So Wrong So Right

by Erica Marselas

  “It’s a damn heavy truckload I’m trying to digest.” My head shakes as I try not to picture how it went down between my mother and Victor. She protected herself, but if it came down to it, would she have done the same for me before I ran off? Hell, I’m not sure if I should be crying happy or sad tears. Or if I should even feel guilty for wishing him dead only days ago.

  But I feel free now.

  “Is there even a right way to take this?”

  “No, honey,” Naomi says, “there isn't.”

  “She wants to see you, if you’re willing. I also was able to ask her about why she hadn’t called these last few days, knowing you would want to know. She said Victor had broken her phone before he was arrested then canceled the plan on Monday since he paid for it. After I saw her that morning she went to stay with a friend. Then when she came back—well...” His hand waves around, knowing it doesn’t need to be repeated.

  “I wouldn’t mind seeing her, but I need to talk to Colin when he gets back. See if he's alright, what he's thinking, and maybe what to do next because I have no idea which way is up right now.”

  I'm sure Colin's head is as super conflicted with emotions ready to blow like mine is. I need his thoughts, his feelings, to work through this news together.

  “That sounds good, and I think you need to let it sink in too.” My dad moves to sit next to me.

  “How are you guys taking it? I mean once upon a time you loved these people.”

  My dad glances at Naomi and gives her a small smile. “I think we're worried about both of you more. For me, your mom protected herself. In the end, protected you and Colin. I can't fault her for that. As for Victor, well…”

  “He got what he got,” Naomi finishes for him and my head spins to her. “Don't look at me like that. I understand Colin's reasons for how he took the news, but for all the stuff he did, nope. I doubt I’d care if it was on purpose. I would be the first one getting your mom bail and the best lawyer money can buy to get her off.”

  Damn.

  Laughter erupts from my lips. I can't control it and it makes my stomach hurt. It might be the most truthful statement I'm sure I'll hear all day that I can't say myself. I don’t know why I’m laughing. I mean my mom killed someone, and not just anyone; her husband. Who happens to me my husband’s father. But at the same time, she killed the devil, the monster that's been haunting my dreams. She freed me and Colin from having to look over our shoulders, possibly for as long as we live. Either way, I shouldn't be laughing and soon it fades. I find myself wrapping my arms around my dad burying my head in his chest before I start to cry. They're not sad tears. They're tears of sweet relief.

  I can now move on and be happy.

  “I'm sorry,” I babble as I wipe away the tears staining my cheeks. “I feel kind of crazy right now.”

  Naomi chuckles and rubs my back. “Sweetie, it's okay. You're just expelling many emotions.”

  “But I shouldn't be laughing like a hyena.” I sniffle, feeling like I'm back on that crazy rollercoaster of unexpected emotions I can't control. Feeling like a loon.

  “There's no right way to do it. You just need to release them,” Naomi tells me.

  “I'm already tired of expelling.” My hand drops to my belly. “I've been like that enough thanks to this little one. But the only person I feel for now is Mom, other than that, I have no words.”

  But freedom.

  “And that’s okay, pumpkin. I’m just so glad you’re truly safe now.” My dad pulls me back into his strong embrace and I tighten my arms around him. The truckload of discovery that had been weighing me down starts to fall away.

  If it wasn’t for him and Naomi helping us and protecting us too, who knows what would have happened? And I don’t think the outcome would have been good.

  The sound of the door closing breaks up the moment between me and my dad. The three of us turn to Colin, who just walked in covered in sweat. He cleans his face with the shirt he removed as he walks past the living room. His chest and face are flushed, and they glisten from what appears to be an intense workout. He looks exhausted, yet there's something different about him.

  Rising to my feet, I cautiously move towards him, “Colin?”

  “Hey, baby.” He touches my arm and then greets me with a kiss. I taste the saltiness of his sweat on my lips. “I would hug you, but I’m all sweaty. I’m going to take a quick shower.”

