Best Friends in the Show Me State

by Jessie Gussman

  “Are you suggesting I should give up the idea of going back to school?” She looked at Mrs. Hudson, really looked at her. The woman looked happy. She always did. Even when something bad was happening, like a few years ago when Loyal had gotten into the farm accident. Even in the hospital, Mrs. Hudson had a joy and peace that just radiated off her and also put everyone around her at peace.

  “No. I didn’t say that.”

  “Oh. Because I can’t imagine anyone telling me that I shouldn’t finish my education. I mean, I like working at the feed store, but it’s not exactly the career I had planned for myself. And now, I have the opportunity to do more. To be more. Shouldn’t I take that?”

  Even as she asked the question, she really wasn’t sure.

  “More? More what? More educated? There is an opportunity for that, yes. But is that the only thing that matters?”

  “No, of course not. Education doesn’t make a person. But it does provide more opportunities. And it was my lifelong dream. It’s what I always wanted. It was what was taken from me so brutally, along with the death of my mother and my sister.”

  “And that’s what you still want?”

  It was, wasn’t it? Just because she hadn’t thought about it in a while or longed for it maybe in a long time didn’t mean her desire had faded. She still wanted that education that she hadn’t been able to finish. Didn’t she?

  “I think that’s what will make me happy.”

  “I think happiness is a choice.”

  “Yes. I suppose you’re right about that.”

  “I would never tell you not to finish your education. But I guess I would tell you to pray about it. Because sometimes God shows us exactly what He wants for us and what truly will make us happy and is the best for us, and then he allows a temptation in our lives that might maybe distract us from making the best decision. It might be something that seems good or even practical. And a lot of times, it’s definitely what the world would tell us to do.

  “But I would turn my head away from everything the world says, because most of the time, what they say isn’t what God wants for us.”

  That was a lot of words, and Marlowe took a moment to digest them. It was no shock to her that commonly accepted “wisdom,” and social norms of the day, often ran directly contrary to what the Bible said. She’d known that.

  But she’d never quite applied it to her life in this way before. Never thought about it in terms of her education before.

  How much of her wanting to finish her degree was because that was really still what she wanted to do, and how much was it because she felt like that was what society thought she should do, if she had the opportunity? But there was something else that nagged at her. And Mrs. Hudson might have the answer.

  “Do you think that Clark wouldn’t wait for me?”

  Mrs. Hudson’s brows raised, and she tilted her head before her eyes met Marlowe’s. “Do you think it’s fair to ask him to?”

  No. Of course it wasn’t. She had to choose. Between two good things. She definitely wanted Clark more than she wanted any kind of college, but wasn’t that stupid?

  She heard all the time about women who regretted the decision of not having a career and found themselves depending on their husbands. It was just a downright ridiculously dumb choice for someone who had the opportunity to do something else.

  Or was it?

  “I can still be with Clark and finish my school as well. I could probably do most of it online.” Even as she said that though, she knew it was impossible. She’d have to completely change her major. There were too many labs and other things that she’d have to complete.

  Online learning would work for some. And she and Clark could probably work it out, but she wouldn’t be focusing on the commitment that she made to him and their children; she’d be focusing on herself.

  As she thought about it, it sounded selfish.

  “There are so many women, so many stories about women who gave up a career or an education or opportunity for their husbands and families and regretted it. I don’t want to give that up, I don’t think, not because I want it so bad, but because I’m afraid I’ll regret it. Can’t I have it all?” She heard that all the time. Surely, she could.

  “You probably can.” Mrs. Hudson nodded. “Just like someone who wants to be a concert pianist could probably also play the tuba and the ukulele on a concert level as well, but they’re probably better off focusing on one instrument.”

  “So you don’t think it’s a good idea?”

  “I think only you can answer that question. My personal opinion, if you want it, is that you need to do what God wants you to do. And only you know what that is.”

  Chapter 16

  Clark’s stomach growled. Too bad, since he still had a hundred acres to plant before he could quit.

  His mother had already spoken on the two-way, and she’d told him that she’d be stopping at his house to pick up Kylie. She thought Marlowe might bring his supper out.

  But the car that was pulling along the edge of the road wasn’t Marlowe’s. It almost looked like Chandler’s. Something low and fast and fancy.

  Yeah, as the tractor got closer to the end of the field, Clark was pretty sure it was Chandler’s car. There was no doubt it was when his brother got out, unfolding his long legs and towering over his squatting machine.

  Clark turned the planter around at the end of the row and waited for his brother to stride over. He’d known Chandler would be in town shortly, because he was going to sell a month of his time at the auction and production on the movie he was making was just wrapping up.

  But Chandler hadn’t exactly specified when he was arriving, and Clark knew he’d be too busy with the spring work to be able to spend much time with him this time of year.

  Nevertheless, he waited while his brother climbed up and opened the door of the tractor.

  “You got room for a rider?” Chandler said, although he didn’t wait for an answer, but stepped in and sat down on the dummy seat.

  “For a little bit. Marlowe might be bringing my supper later though, and I figured she’d take a few turns with me.”

