The Memory Thief

by Sarina Dorie

  His lips parted but no words came out. He shook his head.

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “I believe your words. I’m sorry. This is a horrible thing.” He rose and came to my side. I didn’t think I could meet his eyes after my admission, especially after my previous insistence of being a virgin. My cheeks flushed with shame. He squeezed my hands. “Much has happened to you. You are a brave woman. When you agreed to the wife-swap, were you not afraid I would steal your memories too?”

  I swallowed. “Yes. But I had no choice. Not if I wanted to see my sister.” The tension in my muscles released and I exhaled, certain I’d let go of seven years of bottled up emotion. I rarely shared so much of my thoughts. It was more cathartic than I’d imagined.

  A small smile curled to his lips. “Ah, an honest gaijin. How unusual. And I have become the dishonest Joman. I can see I’ve done everything wrong again.”

  I shook my head. If anything, he was the first person who’d done something right.

  When he placed his hands on my shoulders, my spine instantly went rigid. He pulled me into his embrace. “I am not touching you as a man touches a woman. I console you as a friend. I give you my word, I will keep my interactions with you chaste and brotherly.” He held my head to his chest so that I heard the steady rhythm of his heart. The scent of the baths lingered on his skin. He smoothed his hands across my hair and over my shoulders. If I hadn’t been so on guard I might have found it comforting. It had been a long time since I’d been held this way. Even Meriwether, who I knew loved me, didn’t touch me more than propriety permitted.

  Nipa’s deep voice grew hoarse with emotion. “I cannot give you your memories back. But I will help you find your answers, Felicity of the stars.”

  Meriwether sat in the great hall. Even with the windows uncovered, letting in light and fresh air, the entire room smelled of fish and fire smoke. Woven tapestries with beautiful patterns hung on the walls. By the looks of it, old ladies showed Meriwether how to weave plant fibers. He stood when he saw me. I dodged through groups of women toward him. He embraced me and covered my face with kisses. The gesture was so unexpectedly forward, a squeak of noise escaped my lips. It wasn’t that I disliked affection—I had even tried to get him to kiss me on more than one occasion, but he was far more concerned with propriety than I was.

  Purple circled his eyes, giving him the appearance of a raccoon dog much like the Tanukijin masks. A moment passed before he noticed what I wore. “My god, what the devil did they do to you? Where are your clothes?” He eyed my naked forearms.

  Surrounded by so many women who wore tattoos such as mine, I had forgotten about the patterns of black. His eyes widened at the sight of my exposed ankles and he looked away. He had seen more than my tattoos and ankles when he’d first met me, but that had been years ago.

  “I suppose my dress was dirty.” I pulled away and hid my arms behind my back, shame striking me like lightning. After that subsided, a flare of temper rose up in me. Why need I feel shame for being comfortable? For a few hours I had forgotten to feel like a pariah, and now I was a foreigner among my own people again.

  “Iya!” Nipa exclaimed, seeing us and switching back to Jomon to tell Meriwether he wasn’t my husband and he could embrace me in two more weeks when I was his again. I translated.

  Nipa was very good at sounding gruff and looking angry, but when Meriwether’s back was turned, he grinned at me and winked.

  Meriwether touched a hand to his forehead as though he had a headache coming on. “My sweet darling, please tell me that man hasn’t touched you. I couldn’t sleep a wink thinking of the horrors he must be inflicting upon you.”

  I patted Meriwether’s arm. “I’m fine. No one touched me. Sumiko slept in my bed. I was more worried about you than myself.”

  “Indeed, it was dreadful. That ugly old woman carried me off to have her way with me. But she implied I smelled and stripped me down and scrubbed me. Can you believe it?

  “She then dragged me into a bed. I tried to scramble away, but she pulled me back in. When she let go, I crawled away. After she plopped me in the bed again, I scrambled out. We must have done this a hundred times. Finally when she caught me and embraced me, she made a face again and held her nose. It was both horrifying and demoralizing. The only thing that kept me from fainting was knowing I had to be strong for you.”

