The Memory Thief

by Sarina Dorie

  “The snow is melting. Will it be gone soon?” I asked.

  “It comes and goes. We will likely have a few clear days,” he said.

  “Have you sent for my sister yet?”

  “She knows of your arrival. She will come to you when she is ready, but I cannot force her to see you.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. I set down the shoulder yoke, careful not to spill the covered buckets of soup. “What do you mean, you can’t force her to see me? Why wouldn’t my sister want to see me?”

  He kept walking under the weight of his heavier yoke. “You will have to ask her. It is not my business.”

  Why would my sister not want to see me? Did she blame me for leaving her? Was she ashamed of something she’d done? I considered the inklings of almost memories I sometimes thought I recalled. When I thought back to that void, sometimes I felt shame when it came to my sister. This unsettled me.

  “The reason she doesn’t want to see me . . . it has something to do with her child?” I asked. “People refuse to tell me about her because of something pertaining to this?”

  He continued up the slope.

  “I want to know what happened between Faith and me.” I picked up my yoke and hastened my speed. “I need to remember. Must I go through training with Tomomi Sensei each day? I need to learn to get over my fears faster.”

  “That’s up to you, not me.”

  I groaned in exasperation. I hated to admit he was right. I was the one not willing to perform memory exchange, not he. Tsuma no kokan was for a fortnight and already I had already squandered days avoiding memory exchange. What would happen when it came to an end and I still didn’t have my memories back?

  Halfway up, Nipa set his shoulder yoke of soup down and turned me to see whence we had come. The palace was made of compartment-like boxes carved out of the stone cliffs. The way it was nestled below the overhang protected it from the majority of the falling snow. It was so different from the jungle palace of the Chiramantepjin with their huts hidden in tree boughs, but no less beautiful.

  “Your people made this?” I asked.

  “Tanukijin ancestors did. We’re lucky these cliffs were overlooked by the starships.”

  When we reached the top of the mesa and delivered the meals to the sentries, I could see how well-hidden the cliff dwellings were. The Isepojin had lived underground in caverns. The Chiramantepjin hid in houses that blended into the jungle. I suspected I saw a theme in the dwellings of the Jomon tribes. These people worked to stay hidden. Perhaps it was a fear of outsiders as the guidebook had suggested.

  My mind was cluttered with thoughts on the return to the cliff palace. I considered how reclusive the Jomon were and why that would be so, why my sister had become a recluse as well, and what people were hiding from me.

  Once inside the great hall, I shed layers of fur. Low tables had been brought out from their resting places along the walls. Dinner was served in shifts. We put away our outdoor gear and waited for the second seating to join the diners, weaving over to Sumiko and the rest of my party at the head of the room.

  When Meriwether saw me, he leapt to his feet and extended his arms to hug me. His gaze slid over to Nipa. He didn’t bark out his displeasure for once. Meriwether embraced me until I stepped back. It wasn’t that I was so proper as to avoid public displays of affection, but I didn’t want to demonstrate my feelings here amidst a crowd of Jomon. At least, that was the reason I told myself.

  No one made mention of my lack of propriety and unladylike clothing. Captain Ford’s eyes were bloodshot and his breath smelled of strong drink. Again. Charbonneau scratched at his wrist and absently watched the diners.

  “Are they keeping you busy, captain?” I asked.

  “Aye. We spent the day assisting with the process of fermenting tubers into ale. And there were quite a few samples along the way.”

  “How diverting!” Meriwether said, sounding in good spirits, though I doubted his day had been as favorable. I’d been told Tomomi had made him assist her in cleaning duties. He didn’t look like someone who’d spent a day in drudgery.

  I leaned closer. “What were you up to today?”

  “Oh, nothing of importance. Entertaining children with my stories. A little cleaning.” He blushed.

  I’d known Meriwether long enough to pick out a lie. I tried not to laugh. “Spending time with Sumiko?”

