Not Quite Broken: A Callaghan Family & Friends Romance

by Abbie Zanders

  But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. How could he possibly offer her hope for something long term when he couldn’t even guarantee he’d make it to tomorrow? That seemed far more cruel than letting her go now, before she pinned any hopes on his sorry ass.

  He gave Tori time to get home before calling. His call went directly to voice mail, which wasn’t exactly surprising. He followed up with a couple texts, all of which went unanswered.

  “Go on, get out of here,” Ian told him after Brian checked his phone for the twentieth time in the last hour.

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Hey, you want some advice?”

  “Not particularly.”

  “Tough shit, you’re going to get it anyway. When you find the right one, do whatever you can to keep her. Don’t let anything get in the way of that.”

  “Thanks. Not relevant here, but thanks.”

  Something like pity ghosted across Ian’s face. He shook his head but said nothing more.

  Brian jumped in his Jeep, setting a direct course for Tori’s place. Ian and Lacie, they meant well, but they didn’t know what they were talking about. They didn’t understand. They didn’t know that he was incapable of loving a woman like Tori the way that she deserved—wholly and completely. That his heart and soul had been stripped along with his dignity, his faith, his honor, and everything else that had once made him the man he was.

  He was a shell. A shell that continued to exist hour after hour, day after day, week after week. Capable of functioning but devoid of essence. He could pretend. He could fulfill the dutiful roles of son, brother, and friend for brief, limited periods of time. But to try to be a husband, a father, a lover—roles that would require more than a few hours here and there—that he couldn’t do.

  He’d been wrong to let things get as far as they had with Tori, he knew that now. No matter how good it felt to be in her presence, to be held in her arms and in her body, he couldn’t allow her to believe it could ever be anything more. Even if she continued to insist she didn’t need more, she deserved more.

  Tori’s Jeep was parked in the back, which eased his frayed nerves somewhat. At least he knew she’d gotten home all right and was just ignoring his attempts to contact her.

  He sat there in the dark for several minutes. If he was smart, he would just drive away and let her think he was an asshole of the highest caliber.

  She wouldn’t be wrong, the dark voice whispered.

  Something kept him from doing so, however. Some invisible tether tugged at him, insisting he at least attempt to explain that it wasn’t her, it was him. Clichéd as it was, it was the truth. The blame fell solely on his shoulders.

  He got out, and the next thing he knew, he was knocking on her door. She opened it a crack, keeping the chain lock in place. The light from inside was dim, but it was enough to see the red, puffy rims around her eyes. The image sent a sharp, stabbing pain into his chest, matching the one in his gut.

  “What do you want?” Her voice was thick.

  “Can I come in?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  He deserved that. Didn’t mean it hurt any less. “Listen, I’m sorry. I thought it would be easier if I told Lacie you were too busy to go to the thing at Maggie’s.”

  “Easier for who, exactly?”

  “Everyone. Lacie is convinced there’s something more going on between us then there is, and that can make things...”

  “Awkward.”

  “Yeah, awkward.”

  She looked down at her feet. “Okay.”

  “Okay? That’s it?”

  “Yeah, okay. Message received loud and clear. What else do you want me to say?”

  Her passive acceptance was so very her. She didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. In fact, the only time she had opened herself up and given him a glimpse of the passionate woman beneath that quiet, controlled exterior was the night at the lake, when she’d taken him inside her body and taken them both to heaven. He didn’t like thinking about that, though, because it reminded him of everything he wanted and couldn’t have.

  “I don’t know. Yell at me. Call me an asshole. Something.”

  She gave him a small, sad smile. “You’re not an asshole. You’re just a man looking for something, and I’m not it. It’s okay.”

  That ache in his chest intensified. Doubt crept in. Maybe he wasn’t doing the right thing here. It sure felt fifty kinds of wrong.

  “Listen, you should come to Maggie’s. I know she’s been looking forward to meeting you, and it’s not fair to keep you from spending time with Lacie and Faith because I’m...”

  “Because you’re what?”

  He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. You should come. I’ll deal with it.”

  That was apparently the wrong thing to say. She stiffened. Through the crack he could see her pulling on the hem of her shirt. “Thanks, but no thanks. For the record, I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”

  She closed the door. He heard the deadbolt engage, then the lights went out, leaving him standing out there alone in the dark.

  Well, hell.

  Chapter Twenty

  Barely thirty minutes after she’d closed the door on Brian, Tori knew she couldn’t spend the rest of the long holiday weekend alone in her apartment with nothing to do but think. Think, wonder, debate, and agonize. She needed to get out. She needed to do something to take her mind off the ache in her chest.

  She immediately ruled out anything in or around Pine Ridge. There were too many reminders of things she and Brian had done together. Places they had gone, or driven by, or that he’d pointed out, usually with some small story or tidbit to share.

  Fortunately, she had done some research prior to her visit to Jake’s in the hopes that she could convince Brian to take one more road trip with her. She’d hoped that it would give them some time to talk. She could apologize and reassure him that she wasn’t looking for promises he wasn’t willing to make. That she understood an intimate relationship, even a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, was off the table, but perhaps there was a possibility of going back to being just friends who hung out and did things together.

