Free To Be

by Adam Lynch

  “Quickly. This hurts terribly, and the enemy is heading towards us from the east and the west.”

  My body shaking intensely, I grip the metal teeth from each side. I attempt to pull them apart, but I’m too weak. I look up at Zara, scared that I won’t be able to free her.

  “Try again. Pull hard. Don’t stop until my leg is free.”

  I take a deep breath. I grip tighter, and then pull the teeth apart with all my strength. To my relief, they split apart, and the bear frees her bleeding leg.

  “You’re bleeding. How do I stop it?”

  “Don’t worry about it. We have to go. Get on.”

  “Okay. I go to climb on, but then notice Yumi isn’t on her. I instantly panic. “Wait.” I spin around. “Where’s Yumi?” My eyes wide, I move around the forest, looking every which way. I don’t see her. Where did she go? “Yumi!”

  “Quiet, Taiyo,” Zara commands. “Don’t shout. The enemy will hear us. They’re already heading our direction. They’ll find us if we don’t leave.”

  “No, I can’t leave without Yumi. I can’t.”

  Zara sniffs around and grumbles. “Taiyo. She’s over there.” She nods her head southwest of her. I face her direction, but don’t see anything. “Go to her. She’s buried in the pile of leaves.”

  I gasp, limping as fast as I can towards her. She flew into a pile of leaves? Thank, God. Arriving at the pile, I dig for her, and find her body soundly asleep in the pile. “Yumi, are you okay?” I ask her this, forgetting she can’t hear me. But she looks okay. That’s a huge relief. Then, I spin towards Zara with peeled eyes. “Wait, what about Akio? Is he okay?”

  “The tiger-bear carrying your other friends is way ahead of us. She didn’t stop for us. Don’t worry. If we leave now, we might still make it out of this safely and catch up with them.”

  “But can you run? Or even move?”

  “I can manage. This isn’t the first time I ran into one of these horrible human traps.”

  When I drag Yumi close enough to her, Zara throws her on her back, and then me. But as soon as we’re saddled, Shoot! An arrow strikes Zara’s body and she roars. She immediately throttles forward.

  “No! They can see us!” I cry.

  But where are they? I look every which way and don’t see a thing… but evidently, they can see us. Have we made it this far only to fail? No. We can’t fail. Failure isn’t an option. I have people to protect. They’re counting on me. Qualified or not, I have to pull through for them no matter what.

  I look up at the sky and shout to the clouds. “Please! You must protect the tiger-bears helping me from getting hit by the arrows in addition to me and my friends!”

  “Very well, Taiyo,” the clouds respond with a thunderous voice.

  More arrows shoot for Zara from the east and west, but gusts of wind suddenly swoop in and deflect them. Even with her leg injured, Zara runs fast. And though I know that I’m also under the protection of the wind, I can’t help but instinctively bury myself in Zara’s fur, giving myself the illusion that I’m safe from the arrows in this way.

  As she presses on as fast as she can, less and less arrows shoot at us. But she persists hustling until the shooting has stopped completely. I also keep my guard up, looking every which way… in case more surprises emerge. But several minutes pass… and nothing happens.

  I wait a long time… but when I feel it’s safe enough, I shout at Zara so she can hear. “Have we lost them?”

  “I think so. But we can’t stop moving.” She slows her pace only a little bit. I’m impressed she can move this fast with an injured leg… I hope she’s not pushing herself beyond repair or anything.

  She slows her pace. Her shivering decreases. I no longer sense the terror I had once sensed from her before. I also no longer hear the reptilian monsters… or feel the poisonous effects they were having on nature… at least not near as strongly.

  It seems we have escaped their circle… we have escaped them… for now...

  Everything seems to calming down again. I should feel relieved, but I don’t… for some reason…

  Why don’t I? Is it because I feel responsible for all the stress and suffering I’ve caused Zara and Cybil? I mean… technically, I am responsible for all the pain they’ve suffered... ain’t I?

