The Memory Thief

by Sarina Dorie

  “You’ve already been vaccinated. We were all vaccinated before we set out,” Charbonneau said coolly. “Now stand aside.” He tugged at the cuffs of his sleeves.

  I watched the exchange warily. When I had asked Mr. Foster if he had been Lord Klark’s spy, he had implied Lord Klark wouldn’t dare have merely one. He also had mentioned the captain secretly calling him.

  “Yeah, well, disease works both ways. If they can get our illnesses, we get theirs. And I would swear I’ve got some kind of pesky parasite from the way my bowels are stirring about.”

  “Good lord, save the details for a time a lady isn’t present,” Meriwether said. “Come here and I’ll test you.”

  I clenched a syringe in my hand, ready to stab Captain Ford with it should he try to turn the table over and destroy our means of providing health to the natives. Meriwether pricked his finger and ran it through the micro-analysis machine.

  “It isn’t such a bad idea to see if our bodies are tolerating their environment,” Meriwether said.

  “I did carry a disease here once—though I was quite unaware of it at the time,” I admitted. “Mr. Charbonneau, you shall be next.” I said. “Then I’ll test myself.”

  He held up his palms. “Me? No, I’m fine. Look, the first children are here for their vaccines.” He pointed to the children crowding in the door, too shy to come in.

  Captain Ford’s voice boomed over Charbonneau’s polite protests. “How can my test come back negative? I swear an Orion bowel worm has taken residence in my gut!”

  Meriwether whispered. “Consider a slight deviation to your diet and adding fiber to your next meal.”

  I held out my hand for Charbonneau. “It will take but a second.”

  “You may test me after the others. The children come first,” he said firmly.

  By now, most of the people had crowded into the hall, curious and wide-eyed. Nipa made a great show of being the first to be vaccinated to prove how safe the process was. People shifted uneasily. I didn’t think the distrust had been this great when I was a teenager. Then again, perhaps it had, and I had been blind to it.

  An old woman ushered an adolescent girl holding hands with a little boy to our makeshift counter.

  “Step right up,” the captain said. “See if they’ll give you a cure for worms up your arse. They wouldn’t for me.” He plopped down between Meriwether and me. I’d always assumed his obnoxious personality was due to strong drink. Now I wondered if it was simply innate to his character.

  Meriwether sighed in exasperation. I handed him an electronic clipboard. “Make yourself useful and take names.”

  He swiped his fingers across the screen, muttered curses under his breath, and then shoved it at Charbonneau. “You figure out how to use this thing. I’ll use the machine.”

  “You haven’t been trained,” Charbonneau said.

  He climbed over the table and scooted Charbonneau aside. “Aye, I have. I’m a ship’s captain. I’m trained in everything. Except data entry.”

  I nudged Meriwether with an elbow and nodded to the captain. Mr. Foster hadn’t been Lord Klark’s only spy. Surely the captain was in cahoots with Lord Klark. Meriwether waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “Oh, he won’t hurt anything as long as he doesn’t break the equipment.”

  I hated how trusting he was. He didn’t look up when I tried to catch his eye. He busied himself, completely oblivious to any danger that might occur.

  Charbonneau took down names, muttering the entire time that we shouldn’t let drunks play doctor.

  It took the better part of the day to test and vaccinate. Only two other people had the beginning symptoms of typhoid. Five had various forms of staphylococcus aureus. A little girl had a rash she kept itching. Four carried polio.

  “No worries. Many people are carriers without ever developing symptoms,” Meriwether said. “They might have even had this before we came here. We have more than enough antibiotics to go around.” Meriwether hummed to himself. I’d heard him humming the same song days ago. Only now did I recognize it as a lullaby my mother used to sing.

  A little boy sat down in front of me and held out his arm. I smiled reassuringly and set to work.

  The tests and inoculation were tedious and time consuming. I was relieved when the only other people in the room were a few old men soaking fish jerky in pots of water and old women cutting vegetables.

  “Is that it? We got them all?” Meriwether asked.

