by Sam Akande
“We are also calling on the Le-Croff Assembly to institute a public inquiry into the handling of the investigation, that the Acting Mayor and Le-Croff police are complicit in the investigation.
“The Acting Mayor should discern that he is the custodian of Le-Croff. Using the Office of Mayor for political vendetta is an abuse of power.
“Ricor Marsh is still bitter that the Unified Alliance backed Frank Kaars at the party’s primaries.
“Mister Marsh, bitterness contaminates the heart.
“Ricor’s remissness is because he’s power hungry.
“Great Patriots and their leader Jasper Jabari have spewed hate and incited violence against Mayor Kaars. Why are these terrorists not being quizzed by the police?
“Unified Alliance is perturbed by the fragility of our region.
“I will take your questions.”
Jiffra Alonuel:I’m Jiffra Alonuel from the Le-Croff Standard. You said Ricor Marsh is using his office for political vendetta. Aren’t you carrying out a vendetta against Mister Marsh?
Chanley Kuplor:I’m not the Acting Mayor of Le-Croff. I don’t have the resources to steamroll anyone in this region.
Jiffra Alonuel:Mister Marsh has referred to the Unified Alliance as a virus within the party. Are you frantic that the faction will be disbanded under Ricor Marsh?
Chanley Kuplor:Unified Alliance is the spine of the Democratic Advancement Party.
Ted Vuun:I’m Ted Vuun from the Island Observer. [probing] The prime minister was attacked by a member of the Unified Alliance. You haven’t denounced the attack, so was he acting collectively?
Chanley Kuplor:He wasn’t acting collectively but the prime minister has vilified Frank Kaars hitherto.
Ted Vuun:So you are justifying the attack on the prime minister.
Chanley Kuplor:The Unified Alliance is against the attack on the prime minister.
Ted Vuun:[probing further] Why was it omitted in your statement?
Chanley Kuplor:[to the reporter] The prime minister wasn’t hurt, was she?
Ted Vuun:Aren’t you bothered she could have been maimed?
Chanley Kuplor:The prime minister has the Secret Service protecting her, even a fly can’t get close to her.
Ted Vuun:You are making light of something that could have been consequential to the country.
Chanley Kuplor:[berating the reporter] Hand the mic to someone else.
Hassie Olirt:I’m Hassie Olirt from Le-Croff Mail. A public inquiry might impede ongoing investigations. Shouldn’t we allow the police to crack on with it?
Chanley Kuplor:A public inquiry won’t impede anything, it will hasten it.
Hassie Olirt:[prodding] Don’t you calibrate accusing the acting mayor and the police of complicity as McCarthyism?
Chanley Kuplor:It’s not McCarthyism. The acting mayor and Le-Croff police have been complicit.
Hassie Olirt:Chanley, does Le-Croff need an update on the investigation?
Chanley Kuplor:Our mayor has been abducted. We should be updated.
Ella Jones:I’m Ella Jones from TV Six. Still on your call for a public inquiry, there’s a history of discord between Ricor Marsh and your faction of the Democratic Advancement Party. So, politically driven?
Chanley Kuplor:I won’t dare play politics with the life of a man.
Ella Jones:[probing] You pilloried the acting mayor for being bitter and jealous of Frank Kaars. Isn’t that going to cause a rift in your party?
Chanley Kuplor:There won’t be any rift. The Democratic Advancement Party is a very united party.
Ella Jones:The acting mayor’s admirers would be disgruntled by your utterance.
Chanley Kuplor:Ricor Marsh has no admirers because he has let the party down.
Bella Shulor:I’m Bella Shulor from Island News. You said Unified Alliance is the spine of the party. Does that mean you have an upper hand in the party?
Chanley Kuplor:The Unified Alliance doesn’t have an upper hand. Everyone is vital to the party.
Bella Shulor:If everyone is vital, why is it that only those endorsed by the Unified Alliance are designees?
Chanley Kuplor:Unified Alliance has been crucial to the success of the party.
Bella Shulor:The Democratic Advancement Party has been unsuccessful in other regions.
Chanley Kuplor:We have done well in Le-Croff.
