Screwed Up

by Amy Sparks

  "One more day was gone. Another day will be the day that death may come, or may not." And I whisper those words under my breath as I copy down the notes.

  Chapter Three

  It's lunchtime, and I'm starving. I already put my books in my locker and I put some perfume about all over my body so that nobody can smell the cigarette smell on me. I have my headphones on as I try to block out all of the people around me. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and it makes me shiver. I put my hair up and zip up my big ass hoodie so it can protect me from the evil of this world that I live in. I make way into the cafeteria and I find the lunch line and grab a spot so I can get some of the good food, not the bad food that everyone leaves behind. I grab a spot in line and of course, Matthew Brown had to be right in front of me. I know it from his clothes and also by how there are a group of girls around him. Give me a break. I try to hold my breath because I know that if I just let one breath, he's gonna know it's me. This dude somehow knows everything now. I grab an apple and some pizza and a cookie and I walk forward to pay. As I pay I smile at the lunch lady and take a bit of my apple as I walk away from her. As I walk away, I hear someone calling my name. Oh hell no.

  "Genesis!" I say a quick prayer and turn around to see my devil. Matthew. I fake a smile, which I know turns out horrible and I walk to him. Yeah, I could either not walk to him, but I know for sure that if I walk away, he's gonna chase after me and people are gonna get wrong ideas and ugh, it's just gonna look like a mess. I take another bite of my apple and take my headphones off. I walk to the table he always sits at, filled with people who admire him and stuff. Ugh, why do people like him? Is he not like he's a God or something? Oh wait, he is to them!

  "What?" The harsh tone makes him jerk and all the girls around him scoff. Oh great. I don't like how all they're looking at me and it's making me want to scream at them to stop looking at me.

  "Do you wanna sit with us so you don't have to talk to yourself alone?" Matthew says and laughs as he thinks he's the funniest person in the entire world. What's funnier is that everyone around him is laughing like he's the best comedian in the entire world. I flip him off and about all the girls gasp.

  "Why would I sit down to a guy who hates me?" He puts on his innocent face, but then somehow his eyes go sadly. Huh.

  "I don't hate you. You just think that but I don't hate you." Everyone goes quiet after that and now I feel somewhat uncomfortable. Is he playing a joke or something?

  "Yeah, well, that's what you think." And I walk away. I don't need this shit. I don't need him. All I need right now is my pizza and my cookie and my thoughts of death. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good deal. I walk out of the cafeteria and walk to the library. Somehow the library is the only place that can make me happy. I walk in the library and I find a table in the back where no one can bother me. I put my food on the table and I pick out a book that I read every time when I'm in the library. The "Book of Genesis" is honestly kind of ironic. Like my name is Genesis, but somehow I love death. The "Book of Genesis" shows how the world was created by the God and such, and then there's me. Who just loves hell and Hades and thinks that death is the most magnificent thing in this entire world! See how ironic this is? I sit down and open my book and start reading it. After only a sentence read, I hear my name. Ughhhhh!

  "Genesis? Really?" Matthew says with his stupid cute voice. Does everything he does have to be cute? I bring the book down from my face and give him the "I will kill you" face.

  "You know, someday, I will punch you. Someday you will end up in the hospital, and someday that person who does that to you will be me." I smile which makes him laugh. Kill me. Just kill me.

  "Yeah, well, don't worry, I'm only here because I'm here to pick out a book." He starts walking away from my table and I'm intrigued now.

  "You read?" He reads. What?! I stand up and I start following him as he turns to grab a book off a shelf.

  "Yes Genesis, I read. I'm not that dumb as you think I am." He pulls out "War and Peace" and I roll my eyes. This dude is about to kill his brain if he thinks he can read that whole book. Like I've read that book before, and I almost died because it was so long! He takes it off the shelf and the weight of the book almost pulls him on the ground by how heavy it is.

  "Hm, well good luck reading it Hercules." I walk away and I hear his laugh. Something about his laugh makes me laugh and I don't like that. I choke down my laugh and walk away to continue reading my book, and to continue eating my lunch. I sit down and pick up my cheese pizza and take a huge bite, but of course, Matthew walks in when I'm a full face in deep with my pizza.

  "You must be starving." I swallow my bite of pizza and stare him straight in the eyes. He seems so innocent, yet I know there's a monster in him that's dying to humiliate me anytime soon.

