This Is Love (The Light to My Darkness Book 3)

by Ivy Smoak

  “No.” I grabbed both sides of his face. “Never.” I blinked away the tears in my eyes. “I was worried that something might happen to me. Because of my heart. I wanted to add that letter to the will so that you’d have something to hold on to. Or…” I shook my head. “A push in the right direction of letting me go. I just wanted you to keep our family whole. And happy.”

  “I’m not whole or happy without you.”

  “Well good, because I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry if I’ve seemed upset the last year or so. I mean…getting rejection letters has been hard. But you just got me a publishing deal. So I don’t really have to worry about that anymore.”

  “A publishing deal that you’re not going to accept. Because it’s not what you want.”

  “It is what I want. It’s everything I wanted. Not exactly the way I wanted it, no.”

  “I’m so sorry, Penny.”

  “It’s fine. Besides, it’s too late now.” I shook my head. “I’ll never really know if I had what it took now. But it is what I wanted. And you helped me get it.”

  “Of course you’ll know. You turn down the offer I got you and keep trying.”

  “Yeah but…literary agents talk. She probably pitched it to more than one publishing house. Everyone will already know that my pen name is actually me.”

  “No. She worked for an imprint in London. She wouldn’t have pitched the idea to anyone else because then another publishing house could have reached out to you to offer you a better deal and cut her out. Besides, she met with me, not you. She doesn’t have rights to your story. We didn’t sign any paperwork with her. And I never mentioned your pen name. That was for you to hash out with her on your own.”

  “No one knows my pen name?”

  “Or your story. She only read the first few chapters.”

  “Our story. It’s our story, James. Not just mine.”

  “Then let’s do this our way. On our own. Self-publish it, Penny.”

  “I don’t know anything about self-publishing.”

  “Me either. Isn’t that half the fun? Besides, a publisher will want to change it. And I don’t want you to change one word.”

  “You really liked it?”

  “I loved it.” He leaned down and kissed me. “You were meant to do this.”

  He wasn’t trying to help me with his last name or money. He was offering to help me research how to be an indie author. How to create a new business. “I thought I could do this all on my own. But I don’t want to. I want to do it with you.” I wanted to do everything with him. “But don’t get any ideas on Hunter Publishing House or anything else like that. All of this has to be anonymous.”

  “What, you think I can’t be a well behaved Mr. Smoak?” He backed away from me slowly with his eyebrow raised.

  “Mr. Smoak. I scrunched my nose up. Stick with Professor Hunter.”

  He laughed as he hopped up onto the statue. “Now let’s see if we can get this echo thing going.” He held out his hand for me.

  I grabbed it and climbed back up on the statue with him. But we didn’t clap. Instead, he pulled me in for a kiss. Right in the middle of campus. And I savored the moment. It was something we’d never been able to do when we first met. Our relationship had been a secret. But he wasn’t a professor anymore. And I wasn’t a student. We had escaped to New York so we could be ourselves. But he was right, we could move here now and be happy. I just wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted.

  I pulled away from his kiss. “Rehoboth.”

  He smiled down at me. “What about it?”

  “I want to stay in New York. But we should look into getting a beach house in Rehoboth. Where we can come whenever we need a break from the chaos of the city. It would be perfect with the kids. I loved going to the beach when I was little with my parents. Liam and Scarlett will love it too. And I know you’re relaxed at the beach, so if we get away more often…”

  “Done. You don’t have to sell me on the idea. I think it’s great. We can look at properties as soon as you want.”

  “And we can always stop here on the way down to the beach. Make sure our kids know how important this university is to our family. We can annoyingly point out all the silly changes they make. And talk about the good old days. It’ll be perfect.”

  “Hmm. Perfect.” He stared at me like I was the perfect one. Like nothing else in the world mattered to him. We stood in the middle of the statue for a long time, just being happy. Being us. “Let’s take our son home,” he finally said, breaking the spell.

  I felt tears welling in my eyes. Because it wasn’t just me who he thought was perfect anymore. He loved his children just as much as he loved me. And that was perfect.

  He jumped off the statue and pulled me down into his arms. My feet stayed suspended in air as he held me tightly in his embrace.

  I had never felt so full. I had come to Newark scared of losing the two men in my life. But I was keeping both of them. Liam was healthy now. And James was too. There was no alternate ending to our story. It had to be a happily ever after.

  Chapter 21

  3 Months Later - Saturday - Penny

  The seagulls cawed as I walked through the sand. But the sound was mostly drowned out by my family’s laughter.

  “Welcome to our little slice of paradise,” I whispered to Liam as I showed him the ocean for the first time. We had finally found a beach house that was big enough to accommodate our extended family. And this weekend everyone was here to celebrate our new home away from home.

  “Most people think paradise has more palm trees. But this is paradise to me too,” Melissa said as she stared at the ocean with us.

  I glanced down at her stomach. She was finally starting to show. She and Josh had originally planned their trip to help me out while Liam was born. But they also had news of their own that they hadn’t shared because of all the chaos. She was pregnant. A wonderful, unexpected surprise for her and Josh. But she was so excited.