Bella Shulor:[probing] Interference from the Unified Alliance was a factor in the party being dislodged in other regions. Are you the spine or nemesis of the Democratic Advancement Party?
Chanley Kuplor:Unified Alliance isn’t the nemesis of the party.
Bina Kamba:I’m Bina Kamba from Radio Le-Croff. Chanley, you said the Unified Alliance makes inputs, but isn’t calling for a public inquiry bad for your party?
Chanley Kuplor:It’s not bad. Being from the same party as the acting mayor doesn’t mean I can’t be objective about his handling of the ongoing investigation.
Bina Kamba:Admonishing him is bad. The Democratic Advancement Party should lend their support to Ricor Marsh.
Chanley Kuplor:Chastising the acting mayor is an attestation of my fervour for Le-Croff.
Bina Kamba:Mayor Kaars has been bundled off for six weeks. What would a public inquiry accomplish? It won’t unearth where he is.
Chanley Kuplor:A public inquiry would enlighten the people of Le-Croff.
Ruscrun Vlair:I’m Ruscrun Vlair from Channel Twelve. Chanley, public inquiries come at a cost, and findings might be inconclusive.
Chanley Kuplor:There’s no proof that findings will be inconclusive. No cost is too much for giving Le-Croff an insight into what concerns them.
Ruscrun Vlair:The Le-Croff Assembly is likely to ignore you.
Chanley Kuplor:If they ignore our call for a public inquiry, the Unified Alliance and people of Le-Croff would suspend the Assembly.
Ruscrun Vlair:Only the mayor can suspend the Assembly in a state of emergency.
Chanley Kuplor:We are already in a state of emergency. Le-Croff has no confidence in the acting mayor.
Ruscrun Vlair:You said Le-Croff has no confidence in the acting mayor. Aren’t you projecting your sentiments?
Chanley Kuplor:I’m not! Le-Croff is no longer serene.
Ruscrun Vlair:Is the Unified Alliance averse to a Ricor Marsh mayorship in the event that Frank Kaars is not found?
Chanley Kuplor:You are a defeatist, but I’m very optimistic that Frank Kaars would be found.
Pilyk Curuites:I’m Pilyk Curuites from the Daily News. [probing] How would you enforce the suspension of the Assembly?
Chanley Kuplor:The Unified Alliance would bulwark the Assembly building.
Pilyk Curuites:Bulwarking the Assembly is tantamount to flouting the law.
Chanley Kuplor:Flouting the law is when elected representatives turn a deaf ear to those who voted for them.
Pilyk Curuites:Chanley, Le-Croff is too labile for civil disobedience.
Chanley Kuplor:If the Le-Croff Assembly does not want civil disobedience, they should heed our call for a public inquiry.
Pilyk Curuites:This could spiral into a furore. Le-Croff is unsettled.
Chanley Kuplor:The Unified Alliance isn’t like those miscreant Great Patriots. So it won’t spiral into anything nasty.
Pilyk Curuites:Aren’t you forcing the will of the Unified Alliance on Le-Croff?
Chanley Kuplor:I’m not forcing our will on Le-Croff.
Aquila Ponte:I’m Aquila Ponte from Channel Sixty-Six. Are you urging for Jasper to be quizzed by the police because he is anti-Frank Kaars?
Chanley Kuplor:Jasper has incited violence against Mayor Kaars. He should be in hot soup.
Aquila Ponte:There’s no evidence that Jasper and the Great Patriots facilitated Mayor Kaars’ abduction.
Chanley Kuplor:Perhaps that’s why Jasper Jabari and the Great Patriots should speak to the police. Jasper is ominous to Le-Croff.
Aquila Ponte:How is he ominous?
Chanley Kuplor:Jasper said Mayor Kaa
rs must be flushed out by any means necessary . . . That’s insightful.
Aquila Ponte:But he was beseeching Le-Croff to vote against Frank Kaars.
Chanley Kuplor:Jasper dismissed Frank’s abduction as a scam.
Aquila Ponte:That’s freedom of speech. No one should be punished for expressing themselves.
Chanley Kuplor:[fuming] Are you the spokesperson for the Great Patriots?
Aquila Ponte:I’m not their spokesperson.
Chanley Kuplor:Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming.
