Four

by Archer Kay Leah

  Another thought to add to the many.

  Chapter Six

  Sunlight woke him, rays slipping through the crack between the dark curtains to warm his eyelids. A crisp breeze swept around the room. Mayr's thoughts tumbled forth, recalling where he was. Still at the farm, in what used to be the bedroom he shared with Loftin. As soon as the rest of the family was awake and dressed, there would be breakfast, imaginative tales from the children, more chores, and a farewell before he returned to the estate that evening. The list of things he needed to do when he returned to the estate reeled through his mind.

  The mattress shifted. Blankets dragged across his waist. The faint sound of breaths changed from deep to shallow.

  Sweet incense. Smooth skin. Blue, blue eyes…

  A commanding ache twisted Mayr's belly as his cock stirred quickly from flaccid to half-hard, reminded of Tash lying in the bed beside him. He remembered falling asleep in Tash's arms, content after a strong fist and warm throat brought him to release, taking everything he had until he was dry. He recalled doing the same for Tash before that, and finally discovering the best way to take Tash's readied sex down without needing to spit him back out. On his knees, he had devoured the spurts and milky rush, savouring each moan and restrained thrust against his lips. The salty taste of Tash still lingered on Mayr's tongue; the musky scent still clung to his lips. His senses feasted upon them, wanting to take Tash in again.

  His own cock continued to stiffen, protesting the boundary posed by his pants. They were the only clothing he wore, in case an unexpected visitor bounded through the door—mostly one of the children. But he was fully awake and given the long day before, he expected everyone else would sleep for some time yet.

  There was more than enough time to work with.

  Turned onto his side to face Tash's naked back, Mayr rested his hand on Tash's hip. Tash jerked and sucked in a breath, but did not move away. As Mayr's fingers quested down Tash's stomach to his apparent arousal, Tash slid his arm higher toward his pillow, exposing the taut skin over his ribs.

  An invitation.

  In a slow downwards slide, Mayr shoved the blankets down the bed until they pooled around Tash's knees. His lips took to Tash's hip as he breathed Tash in and nibbled his skin. Above the waist of Tash's pants, he sucked skin between his teeth, wanting to leave Tash with a visible reminder of what they did together. Satisfied with the dark mark forming, Mayr laid a trail of harder kisses up Tash's hip and over his ribs, nipping and stealing small tastes. The scent, flavour, feel—Mayr could get drunk off Tash's body in ways he never expected. Everything about him lured Mayr in, hijacking his sensibilities. Nothing else mattered, not when it was just the two of them.

  He glided his hand over Tash's chest, pausing to feel the quick thumps of Tash's heart. Lips roving over the feathers tattooed on Tash's back, Mayr caressed Tash's nipple before tweaking it into a hardened nub. Tash ground against him, reaching behind with one hand to pull Mayr's hips against his. Caught between their bodies, Mayr's sex rubbed against Tash, ready to be inside him. Need danced through Mayr's body, demanding skin. Wet warmth. Tash's throaty groans as he came from Mayr's touch.

  He wanted all of it, everything Tash could give.

  Humming into the crook of Tash's neck, Mayr slipped his hand into Tash's pants. Tash's breath hitched, overtaken by a moan. Gripped in Mayr's fist, Tash's cock responded with greedy interest, the skin tight as the core pulsed. Each stroke encouraged it further, filling his grasp. He teased the tip, rewarded with a trickle of warm fluid that soon coated his palm.

  In a flurry of motion, Mayr tore the blankets from the bed and pushed Tash onto his back. Just as swiftly, he untied Tash's pants and eased them down, freeing Tash's flushed sex. He tossed the fabric before removing his own pants, throwing them in the same direction. On hands and knees, he prowled forward and stopped only to take Tash's cock between his lips. Tash's fingers plunged into Mayr's hair, playing with the loosened strands. Mayr drew his tongue up the underside from root to tip, lapping the moist trail of pre-release. The tip of his tongue wandered and traced the tightened form of Tash's ball sac. When Tash groaned and twisted Mayr's hair around his fingers, his hips thrusting upwards, Mayr swallowed Tash's cock deep and chuckled low and long.