  I patted his arm. “I’m sorry, that must have been hard for you. You do understand they were playing a joke on us, right?”

  Nipa shook with silent laughter behind Meriwether. He translated what my fiancé had said to two elderly ladies, making them cackle. I didn’t approve of them making fun of Meriwether.

  My fiancé went on. “I didn’t know the headman would have two wives. Miss Sumiko came to me today and told me she would help hide me from my wife. At least I think that’s what she said. She only knows a few words in our language.”

  I shook my head. “Two wives? I think you misunderstood. Neither are his wives.”

  “I’m fairly certain Miss Sumiko is his second wife.” He blushed when he said it.

  Nipa raised an eyebrow, muttering in Jomon, “I bet he hopes she will hide him in her bed tonight, ne?”

  A toothless old lady clapped Meriwether on the back. “Chinny, chin-chin man kawaii desu ne?” Her accent was so thick I had difficulty understanding her.

  Meriwether smiled at the old woman and patted her weathered hand. “Yes, I will tell more stories again later.”

  I doubted he’d had much success communicating, as he had no idea what she’d said and I doubted she understood much of him either. I gathered she’d found him endearing from what she’d said, though half of her words made little sense. I suspected she spoke the Isepojin dialect—a tribe that had resided in the south.

  Meriwether recounted his visits to Captain Ford and Charbonneau. Apparently the old star dog had thought he was going to bed with a naked woman and woke in bed with a dozing tanuki in the morning. Children had played a number of small tricks on Charbonneau, the most memorable a serving of live tree snails which he actually tried to eat. The captain was now resting after drinking a sleep concoction that took away pain. Charbonneau attended him.

  “Meli-weza!” a booming voice called from the doorway.

  Meriwether’s eyes widened. “Oh no, she’s back. And I haven’t finished weaving our wedding blanket. She said this is all I get to wear tonight to bed. I’ve got to get back to work.”

  I looked to Nipa, speaking in Jomon. “I’ve got to tell him.”

  “No, let’s see how long it takes him to figure it out on his own. He’s so naive, he is great entertainment. He keeps spirits higher than I can in winter.”

  I wondered what would happen if I disobeyed and explained to Meriwether that they were jesting with him. Would it be a cultural taboo to ruin someone’s joke? It had been so long since I’d been here last, and what I did remember, I wasn’t certain I trusted. I resolved to explain the entirety of what I’d been told thus far as soon as we were alone.

  They kept Meriwether and me busy during the day. As much as Meriwether protested he mustn’t leave his weaving, Nipa insisted we go outside and enjoy ourselves. Bundled up in more furs, we watched demonstrations of warriors fighting with sticks and throwing spears in a snow-filled field outside. The practice area was situated below the cliff palace at the base of the valley river. There were female warriors—or I suspected there were, though everyone was bundled up so much it was difficult to tell. Both the young and elders practiced. Even an old woman threw spears.

  Meriwether nodded to the small figure on the other side of a field. “Oh look, there’s Grandmother Ami.”

  Over the gust of wind I thought I detected the word, “Chinny, chin-chin man.”

  It was amazing watching her throw a spear. She must have thrown over fifty feet, her hunched frame straightening and untwisting with each launch. Even some of the younger warriors couldn’t throw as far.

  My mouth must h
ave been hanging open as low as Meriwether’s because Nipa laughed at us. “It’s funny how misleading looks can be.”

  Meriwether’s “wife” pulled him to his feet to join in the fun. How I wished she had chosen me instead. But then, it was just as well. Meriwether probably would have protested that proper young ladies didn’t practice combat.

  “Please teach him gently. He isn’t a fighter,” I shouted to Tomomi-san in Jomon.

  The blue line tattooed above her mouth emphasized her mischievous smile. I looked to Nipa. “She won’t hurt him, will she?”

  “Do you truly think we would beat potential allies visiting from another land?” Nipa asked.