  Nipa stared out the window at the darkening sky. Even with his tanuki mask on, I could tell his brow was furrowed from the way his eyebrows bunched close over his eyes. “Most.”

  “Who’s left?” I asked.

  “My daughter and my geari wife. Tomorrow,” he said with finality. He nodded to me and left the room.

  “And myself and Charbonneau,” I said.

  “Hello, chinny, chin-chin man,” an old, toothless woman said to Meriwether. Ah, Grandmother Ami.

  Meriwether waved. “We’re done now. I can tell you another tale of my people if you want.”

  I waited for Charbonneau.

  He crossed his arms and stuck up his nose. “No. I’m anemic. I’ll bleed to death.”

  A bead of sweat trickled down his neck into his collar. With the windows open to let the smoke from the cooking fires out, the hall was a few degrees below balmy. Either he was feverish like Sumiko had been or he was nervous.

  I held out my hand. “You will let me test you. Now.”

  “C’mon, old chap. Be a man, eh?” Captain Ford slapped him on the back. “You can do it yourself if you like.” He pushed the machine toward Charbonneau.

  We all waited for him. He swallowed and pricked his finger. He looked into my eyes and I read the guilt there. He was a carrier and he knew it. I suspected what the data would say before the verdict came out.

  Captain Ford squinted over the other man’s shoulder. “It looks like you’re positive for typhoid, polio, staff-locoo cus au—”

  “Staphylococcus aureus,” Meriwether said. His face paled. “How can this be?”

  Charbonneau straightened his cravat. Enough of his sleeve fell back to reveal the rash I’d seen him scratching at earlier.

  Charbonneau ignored Meriwether. He locked eyes with the captain. “Lord Klark expects us to fulfill our duty to him. Failing is not an option. Are you with him or against him, captain?”

  “What? You can’t possibly mean my father would use you as biological warfare!” Meriwether protested.

  I glanced about for some manner of weapon. There were no sticks or spears. I eased my fingers around the heavy machine used for making vaccines, uncertain I would even be able to lift it from my seated position.

  Captain Ford spat. “You dirty son-of-skilamalink. I was hired to captain a starship and not to ask too many questions. All the diamonds in the galaxy wouldn’t convince me—”

  Charbonneau overturned the little table so fast it pushed Meriwether and me over backward. The vaccination machine landed on my chest and rolled off. It knocked the breath out of me and I lay stunned. Captain Ford dove for Charbonneau, but he ended up tackling a pot of jerky soaking in water instead. Charbonneau pushed the elderly aside and leapt over tables, stumbling and righting himself. He ran like a youth a fraction of his age. He had almost reached the door when Grandma Ami shuffled over to the upturned pot. She grabbed it by the handle and hurled it at Charbonneau. It arced through the air and came down in his head. The ring of it cracking against his skull sounded like a bell. He fell to his knees and he the swayed before hitting the ground.

  “Now chinny, chin-chin story?” Grandma Ami asked.

  After our party escorted Charbonneau to the brig of the ship, I was exhausted.

  I was impatient to see Taishi—Taishi Nipa. I paced my room and when he didn’t come, I went to his room. He was in the process of laying out our vaccines on the table. As usual, he wore his mask.

  “Are you going to make me wait all night for you?” I asked.

&nbs
p; He opened his arms and I went to him. One of the tusks tangled into my hair but I ignored it.

  “Tonight you will give me back the rest of my memories?” I asked.

  He slipped a hand inside my robe, smoothing his fingers over my hip. “That’s why you come to me so excited and insistent? You want memories, not my chin-chin?”

  I smacked his shoulder.

  He laughed and pulled off his headdress. “Do you wish me to give you your memories back now? I already gave you painful ones today. It will be even more difficult for you to experience those I hold because the reason you asked me to remove these memories in the first place was so you wouldn’t have to think about them. I never had intended to keep them this long. We will go slowly, to only start you with a few so it won’t drive you mad with sorrow as it once did.”