  He shook his head. “I would never—not in that sense—we were chaperoned.”

  “Has she been dancing for you again?” I teased.

  “No!”

  Sumiko looked my way from where she sat on the other side of her brother and smiled. No wonder he hadn’t come out to watch me practice. He’d found his own diversions. We were engaged and I should have felt jealous that she’d caught his eye, but I could only manage to feel a sisterly pride that he was making friends and charming someone who might appreciate him.

  Charbonneau set down his bowl. “Tomorrow we are to go on a tour. At least I think that’s what they said.”

  Captain Ford lowered his voice and leaned in. “It will be a capital opportunity to look for mines.”

  I glanced at Nipa. He acted as though he hadn’t heard.

  “Felicity dear, ask if I can go on the tour,” Meriwether said. “My wife told me I couldn’t.”

  “Are you talking about Sumiko or Tomomi?” I asked. “Neither are your wife.”

  Meriwether’s ears flushed red. “Well, he isn’t your husband either. Not by our standards. Just ask him if I can go.”

  I made a show of translating, though I knew perfectly well Nipa understood.

  He stroked his chin as if thinking it over. “Tell him it will be a hardship for him to be separated from his wife for so long.”

  I frowned. “I cannot abide your cruelty to him. Permit him a break from his supposed husbandly duties.”

  He leaned back, his pose cocky and self-assured. “If it means so much to you, I will barter with you. What will you give me in exchange for this favor?”

  “Let’s start with me not punching you in the nose. That, and you will have my gratitude.”

  He gave a hearty laugh that drew stares from all around. “If his happiness means that much to you, I will permit this.” He nodded to Meriwether

  Meriwether immediately looked to me. “He agreed I could go? Will you—”

  Nipa dismissed him with a wave of the hand. “Yes, yes, tell him you will all go.”

  “Why do you not tell him yourself? You can speak English.”

  Nipa cleared his throat and spoke in a heavy, almost indiscernible accent that revealed nothing of his true ability. “Meliwezer come tour.”

  Meriwether nodded in enthusiasm.

  “Wife no touch,” Nipa said. He placed an arm around me and hugged me against his side.

  I pushed him away. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “Not as much I plan to be later,” he said with a wink.

  After I was given time to myself in my room to rest and change, to meditate with Tomomi and mostly be bored, Sumiko came to fetch me. “Your husband wishes your presence.”

  I followed her, passing his room, climbing up one set of steps and down another. The route was familiar enough that I suspected where she headed.

  I groaned when she pulled back the curtain of furs hanging across the door. A wave of warm vapors rolled over me. The flickers from a torch danced behind the thick mist.

  She shooed me into the room. “You need not be shy. The women do not come this late.”

  I whispered, “He’s in there, isn’t he?”

  She pursed her lips, the first sign of vexation I had seen from her. “You are married, no? It is normal for a married couple to bathe each other. Go wash yourself and then sit in the pool.” She let the flap of the noren screen drop between us.

  I considered sitting in the steam out of spite. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to bathe. I just didn’t want to bathe with an audience. I fumbled through the vapors until I walked into
a stool with a washcloth on it. I scrubbed my body before feeling my way over to the pool. I could barely see a foot in front of me, so I at least felt assured the mist afforded some modesty.

  After I had climbed in, I found one of the carved stone seats and sat.

  A splash of water sounded across from me. Either he was getting in or coming closer. I couldn’t tell in the steam.

  “Are you ready for me to sit with you?” Nipa asked.

  “It depends. Are you only going to sit? Or do you intend to ogle?”

  “You are so funny, Felicity-chan.” He used a less formal honorific to address me. “I do not know whether to be insulted by your suspicions or laugh.” He waded through the water toward me, the level coming to his waist. Thank goodness his brawny chest was all I saw. I diverted my gaze from his muscular frame. I didn’t know what was worse, the impropriety that I had seen it or that I had found it so aesthetically pleasing.

