Tastes Like Chicken

by Lolita Files

  He waited until nightfall and the dogs were tired. They slept in fits, he discovered, like human babies. They would play very hard for a solid thirty minutes, then sleep for two hours. After their last burst of energy—around ten-thirty—he put the dozing bundles of hair into a box with holes cut in it and a big red bow tied on top. He loaded up the baby pen, chew toys, and dog chow.

  He drove with caution down Sepulveda, not wanting to wake the dogs. The wipers were on “slow intermittent” to minimize the noise. The rain wasn’t heavy enough to warrant the wipers to begin with.

  He pulled past the house, looking for a sign of the car. He got out and ran over to the tree he had hidden behind the night before.

  Black was deep in the driveway. He could see one light in the main house, but no lights seemed to be on in the back house. He imagined she was in bed asleep, still adjusting to the time change. At least, he hoped that’s what she was doing.

  He opened the back door of the truck and lifted out the box. He tiptoed across the street, past the front house, down the side driveway. The puppies didn’t stir. He sat the box on Reesy’s front step. A part of the roof jutted out over the box, protecting the dogs from the rain.

  He rushed back to the truck and grabbed the other items. He deposited them beside the box and dashed away. He had almost made it when he heard the sound of barking. It wasn’t coming from the puppies. It came from the main house.

  “Shit,” he said, bolting for the Explorer. “That’s gonna wake the dogs up for sure.”

  He already expected them to be up soon. That was a part of the plan. They would whine, yip, and scratch at the box, and Reesy would hear it and come to the door. The barking dog altered his plan somewhat. He figured it best to get out of there before Reesy saw him and nothing ended up going as it should.

  Reesy had the covers pulled over her head when her phone rang. It rang three times before it registered. She reached her arm from beneath the covers and picked it up before it could roll over to voice mail.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi…Reesy? It’s Kent.”

  “Kent who?” she asked, her voice muffled by the comforter over her head. She was borderline delirious. She had joined a nearby gym and was exhausted from the workout. She did two classes, one at the insistence of a black girl named Rhiannon that Rowena introduced her to.

  Rhiannon lived in Lawndale and went to the same gym. She insisted Reesy try the kickboxing class. She did and loved it. Rhiannon helped her get through some of the moves and keep up with the teacher.

  When Reesy got home, she hit the bed within minutes of showering and was asleep by nine o’clock. It seemed like midnight to her. She was still operating on New York time.

  “It’s your landlord, Reesy.”

  “Oh. Shit. My bad.” She sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes.

  “What’s up, Kent? Is everything okay?”

  “Uh…well…”

  Reesy could hear yipping.

  “What’s that noise?”

  “Could you come to your front door?”

  “Sure,” she said. She hung up the phone.

  Reesy was in her pink fleece pajamas. The ones with the feet enclosed. Kent would get a kick out of that, she figured.

  “So what?” she said, scratching her fleecy ass as she made her way to the living room. She flipped on a light and went to the front door.

  She opened it and a cold burst of wet air rushed in. Kent was standing on the front step in a raincoat, holding a box wrapped in a big bow with something scratching inside.

  “Meg wouldn’t stop barking, and then they started in. I’m surprised all the noise didn’t bother you.”

  “Who is ‘they’?”

  “This box, and all this other stuff,” he pointed at the dog chow, baby pen, etcetera, “was sitting at your door.”

  Reesy stuck her head out and looked. There was a big bag of something and a folded object, but it was too dark and rainy for her to make them out.

  Perhaps, she thought, this was a gift from Judy, the woman who had referred her to the Sommers. Or maybe from Misty. She had sent both of them gift baskets. But what was it, she wondered, a boxful of hamsters?

  “I’m assuming you weren’t expecting this,” Kent said.

  “Not at all. I’m sorry for the disturbance.”

  He handed her the box.

  “No problem,” he said.

  He brought the things from the porch inside while she took the box over to the couch. She set it on the floor beside her. The yipping wasn’t as bad but the scratching was frantic.

  She noticed the card attached with her name, now smeared from the rain.

  She tore the envelope open.

  Kent was standing in the doorway.

  “Sounds like whatever’s in that box is itching to get out.”

  “I’m sorry about this disturbing you.”

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I’m just a little concerned. Were you planning on having pets?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it.”

  Kent gave a pensive nod.

  “Am I allowed to have one?”

  “Yeah…well…it’s okay if it’s small. I just don’t want anything that’s going to destroy the house or the yard.”

  “I promise I won’t let that happen,” she said, hoping she was telling the truth.

  Kent nodded.

  “Alright,” he said. “It’s late. Why don’t we just take it as it goes.”

  “Thanks, Kent. I appreciate it.”

  The critters kept yipping and scratching.

  “Think you can take it from here?” he said.

  “Yeah, I got it. Thanks for coming over and, again, I’m really sorry about the noise.”

  “No problem,” he said. “I’m up front if you need me.” He was almost out the door. “By the way, that outfit is cute. It looks pretty warm. I’d like to get one for Barbara.”

  “It was a gift,” she said.

  “Seems that people like giving you things,” said Kent.