  Am I not the one who commanded them to do everything that they’ve done? And since commanding things of nature is a super-power of mine, did Zara and Cybil have a choice? They had no choice but to do exactly what I told them to do, right? This means I am directly responsible for all the stress and suffering they’ve endured. I… am… responsible…

  What have I done? I’ve forced innocent animals to suffer on behalf of my will. Is this any different from what the Darkane do to us every day? I’m enslaving them… I’m forcing them to do what I want… just as a slave-master would a slave. What an evil and selfish person you are, Taiyo. You’re no different than the Darkane, enslaving animals and other parts of Nature to conduct your bidding, without regards to how it affects them. You don’t care, as long as you get what you will. And now you got it. And for what? You? Yup, it’s all for you. You really don’t care about anyone but yourself. You’re selfish. You’re disgusting. So many have suffered today because of you… because of what you’ve made them do… for you.

  Tears roll down my eyes at the thought of these harsh words. I hate myself… probably now more than ever before. I hate what I’ve become. I’m just as bad as them… the Darkane... if not worse. I really am disgusting…

  I should tell Zara to drop me here and free her from my bidding…

  But I can’t…

  Why? Why can’t I?

  I know why... It’s because I’m scared. It’s because I’m selfish. My fear has made me selfish...

  Consequence

  “T

  here you are,” says Cybil when we arrive within sight of each other. She glares at us with green cat eyes, licking her chops. By this time, the fog has lifted, but the skies are still overcast. “What happened to your leg? Have you run into a trap?”

  “Yes, but I’ll be okay.”

  “It looks bad. You’d better take it easy after we drop Taiyo and his friends back home.”

  “Yes, where is your home, Taiyo?” They aim their heads in my direction.

  “It’s okay… you’ve done enough. Please drop me and my friends off here and go take care of yourselves...

  “No, it’s not safe here. I could never leave my cubs where I know it’s not safe.”

  “Me neither,” says Cybil. “Tell us with your home is, Taiyo, so we know you’ll be safe.”

  Home? It sounds strange even hearing that. I haven’t been able to call somewhere home for some time. The Darkane have destroyed my home… so where do I call home now?

  But Zara and Cybil seem insistent on taking me back to wherever this “home” is. But where do I guide them? Back to the fort? I suppose if I ever had a chance at freedom, this would be my chance? But if I were to escape, what would I do next? Where would I go? And what if the Darkane hunt me down? What would they do to me? And what if Akio and Yumi have a better escape plan and I mess things up for them by doing my own thing? I know they’re working on some kind of a plan, so I’d better not do anything to mess it up.

  I don’t want to risk it. I can’t. I’m… I’m not ready… I don’t want that kind of responsibility. It’s too overwhelming to even think about. I have no idea what I’d do if I fled right now. I don’t know how I’d free everyone else. I don’t know whether I would bring Akio and Yumi with me, or return them to the fort so their safety isn’t jeopardized by my recklessness. And what would I do with Talden? No. No way. No way I’m not doing this. I didn’t ask for any of this to happen. This whole thing has been an absolute nightmare. I just want everything to go back to normal… at least until Akio and the others implement their plan for us. But I can’t mess things up for them. I won’t.

  But then again... if I return to the fort right now, won’t they puni
sh me? No… why would they? If I bring Talden back to them, they’d have no reason to punish me or think that I was betraying them, right? Everything should work out and return to normal if I just return to the fort with everyone. It’ll be like nothing ever happened… and this nightmare will finally end.

  I inform the tiger-bears of the fort and its location. But they don’t don’t know what I’m talking about or know how to get there… what now? I stress for several minutes about it, but then I figure out the perfect idea. I ask the clouds to send a gust of wind through the leaves to guide our way back. I feel terrible for asking Nature to do things for me again… but what else am I supposed to do? I kind of have no choice… but it’s not just for me… I have to do it for my friends, too. Right? I don’t know.