  I ran my fingers through his shorn hair. The prickle against my fingers was like touching memory moss. “I do want my memories back. I need them back.”

  He squeezed me closer. “You will be so sad, ne? I hate that I must be the one to do this. I hate that just when I have you back again, you will be taken away from me by this burden.”

  I nodded. “Perhaps then we could have one night as husband and wife before that?”

  He winked at me. “You are my very clever wife.”

  I kissed his nose. “And you are my very handsome husband.”

  He lifted me and carried me to his bed. He undressed me slowly, teasingly, drawing out each movement as though he were performing otemae, the art of serving tea. With every button unfastened, he planted a kiss on the corset and chemise beneath. The warmth of his breath penetrated through the layers of garments. I breathed more deeply when he unlaced my corset. He unfastened each hook and eye, his fingers brushing against my belly and breasts. I tugged at the ribbon on the collar holding my chemise closed to loosen it.

  Taishi teased his face across my cleavage. He cupped my breasts and rubbed a thumb over my nipples to make them stand erect. When I could stand it no more, I snared my fingers through his belt and pulled him closer to untie his attush.

  Grinning, he lifted the hem of my chemise and tugged it over my head. I felt no shame at our nakedness. If anything, I basked in the way admiration shone in his eyes.

  The warm glow of the fire danced over his features. There were moments I saw the boy in his eyes and in the plump shape of his lips. Other moments I saw the man I had come to know. I loved both. It was a blessing not to have to choose between the two.

  I reclined back. He dipped his head to kiss me. My heart sped up the way it had when I’d kissed him for the first time. Only these kisses weren’t stolen. He gave them eagerly now.

  I wrapped my legs around him. He kissed his way down my neck, over my collar bone and across my breasts. His hand slid down my hip and up my inner thigh. Each time he dared a little higher, brushing the hair between my legs with his fingers and stroking closer to my maidenhood.

  I savored every kiss, hungry for each one I had missed over the years. With the way time had passed, it was a wonder he’d been able to wait this long. He grazed his teeth against my ribs and made me shiver with a half-tickle, half-sensual touch that he apparently knew I enjoyed better than I did.

  I was as relaxed and comfortable as any lover having used memory moss when he brought his mouth down on my breast. I arched into him, the sheer pleasure of it nearly sending me over the edge. When he leaned in to kiss my face, I bit his lip. He pulled away, laughing like a young man again.

  From the way he kissed me full and deep, one would never have guessed this gesture to be a Jomon taboo. His fingers parted the folds of skin between my legs, the warmth wet and willing. I tilted my hips into his hand. I had no memory of him doing this before, but I was certain from the way he knew my body we must have. He slipped a finger inside me and I shuddered with pleasure.

  His smile was mischievous. “Who’s the better kisser? Me or Meriwether?”

  “You!” I groaned and pulled him toward me.

  “I thought you would say that.” He laughed and kissed me again. He leaned into me, his erection hard against me. “And who is the better lover?”

  “You know I haven’t been with him.” I yanked him closer by the front of his open robe and took hold of his erection.

  He moaned and sank closer. It was now his turn to shudder as I stroked him.

  “Tell me anyway. Tell me who’s the better lover.” He panted into my ear.

  “Probably Tomomi.”

  He lifted his head and bit my neck. I shrieked with laughter. He was laughing too. He rolled over onto his back and pulled me on top. I knew what I was meant to do. I hesitated, staring at his engorged penis. He and I had petted each other and touched in the jungle many times, mostly through our clothes, but I didn’t ever remember him looking this big.

  I eased myself onto his erection, slowly letting my body adjust to his width and length. I clenched around him and shuddered. There was such tenderness in his eyes as he gazed up at me, that I knew without doubt he loved me.

  I had the sense that at last I was home.

  I woke the next morning in my husband’s room, his arms snug around me. He nuzzled his face into my hair.

  “Good morning,” he mumbled against my neck. “I shall bathe and then get us some breakfast.”