  Whatever was in the box was threatening to claw its way out.

  “Looks that way, doesn’t it?” Reesy replied.

  The card was from Dandre. She hadn’t paid attention to the other stuff Kent had brought inside, but the frenzied scratching was enough to make her believe what was in the box was a manic kitten, or a cat.

  I hope you love them an eighth as much as I love you, which is too infinite to measure, the card said.

  “Oh brother,” said Reesy. She finished reading it.

  Please, please forgive me. Your lover for life, Dandre.

  She flung the card to the floor.

  “I can’t believe Misty gave him my address. I’ll deal with her in the morning.”

  She undid the bow and pried open the top. The three things looked up at her, leaping and yipping in unison.

  Cats. He had given her cats.

  Great, she thought, as if the foiled wedding and miscarriage weren’t enough to cement her fate of being alone forever. Now she’d have a houseful of cats to seal the deal.

  The black and tan one reached its paws out for her. It was too irresistible for her not to pick the thing up. She looked at the tag on its collar.

  “Peanut,” she said. “Okay, that’s cute.”

  She put Peanut in her lap and reached for another. She studied its tag.

  “Dante. Ohhhhhkay.”

  It didn’t take much for her to figure out the origin of that.

  She put Dante on the floor. He rubbed against her leg and lay down, resting his head on her foot.

  “Oh, how sweet,” she said. “What a sweet, sweet boy kitty.”

  The last one jumped out of the box before she could pull it out. It made a mad dash around the room, then raced over to Dante and pushed him off her foot.

  “Goodness,” she said. “And who the hell are you?”

  She grabbed it and brought it close to her face.

  “Harlem. I guess you’re a girl.” She shook her head. “
This is ridiculous.”

  Harlem stuck her tongue out, trying to lick Reesy’s face. Reesy put her back down on the floor and Harlem took off. She stopped by the dining table and let go a puddle.

  “Oh my gosh. Now I gotta deal with this.”

  She picked up Dante and Peanut, then stood and went over to Harlem. She scooped her up and led them over to the side door that led from the kitchen to the garden path and backyard. She positioned all three critters so that they were under one arm, unlocked the door, and pulled. She pulled again. The door was swollen from the rain. Dante, Peanut, and Harlem squirmed under her arm.

  She set the animals on the floor, grabbed the knob with both hands, kicked it, and pulled. It popped open, a thin mist of rain coming in with it. She turned around for the trio, but they’d all scattered. The kitchen was empty except for her.

  She pushed the door so that just a crack was open and ran into the living room. Dante was on the floor rolling on his back and Harlem was doing her best to rip a hole in a pillow. Peanut sat on the couch with her paw on the television remote.

  Reesy rounded them up and went back to the kitchen. She shoved them all out.

  “Go take care of your business,” she said. “And hurry up…it’s cold and it’s wet.”

  Dante, Harlem, and Peanut sat on the back doorstep, staring at her.

  “Go,” she said. “Git. Go pee.”

  They sat there, getting soaked by the rain.

  “Oh brother,” she said, scooping them up. She kicked the back door closed and gave it an extra shove with her foot. She fastened the lock.

  “If you guys mess up this house, it’s on.”

  Dante and Harlem licked her arms. Peanut cocked her head.

  She walked into the living room, over to the things Kent had brought inside. She saw the baby pen.

  “Aha. Here’s your bed.”

  She wanted to sit them down, but was afraid they’d all disperse again. Reesy thought for a moment, then walked back into the kitchen. She sat them on the floor.

  “Wait in here,” she said. They charged at her, but she closed the kitchen door before they could get through.

  “Damn.”

  She went over to the baby pen and grabbed it. She carried it into her bedroom and unfolded it, snapping the hinges into place. She put it near her bed so that she could look down into it.

  “I can’t believe him. Giving me a damn herd of cats.”

  Reesy wondered how he’d got them there. For the first time, the thought entered her mind that Dandre might be somewhere near.

  “Tomorrow,” she said. “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

  Dandre wondered how Reesy was reacting to the dogs. He lay in bed smiling at the thought of her discovering them. He realized that he’d forgotten to give her the folder with all their paperwork—their descriptions, ages, dates of birth, parentage, and medical information. All the puppies had been given their primary shots, but they’d be due for new ones in a few months.

  They’d be back together by then, he thought. He’d handle all that. She’d still need the paperwork.

  He figured he’d get up very early and leave it at her front door. It was too risky to go back now. Reesy might still be up, getting acquainted with her new little brood.

  The cats were barking.

  Reesy threw the covers back and flipped on the light. She was beat. She hadn’t had more than two consecutive hours of sleep since she’d come home from the gym.

  She looked down into the pen. Harlem and Dante were looking up at her, making barking sounds.

  “Ssssh,” she said. “Stop it. Cats don’t bark.”

  The black one was ghost. Reesy hung over the edge of the bed and looked beneath it. The varmint was sleeping on the floor.

  Let her stay there, she thought, I’ll get her in the morning.

  She turned off the light, pulled the covers over her head, and went back to sleep.