  “No bikini today?” I asked with a smile. “I swore I wore a bikini the whole time I was pregnant with Scar.”

  “No. No bikini and no wedding dress until after this little girl is born.” She put her hand on her stomach, her engagement ring shining in the sun. “Besides, moving back to New York has been stressful enough. I can’t even think about planning anything else.”

  “It’s good to have you back. Even though I had to settle for us being neighbors instead of roomies.”

  She laughed. “It’s crazy how much we’ve grown up. I mean, who would have guessed we’d be here?”

  “I always knew you’d end up with Josh. You guys are perfect together.”

  “She just needed some time to be convinced,” Josh said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on the side of her neck.

  I left them alone as he tried to pull her into the water.

  “One day you’re going to fall in love,” I whispered to Liam. “Way, way in the future. Like Melissa and Josh.” I looked up the beach where Mason and Bee were sitting in beach chairs. Bee was waving around sunscreen, probably trying to convince him that he wasn’t immune to sunburn just because he was naturally tan. “And Mason and Bee.” I bounced Liam on my hip. Tyler and Hailey had wrangled the kids together to build a sandcastle that did not look like it was going to stand up for very long. “And Tyler and Hails.” Jen and Ian were up on the boardwalk, staring at the chaos we had unleashed on the beach. “And Jen and Ian.” Matt was holding little R.J. in his arms while Rob and Daphne were jumping waves. “Like Rob and Daphne. And Matt...well, I'm sure he'll find someone soon. I’m going to help him.”

  Liam wiggled in my arms.

  “What? I’m a good matchmaker.”

  He blinked up at me.

  “I helped Mason learn that not all girls are lame salad eating divas. And I pushed Tyler away. If I hadn’t, he’d never have met Hailey. Plus I kinda accidentally broke up Melissa and Tyler, which sent her back in the arms of Josh in a weird, roundabout w
ay. I encouraged Ian to ask Jen out. And Rob was at James’ bachelor party when he started things with Daphne. I feel like that counts too.”

  He blinked again.

  “Fine, technically I’ve never done any real matchmaking.” I sat down in the sand, balancing Liam on my lap. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll be bad at it. Look at me and your father. That’s true love. If anyone knows what the real deal is, it’s me. One day, I hope you find love that strong.”

  “Are you already hoping that Liam’s falling in love?” James asked as he walked up to us. “He’s only 4 months old.”

  “No, I’m simply hoping he finds a love as great as ours. And the beach is a great place to fall in love. Don’t you think?”

  James laughed and sat down beside me. “The only little girls here are his sister and his cousin. So no, I don’t think he’s going to find love here right now.”

  “Well, Melissa is having a little girl.”

  He kissed the side of my forehead. “Let him live his life, Penny.”

  “I’m not going to interfere in his love life. I promise. Mostly. Okay, fine. I might interfere a little.”

  He laughed and wrapped his arm around me. We looked out at the ocean in silence, watching the waves splash against the shore.

  “I love it here,” I said. “Thank you. For all of this. Having everyone here…it’s amazing. Are your parents still coming down tomorrow? I think my mom is excited to try to bond with your mother again.”

  James laughed. “Yeah, they’ll be here. Fun tonight and then the parents are arriving in the morning.”

  “We’re parents too.” I gently nudged his side.

  He wrapped his arm around me, pulling Liam and me close to his chest. “Are you saying we’re old and boring now?”

  “No. I don’t think I could ever describe us as boring. Just old.”

  “You’re not even thirty yet.”

  “Yeah. But you're well past it.”

  He laughed. “Touché.”

  “I’ll love you when you’re old and gray,” I said. I tilted my face up so I could kiss the scruff along his jaw line. “I think I could sit right here until I was old and gray. This is perfect.”

  “The kiddos certainly love it.” We watched as Axel splashed Scarlett and Sophie with water. Both girls screamed at the top of their lungs.

  “Our family is perfect.” I lifted my head off his shoulder so I could see James’ face. “It’s the perfect size. I know I was upset when I found out I couldn’t have any more kids. But I think…I think this is perfect.” I looked down at Liam on my lap. I couldn’t possibly ask for more.

  “I think so too.” James reached over and patted the front of Liam’s onesie. “I have everything I’ll ever want right here.” He looked up at me with a smile on his face. “You know, a few months ago, when you were still trying to remember our family, you fell asleep in my arms while you were talking about how love isn’t about light and dark or whirlwinds of color. You said that this right here was love. What we share. What all of us share." He looked back down at our son. Our little miracle breathing easily on his own. “I never told you how much I agree. Love can’t really be defined. It isn’t a balance of light and darkness or a whirlwind of color. It’s a feeling. This feeling.” He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss against my lips.

  “Daddy! Mommy!” Scarlett ran over and collapsed in front of us in the sand. She rolled around, making herself look like a sugar covered doughnut.

  I laughed. “Are you having fun, Scar?”

  She stopped rolling. “Yes!” She stood up and launched her sandy self into James’ arms.

  He kissed the top of her head and smiled over at me.

