Then and now (Edge Of Retaliation, #3)

by Jewel, Bella

  Maybe it’s from Jo?

  She does enjoy leaving me special things, sometimes she brings me muffins or cakes, sometimes she makes coffee before I wake up and she’s on her way to work.

  I breathe a sigh of relief, wondering what it is she got me.

  I walk over, placing my purse down and picking up the package, opening it. I stick my hand inside without looking and my fingers graze against something almost rubbery in its texture. Narrowing my eyes, I pick it up and pull it out. The moment my eyes fix on what I have in my hand, I scream and launch it across the room.

  No.

  It can’t be.

  It isn’t real.

  My heart races as I stare where it landed, lying on the floor. I just touched it. Oh god, who would do something like this? With trembling hands, I glance down at the note I now know is not from Jo, but if it’s not from her who in the hell is it from and how the hell do they know where I live?

  I pick up the note and unfold it, reading the lines written in scrawling handwriting.

  You didn’t think you could hide, did you? You’re part of this. There is nowhere I can’t find you. Chase looks good without a finger. I wonder who will be next?

  No.

  No.

  This isn’t happening.

  My heart slams against my chest, an angry beat that has my head spinning and my whole body working out of control.

  How did they find me?

  Why do they want me?

  I moved away. I left it all. Tanner is the one they wanted, Tanner is the one who caused the problems. They only took Jo and Tatum as a way to get him to come forward. Why would they go to so much effort to send me something so horrible? Do they have Chase? Is Tanner and Tatum okay?

  God dammit.

  No.

  Why is this happening now?

  Was I honestly stupid enough to believe that they wouldn’t come after us?

  I mean, we all put them away. A group effort. We made sure they got what we believed was coming to them, only that plan didn’t work and they’re coming after us.

  I don’t know what to do.

  I have no idea where to go or who to tell.

  Do I tell Jo, and mess up her whole world?

  Do I ignore it and pray it goes away?

  Do I call Tanner?

  No.

  I can’t do that.

  I do know one person I can call, though.

  One person who I’m hoping won’t hate me enough to tell me what’s going on.

  I pull out my phone, and dial Ethan’s number. I kept all the numbers from my old phone, though I never made contact with any of them. I guess part of me, somewhere deep down, wondered if I’d ever need to speak to them again.

  I guess that time has come.

  “Hello?” a familiar voice answers, a voice I’ve missed for years now. A voice I came to become so familiar with when I was in prison, hell, I used to look forward to the moments where I’d get to hear it.

  Ethan.

  “Ethan?” I say, my voice soft and nervous.

  He goes quiet for a moment, for a long, long moment. “Callie?”

  “It’s me.”

  More silence.

  “You’re joking, right?” he mutters, and I can hear the anger in his voice immediately cloud the line.

  Of course he’s angry, why wouldn’t he be?

  I left him without saying goodbye.

  He was my best friend and I ran away.

  “I know you’re angry, I have a lot of explaining to do but ...”

  “Explaining?” he laughs, bitterly. “Oh, you mean how you just left everything behind and disappeared? That explaining? By all means, Callie, explain. Then tell me why the fuck you’re calling after how many years? Two?”

  “Ethan, look,” I start, and then close my eyes and exhale, “no words are going to make you not hate me, I get that. I did what I thought was right, and I’m sorry if I hurt you. I... couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t breathe anymore. It was too hard. That’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth. I needed to start fresh, and I did that, but ...”

  “But now they’ve found you too, right?”

  I jerk back a little. “You know why I’m calling?”

  “Course I know why you’re fuckin’ calling. You think we haven’t been dealing with this shit here? We’ve been wonderin’ just how long it would take them to track you down, didn’t take long at all, it would seem.”

  “We?” I whisper, my heart pounding against my chest.

  “Yeah, we. Tanner, Tatum and me. The people you two fucked over when you ran without an explanation. You left us to clean up this fuckin’ mess alone and we did. Until now.”

  Tanner is still there. Tatum, too. My heart races.

  “I’m sorry, Ethan. I am.”

  “Sorry means fuck all to me now, Callie, what do you want?”

  I clench my eyes closed, knowing I deserve that, but still standing by my decision to leave, because at the time, it was honestly what I thought I had to do. Tanner and his family were going through enough without our complicated relationship coming in and ruining everything.

  “I got sent a finger, and a note. I think ... it’s Chase’s finger.”

  Ethan goes silent, then hisses, “Fuck me.”

  “I wouldn’t have bothered you otherwise, but I’m ... I don’t know what to do.”

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t have,” he mutters under his breath, then says. “Give me a few hours to work out what to do. In case you’re wondering, Chase has been through hell and back since you left. The least you could have done was stand by him and his ownership of what happened, instead of running off after you insisted on going and getting him. He deserved at least that much. It hasn’t been easy for him.”

  My heart twists. When I Ieft, I didn’t consider Chase, and I feel selfish for that. So fucking selfish. Ethan is right, I went and found him, brought him back to admit what he had done, and then ran. Things wouldn’t be easy for him there, because people will blame him, and I’m sure that hasn’t been easy.