  Apparently, there was not.

  She wasn’t surprised, not really. It had been wishful thinking on her part. Her inner voice had been trying to get her to see the truth for weeks, but she hadn’t wanted to listen. What if she was wrong? she’d asked herself. What if he just needed time to accept the fact that there was something there? Brian was too good a man to walk away from because she had misunderstood or misinterpreted the situation.

  Well, there was no misunderstanding the fact that he’d lied to his sister about inviting her to some end of the summer celebration. No misinterpreting that Brian no longer wanted to continue to see her, even as a friend. Or, as he’d come right out and said - that having her around made things awkward for everyone else, too.

  She threw a few things into an overnight bag and grabbed her keys. Sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon, so instead of waiting until morning, she decided to hit the road. If her calculations were correct, she’d be watching the sun rise over the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon in a couple hours.

  She locked up her apartment and climbed into her Jeep. She made a quick stop at a local Wawa for gas, coffee, and snacks, then pulled up an app on her phone and typed in her destination. Soon she was headed northwest, leaving Pine Ridge behind.

  The GPS app took her along some narrow mountain roads, the route probably calculated based on distance rather than travel time. During the day, she wouldn’t have minded; she’d traveled enough with Brian to know the views were incredible. In the middle of the night, however, without the benefit of daylight or even the headlights of other vehicles, the drive wasn’t nearly as pleasant. The absolute darkness was almost suffocating, swallowing her high beams and forcing her to keep her speed well under the posted limit.

  Animals were a concern, too. In the ninety minutes she’d been on the road,
she’d seen possum, fox, deer, and what might have been a small bear ambling along the road.

  The switchback came up without warning; Tori wrenched the wheel, glad she hadn’t been going faster than a crawl. Her relief was short-lived when her headlights revealed a minor rockslide just ahead.

  She jerked the wheel again, toward the mountain instead of what was certainly a steep drop off on the other side. Unfortunately, the rocks on the narrow shoulder were even bigger than the ones that had tumbled onto the roadway. Her right front end hit something, bringing her to a sudden and jarring stop.

  Tori took a few deep breaths, willing her heart to calm. She was fine. A little shaken, but not injured, and safe inside her vehicle, which was now mostly off the road. She turned on her hazard lights, wondering why she hadn’t seen the switchback coming on the cellphone screen. It was then that she realized the map image had frozen. A closer look showed that both wi-fi and mobile signals were non-existent.

  Great, she thought. It was three o’clock in the morning and she was in a dead zone in the middle of nowhere with indeterminate damage to her vehicle. What was she supposed to do now? It wasn’t as if she could call for help. No one was expecting her. No one even knew where she was.

  Her thoughts went back to the missing Birch Falls woman. She’d wondered how someone could be gone so long without anyone knowing. Well, now she knew.

  Tori pushed away the panic that tried to take hold. That kind of thinking wasn’t going to do anyone any good, especially her. She needed to be calm and rational. Assess the situation. Consider her options. Then choose the best one.

  Exhaling heavily, Tori got out of her Jeep and went around to the back where she kept her emergency kit. She pulled out a flashlight and some reflective triangles, which she placed on the road behind her. Then she squeezed herself between the vehicle and the wall of rock that rose up into the sky to assess the damage.

  She was no mechanic, but even she knew it wasn’t good. Her right front tire was not only flat, it was also twisting away from the vehicle at an odd angle. Maybe that rust problem Sean had mentioned was worse than she’d thought. She’d been meaning to schedule an inspection, but hadn’t gotten around to it.

  She sighed, feeling a bit defeated. Only she could manage to do damage to a vehicle known for being practically indestructible.

  Attempting to rock herself out probably wasn’t the wisest choice. Even if she could manage to get the Jeep back on the road, trying to steer with a messed up axle could be dangerous, especially on roads that left little room for error. That left two choices: wait in the Jeep until someone came along or get out and start walking.

  Tori decided that remaining in the Jeep was the safest course of action. She could be miles away from the nearest house. Even if there was a residence nearby, she wouldn’t find it unless they’d left their lights blazing, which at three a.m., wasn’t likely.

  She got back in the Jeep and settled in, prepared to wait out the night. If no one came along by the time the sun rose, she’d consider walking. At least people would be more likely to see her in the daylight.

  She turned off her phone to save the battery, then locked her doors and closed her eyes, wishing she’d waited until morning to set out.

  She must have dozed off, because the next thing she knew, someone was tapping on her window. She startled awake with a gasp, her brain trying to process everything at once. It was still dark, she was still in her Jeep, and there was a tow truck with flashing lights stopped in the road right in front of her!

  She rolled down the window a few inches to speak to the man.

  “You look like you could use some help. You okay in there, or do you need an ambulance?”

  “No, I’m fine,” she answered. “But my Jeep is stuck and my tire’s wonky.”

  He nodded and walked around the front of the vehicle, examining the situation. In the light of the flashers, he appeared to be around her age, a little on the stocky side. He wore jeans and a plain white t-shirt, with a short sleeve button down hanging open over it. She squinted, trying to make out what looked like a company name stitched over the pocket. A brief check confirmed that it matched the logo on the tow truck: JD Auto Service.