  We follow the gust of leaves back to the fort. We arrive at dusk, the time we’re served dinner. I tell Zara and Cybil to drop us off at the end of the forest before we reach the valley. Towards the east stands the cliff where the fort is located. I knew to stop here because if we had stepped into the valley, the guards overlooking the west cliff of the fort would spot us. I know this well because that’s the cliff I’m often assigned to guard. It’s not nightfall yet, so Valida is probably still up there with them. She will be the one to spot us. That gives me a little relief, because she’s by far the nicest and most understanding of the officers.

  “This is where you want us to leave you?” Zara asks as I dismount.

  “Yes. Any closer and the Darkane will see you and attack. After everything you’ve done for us, I want to make sure you both remain safe. You and Cybil must leave this area once you depart from us.”

  “But I don’t understand. Will you be safe here? Your home is still a ways off. Why can’t we escort you there? Aren’t the Darkane your friends? Why would they attack us?”

  I can’t tell them they’re enslaving us and our actually our enemies. “They would attack you because you’re tiger-bears. Most people are afraid of tiger-bears.”

  “Like we are of humans?” asks Cybil. “I understand.”

  “I suppose if you feel we should leave you here, we will, Taiyo. I just feel protective of you because I feel like you’re my cub, but I know you’re not. It’s a bit confusing.”

  “I know, it’s my fault. I’m so sorry,” I say. “It’s because I have a supernatural ability to communicate with animals, and all things of nature that are alive or filled with energy. I told you what you had to do… I made you do it. I made you do it even though it’s against your nature, which is why your instincts are confused. I’m sorry. I was scared and it was the only thing I could think to do to save my friends and me.”

  “It’s alright, Taiyo,” says Zara, rubbing me and purring. “I was happy to help you. Even if you aren’t really my cub, I’m glad I felt like you were.”

  “Me, too,” says Cybil. “I liked being around you and enjoyed serving you… you gave me courage. Thank you, Taiyo.”

  “Yes. Thank you, Taiyo.”

  I gave them courage? I’ve never heard anyone say that to me before.

  After they help me return my friends to the ground, I look at them and then bow. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me and my friends. We would have never made it without you both.”

  “That’s what mothers do, Taiyo,” says Zara.

  “They look after their young,” says Cybil.

  “Farewell and please stay safe.”

  “We ask the same of you, Taiyo,” they say simultaneously. “Take care of yourself.”

  I nod and grin. They grumble before turning back around and disappearing in the forest. I wait until I no longer see them. When I’m sure they’re free and safe, I let out a big sigh. Okay, Taiyo. You made it. You’re here. Now it’s time to go out to the valley and make sure Valida spots you.

  I do just that. I walk outside of the forest and into the valley. Eyeing the cliff, I let out another sigh. Then I run around and wave my hands frantically so the guards guarding the west cliff notice me. I shout frantically. I can’t see them… but I’m sure by now they’ve seen me. I do this until I run out of breath. Then, I stop and take a break. I lean over, rest my hands on my knees. Inhale, then exhale. Then, I wait.

  Several minutes later, I spot several of the Darkane approaching. I squint to process who they are and spot Valida among them… okay… good.

  “What? Taiyo?” she asks as they arrive within sighting distance. “What’s going on? Why are you here? Weren’t you with Talden? Where is he? Where is the rest of your party?” She examines me with an anxious look. There are about ten Darkane soldiers behind her, staring at me curiously. All these eyes on me are making me feel self-conscious. Before they arrived, I had planned out what I was going to say, but now that they’re here, I forgot everything.

  “I.. I uh…”

  “What? Where’s Talden? Just point me in the direction of your supervisor.”

  Unable to think of what to say, I do as she says. “Wait here.” Commanding this to everyone, she runs into the forest. I wait. I gulp several times, anxious by how she may react.

  “Soldiers!” she screams from the forest suddenly. “I need everyone but two men to come over here.” They do as she says. She exits the forest and scowls at me. “What happened out there, Taiyo? Why is my brother unconscious and has an arrow through his arm? Why is everyone but you in your party unconscious?”