  “But Colin?” There’s a hint of uncertainty in my voice, unsure of this attitude. It’s like he didn’t get the news. I reach up and touch his face, wanting a good look at him. Then that’s when I see it. Colin always had this haunted look in his eyes, years of pain and torment that lingered around those beautiful blue orbs, but now his eyes have this glow in its place. A happy glow no longer blocked by his suffering.

  He’s been freed too.

  “What is it, Abbs?”

  “You’re okay.” It’s a statement because I have no doubt he is. Maybe this is just a temporary cover, but it's much better than anything I was expecting to see.

  “I am. We can talk, but I smell like a wet dog. Give me five minutes.” He grabs my face and kisses me a bit harder and longer than the last. “You’re okay too. We’re okay.” Once he releases my face, he jogs up the stairs leaving me bewildered.

  I turn back to my dad and Naomi. “Did that just happen?”

  “It did. Maybe you should go talk to him.” My dad points towards the stairs.

  Without another word, I race up the steps two at a time, I head for the bathroom and hear the shower running. Without hesitation, I open the door and lock it behind me. Colin turns to look at me through the clear greenish shower curtain but doesn’t say anything. I slip off my clothes and get in behind him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I rest my head against his back as the cool stream runs over us both.

  Colin takes my hands and spins himself around, pulling me back in his arms, so I’m pressed tight to his chest. Nothing is said as we hold each other, but at the same time, everything is being said. We have each other and nothing else in this world matters. With everything that had gone wrong around us, it is now shaping to turn out right.

  He turns us around and pushes my head back, letting the water soak my hair. Bending down he grabs the shampoo and squirts some on his hand then massages it into my hair, lathering it up. My hands rub in the fallen soap on his chest, wanting to cherish him like he cherishes me. I love this man more than I ever thought possible. Who knows where I would be if he didn’t keep coming back for me or if he didn’t stay after his mom moved.

  The rest of the shower stays quiet, with only a few light kisses of comfort. Once we’re dried off we escape into our room and cuddle together in bed.

  “Are you really okay?” I ask, breaking the silence and resting my chin on his chest to look at him.

  He brushes my wet hair back and gives me a tiny smile. “I am. When I first heard, I couldn't believe it. It seemed unreal that he was gone. I felt almost numb? I don't know what it was. I just needed to get out, run, try to figure it out before I could face you. I thought I was upset he died. My dad was gone and never coming back, but as soon as I thought that, every hit, every word, everything he did to me, what he did to you, came flooding back. It played over and over again.”

  He pauses, blowing out a deep breath and lets his fingers tangle in my hair. I stare at him, trying to determine if that glow from earlier is still there, and I'm relieved when it is.

  “I was as scared as you after we left. I kept waiting for him to just come and fucking destroy what was good in my life. Now he can't do that ever again. I thought about our baby and how he or she will never have to worry about him because we won't. Knowing we're going to be okay. I knew then I wasn't upset he was dead. I'm grateful because the nightmare he created is over and I still have the people I love with me. So, yes, I'm okay. What about you?”

  “I still feel weird about it all,” I admit honestly. “My mom, you know…” I sit myself up, and pull the bl
anket around me, starting to shiver from my wet hair. Colin sits up with me and puts his arm around me. “But like you, knowing we're liberated from all this.”

  Victor is in the far depths of hell where he belongs.

  “And honestly, I didn't really want to go to Paris. So yeah, I'm good.” I giggle at my lack of indecision and Colin laughs beside me.

  “I didn’t think you did. Honestly, I didn’t want to either. We have a life here and I would like to keep building it here. Plus, I think the way my mom keeps making eyes at your dad and having sleepovers, she might stay too.”

  I cover my ears, still not wanting to hear it, singing la la la loudly, till he pulls my hands down.

  “You’ll have to accept it, Abbs. You might be my step-sister again,” he whispers in my ear, and I shove him away.

  “I hate you.”

  “Stop lying, brat. You love me.” He dives back at me, knocking me down to the bed, and nibbles at the side of my neck.

  “I do. So much.” I squeal as his fingers make contact with my ribs and he tickles me.

