The Memory Thief

by Sarina Dorie

  “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lady Petunia Jefferson, wife of the newly elected president of the United Worlds, chair of the alien suffrage movement, and mother of the late Clementine Jefferson.”

  There was a pause. I realized she waited for us to say something. Faith bowed her head in the Jomon style. “It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Faith Earnshaw and this is my sister, Felicity Earnshaw.”

  Another pause. I thought maybe she wanted us to say more. I forgot about the slight delay as the message bounced through hyperspeed points. We all started speaking at once. With the delay in speech, it only made matters worse.

  “You first,” she said.

  “No, you.”

  “Very well.” Lady Jefferson said. “I would like to first explain that I pursued contact with you at an earlier date, but it had been made known to my husband and myself that Faith and Clementine were deceased. I was told by Lord Klark that you, Felicity, wanted nothing to do with us for, well, ahem, to put it bluntly, for disowning your mother. In fact, on the occasions that I did send messages, letters and gifts, they were never acknowledged.”

  Another pause.

  “Nor were they received,” I added.

  She nodded. “In light of the facts I now possess, this makes more sense. I queried Lord Klark many times about your health and if you would see me, but he explained how fragile and traumatized you were, what with the ordeals you went through on the planet, being attacked by men he said were posing as natives. He was kind enough to show me photos and even videos of you and . . . I must profess you did appear sullen and in quite a depression. He assured me that with time, he was certain you would want to see us. In fact, he even scheduled a date I was to come visit, but you took ill—or so he said—and then he scheduled another, and he had that emergency business trip.” Her lips pressed into a thin line, making her as formidable as Shoko Nipa. “You can quite imagine my displeasure with the man.”

  I nodded.

  Pause.

  I bowed my head, then stopped myself from executing the Jomon gestured I’d grown so accustomed to and made myself sit up. “Pardon my forwardness in asking, but I must inquire about the political status of the planet. I don’t know what Lord Klark will do once he finds out that I have contacted—”

  She waved me off dismissively. “Yes, yes, your grandfather is seeing to that. He has the fastest ships in the fleet on the way to set up borders in space around the planet. What I would like to know is when we can visit? I would like to see my granddaughters.”

  I smiled, “And a great-granddaughter.”

  Her expression didn’t change.

  When she did receive my words through the delay, it was clear by her wide eyes. She tipped out of view of the screen and there was a thud. A lady’s maid came rushing over.

  She must have fainted. That did tend to be a side effect of properly fitted corsets.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

  ―George Washington, former president of the United Worlds of America

  Taishi kneeled before me and held my face in his hands. “What memory should I give you first?” He covered my face in kisses, his every touch tender and loving.

  I felt content and happy. I didn’t want this moment to end, but I knew it was time for my memories. I couldn’t let Taishi keep carrying his burden and my own.

  “I want to see my daughter’s birth. I want to understand what happened that last time I saw you.”

  “Very well.”

  I untied my robe and reclined on the bed of furs. He planted a final kiss on my lips before placing his hands on my chest just below the collar bone. I emptied my mind and allowed the darkness to close in on me.

  I stretched up to reach a banana berry in a high branch and felt a warm wetness between my thighs. Liquid poured out of me. I stared in confused embarrassment. Faith’s eyes were round with shock. Surely she thought I had lost control of my bladder. Indeed, I thought I had as well. She giggled in nervousness, her scabs stretching tight over her mouth and eyes. With half of her face in bandages and what was exposed crusted and dark, it was hard not to see her appearance as monstrous. Even now, in my strange predicament, I couldn’t stop being aware of her face and how I hated myself for being the one to have caused it. The two of us stood there, not knowing what to say or think, when the first stab of pain doubled me over.

  The second lance of pain was intolerable.

  “I think you’re having the baby,” Faith said.

  Somehow I managed sarcasm. “No. Do you think?”

  She helped me to my feet. We made it halfway to the hut when another pain came. Every minute the contractions left me panting and crying. My sister left me and fetched Taishi. I tried my best to be quiet so as not to draw the attention of animals or men, but the pain was unlike anything I’d ever felt.