  Tash gasped and muttered incoherently. On Tash's release, Mayr downed the intoxicating taste, urged by Tash's barely-stifled moans. This was what he had missed all those times he resisted pursuing a man: needy, strained flesh that twitched from his touch and the desperate tones of want. All that was needed to cloud a man's mind.

  Would he have enjoyed those other men as much as he did Tash?

  The question plagued him as he licked Tash's softening cock until it lay sated. He found other men attractive, but Tash was different. With the others, Mayr had wanted to thrust his tongue down their throats and make them come, maybe even while yelling his name.

  With Tash, lust commanded that much be minimal take only. Even his emotions had a list of wants. They pounded his insides and demanded ransom for his heart, which was tangled up and tied down, screaming for attention.

  He glanced at Tash's thinly-opened eyelids and veiled gaze. Had they not agreed to a casual relationship, he could have seen himself with Tash more permanently. Don't get ahead of yourself. It's still just infatuation, you know, his nagging, internal voice reminded him. You like sucking his cock, but it doesn't mean you're ready for the rest of him all of the time. And since he's the only man you've had, who's to say you wouldn't like someone else just as much? Besides, you're still recovering from Sarene and the women before that. Don't dig yourself into something you can't get out of.

  Tash's eyes opened and he sat up with a grin. "Your turn." In an instant, he flipped Mayr onto his back and encouraged him to move up the bed. Once Mayr lay against the pillows, Tash spread Mayr's bent legs and ran his palms along Mayr's thighs. On the downwards stroke, he splayed his hands over Mayr's groin, caressed the crevice where leg met hip, and flitted over his cock. Slowly Tash lowered himself onto his stomach. Lips wrapped around Mayr's swollen sex, his tongue guiding the sensitive head toward his throat.

  Soon after, Tash drew away, sucking and teasing. He sank lower and pushed Mayr's legs back. A moment later, his tongue sought skin again, tasting Mayr's tightened sac before circling his entrance.

  Hot breaths drove waves of pleasure up Mayr. His eyes rolled back as he clutched Tash. Although it was not the first time Tash had explored him, it felt better than the first two times. The moist tip of Tash's tongue worked the tight skin, darting inside as far as it could, soaking him. Pulling his legs back further, Mayr exposed more of himself. Lips pressed against his entrance before fingertips massaged his muscles until they relaxed.

  When a finger slipped into him, little by little, Mayr's breath caught. He resisted the urge to contract, to battle the sensation. Instead, he seized the pillows under him and surrendered, pushing onto Tash's finger until knuckles met his skin. A strange sensation filled him, gradually replaced by an even stranger pleasure. They had not done that before.

  "That feels all right?" Tash asked, withdrawing his finger to the tip before entering again.

  Mayr nodded, the words lost. It was nothing like he expected. Uncomfortable? Slightly. Surprising? Absolutely. Pleasurable? Yes. Especially with the look on Tash's face, which suggested he wanted more than just his finger in Mayr.

  Still, the finger persisted, slow as it slid in and out. On one upward stroke, Tash kissed Mayr with a passion that choked them both.

  "Mayr…" Tash exhaled, struggling to form words. "I…"

  Gripping Tash's head with both hands, Mayr stared him in the eye. "I want you. All of it. Every last bit of you in me. Here. Now."

  Hesitant, Tash backed away. "I can't. I mean, I won't. Not yet."

  "Tash—"

  Tash removed his finger from Mayr completely. "No, and not here, for two reasons. One, I didn't bring anything with me. I still believe easing you into it is the best way." Tash s
troked Mayr's cock firmly. "As good as this is, as much as I want to be in you, it'll hurt more than please. I don't want that to be your first time. Our first time."

  It'll hurt no matter what you do, Mayr wanted to argue. He had thought about it, considered the ramifications. There would be no way out of it for him, but he accepted it happily. Surely Tash knew that, considering he had started somewhere, too. Besides, it would be just one time…

  "The second reason?" Mayr's breaths quickened as Tash's strokes continued.

  "I'd rather be in a more private space, where we're completely alone. Where no one can be unsettled—it's just us." Tash pressed against Mayr, chest to chest, his lips on Mayr's. "I want you to scream my name, but not in your parents' house. They'd overhear more than they should. I want to do it right, in the right place, at the right time. A place where we can be unrestrained."