  When she awoke the next morning, Peanut was curled on top of her stomach. Dante and Harlem were in the pen, looking up at her with white-toothed grins. They stretched and made yawning sounds as they watched her get up. Peanut sat on the bed gazing down at the other two as though she weren’t one of them.

  “I know you guys need to go to the bathroom by now,” Reesy said.

  She grabbed Peanut under her arm and walked into the living room. She went to the window.

  “It’s still raining. Sheesh. This is like being in Florida.”

  The critter cocked its head at her.

  Reesy opened the front door and stood on the step. The air was chill and everything in the outside world was soaked.

  She was about to go back inside when she noticed a big white envelope by the side of the door. She reached down and picked it up. The words DOG PAPERS were written on the outside. She looked at Peanut.

  “Y’all are dogs?”

  Peanut yipped.

  Reesy went inside and shut the door. She sat the puppy on the floor. Peanut scampered off to the bedroom to join the other two.

  “That muthafucka gave me three dogs,” Reesy said, still standing in the living room. “I can’t believe that muthafucka gave me three dogs.”

  PART 3

  Fuct

  Sex and the Titty

  “I swear I didn’t give him your information,” Misty said. “I had it written on a notepad. Rick must have gotten it, although I thought we agreed we’d both stay out of it.”

  “Is he in California?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t even know he had your address until five minutes ago when you told me about the dogs.”

  Reesy ran her hand across her cropped hair.

  “You need to check your husband,” she said. “You guys don’t seem to understand each other when it comes to making agreements. Give him something else to stick his nose into besides my business. You tell him you’re pregnant yet?”

  “No.”

  “Any idea when you plan on doing that?”

  “No.”

  “Umph,” said Reesy. She heard a rough chewing sound. She turned around. Harlem was eating a hole into the hardwood floor. “What the fuck kinds of devil dogs are these?” she screamed. “What was he thinking, giving me a pack of wild animals? I was lucky I talked my landlord into letting me keep all three. He’s gonna kill me when he sees the floor.”

  She ran over to the dog and put her in the baby pen, which she had moved into the living room since it was no longer night. Peanut was sitting on the sofa watching The Young and The Restless. Dante was by Reesy’s feet.

  “This is ridiculous,” she said, sitting down on the couch.

  “They’re not housebroken, they’re eating up the fucking wood. He just dropped the damn things off and left me with something that I really don’t need.”

  “So call him and tell him to take them back.”

  Reesy rubbed Dante’s back with her big toe. He leaned his head against her leg.

  “Well…they’re kinda cute.”

  “Then call him and thank him,” said Misty.

  “How about I not call him at all?”

  “Reesy, those pictures were old. He told me that and so did Rick.”

  “And, of course, men don’t lie or protect each other.”

  “You know he wasn’t lying,” Misty said. “He was with you every night. If you’re scared, just say you’re scared. We both know that’s why you’re running. But don’t put something on Dandre that you know isn’t true. Don’t pretend he’s still a player. You know he loves you.”

  “I didn’t call you for a lecture.”

  Her phone beeped.

  “That’s probably Rhiannon,” Reesy said.

  “Rhiannon? Like the song?”

  “Yeah,” Reesy said with a laugh. “Like the song.”

  “Who is she?”

  “A girl I met at the gym. We’re supposed to hang out today.”

  “Is she black?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She is?” Misty asked with dis
belief.

  “Hold on.”

  Reesy clicked over.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.”

  Both ends of the line were silent.

  “So do you like them?” Dandre asked after the moment of surprise had passed.

  Reesy let out a deep breath.

  “Why can’t you just let me be?”

  “Because I love you. I’m sorry about everything that happened. I don’t want to lose you. I’m not going to lose you.”

  “Dandre, I’m not ready to talk to you just now.”

  “So when will you be ready?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe never.”

  “Reesy, I’m in Califor—”

  “I’ve got Misty on the other line. I gotta go.”

  She clicked over.

  “So was that your girl?”

  “Shit.”

  “What’s wrong?” asked Misty.

  “The muthafucka’s here.”

  Reesy put the puppies in the baby pen and laid two folding chairs across the top. She figured that would keep Peanut from getting out.

  She went by Rhiannon’s apartment in Lawndale. It was a roomy two-bedroom job with underground parking. Rhiannon’s walls were covered with various head shots of herself, blown up and framed. The place looked like a gallery. Rhiannon was a beautiful girl who was quite photogenic.

  “So have you booked much work?” Reesy asked as she walked around Rhiannon’s place.

  “Yep, I have. My agent’s pretty good. I was an extra on The Jamie Foxx Show, and I had a speaking part on an episode of Seinfeld one time.”

  “Really?” Reesy said, turning to look at her. “What’d you say?”

  Rhiannon put on her game face as if she were on the Seinfeld set. She positioned her shoulders and flashed her pearly whites.

  “Coffee?”

  Reesy waited, but there was nothing more.

  The girl broke character and grinned. “That was good, huh?”

  “Superb,” Reesy said.

  “Yep. I thought so too. I’ve got a callback tomorrow for this movie I auditioned for. I hope I get it. It’s got Taye Diggs and Richard T. Jones in it. Don’t you think he’s cute? I think he’s really fuckable.”