  I didn’t even notice when they returned and busied themselves with herbs. I only knew something had changed when Taishi applied the memory moss between my legs and the pain lessened. After hours of labor, though, even that couldn’t help. I screamed and said bad words that my father had told me good young ladies didn’t repeat. I cursed myself and the baby, and babbled about how I thought I was dying. All the while, I focused on my sister’s deformed face, thinking how I’d created a monster. My pretty little sister was ruined because of me. What else would I ruin?

  At one point I was aware she held a knife and she kept sobbing. I thought she meant to kill me. I hoped she would kill me to put me out of my misery. After all I’d done, I was convinced I deserved to die.

  I was delirious with pain for what felt like an eternity, and then it was over. I fell back in an exhausted heap. Faith washed the baby and made cooing noises at her. She kept talking to me but I didn’t listen.

  My sister tried to hand me my baby, but my arms were too tired to move. She helped me hold my little girl, positioning my hands where she thought I should support the baby’s head. The baby was beautiful and healthy. She had the shape of Taishi’s eyes and lips and my chin and nose. Yet I felt no joy in looking at her. I only felt despair. What good was it to bring a child into this hostile world? How could I keep her alive when I didn’t know if I could even keep myself alive? I hated myself for every moment I didn’t fix what I’d brought upon Taishi’s world.

  I shoved the baby toward Taishi, wincing at the pain of moving. “I should have taken the medicine the wise woman gave me to get rid of her when she was still in my womb.”

  Taishi cradled the baby against his chest. He shook his head at me. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re in pain. You—”

  “I don’t want this baby. I can’t take care of her!” I began to sob.

  “You need to stop. You’re making the bleeding worse,” Faith said. She unfolded a clean cloth and held it between my legs.

  Taishi handed the baby to Faith. He stroked my hair and kissed my face but I turned away. My black mood grew worse over the next few days. Between the depression and the infection that set in, I was inconsolable.

  “Let me die,” I said. I already felt like I was dying.

  Faith pressed a damp cloth to my forehead but it was warm like the air around me.

  Taishi took my hand. “Let me take your pain away.”

  I shook my head. “You can only take away the past. You can’t take the present away.”

  A moment passed before he turned me toward him. He applied a paste to my fingers. I was too tired to resist.

  He pressed my hands to his chest. I closed my eyes and slipped into nothingness. For a few seconds I felt peace as I pushed away all the hopelessness. I relived the birthing of my daughter, the hours of the painful delivery, the constant mantra of self-defeat I told myself I was destined to follow. I went back further to the next painful memory and the next. I gave him my sister’s accident, every time I had gazed upon her and felt pity for her and self-loat
hing. Taishi’s love radiated before me, sopping up all my sorrow and mistakes. He drank my past away and my black moods slipped into him.

  Even when his mind was full and he could stand no more, I kept giving and he continued accepting. With every memory that I released, the load on my heart lightened. At last I relaxed and knew peace.

  The empty black world opened and I was once again myself in the stone, Tanukijin palace. I blinked. My limbs felt heavy but not relaxed. The weight pressing on my chest made it difficult to breathe. My heart ached so strongly I thought I must have been physically injured. I placed a hand on my chest to make sure I was really whole.

  Taishi Nipa squeezed me to him and I melted into his embrace. My skin was slick with sweat and chilled me in the night air. The oily salve of the memory moss rubbed off on Taishi as I hugged him. Somehow I got it on my cheek. He wiped it off with a finger.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, choking on the words. “I shouldn’t have pushed all that on you.” Tears spilled down from my eyes. I couldn’t believe I had blamed him. How could I have thought he would do something to hurt me? His every action had been out of love, and I had reacted with suspicion. He must have experienced such disappointment upon my return. Such heartbreak.

  I pressed my face against his chest and cried. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I shouldn’t have said yes to more than I could stand.” He kissed my nose. “What’s done is done. The important thing is we have each other again.”