  Oh no. Is she mad at me? Does she think I had something to do with everyone being passed out? Does she think I made all that happen intentionally? Was coming back here with them a good idea? “I… I uh…” My voice shakes. Valida’s getting more angry and impatient—this is just like with Talden.

  “Oh for god’s sake, dude. Tell me what happened. Speak! It’s not that hard.”

  I began blinking rapidly. I feel myself conjuring up an anxiety attack again. I have to look away in order to attempt composing myself. It helps a little. She huffs, then pauses. She takes a deep inhale, let’s out a deep exhale, then she bends her knees and gets eye level with me.

  “Ma’am, do you want us to take Officer Talden and the other slaves back to the fort?” a soldier asks from a distance. We look at them and see one soldier carrying Akio, another Yumi, and two carrying Talden. The one speaking leads the way ahead of them.

  “Yes, all of you make sure they get back safely. I’ll stay here with Taiyo a moment.”

  “Ma’am, are you sure you’ll be okay alone?”

  “I’ll be fine. Thanks for the chivalry though. It’s rare these days.” He nods, and then they march off to the fort. Valida turns to me again. She doesn’t appear as angry now, but instead seems curious. She studies me silently a moment. “Okay… Taiyo… tell me what happened. It’s obvious you’re shook up from whatever went on out there. But inform me to the best of your ability.”

  I gulp and nod. To help myself concentrate, I pull my eyes away from hers and to the ground. I can never think of what to stay when I’m making eye contact with someone.

  “We-we were attacked…”

  “By who?”

  I pause, recalling the memory. “They… I’m… I’m not sure what they were.”

  “Were they people? What did they look like?”

  “They… they were very tall. They-they had sharp teeth, long hair, scaly skin, and… stars in their eyes…”

  “Wha-what?” she stutters, pausing. “T-that’s what attacked you? That’s what put Talden and the others to sleep? Are you sure?”

  I nod. She turns her head away from me, breathing heavily suddenly. I look up at her. Her eyes are wide and her eyebrows are pulled up and together. Even a Darkane officer like her is this scared of them... just what were those monsters?

  “Okay, that’s enough for now. Let’s get back to the fort… quickly…”

  #

  I’m escorted to the courtyard in time for dinner. I haven’t eaten anything since the brown-furred bird last night, but I’m not in the least bit hungry right now. In fact, the thought o
f food makes me nauseous because of everything that happened. When I look around, I notice everyone’s attention aimed towards the medical tent where Talden, Akio, and Yumi were taken. Numerous heads peer over others to get a peek. The soldiers gossip, and the Leferians whisper. Several Darkane are gathered inside and around the medical tent. I’m sure the other officers are inside there as well. Valida runs up to join them, squeezing through the spectating crowd.

  I assume my normal dinner-time routine. I pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening. I do this to repair some sense of normality in my brain. So much has happened… too much—events I want to forget, and deny they happened at all. I avoid eye contact with everyone, gluing my eyes to the ground and walking to the back of the line. I want to get my food, sit down, and become invisible again. Because of my late arrival, I feel like everyone’s staring at me, thinking I had something to do with the injured. I feel like I’m the talk of the town, the spotlight… and because of this, I’m unbearably self-conscious. I can hardly focus on what I’m doing without picturing a perfect visual of their stares.

  Despite trying to be invisible, I hear two people approaching me. I look up and sight Sadao and Katsu bug-eyed. I gasp with surprise. “Taiyo—what happened?” Sadao asks me. “We saw a bunch of soldiers carrying Talden, Akio, and Yumi unconsciously to the medical tent—and Akio and Talden even had arrows in them. You were with them, weren’t you? What happened?”

  I shift my eyes to the ground. I shut them and shake my head, trying to get my thoughts together. Ah… too fast… too fast. My mind is thinking too many things at once, too fast. I can’t process a thing. “I… I…”

  “Were you attacked?” asks Katsu.

  I nod. “Y-yes.”

  “Is Akio and Yumi alright?” asks Sadao.

  I nod again. “Y-yes.”

  “What happened? Who attacked you?”

  “I...I uh..”