  At home when Meriwether practiced his marksmanship with a laser pistol, he was incredibly accurate, but he had never excelled in wrestling or sports involving physical combat. While his younger brothers played games with balls, he sat in libraries or the music hall. He studied medicine and took walks in the botanical gardens. He loved medicine. Or at least he loved nursing me to health and doting on me as though I were ill even when I wasn’t. I could imagine he’d make an attentive husband and a good father someday. A father more devoted to his children than mine had been.

  Tomomi showed him how to hold his hands on the stick and where to place his feet. She wrapped her arms around him and swung their arms down.

  “Is this really necessary? I think this position might be, ahem, a little inappropriate,” Meriwether said.

  Tomomi made no indication she understood, nor cared to.

  Nipa leaned toward me. “I can only imagine what he would say if one of our male instructors was teaching him. With his pretty face, it’s hard to say if he would be mistaken for a woman, no? And then he’d say he felt more than a stick poke him—”

  I covered his mouth with my hands, fighting the giggle inside me. “Hold your tongue.”

  His response came out muffled and unintelligible. He bit my finger—not hard—but enough to get me to move my hand. He shook his head at me. “I see how you gaiyojin treat the great leader of the Tanukijin. You try to silence us and keep us from being heard.” His grin told me his words were in jest. Despite his age, he was a winsome man when he smiled.

  Meriwether’s voice rose. “Truly? We hardly know each other!”

  They practiced several techniques with her arms wrapped around him. She was so massive she made him look like a child. My gaze strayed to the others practicing sundry techniques.

  I nodded to a group I had taken to be girls on the other side of the field. “I can see how practical it would be for a young lady to learn to fight so that she would not be helpless if there was ever an attack on her person.” Even in my childhood I had been allowed more freedom than most girls, and had played sports and play fighting with other Chiramantepjin children. Yet, had my father permitted me to throw a spear or fight like Tomomi, mayhap I would have been able to defend myself against the memory thief.

  “Ah,” was Nipa’s only reply.

  Either when Tomomi felt Meriwether was ready—or after she’d decided she’d made him uncomfortable enough—she let him swing the stick on his own with the motions she’d taught.

  She went easy on him, her movements slow as she barked out orders that he had already forgotten the meaning of. I shouted out a translation here or there. I cringed at how horrible he was at blocking a stick from hitting him. Tomomi’s movements were so controlled, and she could close in with such speed each time her stick came in contact with his torso or appendages, she only gave him a light tap. He tripped backwards several times, once falling over when he stumbled on a rock, the other time when he attempted to dodge Tomomi’s stick. Worse yet, he struck toward her with such force that his stick bounced off hers and he hit himself in the thigh. I only hoped the thick fur leggings that covered his trousers afforded some cushion.

  He laughed and shrugged it off. “Oh, I’m so clumsy, aren’t I?” That was one of Meriwether’s strengths; he could laugh at his imperfections and not fall into despair over them. I envied that quality, and it made my esteem for him higher.

  Tomomi shook her head. Her voice rumbled like thunder. “By my ancestor’s graves! He makes me look like a horrible sensei.”

  Tomomi used Meriwether’s momentum to twirl his stick around in a circle. When it swung out of his hands, it managed to hit him in the face and the arm. I turned my face away, unable to stand it. Several of the other bundled figures stopped practicing to watch. I felt embarrassed for him and suspected they’d invited us out here to set him up to look bad. It wasn’t fair to expect a man who had never had need of fighting to learn such skills in an hour.

  He wiped the sweat from his brow and squared his stance. A group of young men pointed and laughed. That was it. I would not let them poke fun at him.

  Meriwether’s grin was broad. “I’m improving, aren’t I?”

  “Indeed. You should stop while you’re ahead.” I marched over to where he practiced and laid a hand on his shoulder. Meriwether swayed and it was only then I saw he had a split lip. “It’s gallant that you always try your best. Perhaps you should give someone else a turn. Would you mind keeping us company for a bit?”

  I took the stick from him and held it out to Tomomi. She bowed to Meriwether but made no move to take the stick. She beckoned me closer. A mischievous smile crossed her visage.

