with Kat, Maggie tried to calm the situation. ‘Louise, I can only apologize for the way my colleague spoke to you. We really do appreciate your help. Can we carry on this conversation if I ask Kat to wait outside?’

  ‘But …’ Kat wasn’t pleased at her colleague’s decision.

  ‘Kat, could you do me a favour and wait in the car until we’re finished here?’

  If looks could kill, Maggie would have been arrested at that very moment. She momentarily felt bad for being so harsh, as Kat stomped out of the house like a petulant child.

  ‘Like I said, Louise. I’m really sorry about that. Kat is new to this team and I think the whole case is getting the best of everyone.’ Maggie hoped that her pitiful excuse would help calm Louise down. She’d deal with Kat later.

  Taking her seat again, and another handful of tissues, Louise agreed to answer the rest of Maggie’s questions. ‘OK then. So, can you tell me who you normally meet up with at the pub?’

  ‘I don’t have that many friends. Robert made sure of that. Mainly Shell Baker. She’s a great support and knows what I’ve been through. She let me rant, get it all out of my system – it helped.’

  ‘And does Shell know Robert?’

  ‘Of course. Shell and I are cousins. I don’t hide anything from her.’

  Maggie noted this down and circled ‘cousins’.

  ‘Can you think of anyone else? You mentioned Sharon?’

  ‘Sharon is one of those advocacy workers. You should fucking know that, she works with you guys. I never met her at the pub; it was beforehand – you know the old magistrates’ courts that were turned into a community centre? We have group sessions there, or sometimes she’d see me on my own.’

  ‘And did she ever talk about hurting Robert?’ Maggie asked.

  Louise laughed. ‘Not seriously. I jokingly said what I’d love to do to guys like Robert – you know, a good kicking – and she threw in her two cents’ worth. The way these pricks did it to us and got away with it, it’s just shocking. No wonder women like me find it hard to leave.’

  Interesting. ‘OK, Louise. That’s great. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time. I can see myself out.’

  After finishing up with Louise, Maggie returned to the car. Getting in and slamming the door, she turned to Kat. ‘What the hell is wrong with you? You could have screwed up that whole thing!’

  ‘Sorry, Maggie. It
just pisses me off when people play the victim.’

  ‘Kat, she is a victim. Her husband systematically abused her – physically and emotionally – for years. She just miscarried a child and now her husband has been murdered. No wonder her feelings are all over the place! You have to hold your personal views back, Kat.’ Maggie did up her seat belt with a snap. Kat stared moodily out of the window.

  ‘It just so happens, after you left I learnt that Shell Baker is Louise Millard’s cousin. She never mentioned that when we questioned her. Also Sharon has been a bit unprofessional about her clients.’

  ‘Maybe Shell didn’t feel it was important … and we’ve all said things off the cuff, Maggie. I wouldn’t read too much into either of those things.’ Kat twisted the key and started the engine.

  ‘Yeah … maybe. Shit! Look at the time. We need to get back to the station.’ Maggie tapped her nose. ‘We also need to speak to Sharon, and Shell Baker again at some point.’

  CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

  Vicki was enjoying the new-found attention she was getting off Mick O’Dowd these last few weeks. Although she didn’t really know much about him, because he’d clam up whenever she asked, people were saying that he was just out of prison for a nasty attack on his ex-girlfriend and that he’d previously assaulted his wife. But this was probably bollocks. Vicki knew he was on licence, because they often went to the probation office together, but Mick told her he’d been caught with a large amount of weed he’d been holding for a mate. She had no reason to think he was lying; he’d not so much as raised an eyebrow at her, let alone a hand, so why should she think otherwise?

  Even Shell was warning Vicki to stay away from Mick. Now Vicki liked Shell, but she could be full-on when she had a bee in her bonnet. She thought back to their last conversation at the pub. Shell leaning in and shouting into her ear.

  ‘I’m telling you, Vicki, he is bad news. He has those cold eyes and I do believe all the rumours going around about him. Don’t you remember when he first met you? Think about it. He never talks about his past. He tells you some bullshit story about being on licence for cannabis … why would they put him in a bail hostel here? Why didn’t they find one in London for him? Huh!? Just be careful, OK.’ Vicki had swayed and put her drink down, promised Shell that the first sign of trouble and she’d break it off.

  But now in her flat, thinking about Mick, she knew she hadn’t felt so wanted in a long time. She had even cut down her drinking, with help from her probation officer and the substance misuse team, because she didn’t want to be pissed every time they were together. This was the longest time she’d managed to stay out of prison and she wasn’t about to throw that away.

  Mick was coming around to her flat in half an hour. She had just enough time to run to the shops and get a few cans in. She’d wanted to go and see his new place, but he made some excuse about it being a mess. He’d just secured a flat of his own through the probation hostel. He obviously wanted to make a good impression.

  Mick arrived not long after she got back from the shop, and when she opened the door, he had a single red rose in his hand.

  ‘Aww, wow. No one has ever given me a flower, let alone a rose before.’ Vicki could feel herself blushing.

  ‘I’m surprised at that, babe. You deserve the finest.’

  Vicki grabbed him by the collar and pulled him inside. Giving him a passionate kiss, she took his hands, and dragged him towards the bedroom.

  A while later, she climbed happily from the bed. Grabbed Mick a cold beer, herself a cider, and joined him in the living room. Plonking herself down on the couch beside him, she took a deep breath, turned to him and asked about his time in London. ‘How come you never want to talk about it? Did something bad happen?’