  "Can I sit down?" My head jerks to those words and my jaw rolls down.

  "Ugh, fine." I point him to the chair that's front of me, but somehow this dude thinks he can sit beside me, and that's what he does! Matthew grabs the chair that's beside me and he sits down. He puts the book down on the table which makes a loud "thump" that shakes the damn table.

  "Sorry." I eye him for a second, then get back to my book. So this is how I'm gonna spend my lunch. In the library, reading my favorite book, while Mr. Matthew Brown is sitting next to me reading "War of Peace." Great...

  "Chapter one!" He shouts when he says those words and I instantly put my hand over his mouth. I can feel him smiling which makes me creep up.

  "Dude! Seriously?!" I whisper while shouting at him as my hand still covers his stupid mouth. He mumbles something, but I can't understand what the hell he's saying. I take my hand off his mouth and I lean back in my chair.

  "Sorry." Sorry? Sorry?! What the F! I scoff at him and continue reading my book. I always bite my lip when I read because somehow it soothes my nerves when I'm doing something, especially reading. I read about a page, then I have a feeling someone's watching me. Matthew is watching me, and it's creeping me out. I don't look up though because I don't want to be creepy too. I still feel his eyes on me though, so I stop biting my lip. Hm, I can at least have some fun with this. I don't like guys. I don't, but it doesn't mean that I don't wanna have fun with them. Just a little "get back" at him while I'm at it. I stand up and I go back to the bookshelf and I put the "Book of Genesis" on the shelf and my walk to the librarian so I can have a "talk" to her. Honestly, this is just fake, but it's kind of fun. I'm not facing Matthew, and the only thing that is facing Matthew right now is my ass and this is gonna be a whole lot of fun. I'm talking to Mrs. Wreath right now and honestly, I'm just talking to her about what time school ends today since I know for sure that the teachers have some meeting sometime, so I know that school today will end early. As I'm talking to her, I take out my band and I let down my hair like I'm some sexy model coming out of the water in slow motion. I am so not taking off my clothes or something, but just a little hair action can't be at all that bad right? I'm honestly not even listening to Mrs. Wreath and when she's done talking, I smile back at her and head back to my seat. I sit down and I look up at Matthew. He immediately looks down and I laugh.

  "Me two, you one," I say and he looks up with a smile. I so got him, and he so knows it. I lean back into my chair and continue staring at him. He's not ugly, and he's not cute. He's somehow gorgeous. What the hell?

  "So, uh..." Matthew says, which I know he has no clue what he's gonna say now since I just put on a little show for him. Yeah, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me sometimes.

  "I gotta go." I stand up and walk away from our table and as soon as I almost leave the library, I hear his voice.

  "So, life is still screwed up I guess." I laugh as he says those very words that somehow made my day happier.

  "Yeah." I turn to him as I say those words, and then I leave the library and my world.

  Chapter Four

  It's my last class of the day and I'm dying right now. Ha, funny. I have biology right now with,
of course, Matthew and I wanna throw up. I have about three classes with Matthew. English, biology, and history. Somehow life wants us to have classes together, but it won't let me die yet? Life is so not fair sometimes. I'm sitting in the back of the classroom where he, of course, is sitting in the front with all of his "friends." I honestly don't think they want to be his friend, they just want to be with him so they can earn some reputation in this damn school. After our little "lunch situation", he won't look at me. Like what did I do? Oh yeah. Well, look, not my fault. I'm fighting with myself in my mind and somehow my mind is winning. As I'm still constantly fighting with my mind, I hear my teacher's voice. Mr. Gold is shouting to the class and I'm intrigued. Hm, who's in trouble this time?

  "Ms. Swan!" Oh shit. My eyes bulge out and I look straight at him. What did I do now?.

  "Uh... Yeah?" Mr. Gold is somehow mad at me, and I have no clue. Everyone is staring at me of course, but not Matthew. Ugh, whatever. Mr. Gold is mouthing me something but I don't understand. I'm not that smart.

  "Ms. Swan, please come to my office for a minute. We need to talk. Now." Ughhh! I push my chair and stand up. I honestly need a smoke right now, but that will just make me more into trouble. I'm not risking that. I swallow hard and I walk to him. I'm not scared, but I'm confused. What the hell did I do? I turn around to check if my bag is still on my desk, and that's when I see it. My little hell. My pack of cigarettes on the desk, clear insight. Shitttt! I swear under my breath and turn back to look to Mr. Gold. I smile at him, but he's not smiling back. No shit idiot. I walk to Mr. Gold and whisper to him.