  “I never meant to cause anyone any pain. For what it’s worth, I actually thought I was doing you all a favor. I was making everything so much more complicated. If you had seen how Mrs. Yates cried that night, the things she said, it was truly heartbreaking. Me being there wasn’t making anything easier.”

  “And you think leaving did? It doesn’t matter now, we’ve all fucking moved on. You broke Tanner, fuckin’ cut him to the core. He’s found someone better, someone who fuckin’ appreciates what he is. So have I. I’ll contact him, see what to do about this, and before you tell me not to, you don’t get a say in all of this. Chase has been missing for two days, we are tryin’ to get him back, but it appears they want us all instead of just one. I’ll call back.”

  I open my mouth to say something, but he hangs up on me.

  Ethan.

  My friend.

  The man who got me through the worst time in my life.

  Hung up on me.

  And I deserved it.

  I fucking deserved it.

  What have I done?

  13

  JOANNE

  “What?” I whisper, eyes wide, staring at Callie and whatever the hell she has in that bag, because if it’s what she says she has, I want no part in it.

  A finger.

  A fucking finger.

  “Yeah,” she goes on. “They’ve found us, too. I had to call Ethan and ...”

  “Wait,” I put a hand up, still in shock at her story about the finger and the note she got left today. Now she’s going on to tell me she spoke to Ethan. Ethan! “You called them?”

  “I had to call someone, Jo.”

  “Yeah,” I cry, “the police!”

  “That won’t end well for anyone. You know that. Look where it got us last time. He’s obviously out of prison and Ethan told me he’s taken Chase. They’re all worried. It’s not just about us anymore.”

  I shake my head, my mind spinning. “T
hey’ve got Chase?”

  She nods.

  “What did Ethan say?”

  “After he abused me, he told me he would speak to Tanner and Tatum and call us back.”

  Tatum.

  Hearing that name is like a knife to the chest. The guilt I still feel for leaving him when I did makes me sick to my stomach. I sent him a message, which Callie doesn’t know about, not that she’d judge me, and I explained why I was leaving and how grateful I was to him. He never replied, but I saw he read it. Then I changed my number.

  I know I broke something we had built up. I know I ruined what could have possibly been the love of my life, but I needed to start new, just like Callie did. I had Patrick’s family calling me non-stop, my own family abusing me, and that was after I’d already left. If I had stayed, I never would have found any peace.

  But leaving meant giving up the best thing to have ever happened to me.

  I had to sacrifice.

  He was my sacrifice.

  But my heart still aches when I hear his name, and I know Callie feels the same about Tanner, even though she’s sort of dating someone else now and has been for a few months. He’s a good guy, but I know where her feelings lie.

  With the men we left behind.

  “Tatum is still there?” I whisper, crossing my arms so she doesn’t see my hands trembling.

  “Yeah, he’s still there. They all are. Ethan said ... He said they’d moved on. I don’t know what that meant, but it doesn’t matter. We just need to figure out what to do here and then we can all go back to our lives.”

  Our lives.

  How can we go back to our lives if we have to see them again? After this long?

  “There was nothing in my apartment,” I say, taking the subject away from the men. “Do you think they know I’m here, too?”

  Callie shrugs. “I’m not sure, honestly. Hopefully not. Have you got security footage we could look at?”

  I nod. “I’ve got cameras everywhere, but I’ll have everything changed tomorrow, some deadbolts put on the doors so no one can get in again. You can stay with me tonight, until we figure out what the hell we’re supposed to do about all of this.”

  Callie nods, exhaling. “It was horrible, you know? Hearing how angry Ethan was at me. It hurt so much more than I could have ever expected.”

  “Yeah,” I say, my voice soft. “I’m sorry, honey.”

  “It doesn’t matter, I made a choice, and I have to live with it.”

  She’s right.

  We both made a choice.

  Now we both have to stand by it.

  Even if it kills us.

  I STARE AT CALLIE, who is looking at her sort of boyfriend, Jake. He’s a good guy, really nice and friendly. He’s also far more into her than she is to him. I get that, though. I’ve dated a few guys, too, but none of them worked out. I got bored, or I didn’t feel that spark, that flame burning deep in my chest.

  I’m desperate for that feeling again, but I fear the only person I’ll have it with, I’ll never get back.

  That was a choice I made, and a choice I have to stand by, even if it has never felt completely right.

  Tatum.

  Tatum is always in the back of my mind, replaying over and over. I feel stupid, for leaving him over such a pathetic argument. I never gave us a chance, and I know a chance is what he deserved. I was in a bad place, with Patrick and the media, and the people who came after us, and everything to do with Callie.

  I had forgotten how to breathe.

  Tatum came into my life at the wrong time, but I’m starting to believe he was the right man, even with the timing.

  “You’re going halfway across the country?” Jake says, narrowing his eyes. “Why?”

  “My mother needs me, she’s unwell,” Callie tells him.

  It’s a lie. Her mother is fine, though she’s never spoken to her again after the last time. She talks to Max here and there, but he’s moved to New York and is off on his own adventures now. The two of them lost the bond they had grown up with when Callie went to prison. She lost all of her family, really.

