Inner Voices: The Awakening

by Barry Alder

  Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He stood tall, fists clenched by his sides. Turning quickly, he glared at Ka’tel.

  “If you’re going to try to talk me out of this, don’t even bother to waste your breath. We are leaving and that is all there is to it.”

  “No, my friend. I will not try to keep you. I just wish to know why you are leaving.”

  “It’s your custom, isn’t it? If two parties can’t come to a consensus, then they both must leave the village. In this case, it will only be us.”

  Ka’tel looked a bit taken aback by this, but recovered quickly.

  “It is good that you understand some of our customs. Perhaps in time, you will understand more. We do not wish you to leave, but we will not stop you either. Is there anything we can supply you with before you go? That too is part of our custom.”

  Jason moved close to Ka’tel, putting his face right up to Ka’tel’s.

  “No. Thank you,” he replied curtly, and then turned and continued his way to his hut.

  * * *

  He stepped inside his hut and stood still for a moment. What the hell just happened, he thought. It shouldn’t have turned out that way. But it had, and now he had to follow through with his decision. He slowly looked around. Most of his personal belongings were neatly stacked near the head of his bed, with the rest distributed against the far wall. There were a few items given to him by the villagers that adorned one of the walls, and a small table by another wall; items that he readily discarded from his mental inventory of things to take. His footlocker would be a problem though. It contained his weapons, safely locked from the villagers’ reach.

  The footlocker could stay, he said to himself, but the contents definitely had to go.

  He began to think he had acted too rashly in giving his team only ten minutes to pack, especially since almost half that time was now gone, but he realized that some of his own reluctance to move quickly right now was due to the feelings he had developed for some of the villagers. Deep down he knew leaving might not be the right action, but he didn’t know what the “right” action was, and he had already announced his decision.

  To Jason, it was important to be consistent. In his mind, a good leader was always consistent, but not inflexible. He could easily change his direction if new information came to him that negated a previous decision, but that was not the case now. While gut feelings were sometimes important, he trusted them only when time was critical and the obvious course of action was not clearly evident. And right now, he had no new information.

  It took him a couple of minutes longer to pack up, so he wasn’t surprised to see the rest of his team waiting at the meeting circle. He was surprised though, at the amount of equipment that was piled by them, but before he could speak, Raphael strode up.

  “I know it looks like a lot, Boss, but I didn’t want any of our stuff left behind. Am I correct in assuming that we won’t be returning?”

  “That’s the plan,” Jason replied coolly.

  “Then we will need all of this.”

  It had taken them almost a week to move all the equipment from the hibernation complex and now Jason wondered how they would move it all quickly to wherever they did move to.

  He shook his head. “Some of this has got to stay.”

  He walked over to the pile and gave it a careful look.

  “All ordinance and weaponry comes with us. It’s too dangerous to leave that behind. Food preparation items stay. We only need one first aid kit. And only food rations for one day. We can live off the land after that.”

  He backed away from the pile. It was still going to be too much; he had to pare it down.

  “Personal items stay,” he said reluctantly.

  He immediately regretted saying that as many of the team stared back at him, shocked. Their personal items were their only links to a previous existence, and more than one of the team members would rather part with their gun right now than part with some item from the past. Yet it had to be done, and he had to show them he meant it.

  Jason opened one of his bags and dumped the contents on the ground. These were his personal items. Items dearer to his heart than anyone on the team knew.

  Slowly, reluctantly, the others did the same.

  That helped. But still, there was so much left. He was almost at a loss as to what else should be left behind.

  “Do we still have the travois?”

  “The wood for them is over there,” Pete replied, pointing to a small stack of poles and heavy cloth off to one side, the makings of a three sided sled that would allow them to move much more than they could possibly carry.

  “Good,” Jason commented. “We’ll assemble as many as we need, and pack them.”

  With that, all the team started building the travois, each taking three poles to form a long triangle with a set of handles, and then covering it with one of the heavy cloths. These could be easily loaded and dragged by two people, allowing them to carry much of their equipment.

  In a relatively short time, all the travois were loaded. Everyone still had a considerable pack to carry, but nothing else was left behind. Without saying another word, Jason motioned to Louise to join him as he lifted his side of the sled. As soon as she was ready, he started forward, the rest of the team following behind.

  By now the sun was rising in the sky, occasionally hidden by a number of clouds that drifted slowly by. It would be a hot day, and the clouds would definitely help.

  Jason didn’t look back, but he knew some of the villagers were watching from a distance. He could almost feel Lara’s eyes on him, and wondered if he really had made the right decision.

  * * *

  During the trek no one had spoken a word. The blazing sun beat mercilessly on the soldiers and more than one would have collapsed if not for the breeze from the ocean. It was noon when Jason stopped.

  “Break,” he announced curtly to the team.

  Jason motioned to Louise to put down the travois, and then looked at his people. They were well trained and in good shape, but still they showed signs of fatigue. They quickly put down their loads and began to break out their rations.

  Louise tapped him on the shoulder, offering him a ration pack.