  With another deep kiss and a few hard strokes, Mayr came in Tash's hand, groaning as his milky release coated Tash's fingers and stomach and soaked the sheet beneath them.

  "No fair," Mayr argued.

  Tash stood and went to the bowl of water on the dressing table against the wall to Mayr's right. He returned with a wet cloth. "Let me take care of you," he said, wiping Mayr's stomach and groin before washing his own body. After he finished, he hung the cloth over the windowsill between the billowing curtains and returned to the bed. Once he lay prone on the bed between Mayr's legs, Tash rested his head on Mayr's waist and drew a hand along Mayr's arm. Interlocking their fingers, he craned his neck back.

  The look in Tash's eyes was back, unsettling Mayr again. Sad. Remorseful. There was even a hint of anger. He wished Tash would just say it, whatever it was.

  "What?" Mayr asked, dry-mouthed.

  "You're always accusing me of saying priestly things."

  "And?"

  "Right now, I have something incredibly priestly on my mind."

  "Which is?"

  Tash bit his lip and stared at the wall behind Mayr. "When I kiss you, my thoughts are everywhere and nowhere, and time means nothing. But when I look at you, I want to know everything about you. Every desire, every delight, every heartbreak, every fear. Except much of it can't be shared; so much has to be buried. I know; I'm guilty of the same." His troubled gaze met Mayr's. "I want to tell you mine, all of it, and I don't know why. Last night, I wanted to talk. I said I didn't, but I did. Just not there, ruining your family's dinner."

  "Why do I feel like there's a question here somewhere?"

  "Tell me about you, and not just the simple stuff," Tash said. "Tell me four of your deepest truths; the ones most people don't know and would never guess." He squeezed Mayr's hand. "And I'll tell you mine. The soul-shattering, truly telling details of my life in exchange for yours. I swear I'll never tell anyone or rub it in your face. I will never use them to guilt you. I will never use them to ensnare you. I just want to know you, outside of the carnal pleasure. I know your skin; I want to know you."

  Was that the reason for Tash's strange gazes? He wanted them to get to know each other even more? Mayr swallowed back every emotion battling its way through him. Stomach doing flips… Heart practically pounding a grave in my chest… and you're talking like this. And I like it. I don't want you to stop. But you're asking for something I don't know if I can give… but I want to. It's like you're in my head, putting words to the things I can't. But it's difficult.

  Except it's only four, right? Just four.

  "Why do you talk so good?" Mayr whispered.

  Tash squeezed their entwined fingers. "Because I can't stop thinking about you."

  The simple answer hit Mayr harder than he expected. Some people could say a thousand words, offer a thousand messages, and he would never believe them. With Tash, his faith clung to every word, seeking a deeper meaning and latching onto each subtle message.

  Four. That's all he wants. It's not my whole life, just bits of it. He's the only one who's ever cared to ask. He's the only one who'll actually listen. So why can't I just…

  "All right." Mayr cleared his throat, praying what followed was as liberating as he wanted it to be. "All right. Guess I could start. Here it is, then: the night we met, I wasn't thinking about Sarene. After you kissed me, that was it. I was done. I'm pretty sure that's when things with Sarene ended for good."

  Tash buried his face in Mayr's stomach and chuckled. His body shook, the coarse hair on his face rubbing Mayr's skin lightly enough to be ticklish. "That's good to know, but you're not trying hard enough." He grinned. "I can do that, too. Like when I was a child, I insisted on being called Hat."

  "As in 'if you're going outside, wear a'?"

  "Hat, yes. My five-year-old sensibilities thought it was clever. I wanted a shorter name and that's the one I liked most. It eventually wore off. Taldris stuck. Then I came up with Tash. People took me more seriously."

  Mayr laughed. "I don't know, but we're getting to this deep stuff rather quickly. Are you always this open with your casual lovers, Hat?"

  "Not usually. It tends to scare people. Or it's too strange for them. But there's something about you," Tash murmured, eyes narrowed with confusion. "Something that makes me think I can be completely honest." Quieted to a near whisper, his voice cracked as he continued. "And there's something in me, a relentless, curious feeling that I have to tell you these things or I'll be completely dishonest. You're so familiar, like I've known you before, from another lifetime; another existence. We're connected. I felt it in the tavern, and it's stronger now." He took Mayr's hands in his and twisted his arms behind his back, holding Mayr's arms around him. "I feel like I've been looking for you. There's something I need to tell you, something incredibly important that my spirit needs to say to yours, but I don't know what. The more I think about it, the more the words slip away. I'm struggling to understand, but I can't."