  “Yeah, it’s been a few months since we’ve seen each other, and I’ve missed you too.”

  “Oh, stop it. You don’t give a flip. You certainly don’t expect me to miss you. And if you do, you don’t have to leave.”

  “I can make more money in Hollywood than I can on this redneck farm, and for a lot less effort.”

  Clark figured it probably wasn’t too much effort, since Chandler had always been a ham. Although, for Clark, he wouldn’t want to have to do what Chandler had to do with some woman he didn’t know and didn’t care for. Maybe they used body doubles. Clark never asked. It wasn’t something he really wanted to know, and it certainly wasn’t anything that he would ever need to know.

  “Everybody has their thing, I guess.”

  “Yeah.”

  Chandler’s tone made Clark’s head whip around. He’d always kind of seen Chandler as superficial and happy-go-lucky, but just in that one word, he thought he caught a glimpse of something a little deeper. A hurt.

  “Anything you need to talk about?” Maybe he hadn’t given Chandler as much thought as he should’ve. He just never seemed like the kind of guy that had any problems.

  “Nah. Nothing to say.”

  Well, obviously he didn’t want to talk about it. Clark sure as shooting wasn’t going to pry, so he allowed the comment to pass and said, “What in the world possessed you to allow them to auction a month of your time?”

  Chandler laughed and lifted a hand in innocence. “I don’t think I really allowed it. Miss Lynette got my phone number from Mom, and she didn’t really give me a chance to say no. I was agreeing before I realized I was.”

  Clark had to laugh at that. Miss Lynette could be very persuasive. And she was so organized it was almost like she had arguments for your backup, backup arguments.

  “I guess I’m just a dirt-poor farmer and
not a big, famous movie star. Because nobody asked me to donate a month of my time for the auction, thankfully.”

  Chandler snorted, but when he spoke, it was on a different subject. “Mom said you and Marlowe were together.”

  Wow. Word traveled fast. He knew it did in a small town, but Chandler was in L.A.

  “Yeah.” Clark was over the moon about it though, and he didn’t mind talking about it. Actually, Marlowe was about the best subject he could think of that he’d like to talk about.

  “You guys are such good friends, I think everybody could see it coming. Except, sometimes it seems like romance can ruin a friendship.”

  “Yeah, I was afraid of that. It seems like most couples have the passion and romance first, and then they kind of graduate to the friendship. I guess Marlowe and I did it backward. I think it’s gonna work okay. She seems pretty smitten with me.” He said the last a little sarcastically, and Chandler laughed like he expected him to.

  “You were pretty lucky to have a friend like Marlowe growing up.”

  They’d come to the end of the road, and although his tractor wasn’t ancient, it wasn’t one of the newfangled ones that turned itself around using GPS, knowing exactly what shape the field was and where the obstacles were, right down to the telephone poles.

  So it took a little more concentration, and Clark was glad of it. Because there was that note in Chandler’s voice again. The note that he wasn’t expecting from his easygoing brother.

  “I know I was. God really blessed me with Marlowe.”

  “You guys spent so much time picking on and goofing off with each other, I’m not sure I can quite picture you guys romantically linked.”

  “I’m sure you’ll get to see it. Watch closely, and let your big brother show you how it’s done.” More sarcasm, and Chandler laughed. It bothered Clark more than he wanted to say that something seemed to have shifted in Chandler’s personality. It wasn’t jadedness, necessarily. Clark guessed that it had something to do with L.A. and being gone from his hometown. Although Clark could be wrong. But that’s how he’d feel if he had to leave his hometown. Like someone yanked the rug out from underneath him, and he’d be clawing to get back.

  Chandler had never seemed to be a small-town kind of man.

  They chatted some about the auction, and the tornado that had touched down in Trumbull, and even a little about Chandler’s next film, and who might buy him at the auction as they went back and forth through the field a few more times.

  Finally, they hit the end of the field again, and Chandler said, “I’m going to jump out here. I might as well run into town and see some folks. I don’t think the auction’s for two weeks, maybe I can find someone to take my place.”

  “Good luck with that. You’re the only Hollywood movie star Cowboy Crossing has. I don’t think anyone’s going to take your place.”

  “You gotta face each day with optimism,” Chandler said. “Otherwise, who could stand it?”

  He jumped out of his seat, opened the door, and was down the steps while Clark was still thinking about his last words. They seemed kind of cryptic, which fit right in with the other things that seemed to be off with Chandler. Clark sure hoped he got them straightened out.

  Or maybe less that he got them straightened out and more that he made sure that whatever he was doing was in line with what God wanted him to be doing. Clark knew how easy it was to get caught up in his own desires and what he wanted for his life, and he could move blithely right past what God had planned for him.

  Take Dana, for example. It wasn’t saying the divorce was okay, because once he was married, he would have stayed married, no matter how miserable he was, if it had been up to him. But it was more the idea he was with her to begin with. Looking back at his experience with Dana, he could see he was totally doing what he wanted, and he hadn’t cared what God wanted.