  “Thanks,” he said softly.

  “Boss,” she started slowly, “I don’t really mean to question your judgment on this, but is this really the right way to go?”

  He knew she was only trying to understand him, that she really wasn’t questioning his authority, but the question galled him. He had to fight to keep his anger down.

  “Yes. It is.”

  “But surely couldn’t we have convinced them, or come up with another plan?”

  “Perhaps in time we could have,” he said, exasperated, “but we didn’t have that luxury. You saw them. They had made up their minds even before we arrived. Even if we did have some support, it probably would have taken months for them to reach a ‘consensus.’ By that time, it would probably be too late.”

  He didn’t like being in this position. He was the team leader and his decisions shouldn’t be questioned, and yet here was one of the team members who had been with him since the start, questioning him. He was about to chastise Louise when he noticed that all the other team members were watching them, many with serious looks of concern on their faces.

  He turned from Louise to face the rest of them.

  “Look. Our job was to defend our way of life, as we knew it back then. That’s gone now. I thought our new job was to defend the village and its people. They obviously don’t want the help we can provide, so now we have to look after ourselves. From what little I learned about this “Empire,” we wouldn’t have been able to stay in the village if we’d remained there. There’s even a good chance we’d have been killed, or at least enslaved. That’s not something I want for any of you. Our job right now is to disappear until we can see what happens after the Empire arrives. I know we have the skills to do that, and I’m counting on all of you.”

/>   He was surprised at his speech. Although he’d known all the details, he hadn’t been able to put them in so succinct a manner, even to himself. It was as though someone had given him the perfect speech for what his people needed right now.

  All of them realized that what he had said was true: unless the villagers fully committed to helping them with their plans, they were needlessly putting all their lives in danger. Questions and concerns faded into the background. But more than one of them felt that Jason’s decision was wrong.

  * * *

  The end of the day saw the soldiers about twenty miles down the coast. The afternoon had been virtually cloudless and Jason had pushed them to get as far away from the village as possible. No one had spoken during the trek as they struggled to keep up with him, and now they were approaching exhaustion, both from the pace and from the sun. Louise saw Jason was as ragged as the rest of the team, but he seemed determined to continue. She took a moment to get a clear view of his face. I don’t think he’s even here, she thought.

  “Boss?” she said hoarsely, her dry mouth swallowing the tiny amount of moisture present.

  No response.

  She took a deeper breath and said a little louder, “Boss?”

  The far away look in Jason’s eyes faded as his focus returned. He slowly realized Louise was waiting for him to answer, and that he had been elsewhere for a long time.

  “What? What is it Lou?” he finally managed to croak out.

  “Everyone’s just about finished. We need a break.”

  Louise immediately noted that her voice had come out pleading, something she did not want to have happened.

  Jason continued trudging along, as though he had not heard her. She was about to speak again when he abruptly stopped, catching her unprepared.

  “Okay.”

  The team immediately behind Jason and Louise almost tripped over them before they realized that they had stopped.

  “Thank you,” Louise said softly as she and Jason dropped their travois. The others quickly followed suit, most taking long drinks from their water bottles.

  “We’ll camp here tonight,” Jason announced quietly, not turning to see if they were even listening.

  Raphael had been immediately behind Jason and Louise, and now approached them. He too was feeling the effects of the long hike.

  “Boss?”

  Jason slowly turned around, almost with an air of distraction.

  “What is it Raph?”

  “Where are we headed? This beach doesn’t go on forever. The mountains will cut it off shortly and then the only way to go is up.”

  Jason took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked directly at Raphael and quietly said, “Then we go up.”

  There’s something wrong here, Raphael thought, looking to Louise for confirmation. She shook her head slightly, grimaced, and then walked away.

  “Boss. What’s going on? What happened back there?”

  “I thought I’d explained that already,” Jason replied bitterly.

  Raphael was taken aback by the retort. It wasn’t like Jason to be bitter. He stared open-faced at his commanding officer in disbelief. A feeling of déjà vu came over him, followed quickly by a sinking feeling in his stomach.

  “No!” he said angrily. “You don’t get off that easy!”

  Jason’s head jerked toward Raphael. This was the first time his second-in-command had openly challenged him in front of the team.

  “Stand down, soldier!” he barked angrily, startling the rest of the team. “You have no right to question my decisions!”

  “Like hell I don’t! And in case you haven’t noticed, there’s no army any more. We’re following you because we trust you, not because of some long lost organizational directive.”

  Jason’s face went red with anger and he felt his fists clench. Raphael noticed this too, and took a small step back. The rest of the team stood silently by, as still as statues, wondering what was going on.

  Louise stepped between them, and turned to face Jason.

  “Boss,” she started slowly, “we do trust you, and we trust your decisions.” She gave a quick glance over her shoulder at Raphael, signaling him to be quiet.

  Jason seemed to calm a bit.

  “But Raph is right. We need to know the whole story.”