Chanley concluded the press conference and the cumbersome grilling.
Jasper Jabari responded to Chanley through a press release two days later:
Recently, Chanley Kuplor of the Unified Alliance said in a press conference that the Great Patriots should be quizzed by the police.
Mister Kuplor adducing my reproval of Frank Kaars makes the Great Patriots culpable.
Hence, my suspicions that the Unified Alliance is a jinx to the Democratic Advancement Party has been confirmed.
A faction expelled from the party in other regions is unblushingly the voice of the party in Le-Croff. Unified Alliance is a consortium of unlettered jesters with fascist affinity. Police nabbing citizens for exercising their right is a violation of the United Nations Declaration of Rights.
Article Five of the Declaration stipulates that no one has the right to inflict torture or subject anyone else to cruel or inhumane treatment.
Article Seven stipulates that the law is the same for everyone. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.
Article Nineteen stipulates that everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression: this right includesfreedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media regardless of frontiers.
Article Twenty stipulates that everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
Article Thirty stipulates that no government or individual should act in a way that would destroy the rights and freedom of the universal declaration of human right.
It’s an irony that Chanley is from the Democratic Advancement Party but isn’t advancing democracy but trying to strangle it.
Jasper Jabari
Senior Comrade of the Great Patriots
Chapter Six
“P olice emergency,” operator.
“The mayor is here,” caller.
“Where?” operator.
“In the cellar of the house – I’m fixing their air conditioning,” caller.
“What’s the address of the house?” operator.
“Two hundred New Quay Avenue,” caller replied anxiously.
“What’s your name, sir?” operator.
“Juk Culumt,” caller responded.
“Is the mayor conscious?” operator.
“He is conscious, he’s tied up and bruised,” caller.
“Is he bleeding?” operator.
“No, he’s not bleeding,” caller.
“Can you untie him? The paramedics and police are on the way,” operator.
Juk Culumt, an electrician, was repairing the air conditioning in the cellar when a squirk startled him. On inspection, Juk realised it was the Mayor of Le-Croff, Frank Kaars. Mayor Kaars was in his underwear, his hands and legs tied up. Frank had bruises on his face and body. Sweating like he was in a sauna, Juk dialled the emergency number.
Special Police unit swarmed two hundred New Quay Avenue.
“Get down!” they squealed.
Mayor Kaars was conveyed to the hospital. Residents of New Quay Avenue were bewildered.
“What’s going on?” an elderly lady asked an officer patrolling.
“Madam, Mayor Frank Kaars was held in there,” the officer replied.
“Mister and Mrs Vitts’ house?” she said.
“You know the owners?” the officer asked.
“I say hello to them. They moved in two years ago,” she replied.
“Oh, I see,” the officer said.
“The Vitts are Bonnie and Claude,” she remarked.
The officer grimaced at the lady.
The media besieged New Quay Avenue.
“Who would have thought that an elderly couple abducted the Mayor of Le-Croff?” a resident said.
“I’m dazed that such a thing went on under our noses,” another said.
“It’s appalling that anyone would do this to the mayor of this region,” another said.
“Something awry about that couple,” a neighbour said.
The owners of the house, Mister and Mrs Vitts, in their eighties, were pensioners.
The Vitts were carted off for interrogation.
Newspapers were agog with gallant headlines, such as:
Frank Kaars Found.
Mayor of Le-Croff recued.
Pensioners questioned over Frank Kaars’ abduction.
Zul Baxter, the Chief Constable of Le-Croff, engaged the press:
The Special Unit raided two hundred New Quay Avenue after an emergency call from the house by a man at three p.m.
The caller alerted us that the mayor was in the cellar of the house.
We responded swiftly.
The owners of the house are co-operating with us.
Frank Kaars enthusiasts jubilated wildly, chanting “Frank Kaars! Frank Kaars!”. They rode on motorcycles waving the flags of Patriccar Island and Le-Croff. The jubilant horde impeded traffic. Infuriated motorists cursed and honked at them. Other motorists gesticulated in cohesion of the funfair.
Albert Guites, Chairman of the Democratic Advancement Party, posted on Rantpage:
It’s a victory for democracy, for Le-Croff and Frank Kaars – a dogged fighter.