  Rendered speechless, Mayr stiffened. The sentiments defied everything he could comprehend, slammed against impossibility with the force of a battering ram. How could Tash say the words that never should have existed for them, and at that point in time? Words that connected to what he felt, complementing them, filling the gaps of what he could not describe? Their situation was nothing spectacular nor did it warrant feelings deeper than lust.

  Except Tash was serious, his confused gaze genuine. Maybe there is more to it. Maybe it's not just me going off the romantic end.

  Mayr breathed deep. He would meet Tash's request and offer a more serious truth, even if it hurt. "My mother can't walk because of me. That's the second truth, and a whole lifetime of guilt I can't ever escape, no matter how hard I try."

  Tash shifted to lean on his side and pin Mayr's leg to the bed. "What happened?"

  "I was stupid and selfish. We were in Dahena, at the market with Mother. The twins were running around, getting into things like regular four-year-olds. My mother was busy bartering." Mayr shook his head. "Tara and Loftin were driving her crazy. Then they started playing in the square and got in the way of a cart and team of work horses. Mother pushed the twins out of the way." He tore his glance from Tash's. "She twisted her ankle and slipped on some mud; landed face-first. Caught the hooves right in her back and then the wheels, all three of them on the one side. She hasn't been able to walk since."

  Tash rubbed Mayr's arms. "I'm sorry."

  "And the really stupid part? All I had to do was watch the twins like she'd asked me to." Mayr snorted. "But no, I was too busy playing with the other boys, hiding in the alleys. I just wanted my own time. I was eight—I figured I deserved it. By the time I realized what happened, it was too late. Heard her scream. Heard the horses and cries for help. I turned around and there she was, everyone around her and calling for a healer. I can't remember much after that. I know I was with Tara and Loftin, but I don't remember anything else except feeling cold."

  "The healers couldn't do much, I take it?"

  "No, the damage was done. Other healers have tried, but they can't restore feeling from her waist down. All because I
wanted to be like the other boys and feel like I belonged. It's not fair." Mayr clenched his teeth. "I can't fix it, and I can't make the guilt go away. She never uses it against me, but I beat myself with it all the time. I can't ever do enough to make up for it."

  "You realize it wasn't—"

  "Don't. Don't say it. Doesn't matter how many people tell me I'm not responsible, I know I let her down. I could've changed things. I didn't. Those are the only truths I need. I don't need people trying to make it better."

  "I understand. I do." A grimace twisted Tash's troubled expression. "I really do."

  "One of your truths, I take it?"

  "Yes." Tash exhaled slowly. "Yes."

  "And?"

  "And…" Tash moved to sit beside Mayr, his legs bent to the side. "I'm not a normal priest. I didn't grow up thinking it's what I should do. I certainly never acted like one, not until they took me in." He closed his eyes. "For ten years, I was in the Shar-denn."

  Frozen, Mayr regarded Tash's pained features. Never would he have guessed Tash's past lay in the clutches of a gang. Known for their brutality and violence, disregard for the republic's laws, and sordid involvement in extortion and exploitation, the Shar-denn was terror embodied. They stood for hate, greed, control, and cared for no one but their members. Even then, membership did not stop abuse or mistreatment.

  They were the complete opposite of the Temple of the Four.

  The opposite of Tash.

  "How?" The question came out quieter than Mayr anticipated.

  "My friends." The venom in Tash's tone made Mayr shudder. "They got into it through the brothers of another friend. Either they didn't realize it was the Shar-denn or they just didn't tell me, but they took to it easily. First it was good, just a matter of business. They did little things. Getting this; moving that. We were thirteen—it was a great deal, getting paid to do easy things. I thought it was a way to show I was grown up, so I did it, too." He shrugged. "We received orders and did them. Never saw the faces of the guys we were actually working for, just their lackeys. Didn't think anything of it; didn't see what we were moving. We heard a lot of things bantered around by the lackeys and repeated them, thinking we were smart."