  She watched Jason carefully, looking for any effect her words had. She saw his jaw, clenched tightly, start to loosen, and his hands unclench. He slowly took a deep breath, obviously forcing himself to relax.

  “Okay,” he replied gruffly.

  Hong was dumbfounded by what he saw, and a quick glance around showed him the others seemed as shocked as he was. Raphael had been an excellent second-in-command, always supporting Jason’s decisions and objectives, and now here he was openly questioning, no, accusing Jason of making a decision for the group that he considered wrong. He felt he should do something, but he hadn’t a clue as to what that “something” was.

  Louise waited patiently for Jason to continue. It was obvious he was trying to figure out what to say, and that the words weren’t coming easily. Perhaps he really doesn’t know why, she thought, and was just about to ask him again when he finally spoke.

  “What I said before was true,” he began, “and it’s still true. If we’d stayed, we would have died.”

  He paused for a moment to be sure this thought sank in.

  “But even if that wasn’t true, we couldn’t have stayed. They don’t trust us and probably never will. We come from a different time and place, and have no right being here. Especially when we aren’t wanted. They’ve abandoned us and I don’t like that. So we’re on our own now. And I want to get as far away from them as I can.”

  There was a note of anger in Jason’s voice at the end, a note that everyone picked up. It was clear Jason would not tolerate any more questions.

  Raphael had stood silent while Jason was talking. He had caught the tone of the speech and he felt his blood boil. Not again, he thought, as he turned and strode to the water’s edge.

  Louise had been watching Jason closely, and wasn’t happy with his answer. She felt there was something else going on, something Jason still wasn’t telling them, but that would have to wait. Jason would not answer any more questions right now. That much was perfectly clear. But what about Raphael, she thought. Why had he erupted the way he did? And why was he still so angry?

  She looked to Jason for an answer but he had already turned his back to her and was undoing the bindings of the supplies on his travois. Reluctantly, she headed after Raphael.

  He was standing right at the water’s edge, small waves lapping at his boots unnoticed. His hands were at his sides, and he was slowly clenching and unclenching his fists. Louise saw he was struggling to control a great anger inside, the anger that had erupted earlier.

  “Raph?” she asked quietly. “Raph? We need to talk.”

  “I have nothing to say,” he replied icily.

  “Yes you do. You have a lot to say and if you don’t, it'll eat you up.”

  “What makes you think it hasn’t already?”

  “Because you're still here, still nursing it, and not back there, attacking Jason.”

  The clenching stopped and he turned to face her.

  “Why do you care?” he said angrily.

  “Because we're part of a team. Because you're important to me. Because it matters. To me. To all of us.”

  His face still showed the anger inside, but a subtle softness appeared.

  “Raph. What happened? Why the anger?”

  “It’s happening all over again.”

  “What’s happening?”

  “Being led into disaster by some commander’s ego.”

  “What? I don’t understand? What do you mean? Jason’s?”

  “Yes. Jason’s ego. His determination to follow his course of action even if it means getting us all killed for nothing.”

  “Raph. You’re not making any sense.”

  He covered his fa
ce with his hands and slowly dragged them downwards and off. After a moment, he replied.

  “Do you recall the battle of Seattle?” he asked calmly.

  “Yes. You were there, weren’t you?”

  “Yes. I was there. I was right at the front and almost died there.”

  She stared into his eyes, a slow fear creeping in.

  “I didn’t know.”

  “It’s not something I talk about… Do you know the details of the first attack?”

  “Only generally. We were defending Seattle and Mason Faction overran us. We lost a lot of people, but reclaimed it three days later.”

  “Only to lose it again,” he said dryly.

  “Yes,” she said sadly, “only to lose it again.”

  “I was there in the first battle. Commander Fitzgerald was in charge. You remember him? That arrogant bastard?”

  She shook her head.

  “He wouldn’t listen to his intelligence people. They told him how much stronger the Mason's were, and how much better equipped. But he ignored that. He believed we could defend ourselves against them. That we didn’t need to call up more reserves.”

  He paused for a moment, lost in memories of what had happened.

  “We didn’t stand a chance. From the very first attack, we saw there was no way we could defend ourselves …

  “But our illustrious leader thought otherwise. He ordered us to stand our ground, and so we did…

  “An explosion caught the group I was in. I was far enough away that it didn’t kill me, but I was partly buried by the building I was beside. Me and five others…

  “Except I was the only one alive. I was pinned by the debris and couldn’t move at all. I could hardly even move my head.”

  He paused again, and closed his eyes. A small tear trickled down his left cheek. Louise felt a chill go up her spine. She tried to imagine what that would have been like, but failed. Somewhere deep inside her, she knew this wasn’t all there was to the story.

  “I was stuck there for three days. Unable to move. Only able to stare at the bodies of my friends as the rats ate them.”

  Louise felt her stomach churning. She’d seen many horrors in this war, but what Raphael had gone through was too much. She couldn’t comprehend it.

  “When we finally retook the city, they found me. I spent the next six months in the psych ward, trying to come to grips with it. They said I was cured, and I believed them. But they lied too.”