Connor matched his father’s glare. “Why? It’s the truth. After Mother died, we quit going to church. Quit praying like she had all the years I can remember.” He shook his head. “I can’t get over the fact that you wanted me to die and not Mother. I’m sorry about that. I prayed God would take me and not her. He didn’t listen to me any better than he listened to you.”
Joseph’s glare lessoned and he stepped back as if he’d taken a blow. “Is that what you think? Because you’re wrong, Connor. Just like always. I’ve tried my best with you, but you’ve bucked me every time and in every way. Maybe after your leg heals, you need to go. Find out how this world is, and how good you’ve had it.”
“You blame me for Spanish Bill dying. He was my horse. But don’t worry, I was thinking the same thing. As soon as Doc releases me to ride. I’ll leave.” Connor whirled around.
He couldn’t take it anymore. The man was hard, always pushing. Always accusing him of not living up to the Stark name. Well, Connor would show him. He’d take his money. He knew where wild horses ranged.
Connor didn’t look back. He wanted to, but he didn’t. And that’s how it would be when he could ride. He’d leave and not look back.
Chapter 9
Josey had stood in the hallway, out of sight. But she heard the hard, hateful words between Father and son. It shouldn’t be that way. She had no family, and Connor had a wonderful family but didn’t feel as if he were part of it.
She hadn’t talked with David or Ben, but they seemed like nice men. And David’s wife, Lucy, she was sweet and caring. And a good mother.
But Connor and Joseph couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. Perhaps it was because they were too much alike. Well, Connor wasn’t going anywhere for a couple of months. She had time to try and patch them together.
David came up beside her. “They’re like that all the time. When Mother was alive, they were close, but after she died, something broke between them. Connor was Mother’s favorite. She gave him the horse, Spanish Bill, and claimed his bloodlines went back to the conquistadors. At least that was what we were all told.”
“I’m sure your mother loved you all.”
David grinned. “She did. But when Connor was around, her eyes lit up. Maybe because she looked at him as a young version of Father. Whatever the reason, he was her favorite. She gave him the horse, and then she took sick from the fever and died.”
“Why would Connor blame himself for her death?”
“He had the fever first. Mother stayed up with him day and night. She was worn out. I don’t think Father wanted to blame him, but after she died, he turned his back on Connor. I saw it. I was seventeen, but I knew something had broken between them.”
Josey nodded. “It’s so sad. I never knew my mother or father, it’s such a waste for a family not to get along.”
David patted her shoulder. “Sorry, Josey. You’re doing a wonderful job with Connor. He ran off the four women that Father hired before. I think Connor likes you.”
Josey smiled. “I do like him. I hope I can help them both.”
David nodded. “You keep doing what you’re doing. I have a good feeling about you.”
She looked at him. “You do favor your mother, but I see Joseph in the shape of your nose and mouth. You may not have his blue eyes, but you have the look of him. Don’t give up on either your father or Connor.”
“No, I won’t.” He pointed to Ben, who was playing with David’s oldest, a boy of four. “Ben, he’s the one caught in the middle. I’m hoping when he marries Nan, he’ll settle down. He’s a good man. And so is Connor. I hope he won’t leave the ranch. He needs a good woman to love him.”
Josey stared at David. He was looking right at her, and she was getting the idea that he meant her. But she hadn’t come out here to marry a patient. She had been warned by Nurse Harrow about falling in love with a client. It wasn’t allowed by the school and was severely frowned upon as unprofessional.
“Think about it, Josey. You’ve been good for Connor.”
She laughed a little. “David, Connor hasn’t even said he likes me. And I certainly didn’t come out here to marry him.”
Lucy called David over.
He looked at Josey. “Just think about it.” He left her and went to his wife to help with the children.
Josey didn’t think there was any danger of Connor falling in love with her. She thought about him when she was in her room, and she did have feelings for him, but Connor was her patient. She walked back to her room, hesitated before entering, and then turned and knocked on Connor’s door. He either wasn’t in or wasn’t answering. She was about to open the door when Banjo came around the corner.
“Connor is by the greenhouse. He wants you.” Banjo led her down another hallway and to a door. It was slightly ajar, and he pointed her down the darkened hall. “Through that door.”
Josey opened the door and went into the greenhouse. It was musty and cold as some of the windows were broken. The remains of dead plants littered the shelves. Yet, Josey could tell that at one time, this had been a special place.
Connor had wheeled his chair to the center of the room and was looking around.
“You wanted me?”
He turned and looked at her. “Yes, I did. I wanted to show you what a mess this room is. A wreck haunted by my mother. Father hasn’t let anyone enter since she died.” He pointed to the pots of dirt. “He let the plants die. Wouldn’t let any of us come in and water her plants. Two years ago, a hailstorm came by and broke out some of the windows.”
Josey walked up to him. “It must have been a beautiful place when your mother was alive.”
“Mother and Father. They’d both come in here during the day, and she’d show him her favorite flowers. This was their place. In the morning, Mother let us come in. She’d show us how to water the plants. Tell us what they were called. Mostly me. David and Ben were old enough to be out working with Father. But she’d take let me plant flowers for her.”