  He sat beside me on the stone bench. He patted my shoulder and then my arm, which he took up and scrubbed.

  “I’ve already cleaned myself,” I said.

  “Not well enough.”

  “Ugh, you’re doing this because of what I said earlier. You want to embarrass me and this is your revenge.”

  “Not at all. I am performing my husbandly duties—just as Meriwether Nipa did earlier today for his wife.”

  The image of that made me laugh. Then I stopped when I remembered Meriwether’s mixture of happiness and embarrassment. “Wait, you mean he and Sumiko bathed, don’t you? Not he and Tomomi.”

  Nipa stopped laughing now. “What? My sister? With him? I hope not.”

  Nipa rubbed the cloth across my arms and I turned away for him to clean my back. In the gray swirls of mist I couldn’t make much out other than his dark eyes and elegantly sloped nose. I trusted that he wasn’t going to see much if I could barely see him.

  He rubbed the cloth over my belly, but I placed my hand on his when the cloth ventured higher. “I would like to do the rest.” In truth, it felt too pleasurable to let him do more. This act may not have meant anything to him, but that didn’t mean it had no meaning to me.

  He dropped the cloth into my hand. “I am sorry you distrust.”

  Was it distrust? Was this what prevented me from allowing him to revive my memories? I distrusted myself more than anything, perhaps.

  He said nothing more. The quiet was peaceful after so much noise earlier. After scrubbing, I tried to hand the cloth back to him, but he shook his head.

  “Now it is my turn to be cleaned, no?”

  I snorted. “Indeed, something you’ve been waiting for all day.”

  I dragged the cloth over his back, feeling the powerful muscles under my fingers. There was no doubt he was physically formidable. I should have averted my eyes but I found myself squinting at the contours of his frame, curious and oddly awakened by such a sight.

  His stomach muscles bunched and contracted as I brought the cloth around to his chest. I paused, wondering if I had aroused him. I had no idea what he’d do if I had. Or perhaps the problem was I had no idea what I’d do. It then occurred to me as he snorted and pushed my hand away he was ticklish. I scrubbed his chest, pausing to wiggle my fingers against his side. He barked out a laugh and then cleared his throat.

  “I see you’re human after all,” I said. “You do have a weakness.”

  “Yes, but only one.”

  I moved on to his legs, working my way to his knee and foot. He jerked back when I tickled the arch.

  “Ahem,” he said. “I notice you skipped the most important parts.”

  I threw the rag at him, laughing when it flopped flat across his face and stayed there for a long moment before sinking into the water. “I think you mean the dirtiest parts. You can take care of your chin-chin.”

  He felt around for the cloth and finished washing himself. “That’s the children’s word. You must learn the adult words for man-sized parts.”

  “No, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to learn those.” I hoped to convey the sentiment that I doubted he was big enough for adult-sized words. If he couldn’t see my expression, my tone would communicate my meaning.

  “You wound me. If I hadn’t promised to not offend your virtue, I would gladly prove to you how man-sized these parts can be.”

  I snorted. “You are what my people call a flirt. Do you know what that is? It’s a man who likes to tease many women with words of romantic promises.”

  He reached behind me and dropped the cloth on the stone wall. “Does a flirt keep his promises?”

  “I don’t know. I avoid flirts.”

  “That is probably for the best. I think a flirt might break hearts.” He circled an arm around me and scooped me onto his lap. The water came to his neck and just below my collar bone. My first instinct was to slide off his lap and retreat, but he kept his arms firmly around my waist.

  “Sit here with me like this for a moment. I have given up the mental pleasures of memory exchange and physical pleasure of husbandly duties, but I would like to keep the companionship and joy you bring me. It has been a long time since I had a wife, permanent or temporary.” He loosened his hold on me so that his hand rested gently on my side. It would be easy to move away now. Certainly, that was what propriety demanded. Yet I felt no threat by the gesture as I would have with most others. Thus far, Nipa had been forthcoming with me.