  I thought I understood what she was about. She wished me to fight her? Fine. Let them laugh at me instead.

  Meriwether plopped down in a mound of snow next to Nipa. He held a handful of ice to his split lip.

  I looked to Nipa. “You will permit me?”

  “It isn’t up to me. It’s your choice.”

  I waited for the “but” or the passive aggressive tone that would indicate a true lady didn’t do such things. None came. And none would, I reminded myself. I wasn’t on the space station. Meriwether cradled his head in his hands. I gathered he was in no condition to object.

  If Tomomi made a fool of me, so much the better. Meriwether deserved to see he wasn’t alone in his lack of skill.

  Tomomi instructed me as she had Meriwether. I had the benefit of understanding what she said, but I was no less coordinated than he had been at first. The main difference between us was my ability to not stumble over my own feet. That, and I had practiced stick fighting with Taishi as a youth.

  It was a pleasant change to feel like I could move. Had I been wearing a corset I doubted I would have possessed the same agility.

  “I don’t like this one bit. She’s too fragile for this,” Meriwether complained.

  I glanced away from Tomomi to find Nipa’s hand on Meriwether’s arm, yanking him down when he tried to get up. Tomomi smacked me on the forearm with her stick, far harder than she had hit Meriwether. The jolt of pain returned my attention to practice. The curse words of a space sailor leapt to my mind, but I dared not say them.

  “Look at me,” she said.

  She moved more quickly, forcing me to pay heed to her words. Not only did her speed increase, but also she thrust her stick out with more force so that I had to work harder. Several times I found myself laughing at the sheer joy of the exercise. By the time Tomomi was through with me I was sweaty and panting. I shed my outer layers and still felt hot in the outside air.

  “You learn quickly,” Tomomi said. “Tomorrow I will give you a second lesson.”

  I glanced at Meriwether’s crossed arms and sullen expression. “We’ll see.”

  She grinned, exposing a set of yellowing, crooked teeth. “Tonight, maybe I will give you a different kind of lesson.”

  I laughed and shook my head, hoping that I had misunderstood her meaning.

  I enjoyed the day, feeling like I was somewhere I belonged. That all came to an end at dinner. My comfort wearing the loose style of Tanukijin dress dissipated when I sat down amongst my own people.

  Charbonneau’s eyes widened at the sight of me. “Dearest Miss Earnshaw, what the blazes have they done to you?”

  I rolled
my eyes. “I promise, they didn’t do anything to me that I hadn’t already done to myself.”

  He quickly redirected his gaze to his food. “They’ve turned you into a savage. Really, is that any way for a proper young lady—especially an unwed one—to dress? Master Meriwether, have you attempted to talk sense into her?”

  Meriwether sighed, though I wasn’t sure whom he was more exasperated with. He shifted his back toward me. No doubt he was still cross about me practicing. Maybe he was even vexed I’d done better than him—something I now felt guilty about.

  Charbonneau glanced from Meriwether to me and tsked. The one time I had felt at ease in years, it dissolved in a few seconds of chastising. Between his vehement concern and Captain Ford’s leering, I supposed I would have to go back to wearing my off-world clothes.

  Nipa kneeled at the head of the table with me to his right. He wordlessly watched the exchange. With his visage so expressionless, it was difficult to read what he might have been thinking.

  I picked at the stringy meat on my plate. I suspected it was raccoon dog, but wasn’t sure. Nor did I want to ask. My desire for conversation left me. Had I been given the choice I would have preferred to dine alone where I didn’t have to worry about which world I wanted to fit into.

  Sitting at the front of the room, I found it hard not to feel on display. People snuck furtive glances at us. If I looked up, they looked away. Children giggled and pointed until their parents slapped their hands down. At one point, a naked toddler wandered over and tugged on the long, blonde braid that hung down my back.

  I turned and smiled. He grinned and toddled off to stare into Meriwether’s pale green eyes and poked him in the face. At least I wasn’t the only curiosity.