“In the picture, I saw irises and orchids.”
Connor nodded. “She had some roses, too. They smelled so good that the whole room would be filled with their aroma. It always reminded me of Mother.”
“That must have been hard on you when your father locked the door.”
Connor’s shoulders went back and his head up. She could see his neck muscles tighten as if he were remembering the hard days. “More than you can know. I wanted to water the plants for her. Keep them alive. One day, I snuck in and watered them. The smell made me think she was still alive. Father must have smelled the aroma and came down the hall. He grabbed me by the scruff of my shirt and hauled me out of the room, threw me down the hall, and told me to never come here again. I didn’t. Not until today.”
Josey felt for Connor, for Joseph, and all their pain. If she could, she’d take it away. Bear it for them so they could return to the living. From where she stood, she could see that their lives had stopped and become stagnant and dying like the plants in the greenhouse.
She rubbed Connor’s arm. “That must have been hard for you. For your father.”
“I don’t know. I was ten. From that day on, we never got along.” He looked at her. “It’s not even just him. I can’t seem to be around him without getting angry. We fight over everything. If the sky is blue or cloudy. It’s like we refuse to look at anything the same way.”
Josey kneeled beside him and looked into his dark, blue eyes. “I don’t think your mother would be happy. I can tell she loved you both very much. The last thing she would want is for you and your father to be at odds with another.”
He stared at her, long and thoughtful. “I’ve started feeling that. Late at night, when I’m all alone, I almost feel like Mother is trying to tell me something. But I don’t know what.”
Josey patted his hand. “Don’t you? Open your heart, Connor. You’ve walled it off and won’t let anyone inside. You’ve become like this room. Open it and clean it out. Pray. I know you’re not hap
py with God right now, but I can tell you this, you can trust Him.”
By the way that he turned his gaze from her, she could tell he didn’t want to hear that. Yet, he didn’t leave her.
Josey could feel the peace of the Lord right here in this room. She prayed for Connor that he would feel it too. To understand that God was not the enemy and only wanted Connor to be at peace. But that was his battle. She couldn’t help him there. She could show him the path and testify about her life, but Connor would have to walk his own way back to the Lord.
Miss Sandoval had explained as much to Josey when she was little. God had the perfect path for His children, but they had to walk it alone. He would be by their side, but they had to choose to take the first steps.
Despite being an orphan and abandoned, Josey had never felt alone. Early on, she’d walked that path and knew the Lord walked with her. She had the confidence that came with trusting the Lord.
Someday, she felt Connor would too. He and his father.
She stood and walked around. “There really aren’t too many windows broken. We could clean up the greenhouse and get some seeds to plant.” She ran her finger along the edge of a dusty pot. “There is still dirt in the pots. Plant the seeds and water. They would come alive.”
Connor stared at nothing. “Maybe. I don’t think he’d let us.”
“We could ask.”
Connor wheeled himself out of the room and waved for her to follow. “Shut the door.”
Josey followed him. “Would you like me to ask your father if we can clean up the room?”
He shook his head. “No, it’s between my father and me. It’s something I have to deal with.”
Josey nodded. “I understand.” She pushed him back to his room. “Is there somewhere else you want to go?”
He shook his head. “No, my bedroom is upstairs, but for now, this is my room.”
“Would you like to go into your mother’s sitting room? It’s where I’m staying.”
Connor looked at her. For an instant, she saw him relax, and the walls come down. His beautiful blue eyes were alive and bright, not dark and penetrating. He nodded. “Yes, I would.”
She opened her door and wheeled him in. “It’s a lovely room. I can feel what she must have been like. Gentle and warm, but fun-loving.”
He smiled. “That was my mother. Elizabeth Stark. Just like you described her.” He picked up the sculpture of the red horse Josey had admired.
“This was my horse, Spanish Bill. He died on the day of the accident. I heard his leg snap, and that hurt worse than mine. It was like losing Mother all over again.” Connor stared at the statue in his hands. Then gently, he put it on the table.
Josey went around him and tripped, bumping the table, and the figurine toppled to the floor and shattered. Shock went through her. What had she done? “I’m sorry.” She bent to pick up the pieces.
Connor stopped her. “Leave it.” His voice was hard and cold like his father’s. He wheeled his chair and went across the hall to his room and slammed the door.
“Oh, why do I have to be so clumsy?” She was picking up the last of the pieces when Joseph knocked on her door.
Looking up, she saw Joseph’s face. Anger was the first thing she saw and felt as if a wave had hit her.
He marched inside her room. “The figurine of the horse, you broke it.”
“An accident. I’m sorry. I’ll pay for another one.” Hot tears stabbed her eyes, wanting to be set free.
“You can’t.” He looked at his wife’s picture. “Elizabeth made it.” He went to her portrait and looked at it. He was silent, but she could feel the hot anger radiate from him.
Josey wanted to say how sorry she was, but the small voice deep inside told her to keep quiet. She eased toward the door.
Joseph turned and looked at her. His eyes weren’t full of anger. Instead, they were filled with sorrow. Shaking his head, he left her and didn’t say another word.
Josey sat in the chair by the window. She felt like such a failure. Connor didn’t need her anymore. His leg would heal with or without her. But the idea that she could find another job seemed remote.