  "Uh, that's not mine," I say to him, but I know for sure he doesn't believe me for one second.

  "Ms. Gold, if they aren't yours, who's are they then?" I bit my lip and then look around the class. Well, I can't just blame it on someone... can I? My eyes stop at Matthew and he's mouthing something at me. I'm still a horrible person to understand when people mouth stuff at me because I never can understand them. I send him a confused look and that's when he stands up.

  "It's mine." He says those very words like they are his, but I know for sure they're not. I look back to Mr. Gold and his eyes are full of confusion. Same here dude.

  "No. They're not." I am so not letting him take the credit for this. Like look, I don't wanna get in trouble, but I don't want him to be the "hero" everyone thinks he is. Oh look, Matthew Brown saved Ms. Crazy girl! Hell no.

  "Genesis, what are you doing?" He says, but I'm not listening.

  "Mr. Gold, they are so mine. Like, look!" I turn around and walk back to my desk and grab the pack of cigarettes. I pull out my lighter from my bag and then take a cigarette from the pack and light it up. I smoke the cigarette as hard as I can and I blow the beautiful puff of smoke out into the classroom. I then look to Mr. Gold and his face is full of redness. Yeah, this wasn't a good idea.

  "Ms. Swan! In the office! Now!!!" I put the cigarette in the garbage can and grab my bag and walk to Mr. Gold.

  "Eh, what can you do?" I shrug to him and he only gets madder. I turn around to Matthew and he's only shaking his head. I stick my tongue out of him and flip him off. The girls around Matthew gasp and I roll my eyes.

  "Oh shut up." I move past Mr. Gold and I walk out of the classroom filled with fury. I don't even walk to the office, I just walk out the doors and leave the school. I don't need them. I don't need their pity and crap. I walk all the way to my car and I get in. I buckle my seatbelt and throw my bag in the backseat. My parents won't care if I miss about ten minutes of school. Hell, they won't even know. I put my key in the ignition and put it in drive and step on the gas pedal so hard, my car moves so hard, I almost lose control of it. I leave the parking lot and I drive where the car will take me. I drive and drive until I suddenly know where I'm gonna end up. Nowhere. I stop a mile later and I take the key out of the ignition. I put my head on the wheel and I cry. I cry and cry until I can't cry anymore, which happens in like five minutes. I'm not a huge crier, but I cry. I then say "F it" and just drive back to my house. It's the only place I got and the only place that has a bed and food. It's about six o'clock and I roll my eyes. Six o'clock. The time my mother said when we're about to have guests. I know for sure that if I go home now, I'm gonna have to change into something pretty and girly for our guests, and I have to put on my best manners for the whole day! Yeepee! I would rather go somewhere else, but I'm tired. I rather just go home and tell my parents I have the flu or something. Yeah, that'll work. I drive home and I see more than my parent's cars in our driveway.

  "Great.." I grab my bag from the backseat and pull out a bottle of perfume so I can spray it everywhere around me so I don't smell like smoke or something. I then take a pack of gum and put two gums in my mouth so my breath smells minty fresh. I step out of my car and make my way to my house that could be filled with people that I don't wanna talk to. I bring out my key from my pocket and unlock the door. As I open the door I can hear laughing from the living room. Well, this can't be at all this bad right? I close the door and lock it. My mother, of course, hears the lock and she yells out my name. Whyyyy?? I groan and I drop my bag on the ground and check myself in the mirror. Not bad, but not great. Eh, they'll just think I'm some druggie daughter who has sex with every boy she sees. Eh I'm fine. I walk very slowly to the living room and I can see my mother sitting down with my father. As I come closer to the living room my heart stops. I see a women and I guess that’s her husband since he's sitting close to her, but that's not where I have the heart attack. Right beside them is Matthew. Matthew! Matthew Brown is sitting on my couch petting my dog! My dog! Ok well, I don't care about the dog thing but what?? My eyes are filled with confusion and I'm trying to look into my parent's eyes to tell me why they are here! My mother stands up and puts her arm on my back.