  Marlowe, on the other hand, seemed to be exactly what God wanted him to have.

  He figured he’d better be careful, though, because he wanted Marlowe, and he needed to make sure he wasn’t rushing ahead and taking something God didn’t have planned for him. Even though things were working out, as only God could work them out.

  He’d only made one pass down and back up the long field when he saw that Marlowe was parked where Chandler had been.

  He turned around and was getting ready to stop and go get her, or at least talk to her, when she walked over. Still, he had time to hop out of the tractor and greet her on the ground.

  It was kinda new, this idea that he could greet Marlowe with a kiss. New, and very nice in a pleasant way.

  She seemed to think so too. She smiled at him and came closer, not stopping. He wrapped his arms around her and lowered his head. She reached out, the bag she held bumping against his back as she put her arms around his shoulders and pressed into him.

  Yeah, there was definitely something to be said about falling in love with and kissing his best friend.

  He lifted his head just slightly. Falling in love? That’s what had happened, wasn’t it? He looked at her with a little bit of wonder in his eyes, and she looked back, a little confusion in hers, almost wonder, like she was trying to figure out what in the world he was thinking.

  He could tell her; he could always tell her anything. Marlowe had always respected him and how he felt.

  “What?”

  “I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I think that’s what this is.”

  Her lips pressed together, although they still turned up, and her eyes held humor. “Really? You’re just now figuring that out?” She shook her head. “I love you. I’ve always loved you as a friend. But it’s pretty obvious that I’m in love with you now.”

  “I said it first.”

  “Nope. Pretty sure I did. You were questioning whether or not you were falling in love with me. I flat-out told you I love you.” Her brows lifted in challenge.

  “Okay. To prove that I love you, I’ll let you win. Because that’s what love does, it lets the other person win.”

  She twisted her tongue, biting it and closing one eye. “That’s your convoluted way of trying to get me to tell you that you won, isn’t it?” She nodded knowingly. “I’m totally not falling for that.”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “It’s up to you. I’m just saying real love doesn’t have to be first.”

  “Okay. I’m down for that. I’ll ride with you in the tractor, and I’ll be second into the cab.”

  He laughed, and she joined in.

  “Come on, if you’re gonna ride with me, I’ll help you up. You can go first.”

  They didn’t really say too much until they were both in the tractor and he’d started out across the field. He’d gotten the container with the casserole she’d brought situated in his lap, with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand holding his fork. “You know, normally when someone brings food out to someone who’s working in the field, it’s a sandwich or finger food.”

  “Are you complaining?” She pursed her lips, but he knew she was joking.

  “Yeah. This is stinking hard.”

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was sincere. “I wasn’t expecting to bring you supper. Then Dana came for Huck, and your mom came and took Kylie, and I ended up bringing you food.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I had to bring you what I had.”

  “I know. I’m just teasing you. It’s really good. I don’t know what it is, but you can make this any time you want, and I will help you eat it all.”

  “I’ll write that down in my little black book.”

  “I don’t think that’s what the little black book is for. Actually, I think the little black book thing is outdated. People keep information like that on their phones nowadays.”

  “I guess you’re right. Sorry. I’m old-fashioned. Is that going to be a problem?”

  “Going to be? It hasn’t been, has it?”

  There was a pause. Bigger than a normal pause, and it made him turn and look at her.

  “I guess not
. I just didn’t know how things are going to change.” She looked down and kind of played with the seam of her jeans for a little bit. “The insurance adjuster offered me a check. They’re going to completely total the house. Although I can choose to not have it replaced, since there’s no mortgage on it. The money could be mine.”

  “It’s yours, and you can do what you want with it.” He wasn’t sure what she was saying, although she seemed to be gauging his response. Did she think that he expected her to give it to him? “We’re not old-fashioned that way, are we?”

  “What way?”

  “I don’t know. You just seem like you’re expecting me to say something, and I’m not sure exactly what you’re expecting.”

  “Nothing about being old-fashioned, I guess. Actually, it’s more of a modern thing. I would have money to take Kylie and go to St. Louis and finish my degree.”

  If she lifted her fist and punched him in the stomach, he wasn’t sure he’d have been more surprised.

  “Is St. Louis the only place you can do that?” Was she seriously going to leave? What about their relationship? What was she thinking about that?

  In a way, it felt like Dana all over again. Although Dana had gone to New York City, which was, of course, slightly further than St. Louis.

  At least, Marlowe wasn’t thinking of leaving Missouri. He couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. He was proud of the rich history, their status as the gateway to the west, the reputation of being tough and resilient and taking whatever the weather threw at them.

  He couldn’t think about leaving it.

  On a smaller scale, though, he supposed he could imagine leaving the farm. Maybe. Although he came from generations of farmers and had always been proud of it.

  Sure, when they were younger, Marlowe talked all the time about chemistry and how much she loved it and how much she wanted to get her degree in it. But in the same breath, she’d said there were no jobs for chemistry majors around here. She’d have to get another degree, and even then, jobs were scarce, even if one lived in the city. But maybe that’s what she was thinking.