  She remained in the vehicle until he returned. “Yep, it’s wonky all right.” He smiled, revealing a set of nice, white teeth. His dark hair was neatly trimmed, his face clean-shaven. Absolutely nothing about him set off her internal alarms, but she wasn’t taking any chances.

  “Do you belong to an auto club?” he asked

  “No, why?”

  “’Cause I got a contract with them, and I could give your Jeep a tow back to my garage without charging you an arm and a leg.”

  “Oh.”

  He grinned, then laughed. “I’m just fooling with you. I don’t charge that much. Fifty bucks hook-up fee plus five bucks a mile.”

  “That sounds reasonable.”

  “So, you want a tow?”

  She didn’t know what other choices she had. It wasn’t as if she could call anyone to come get her. He didn’t have to know that, though.

  “How far is your garage from here?”

  “About five miles. I’m Joe, by the way. Joe Dalton.”

  “Nice to meet you, Joe. I’m Tori. So, seventy-five bucks for a tow to your garage?”

  “Yep. Then I’ll get your Jeep up on the lift to take a better look at what you’ve got going on there and give you an estimate. If you don’t want me to fix it, you’re welcome to call someone else.”

  “Do you have cell service there?”

  He laughed. “Sometimes. Depends on the weather and which way the satellites are pointing. What I do have is a landline and that’s usually pretty reliable. ‘Course, you’re welcome to sit here and wait for a better offer.”

  “Am I going to get a better offer?”

  He pretended to think about it. “Probably not.”

  “All right, Joe. Let’s do this.”

  He smiled. “Well all right then. Why don’t you go sit in my tow truck while I get your Wrangler all hitched up.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Brian wasn’t scheduled to work at the pub, which meant he had a lot of time on his hands and no distractions. He spent the better part of the day working around his parents’ place. He mowed the lawn, edged the flower beds, power washed the patio. Anything to keep busy. Anything to avoid thinking about Tori and the sadness in her pretty eyes when she’d closed that door.

  It was better this way. Better for him, better for her, better for everyone. So why did his gut keep insisting otherwise?

  It didn’t help that his mother kept asking about her, wondering when he was going to bring her around again. He’d finally had to admit that Tori wouldn’t be by because he wasn’t seeing her anymore. His mother’s smile had faded and she’d gone back into the house and hadn’t come out since.

  He felt like he was disappointing everyone. Tori. Lacie. His mother. Himself, most of all. He missed Tori. Missed spending time with her. Seeing her smile. Hearing her laugh.

  “You look like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.”

  Brian continued to roll up the hose. He wondered when the old man would say something. He’d been appearing all day, hovering for a bit, then disappearing, only to come around again a short while later.

  “Feels like it sometimes, too.”

  “You want to grab a beer and talk about it?”

  He didn’t, not really, but a glance at his father’s concerned expression made him think before the denial crossed his lips. His father had aged so much since the last time he’d deployed. He was still a big man, still strong, but the lines in his face ran deeper now; his shoulders weren’t as square as they used to be. Brian supposed almost losing two of your kids in the span of a couple years could do that to a man.

  “Sure, Dad.”

  His father seemed surprised, but pleased. “Yeah? Let me just tell your mother we’re heading out.”

  He hurried off as if
Brian might change his mind if he dawdled. Brian finished coiling the hose, then put the rest of the stuff in the toolshed. His father was waiting for him when he came back out.

  “Let me change and we can go.”

  “I’ll get the car.”

  Brian’s dad didn’t drive to Jake’s. Instead, he crossed the river and went into Birch Falls, visiting a place called Tommy’s. Brian had been there before, usually when he wanted a drink and wanted to be alone.

  They ordered a pitcher and some deep-fried bar food (something his mother wouldn’t have allowed given the results of his father’s last cholesterol test) then grabbed a small table toward the back, away from the rowdy bar and the Saturday night dart league. The first mugs went down smooth and cold after a day of yardwork in the late summer sun.

  “You doing okay, son?”

  The short, honest answer was “no”. His normal compartmentalization techniques weren’t working. He couldn’t stop thinking about Tori. Hated the fact that he’d hurt her. On the other hand, he believed he had done the right thing in cutting her loose. She’d get over it. Over him.

  That was a big part of his problem. He didn’t want her to get over him. He liked the way he felt around her. She didn’t know the sordid details of his past, though he wasn’t sure it would have mattered if she had. With Tori, he was just a man. Not a former POW. Not a soldier who had been to hell and back. Not a fucking head case who was one wrong step away from snapping.

  Brian didn’t say any of those things, answering his father the same way he answered everyone else who asked. “I’m doing.”

  Most of the time that was enough. The asker would nod their head, recognize it for what it was—namely, a desire not to talk about it—and move on. Apparently, he’d used up his allotment of ‘let it go’ credits, because his father plodded forward, zeroing in with surprising accuracy. Or maybe not so surprising, given what he’d admitted to his mother earlier.

  “Your mother said you’re not seeing Tori anymore.”

  And... bingo. “No.”