  It feels all kinds of wrong to be this happy at this moment, but it feels amazing to know we can start enjoying life, with no worries.

  There’s only one last thing I need to do and that is to go see my mom. Maybe I will finally get the mother I used to love back. The one who at the end of the day, no matter how many mistakes she made, ended up protecting me like she was supposed to. Even if it was initially only for herself. But maybe I can’t fault her for all her mistakes. I mean her marrying an utter asshole brought me the love my life and my child. Her mistake also taught me to grow up and learn the mistakes to never make with my child. So, in the end, she is still my mom; just her lessons came by a bit differently, and maybe forgiving her won’t be so hard.

  Hand in hand, I stand outside of a hospital room at the New Castle Medical Center with my husband. When I left this town a week ago, I didn't think I would ever step foot back in it. Though the nightmare has ended, when I saw the welcome sign, l got an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach from the lingering memories of what has happened here.

  “You okay?” Colin asks.

  I take a steady breath and nod.

  “Yep.” Rising to my tippy toes I kiss his cheek. “Thank you for coming with me.”

  “Of course. Where else would I be? Now, let's go in before you lose your nerve.” He nudges me towards the door. If only he knew how right he was because however this goes shapes the rest of everything. Especially when I tell her I'm married and with a child.

  Pushing open the door to the white room, it reeks of sanitizer and clean, and my mother lies in bed in the middle of the room. A machine beeps showing her heart rate and oxygen levels. Other than that, she doesn’t appear to be hooked up to anything else.

  Her head turns to me as the door closes behind us, and I gasp seeing her swollen black and blue face. It halts me in my steps and I look to Colin who seems as surprised. I want to ask if he ever got a beating like that before, but judging by his face, I would say no.

  “Abby,” she says, and I make out the glimmer of a smile on her face. “Don’t be scared, baby girl, come here.”

  I step towards her, letting go of Colin’s hand. “What did…” I can’t keep the tears from shedding down my face as I examine her and see the act of violence that had been taken out on her. There’s now no longer a single second I will feel guilty for being happy Victor is dead. I look her over more and see her right arm bandaged up, but the rest of her is covered by a thick white blanket. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Me either.” She gives a light throaty chuckle and pats the bed for me to sit. I occupy the small space and look back at Colin. He’s moved in closer but stands away with his hands in front of him, not sure what to do. My mom finally sees Colin and smiles. “You can pull up a chair, Colin. Don't just stand there.”

  Colin pulls the lavender colored chair close to me, and his hand moves automatically to my knee where he rubs with his thumb, showing his moral support.

  “I’m glad you came, Abbs. Your dad said you tried calling. I’m sorry I didn’t get those.”

  “It's fine. But um…how are you doing?”

  “Sore. I got some broken ribs, my face aches, and a bruised spleen, but I’m going to be okay. Don’t you worry about me.” She waves off her pain casually, and I’m left shaking my head wondering if she has to be kidding me. Not worry? She looks more like she got hit by a bus and not attacked by Victor.

  “Kind of hard not to worry, Mom,” I croak, brushing away the wetness from my cheeks. “Why would he do this? Go this far?”

  She sighs and reaches out to hold my hand. “I wish I knew, but he was drunk. Extremely drunk, and I think he might have been high on something. I’m not sure. When I returned from my friend’s house, he was there inside. The house had been ransacked and he was mad he couldn’t find his keys. I told him the cops took them, which was a lie. I threw them away. He cussed and barked and figured he could go hotwire the car. But there was just one problem.” She clenches her teeth and sucks in a breath. “I cut the brake lines and took out the battery on Saturday. I didn’t want to risk him coming to you. It might have not stopped him, but it would stall him.”

  Damn, she did protect me at all corners.

  “Anyways, it got bad. The switch that had already flipped in him, seemed to have broken off and he just went in for the attack. He beat me up as you can see, while he was saying some disgusting things about you and about Colin. I won’t repeat them. But while I was on the ground, I spotted the tire iron. I had left it by the truck because I was going take off his tires too but decided against it. I'll let you imagine the rest. I won’t put it in your mind.”