  If anything, I thought I was the one far more likely to be tempted by this intimate gesture.

  “You will permit me to refuse you?” I asked.

  “Are you asking about sitting on my lap or something else? The answer to either question is yes.” He removed his hands from my waist. He leaned back against the stone and closed his eyes.

  I resisted the part of me that wanted to move away. I made myself focus on this moment and the warmth of the water. There was a comfort in being close to another human being again. Even Meriwether, with all his doting, rarely touched more than my hand or elbow, as if he was convinced I would break. I doubted he would ever take a bath with me even after we were married. The notion disappointed me. Again, I couldn’t imagine how we would marry.

  The torch flickered and dimmed.

  “Perhaps you would consider meeting my daughter in a few days,” Nipa said.

  The suddenness of his question surprised me as much as the fact that he had a child. “Yes, I would be honored. How old is she?”

  “Fourteen.”

  He was older than I’d realized if he had a teenage daughter. I tried to find the definition of age on his visage but it was too dark.

  We were silent for a time. I shifted, trying to subtly scoot to the edge of his knees. “Why haven’t you taken another wife? A headman like you, and one who knows how to flirt, surely would be approached by women.”

  He laughed. “You are so full of funny words. Yes, my position affords me many women who are interested. But no woman can bring me the joy my wife once did, so I have waited.” After a moment he sighed melodramatically. “That and I find it better to be free of a wife and simply perform wife-swap with every man who has a pretty wife who wanders this way.”

  I elbowed him. “I hope that’s a joke.”

  “The first half about the wife-swap is. Not the part about you being pretty.” He turned his face away, his smile embarrassed.

  For all his clever jokes, I wondered if he was covering for shyness. Or if he was shy around women. Meriwether was like that, though in a much more bumbling way.

  I slid toward the edge of his knees, but he scooped me closer again. “Stop squirming or else you will make my chin-chin man size.”

  I shook my head at his joke. His arms holding me close were more comforting than constraining. He rested his jaw against my shoulder. I closed my eyes, focusing on relaxing tension in my muscles. After a time, I wiped away the sweat building up on my forehead where it threatened to drip into my eyes. I don’t know how long I sat, but I realized I had dozed when my head nodded forward and I jerk
ed upright. I was unused to so much physical activity during the day, and it made me tired.

  “You are sleepy. It’s time for me to take you back to your room. I will wait as you dress yourself.” He held my elbow as I stood. I turned his chin away to look toward the wall. I appreciated the way he stayed looking that direction.

  My muscles were languid and my body relaxed as I climbed out of the tub. I was so warm, the slight chill felt nice. I dried myself and dressed in the blue attush. “I will wait at the door,” I said.

  The hall was cold and drafty. Goosebumps rose on my skin and I wrapped my arms around myself.

  When Nipa lifted the flap of hide to come out, a waft of warm air caressed my skin. I leaned in, savoring that bit of heat. He nearly collided with me coming out and laughed as he caught me from stumbling back.

  He placed my hand on his shoulder. “I think it’s best for you to follow me. I will walk slowly.”

  I followed him down hallways, up a set of stairs and down another set. The stone floor froze my feet, the cold sinking into my bones. In my room a fire blazed in the hearth. By that point my teeth chattered from the cold.

  It took but a moment to realize the lumpy shape on the floor before the hearth wasn’t my bedroll and blankets. Sumiko lay asleep next to my bed.

  Nipa walked me to my blanket. “I will—what do you gaiyojin call it?—tuck you in,” he said.

  I might ordinarily have refused, but I couldn’t imagine he would try anything now, after all the time we’d spent in the onsen—especially considering his sister slept in the room.

  I slipped under the warm furs. He swaddled the blanket around my feet and tucked it around my shoulders. I was relieved he didn’t grope—or pretend to accidentally grope like the old aristocrats at balls. I had long ago learned the hard way that an elbow to the face of an overly friendly dignitary was far more effective than a slap.