  I wrapped the attush around myself again to relieve myself in the privy and brushed out the snarls in my hair in my room. If there was a morning I needed a washing it was this one, so I gave myself a quick cleanse in the women’s onsen.

  Of course, nothing was really quick with old women squabbling and demanding to know how many times my husband and I had each other the night before.

  “I think about ten,” I said.

  “No, really,” one of them said.

  “Maybe twenty. I lost count.” I went back to scrubbing, trying not to laugh at their awe-struck reactions. Of course, I was kidding, but they didn’t have to know that.

  Taishi Nipa was gone from his room when I returned. I served the tea, practicing the slow, elegant movements that looked like a dance of hands that he had performed in days past.

  He came back with a tray and set it down in front of us. “We were in luck. There were two ume ripe on the tree in my secret garden.” He kissed my cheek and commenced to cut apart the fruit.

  I noticed a movement behind one of the woven tapestries on the wall. I glanced at the fur that had been lifted from the window to air out the room. I felt no breeze. When I noticed the tapestry waft in an invisible wind, I said under my breath, “Someone is in here watching us.”

  Taishi glanced over his shoulder. “It’s only the wind.” He served me a portion of pickled root.

  Still feeling uneasy, I glanced at the hides of animal skins and tapestries woven with designs that resembled the patterns on my arms. When Taishi made a joke and I heard a giggle, I leapt to my feet and threw back the skins. My breath caught in my throat. A little blonde girl, looking to be twelve years of age stared up at me.

  Taishi scolded, “Michi, I told you to stay with your auntie. I said I would bring the visitor to you when I thought she was ready.”

  “I’m sorry, Papa.” She hung her head in shame. However much shame she felt, it wasn’t enough to keep her from speaking her mind. “It’s just that you’ve made me wait so long. I’ve been hearing about her my entire life.”

  I dropped to my knees, staring at the girl’s creamy complexion. Freckles dotted her upturned nose and her pouting lips were my sister’s. Faith had always been the more beautiful of the two of us, and this little girl was even more beautiful than she. I smoothed a hand over her silky hair. My heart seized in my chest. This wasn’t possible.

  Then I realized how a twelve-year-old might be possible. His daughter. His wife—his geari wife.

  I stood, breathing steadily to keep from crying. I glared at him for keeping this secret from me. Once again I had been deceived.

  Taishi eyed me warily. “Michi, go to your room,” he said.


  I held my anger in check long enough not to say something I would regret in front of this child.

  He toed the stone floor, not meeting my eyes. “Do you understand now? Do you know whose child this is?”

  My heart clenched as I said the words. “You married my sister after I left.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The people who only love once in their lives are really the shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.

  —Oscar Wilde, author of Lady Windemere’s Spaceship

  Betrayal cut through me like a chiramantep bear’s claws. “Faith is your other wife?”

  He flinched. “She is my geari wife. Do you have almost memories about the last time you saw her?”

  I shook my head, unable to think about memories for the moment. “All that talk about love and kissing and your exploits of being with a gaiyojin woman. You weren’t just speaking of me, but my sister?” I couldn’t keep the disgust from my voice. “Can you possibly understand what a taboo this is in my culture? You’ve lain with two sisters? She isn’t a day’s walk away either, is she? She’s here and you’re hiding her from me. Does she even know I’m here?”

  He frowned. “The star men have poisoned you with so much suspicion and heartache you cannot see the truth. I love you.” He reached out to hold me but I stepped back.

  “You will take me to see my sister this instant.”

  He reached for the box of memory moss. “Let me share with you what happened first.”

  “No, I don’t want any more of your sharing until I’ve spoken to Faith. Take me to see her.”

  It was a long walk down the pathways where he led me. Though he wore his mask and kept his mouth expressionless, misery hung on his frame like a heavy cloak, weighing him down. People called out to us and he nodded, but said nothing.

  When he pulled back the hide to a room of women and children, the room silenced. “Everyone out. Felicity-chan wishes to see her sister,” he said.