Nurse Harrow was kind, but she knew the school had humored her and really didn’t think she was much of a nurse. Mainly because she broke so many things, she was the joke of the school.
She stared at her uniform and took off her hat. Why bother pretending? Mr. Stark was sure to fire her. Connor didn’t care. No, she would resign. Doc Runyon had said something about taking her on. Still, he’d soon find out she was clumsy and a menace to anything breakable.
Josey shut her door, and then took off her uniform. She’d ruined her job here at Stark Ranch. Doc Runyon was her only hope.
Chapter 10
Connor worked on lifting the weights Josey had given him to strengthen his arms. Cans of beans in each hand, he raised his arms until they hurt. And then did it twenty more times. The only way he was going to get out of here was once he got on his feet.
He hadn’t needed the pain powder in a week. His leg only had twinges of discomfort occasionally. Doc Runyon was coming out today to show him how to use crutches. Josey had come in this morning to bring his food and check his temperature and pulse, but then she’d left.
Something must have happened because she’d lost her spark. She looked as sullen as he usually felt. As far as he knew, Father hadn’t fired her. Ever since she’d broken the figurine of Spanish Bill, she wasn’t the same.
Yet, for some reason, ever since the figurine had smashed to the floor, Connor had felt better. As if he’d been set free. Oh, he’d been sad when he saw it on the floor. But somehow, it had set him free of guilt and shame.
He knew his mother would never want him feeling shamed that Spanish Bill had broken his leg. Things happen. They’d lost other horses to that and worse. Mother understood. And she wouldn’t even think twice about a statue falling and breaking.
Once, she’d made a particularly intricate sculpture of flowers. Orchids, he’d thought. And just as she finished it, she bumped the table, and it fell to the floor and shattered into hundreds of pieces.
Connor had watched in horror as it fell.
Mother had pointed. “Look how clumsy I am. Well, only one thing to do. Sweep it up and make another one.” She laughed the entire time, explaining to him that it was nothing. That people were important, not things. Items could be bought anew or fixed, but people were God’s crowning masterpieces of creation. Yet, they’d all been broken the day that Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree.”
Connor could see her now. Pointing at the smashed mess. “And you know what God did, he went about with his plan to redeem mankind. All along, He knew what they’d do. People were important to God. Made in His own image, so He devised a plan to redeem them. He repairs the messes we make and the things we break. He wants us to cherish one another and pray on how to redeem our relationships.”
Connor eased back in the chair. Maybe he was so busy trying to keep his mother’s memory alive, he’d lost sight of who she was. What she stood for. It took Josey to point it out. His mother’s zest for life and for the living. The way she loved Father and was so proud of him.
Connor thought about Father losing his wife and the mother of his children. Connor had never really thought about his father’s loss. So, wrapped up in thinking about losing his mother, Connor had cut off his times with Father.
Maybe each of them hurt too much to reconcile the pain of their loss. He’d have to thank Josey for pointing out the good in his father. He looked around his room. It had been some time since his nurse had come in.
He wheeled over to the table by his bed and rang the little bell. He hadn’t used it in some time, but he wanted to see her. Needed to see her. She was the one who had brought life into the house.
She didn’t come. He rang it again.
Worried, he wheeled out of the door and across the hall and knocked on her door, but there was no answer. After another hard knock, he whe
eled down the hall and stopped in his father’s office.
“Where’s Josey?”
His father stared at him. “She quit. What did you do to her?”
“Nothing.” Connor stared at his father. “What did you do?”
“I did what she wanted. I paid her, and she had Banjo drive her into Waco.”
The blood drained to his toes, and Connor felt sick. “We have to get her back.”
“I thought you must have tired of her and yelled at her for breaking Mother’s figurine of Spanish Bill.”
Connor shook his head. “No. I didn’t. I just left. She must have felt bad.”
“Doc Runyon is coming out today and bringing crutches for you. Maybe Josey went to work for him. He was impressed with her skills.”
“Father get her back. Please.” Connor couldn’t believe she left without talking to him.
“Banjo left two hours ago. I could send Ben after him and try and stop them.”
“Please, do.” Connor was begging and didn’t care. He stood from his chair. “Or I’ll go.”
“Sit down.” Joseph ran around his desk to steady Connor. “You’re in no shape to ride any distance or even walk to the stables. I’ll get Ben.” Father eased him back in the chair and then went outside to find Ben.
Connor wheeled himself to the entryway to watch. How could she just leave him without saying goodbye? He thought she cared about him. Then the reality hit that he’d never once showed her how much he cared for her.
Mostly he gave her short commands. Get me this. Take me there. He’d given Josey no reason to even want to stay. What a fool. He rolled his chair back to his room and did some more exercises.
He needed to get in shape to show her how much he cared for her.
***
Josey pushed the blanket from her. She’d taken it when they’d started out, but the weather had changed, and it was warm now. The warm wind blew from the south and pushed clouds that looked like they could produce rain.
Perhaps she should have waited, but she just couldn’t spend another night in the house. She’d ruined it. Now, her hopes were pinned on Dr. Runyon.
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