  I didn’t remember talking about the definition of love before falling asleep a few months ago. But hearing him say it today brought tears to my eyes. It was like he finally realized that he wasn’t some dark cloud in my life. He had finally put his demons at bay. He finally believed that we were made to be together just as much as I had always believed it. And he was right. Nothing in the world mattered but this right here. This feeling when we were together and surrounded by our family. No definition was needed. We lived and breathed it. Love.

  * * *

  Thank you for reading This Is Love! If you loved reading about Penny and James, you'll love my newest romantic suspense series, Made of Steel!

  The witness protection program has given me the fresh start I've always dreamed of. A new home. A new name. A new life. For the first time in ten years it feels like I can breathe again.

  But the cost of freedom is more than I bargained for. I put my foster father behind bars. It doesn't matter that he deserved it. What matters is that he's powerful, manipulative, and now he wants me dead.

  I can feel someone watching me. I know my time is running out. And the only other person who cares if I live or die is a masked stranger. So I'm putting my life in the vigilante's hands. And maybe a piece of my heart along with it. Even though I'm worried that he's just as dangerous as the man I sent to prison.

  Get Made of Steel, FREE for a limited time!

  Or if you can't even wait, just keep reading for a special sneak peek of Made of Steel.

  Made of Steel - Chapter 1

  8 Years Old

  It had already been fifteen minutes since my babysitter, Julie, had arrived. Why were my parents still here? I had a very strict schedule to stick to if I was going to get to see Miles tonight. Just thinking about him made my heart race.

  "The pizza should arrive any minute," my mom said for what had to be the tenth time. "There's money on the counter. And there's juice and soda in the fridge."

  "I got it, Mrs. Brooks," Julie said with a smile.

  My mom always went on and on whenever she and Dad had a date night. Julie had watched me a million times, though. She already knew all this. Besides, I was too old for a babysitter. I sighed and folded my arms across my chest.

  My dad turned his head and saw me scowling.

  A smile spread over his face as he walked toward me. "What's the matter, Summer? You need to turn that frown upside down."

  Whenever he said that, I couldn't help but smile. "I don't need a babysitter, Dad. I can take care of myself." It would have been more convincing if I was scowling at him. "I'm almost two whole hands." I held up eight fingers to prove my very valid point.

  He ruffled my hair. "Well, I know that. But you know how your mom worries. Besides," he knelt down in front of me, "you're not quite two whole hands yet. You still have a couple of years."

  "I'm rounding up."

  He laughed.

  "Isn't your movie at 6:30? You're going to be late. You really should get going." I loved my parents to death, but they were being ridiculous. Nothing bad ever happened on my cul-de-sac. It was probably the safest place to live in the world.

  "And why is it that you're so eager to get rid of us? This wouldn't have anything to do with sneaking over to Miles' house, would it?"

  My eyes got huge.

  Which just made his smile grow. "It's okay. Just don't tell your mother," he said with a wink. "You're right, the stars are brighter after your bedtime. It can be our little secret."

  "You ready to go, sweetie?" my mom called from the door.

  "Make sure you're back in your bed by 11 when we get home, though," my dad whispered as he gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

  That wouldn't be a problem. Since Miles lived at the top of the cul-de-sac, it was easy to see my driveway and front porch from his tree house. Even if I was still out when my parents got home, I'd be able to see them pull up and sneak back just in time. If I ran really fast, I could be tucked in bed before my parents came to check on me to make sure I was asleep. And I was an expert fake snorer. I gave my dad an innocent smile.

  He smiled, as if he knew what I was thinking. "And go say goodbye to your mother."

  I ran over to the door. "Bye, Mom," I said and gave her a swift hug.

  "Behave yourself."

  I
shrugged my shoulders in what I thought was an innocent way. But I wasn't planning on behaving. I was planning on annoying Julie to no end and getting sent to bed early. I had this babysitter thing all worked out. It was the same every time.

  My dad ruffled my hair once more, and then they both walked out the front door.

  Finally. I closed the door behind them. Phase 1 was complete.

  "Hey, kiddo," Julie said as I turned around.

  I hated when she called me that. I wasn't a kid anymore. Time for phase 2.

  ***

  "And he bought me these," Julie said and stuck her foot out from under the table so I could see her new Converses. "Aren't they awesome?"

  "Mhm." But they weren't really. They just looked like any other pair of shoes. My bunny slippers that my dad had bought me were much more awesome. I glanced under the table at my fuzzy slippers. My feet didn't reach the floor, so the bunnies' ears sagged slightly forward, which made the slippers look even cuter.

  "Jacob is seriously the best boyfriend ever. I'm so lucky. We already got our tickets for homecoming and it's not even until the end of the month. He bought a tie to match my dress. I can't wait to show you pictures."

  "What color is your dress?"

  "It's this really deep purple."

  "What color shoes did you get?"

  "Silver. They're really pretty. They have these little gems on the straps."

  "Is he going to buy you a corsage?"

  "I think so."

  "Do you love him?"

  She laughed. "What? I don't know. We haven't really talked about that yet."

  "Really? How long have you been dating?"

  "Just a few weeks." She took a huge bite of her pizza. It looked like she was thinking.