The Liberation Party released a press statement:
The Liberation Party wishes Mayor Frank Kaars a smooth transition into his onus as Mayor of Le-Croff.
Chanley Kuplor posted on Rantpage:
My call for a public inquiry coerced them into conducting a punctilious investigation. Ricor Marsh, your five minutes of fame have expired.
Ricor Marsh’s devotees sprang to his defence like a hen protecting her chicks:
Chanley, you are disgruntled because Ricor Marsh outed your faction as the virus in the Democratic Advancement Party, a user replied to Chanley.
You are such a twat, another said.
Unified Alliance is malefic to the Democratic Advancement Party, a user replied.
The party is surfeited by your shenanigans, a user ranted.
Four days later, Frank Kaars was discharged. The mayor and his wife, Aria, flanked by security, were hailed like rock stars.
“Mayor Kaars! Mayor Kaars!” Frank’s admirers hollered.
The mayor waved at them sprightly.
“Le-Croff! Le-Croff!” they chanted exuberantly.
Sirens from the mayor’s motorcade soon drowned the hollering throng.
A banquet was held for the mayor. The televised event was at the ballroom of the Magnifique Jardin Hotel with the upper echelons of Le-Croff in attendance. Guests were snazzy – men in dapper tuxedos and women in ball gowns draping with exquisite gemstones. They arrived on a red carpet like the Grammies.
There was a pletho of Liquido Dorado, a six-hundred-liquets-per-bottle Champagne. A buffet of appetising delicacies like jollof rice, curried goat, grilled chicken, spaghetti bolognaise, simple baked salmon with asparagus and dill sauce, seared steak, mashed potatoes and roasted carrots, shrimp and mushroom linguini with creamy cheese herb sauce laid out in glimmering chafing dishes. Alongside, a gallimaufry of desserts like compôte with mascarpone, tiramisu, sticky toffee pudding, cherry chocolate mousse, lemon tart, cheesecake, and squaffee pie. Reposeful violin medley serenaded the ballroom.
“An iconic man with the guts of Shaka Zulu. Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor of Le-Croff, Frank Kaars,” the anchor said.
Frank kissed Aria, fi
st-bumped Ricor Marsh and hugged Ricor’s wife, before sprinting to the lectern.
“I’m ecstatic to be free from suppression, ecstatic to be in service of Le-Croff. My ordeal distracted me from making this region the most illustrious in Patriccar Island. In six years I have built a sustainable infrastructure in Le-Croff. I was held up by fiendish men, bruised, starved and staring at the barrel of an AK-47. I thought about my loving wife and children. I wondered if I would see them again. Thoughts of Le-Croff also weighed on me. I wept because I couldn’t bear to see Le-Croff go to rack and ruin.
“I had a budding career as an investment banker. My aspiration for Le-Croff to be a resplendent city with a viable economy that would attract foreign investors brought me into politics.
“Under my mayorship, Le-Croff is becoming one of the business capitals of the world.
“The tourism industry also received a boost from me.
“Le-Croff is amongst the holiday destinations because of our sandy beaches.
“The whelming support for me is both a manifestation of the good work I have accomplished and the trust Le-Croff has in me. Therefore, I’m more resolute in leaving an indelible legacy.
“To Ricor Marsh, thank you for holding the fort. To the people of Le-Croff, thank you for your well wishes, and to my wife and children, your love proffered me the spiritedness to stay afloat in an abyss.”
A tumultuous ovation deluged the ballroom.
“Cheers to Mayor Kaars, to Le-Croff and the Democratic Advancement Party,” the anchor said, upraising a wine glass.
“Cheers!” the guests replied, clinking their glasses.
Jaspar Jabari wrote a column in the Le-Croff Standard:
I have long maintained that Frank Kaars’ abduction was a scam by him to get re-elected.
How an elderly couple grabbed an agile man like the mayor is a conundrum, but sycophants would rather eschew substantiality and eulogise him as an icon with the guts of Shaka Zulu.
The analogy between Mayor Kaars and Shaka Zulu is an affront to Shaka. Shaka Zulu was a warrior who fought wars and hedged his kindred from incursions.