  “I can't believe you killed him.” I stare at the woman who raised me, wondering how she had the strength, after what was done to her, to take down the person I had always considered the devil.

  “He needed to go. I made a promise to you that he would never hurt you again." My mouth drops, and my mom squeezes my hand. “Well, I didn't promise that, but I was hoping to get him locked up. Then when he came after me, the things he was saying about you and Colin, what he was going to do, there was nothing left to do but to protect me and you. My biggest regret is not listening to you when you came to me. I knew when Colin moved in, his drinking became heavier, but I didn’t see the full picture of his shift beside being more irritable. He talked a big game, convinced me that he loved you like his own, that he loved Colin, but he needed to show tough love.” She glances over at him and frowns. “I’m sorry to you too, Colin. Abby mentioned to me about Victor hitting you, but in my mind, if it was so bad, then why were you there? You know?”

  “I understand. I came and stayed for her.” Colin looks at me and grins. “I knew who my dad was. I figured if I was around I would take the blows. But even I dropped the ball when it came to Abbs, he was good at hiding and putting fear in people, or making the story fit in his favor. And no matter how much I wanted to fight back, I knew I couldn't take him.”

  “But it’s over now,” I add, wanting to drop the talk of Victor and what wasn’t done.

  “It is. I’m glad you left when you did. I needed to finally see it. I hope one day you can forgive me for not being the mother you needed.” Her eyes glisten with fresh tears. I can see the events of late have re-shaped her past views.

  “After what you did. Yeah, I think I can forgive you, Mom. I can breathe again.”

  “That’s all I can ask for.” Her eyes gleam beneath the bruises, and I feel her finger run over my wedding bands. “Guess there’s no way you will be coming home though?”

  I look down at our conjoined hands and didn’t even register she was holding my left hand. “No. I don’t think I could anyway. I need a new start. Colin and I are married now, and I don’t think either of us wants to go back to where the past haunts us.”

  “Married. It’s hard to believe! I bet you were a beautiful bride.”

  “She was. Absolutely
stunning,”’ Colin answers, and I blush.

  “How did you manage it? You’re only sixteen. Last I knew was that you had to be eighteen.” Mom questions and well, here goes nothing. I move off the bed, releasing my mother’s hand. Colin stands with me and I wrap my arms around his waist.

  “That day you found us, together…” I cringe remembering how the whole thing played out. I notice my mother does the same, though we might have different reasons. “I had just found out I was pregnant. So, with proof in Maryland, we were allowed to get married. We just wanted to be together with no chance of me having to come back to where Victor was,” I ramble.

  “Pregnant,” she says letting the word hang in the air. “I—I—” she stutters looking from me to Colin and back to me.

  “Yeah. It wasn’t expected, but we’re happy. I hope you can be too.”

  “How did your dad not have a heart attack?” my mom finally manages and shakes her head against the pillow.

  “When he found out he did have a few choice words,” Colin says with a laugh and pulls me closer. “He was shocked, for sure.”

  “And you’re really happy, Abbs?”

  “I am.” I reiterate and hold my breath.

  “Then that’s all that matters. Congratulations, baby girl.”

  “Really?” I beam, a smile now dancing on my face.

  “Abigail, look at me,” she says firmly, and I give her my full eye contact. “I’ve learned many lessons this last week. One is to believe what you say. The second is to always support you. Actually, that was a vow I made when you were born, and I strayed away from that. I want to be in your life and your life includes being a wife and mother. And me as a grandmother. No way I’m going to miss out. I’ve missed too much already.”

  I move in to hug her, carefully, and kiss the side of her puffy bruised cheek. “I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear you say that. I missed you, Mom.”

  “Oh, sweet girl, I missed you too.” I stand back up and watch as she looks at us again. “Now that you will have your own child to look after, I know you won’t make the same mistakes I did.” I shake my head, having already made that parenting vow to myself.