  I nodded and kept hugging him. I didn’t want to let him go now that I had him.

  “There’s more memories left,” I said. “More sad ones.”

  “Yes, but I don’t need to give them all to you at once. Little by little. Let me give you one of your happy memories now.” He reached across me and applied green paste to his hand and held it against my back.

  My skin prickled with fire and ice. Warmth spread into my muscles and down my spine. I closed my eyes. Already I could spell the perfume of midori melon and sakura blossoms. The air was warm and humid, but my world was dark. Soft yielding lips planted kisses against mine.

  I was certain what kind of happy memory this would be.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The highest compact we can make with our fellow is: Let there be truth between us two for evermore.

  –Ralph Waldo Emerson, Earth Colony VI

  After a celebratory day that included feasting, dancing and play fighting, Taishi Nipa donned his tanuki mask and sat before the assembly of his people. I sat in the front row with Captain Ford and Meriwether. I would have liked for my sister and daughter to sit with me, but they sat with Sumiko to Taishi’s left. The elders insisted on the formality.

  One of the elders announced, “It is now time to determine the results of the wife-swap. Nipa, do you wish to establish trade with Meriwether-san?”

  Taishi bowed. “Based on the information I was given by my temporary wife, I would say that Meriwether Nipa’s intentions are honorable and respectable.” He emphasized the word for leader, which indicated he considered Meriwether an equal. “With his gifts and goodwill he paid my tribe with many favors in which we are indebted to him. We would consider bartering with his people in the future and will welcome him back again.”

  I translated.

  The elder asked, “Does Meriwether Nipa still wish to pursue trade with the Tanukijin and from there, the remaining Jomonjin tribes of the planet?”

  Meriwether did his best at a bow while cross-legged, a slightly ungraceful if well-meant gesture. “If our presence doesn’t disrupt the culture of the Tanukijin, my people would be honored to continue peaceful relations. We would like to return to our ship and offer more goods and services at a future date.”

  Taishi Nipa nodded in approval after I had translated.

  A hint of mischief showed in the old man’s eyes. “Now that the business of the wife-swap is complete, we come to the matter of the wives themselves, no? Have you anything to say about this Nipa?”

  “As great a loss as it would be to lose my present wife—” At Taishi’s words, Tomomi came forth and stood beside Taishi. “I must concede that I would prefer the company of Felicity of the Stars as my wife for the rest of my days.” He stood and held a hand out to me. “It would make me the happiest man in my province if she would come forth and accept me as her husband.”

  My heart soared at his words. I felt like a girl hearing him profess his love for me for the first time again.

  I started to rise, but Meriwether grabbed my arm. “What did he say?”

  “He has formally asked me to be his wife.”

  “Oh, I see. It wasn’t anything about making her my permanent wife?” He nodded to the bodyguard.

  Taishi stifled a laugh. Tomomi’s blue lip twitched.

  I squeezed Meriwether’s hand. “No, his words were only about me. I’m sorry, Meriwether. I know that—”

  “Go to him,” he said. “This is where you belong.” His smile was full of sincere warmth.

  I walked to the front of the room and took Taishi’s outstretched hand. More than anything I wanted to kiss him, but I knew it would not do in front of this crowd when such an act was unheard of.

  The elder bowed. “Tomomi Sensei, wife of our great leader, what do you say to the matter of a permanent marriage to Meriwether Nipa?”

  Tomomi nodded. The crowd gave in to giggles.

  Meriwether’s eyes narrowed. “What? What did they just say?”

  I was laughing too hard myself to translate.

  He shook his head ferociously. This only made people laugh louder. Meriwether crossed his arms. “I will not be given a woman who was not mine to have in the first place. I know she is not Nipa’s true wife, nor a blood relative, and for that reason, the transaction is void. The exchange was meant to give one of equal value to the one who was taken from me.”

  Taishi Nipa looked from me to him.

  “I know you can understand me. Don’t pretend you can’t,” Meriwether said.

  I translated for the benefit of the crowd. Some people laughed. The elderly nodded appreciatively.