  ‘Babe, I told you before, don’t push me on this. I just don’t want to talk about it. I’m here now. New start, new life. Why can’t you just leave it at that?’

  Vicki didn’t like his tone. If it had been lighter in the room she might have seen the look in his eyes and she might have stopped there. But she carried on. ‘I was just asking, all right. You don’t have to get so fucking arsy about it. Maybe the rumours are right …’ She regretted the words the moment they left her lips.

  Mick turned to her and through gritted teeth replied, ‘What fucking rumours?’

  It was at that moment that Vicki saw the cold look that Shell had told her about. Mick’s face seemed to change, an icy calm came over him, and his body locked up with rage.

  ‘No rumours, hon. I just said that out of anger. I feel like you’re shutting me out. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’ Mick rolled his shoulders and within seconds, he’d changed back to his old self. Now that was a side of Mick she did not want to see again.

  ‘Let’s go back to mine in a bit, darlin’.’

  ‘Sure thing. Anything you like.’

  She snuggled into him hoping that all was forgiven.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

  Mick O’Dowd had now been under Lucy’s supervision for a good few weeks and she was still none the wiser about his background. The transfer area hadn’t sent their file across and what had been sent was vague and incomplete. Also, Mick wasn’t very open about his past and, when Lucy tried to discuss his convictions, he immediately shut down the conversation.

  Mick didn’t know that Lucy had some suspicions about his relationship with Vicki Wilkinson, after seeing the pair leave probation together once or twice previously. On one of the occasions, they’d been holding hands, and Lucy had felt a chill run down her spine as she watched them walk away. Lucy needed to flag her concerns with Mark at the police, Sarah who was Vicki’s probation officer, and Sharon, in the hope that she might be able to go out and see Vicki to discuss the risks. In fact she needed to contact Sharon and chase it up. The police were usually very good at sharing information with Lucy. However, she knew that they were under significant pressure with two murder investigations and some things accidentally slipped through the net.

  Lucy wasn’t convinced that Vicki would pay any heed to any information or advice from Sharon, but she needed to make sure that Vicki was aware of the risks. Lucy only wished that she’d known about Mick when he and Vicki had got together. Vicki had only let it slip when Lucy was covering for Sarah, but she’d quickly moved on and Lucy stupidly forgot to follow up at the time. Knowing Vicki, it probably wouldn’t have made much difference.

  Lucy had a meeting with social care in the early afternoon and made the decision to do an impromptu home visit to see Mick. She wasn’t sure what she would find, but something told her she needed to do this. Home visits formed a part of licence conditions and, although they should normally be done in pairs, lack of staff within probation meant that officers sometimes had to go alone. Lucy would make sure she followed protocol and rang a designated member of her team before and after the visit. If she didn’t call, the alarm would be raised.

  There was something about how sneaky Mick came across in supervision that Lucy thought this was the best way to catch him off guard. Although she had forgotten to fill in a risk assessment form before leaving, she wasn’t overly worried.

  If anything were to happen, she could easily be facing a disciplinary meeting or worse, but other officers got away with it. She didn’t want to raise any concerns unnecessarily.

  The path leading to Mick’s door was surrounded by grass that had not been cut for some time. Beer cans littered the yard and from where they were positioned, it looked like whoever had been drinking had just dropped them from the windows above. Lucy shook her head and hoped that no children were living here. She called the office before going any further and let the reception staff know she had arrived. Lucy confirmed she’d call again once the visit was over, anticipating at least half an hour, if not less.

  Mick’s previous probation hostel had been instrumental in securing this accommodation, so Lucy could safely assume that Mick was probably not the only offender living here. It was a two-storey building which had been d
ivided into six flats. The door was propped open, so Lucy bypassed the buzzer system and walked inside. She was immediately hit with the sickly sweet smell of heroin. She tucked this information away in her head to share with her police colleagues, although she wasn’t concerned about Mick – alcohol was his demon of choice. The carpet was mangy and worn, with stains everywhere. As Lucy made her way to Mick’s door, she avoided touching as much as possible. Feeling slightly nervous, she took a breath, and knocked on the door. Lucy thought she heard a woman’s voice inside as heavy footsteps made their way along the hallway.

  The look of surprise on Mick’s face soon turned to a sneer. ‘What do you want? I don’t remember you telling me you were doing a visit?’

  ‘And hello to you too, Mick. You’re right, I didn’t tell you. But if you paid attention to your licence conditions, you’d know that I don’t have to. Do you want me to continue explaining all this on your doorstep?’ Mick stepped aside and let Lucy in.

  It was Lucy’s turn to be surprised when she found Vicki sprawled on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and wearing only a skimpy vest top and not much else. At least now her suspicions were confirmed. She wanted to grab Vicki by her shoulders, shake her, and advise her to run as far as she could – but she couldn’t due to data protection.

  ‘Hi, Vicki. Is this the new boyfriend you mentioned?’

  ‘Boyfriend?’ Mick laughed at Lucy’s comment. ‘We’re just friends with benefits, right Vicki?’

  Vicki looked uneasy and Lucy mouthed, ‘sorry’.

  ‘’Course, love. Not sure where she got that from. Never said anything. She ain’t even my PO.’ Lucy could hear the venom in Vicki’s response.

  ‘Right. I must be getting things confused. Sorry. Anyway, I won’t be long. Vicki, do you mind if I speak with Mick alone for a few minutes?’

  ‘Suit yourself, I’ll go out for a fag.’