  "Lisa, Tom, this is Genesis, my daughter." I'm filled with mix emotions right now, and the emotion that I'm mostly feeling is anger. What in the hell is he doing here?! My mom stares at me and I know she wants me to talk. Oh hell, I'll talk. I'll talk real good.

  "What the hell is he doing here?" My mother yells at me but I don't care. What is he doing here? In my house. With my parents and my dog?!

  "Genesis!" My mother says, but I don't care. I walk away from her and run to my room. I'm not trying to create some drama, but like why is he here? I mean I get now that those other people are his parents, but what type of parents bring their kid to someone else' house?! I shut my door which creates a loud slam. I know for sure that my father could be laughing right now by how I just reacted and I know for sure that my mother is probably apologizing to our stupid guests. To maybe even Matthew! I flop on my bed but then I get off right away since my mom will give me hell since I'm laying in the bed with school clothes. I get up and smooth the covers and walk to my closet. Now, this is where I could be grabbing my pj's and putting them on and sleep until I wake up a hundred years later. But no, my idiotic mind tells me to wear something extra nice for our special guests. I go through my closet and find the sexiest dress I have ever owned before. My mother bought me this about a year ago for some dance thing, and she gave me "the talk" about how every girl should have at least one sexy dress. Now coming back to the present, here I am holding a black sexy dress that shows me how slutty I actually look. I take my school clothes off and I put on the black dress. I'm already wearing black lingerie so I'm fine. I comb my hair with my fingers to make it less messy and less slutty. I don't put on any makeup because I don't need it. I just put some sparkly lip gloss on my lips and I'm ready! Ha, payback... I open my door and go downstairs to the kitchen first. I open the fridge and check to see if we have any cans of pop because I'm dying of thirst. I don't find any and I just grab a cold water bottle. I close the fridge and I jump at the sound of my mother's voice.

  "Genesis, you look beautiful!" Well somehow that's not the reaction I was gonna get, but I'll take it. I thought my mother was still gonna yell at me for that little incident in the living room and about this dress being inapp
ropriate, but nope. I'm in the clear. I fake a smile to my mom and do a little curtsy. Damn this dress is short. It doesn't even go to my knees, it's shorter than that. It's black, like my soul of course, and it's tight. Really tight. It has long sleeves which I love because I look so cool. I love it when dresses have long sleeves, not short ones, or with straps.

  "Thank's mom." I fix my hair a little bit and while I do that she mouths to me something that I can actually tell what she's saying. She's mouthing to me that I should come to the living room which I do. I follow my mother but I try to walk slower so I can make a grand surprise for our special guests. I kind of feel evil for being a little bit mean to Matthew, but hey, it's not my fault that's guys are disgusting. All they ever wanna do is look at butts and boobs. I just happen to have those. I walk into the living room and I pretend that I'm only here to be super nice to our guests, but I'm actually being super evil to our guests. My mom sits down and I just stand close to the couch. Matthew's parents are telling me how beautiful I look and how I should be a model with the physique I have, but I'm not paying attention to them. I'm paying attention to the one and only, Matthew. Matthew's eyes are bulged out and I'm paying very close attention to him. I know for sure he's not looking at my face, he's looking below my face of course. He then looks up at my face and then coughs as he just notices that I just saw him staring at my whole body. I mouth to him "pervert" and he coughs some more and looks down on the ground. Ha, Genesis, two. Matthew, still zero.

  "Genesis, can you grab the plates and put them on the table?" My mother asks me and of course, I nod and make my way to the table until I hear Matthew's mother talk.

  "Matt, why don't you help Genesis. She can't do this alone of course." I roll my eyes as if she thinks I'm some wimpy girl who can't do anything in her own household, but I just ignore that and continue to walk to the kitchen. I can hear Matthew saying "yes" to his mother and I roll my eyes. Such a gentleman I guess... The plates are in the cupboards and of course, the cupboards are too high for me to reach them, so I go on my tippy-toes and I try to open the cupboards to grab the plates. I know for sure that me going on my tippy-toes is making the dress go shorter, but I don't care. I just need these damn plates. Somehow my mother hates me and so she put the plates on the highest shelf the cupboard has. Ugh! I'm about to grab a chair so I can grab the plates but I hear a cough. I turn around and of course, I see Matthew. His hands are in his pockets and he looks hot of course. Blah.