  “Clever,” Sumiko said with approval.

  Meriwether sat up taller. “If Taishi Nipa is to have my intended wife, then it is only fair that I should be allowed his geari wife for a period of one fortnight. If I determine her to be to my liking and I am to hers, then I might agree to a permanent wife-swap.” He smiled in triumph.

  I translated. All eyes turned to Faith.

  “What say you to this?” the elder inquired.

  Faith stood, tall and proud as any queen. Meriwether rose. His eyebrows arched high in hope.

  She stopped before Meriwether. Her hair fell back from her face and she made no move to hide herself from him. She spoke in English. “You would promise to love me? All of me?”

  He took her hand and nodded.

  She lifted her chin higher, a stubborn determination crossing her aspect that I well recognized from our youth. “I will not consent to be any man’s temporary wife. I find the tradition of tsuma no kokan to be detestable and scandalous.”

  Meriwether dropped to one knee. “What about my permanent wife? Do you think you could find it in your heart to condescend to loving me?”

  She laughed and nodded. “There would be no condescending. I am quite sure I have fallen in love with you already.”

  My heart warmed at the idea that two people who I cared about dearly would come to esteem each other so highly. They both deserved someone who would love them.

  Meriwether stood. “And you would be willing to leave your home to come with me?” He held her hand to his heart.

  What? I had only just been reunited with my sister. I hated the idea that she should be taken from me so soon. Faith looked from me to him, as if to ask for permission. I pushed down the tears and nodded to her. She smiled, her face glowing with radiance.

  She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. The nearest Jomon moved back. Children squealed and covered thei
r eyes. Adults shook their head.

  “She eats man flesh!” one woman cried out.

  Faith had finally found her white knight who would love her unconditionally, and Meriwether had found his exotic heiress who would appreciate being rescued. My heart was near to bursting with happiness for them both.

  Taishi Nipa waved at the musicians and they played a rowdy tune that incited laughing and dancing. Taishi tugged me toward the wall. He pushed aside a woven tapestry of geometric designs much like those that covered my arms. On the other side he kissed me.

  “And you, my Felicity of the Stars?” he asked. “Will you condescend to love me?”

  I nodded. “I loved you when we were young, I loved you across the galaxy and I fell in love with you again, not even knowing it was you. More than anything, I wish to be with you for the rest of my days.” I smoothed a hand over his square jaw. “Though, I hope you won’t mind a compromise on the inclusion of electricity, plumbing, my frilly bed covers, and a comm unit to make intergalactic calls.”

  “I am willing to make any compromise you request.” He made a face. “Only . . . you are in jest when you speak of those unnatural bed covers, no?”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted kisses along his jaw. “And if another tribe comes who wishes to enact tsuma no kokan, will you consent to trade your wife for a fortnight?” I teased.

  “It always must be consensual with the wives.” His expression turned serious. “I suspect Tomomi will not mind, ne?”

  I tilted back my head laughing. He dropped his mask to the floor. There was no memory moss involved, but my entire body tingled as he kissed me again.

  The End

  Afterward

  The ideas in the Memory Thief series were percolating in my head for years before I got around to writing the novel. I have always been fascinated by foreign cultures and was inspired by my Freshman science teacher, Mr. Tebor, who served in the Peace Corps. I wasn’t able to study abroad while in high school or college, and I knew I didn’t have any valuable skills to offer the Peace Corps since I graduated with a BFA in illustration, so I pursued the dream to go abroad by teaching English in South Korea and then later in Japan. Because I am originally from the Portland, Oregon area and Sapporo is Portland’s sister city, it was a logical location to apply for a teaching job. Plus, I had a friend already in the JET Program in a city nearby. It felt a little less scary to go to the island of Hokkaido where there was someone I knew. I didn’t know much about Japan, aside from pop culture, but I had heard of Sapporo’s snow festival years before when I had a teacher in college who had participated and gave a presentation on it. I soon learned that while Hokkaido was temperate like Oregon from May to September, the rest of the year it snowed. And snowed.