  She rarely talks to her dad, though, to give him credit he does try to call a lot. I understand why she wants nothing to do with him, however. He has a new family, and that new family made Callie feel utterly horrible. He didn’t step up either. So, as far as Callie is concerned, she has no family. At least, not blood related ones anyway.

  Jake doesn’t know that, though.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Jake asks, his face concerned.

  He’s a good-looking man. He doesn’t have that dangerous edge Tanner had but is instead well presented and tidy. His hair is a soft brown, always cut nicely, short back and sides, and his eyes are a deep brown. He’s tall, and well built. The athletic type. He’s a good worker and he’s kind.

  But he’s far too nice for Callie, even if she tries to argue with me that he’s not.

  She misses Tanner. She craves him. Longs for him.

  I know she does.

  I see that look in her eyes, because I have the same look in mine.

  “I think so, but I have to leave tonight. I will be gone a few weeks, maybe more, I just wanted you to know.”

  Jake nods, understanding, because that’s the kind of man he is. “That’s a shame, but I totally understand. I hope your mom is going to be okay.”

  Callie looks a little guilty, can’t say I blame her. We’re both about to go back to the place we ran from years ago, the place we thought we’d never have to see again, to face the dramas we thought we’d never have to face again. We’re stepping back into a world we would much rather forget. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be so stinking hard it’ll test us both.

  But we have to go back.

  Ethan called, told Callie that we have no option. If we want Chase back, they want us all in the same place. That means going back.

  “Well, I’ll call you,” Jake says. “Can you let me know when you arrive safely?” he asks.

  Callie nods, and I leave the two of them to finish their conversation. I yell out to Callie that I’ll be over again soon and walk back down to my apartment. I live a few doors down, so it’s a short walk. The apartments are all accessible from an outside door but are part of one large building. I reach my door and fumble around in my purse to get my keys.

  I go to unlock it when a voice I never thought I’d hear again in my life tickles up my spine, making me stop, key in hand, facing the door.

  “Long time no see, Joanne.”

  I swallow and close my eyes. It’s not a thing. It can’t be. I’m imagining things. There is no possible way the voice I just heard is the person I think it is. No possible way. We’re supposed to be meeting them, not the other way around.

  I turn slowly, and when I see not just one, but four people, my heart launches into my throat and my eyes burn. I stare at the one face I haven’t seen for so many years but have thought of every single day. Sky-blue eyes, dark messy hair, big, muscled, covered in tattoos. A face and body I’ve remembered in my dreams every single day. Tatum.

  I meet his eyes, and my fingers tremble, the keys dropping to the floor.

  They’re not meant to be here.

  They’re ...

  I glance at the other people quickly. Tanner, Ethan, and a girl. A very beautiful girl with long locks of brown hair, gorgeous silver eyes and a body to die for. She’s standing next to Tanner, and by the way she’s hanging onto his arm, I know she’s with him. Oh god. This is going to kill Callie.

  This is bad.

  So bad.

  “What?” I whisper, avoiding looking at Tatum again, because if I do, I might just scream, or cry, or ... I don’t know. “What are you all doing here?”

  “What? No hello, Tatum? No apology? No nothing? You’re going to avoid looking at me? Is that how it’s going to be, Joanne?”

  Oh god.

  I look up at him, and my eyes burn with unshed tears. “Tatum,” I whisper, but nothing else comes
out.

  He shakes his head, his face filled with bitter disappointment. “Fuckin’ save it. Got nothin’ to say to you anyway. We’re here because we have to be.”

  His words hurt. They burn like a stab to the chest. I close my eyes and try to breathe through the pain, but it’s proving to be difficult. I take a moment, and then open my eyes and look to Tanner, asking, “What is going on?”

  “Where is she?”

  “Callie?” I ask.

  “Yeah, fuckin’ Callie. Where is she? I’m only goin’ to explain this once.”

  “She’s,” I look over to her apartment just as the door opens and Jake steps out. He leans in, grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her, just a soft peck, but it’s enough for me to see Tanner’s face scrunch with anger. “There,” I murmur, finishing my sentence.

  Jake disappears, not noticing us, and just as Callie goes to close the door, she peers down this way and stops, her eyes getting wide, her mouth dropping open. She stares in complete shock for a few moments, and then I see her face change, just like mine did, no doubt, into that of pain and heartache.

  She steps out of the apartment slowly, and very carefully walks toward us, her eyes on Tanner the whole time. I dare to glance at him, and the hard expression on his face even hurts me to look at. I can only imagine what it’s doing to her.

  “What?” she begins, just like I did. “What is going on?”

  “We have a problem, came here to sort it out,” Ethan starts, his voice hard. “Let’s talk inside.”

  Callie stares, dumbfounded as they all walk past her and just go into her apartment. She watches Tanner the whole time, her eyes on him, and then on his girlfriend, and the back on him. When they step inside, Ethan turns and mutters, “We don’t have all day.”

  Callie looks to me, and I give her a broken smile, and then together, we walk into her apartment.

  This is bad.

  So damned bad.

  I wasn’t prepared for this.

  At all.