Control (Blood & Bone Enforcers MC Book 1)

by Grace Brennan

  Until he finally broke it. “Tarun. Please, can we talk? Privately? If you still want to tell me off once I’m done and avoid me for the rest of your stay, I won’t stop you, and I won’t keep bugging you. But please, hear me out first.”

  Blowing out a deep breath, she finally looked into his eyes for the first time since she ran into him. A shiver wracked her as she saw the intensity in his light blue and gold gaze, the color indicating his lion was near almost completely taking over the blue.

  “I’m under orders to give you a chance, so I don’t really have much of a choice.”

  His brow twitched, like he didn’t care for her wording. She was ready to tell him to piss off when he protested it, only he never did. Holding a hand out, he gestured toward the back door. “Let’s sit on the back porch. It’s too loud in the bar, and I’m pretty sure you won’t want to go upstairs with me.”

  “That’s for damn sure,” she muttered as she ignored his hand and brushed past him, walking outside.

  The sun was setting, bathing everything in a red glow. It was beautiful, but there was a slight chill in the air. It was technically still winter, but although it didn’t get cold there like it did in Colorado, the air still had a bite to it once the sun began leaving the sky.

  Wrapping her arms around herself, she walked to the rail and stared out at the scenery. “So say whatever it is you wanted to say. But if you want to tell me, yet again, that you choose Georgie over me, let me tell you right now that I don’t want to hear it, and I’ll probably knee you in the nuts if you say it.”

  Silence stretched out between them and then his footsteps stomped toward her. She shot a glance at him, surprised to find him scowling at her. Was he that threatened by a woman promising to knee him in the groin?

  “The fuck are you talking about, Tarun? I never chose Georgie over you.”

  Spinning toward him, she arched an eyebrow. “What, are we lying about shit now? Look, if you’re just trying to save your skin where Jameson’s concerned, you can save both of us the bother. I won’t tell him anything about the shit you pulled.”

  “I don’t give a shit about your brother right now. Where the hell did you get the idea that I don’t want you, let alone that I do want Georgie?”

  Brow twitching, she studied his eyes, wondering why it felt like he was being honest right now, when she knew he wasn’t. “Because you said so. You said the kiss meant nothing to you, and then you again ordered me to go home. Making sure to rub salt in the wound by letting me know the only reason you were worried for my safety is because of Jamie. On top of all of that, you ordered me home, yet invited Georgie to move in. And you’re going to pretend like I just imagined all that happened?”

  “What are you talking about? I never said our kiss meant nothing to me. At least, I didn’t mean it the way you took it. You were using the kiss to argue for staying here, and I said the kiss means nothing if something happens to you. Meaning the kiss isn’t as important as your safety.” Pausing, he stepped closer as he searched her eyes. “Tarun, that kiss meant the world to me. It was the best kiss of my life, and I want a million more kisses just like that. But I’ll never get a repeat if you don’t stay safe.”

  She swallowed hard as the truth in his voice washed over her. “You should have said it like that.”

  Head dipping in acknowledgment, he reached out and took her hands in his. “You’re right. I should have, and that misunderstanding is on me.”

  “And the part about Jamie?” she whispered, unable to find her voice as her body reacted to his touch.

  “Something else I must not have explained right. Yes, Jameson would kill me if something happened to you, but he’s only a small reason I can’t lose you. Already, you mean too much to me, Tarun. It would kill me if you were hurt, or God forbid, worse. I’m a selfish bastard. I want you around for a very long time—not for your brother, but for me.”

  The truth in his voice was washing over her in waves. He wasn’t lying to her. He was being completely honest, and it just so happened that that honesty was exactly what she needed to hear.

  But she still had reservations.

  Clearing her throat, she forced herself to say the name she was quickly becoming to hate. “And Georgie?”

  “I know that looks bad. But it’s honestly like I said last night. You’re safer if you leave, and she’s safer if she stays. Believe me, I wish it was the opposite. I want you, not her. I’ve never wanted her.” Letting go of one of her hands, he raised his and skimmed his knuckles down her cheek before cupping it. “But despite it being safer if you left, I think I’m past the point of wanting you to. I need you here with me. This past twenty-four hours without you has proven to me just how much.”

  Her heart felt like it was melting, but she resisted the urge to give in. There were still things that confused her, things she needed answers to.

  “What about her calling you sweetie? And you spent the night with her last night. I know. I heard Blake ask for a tray with y’all’s breakfasts to take to her room this morning. You make it sound like you don’t want her like that, but there are signs pointing to it being the other way around.”

  Luke closed his eyes, tempted to curse under his breath. He hadn’t thought explaining would be easy. And despite it going well so far, there was still potential for him to royally fuck it up. He just hoped she’d continue to be understanding.

  “I told you I don’t like her, but I think you’ve worked out that she has a thing for me. I’m pretty sure she only called me that because I was talking to you. She wanted to get to you, to make you think there was something going on that isn’t.

  “As for being in her room, well—I feel responsible for her being hurt. I feel guilty as fuck. She knew I was, I think, and she was taking advantage of it. She kept saying she was scared and only I could keep her fear at bay. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t being totally honest, but I felt compelled to stay, because it’s my fault she got hurt. I swear, nothing happened. I stayed in the chair on the other side of the room the whole time. I finally escaped around noon. But I need you to know I won’t be going back in there. If she needs someone to stay with her, it’s gonna have to be someone else. I already told Blake I wasn’t going back into her room, for any reason.”

  She was quiet for a moment, searching his eyes, and he held his breath, praying she’d hear the truth in his voice and accept it. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay with her. I believe what you’re saying. But I’ve seen how much she wants you and I know she won’t stop throwing herself at you. I’m never going to be comfortable with that.”

  Relief washed over him that she believed him, but… “I don’t know what to do here, Tarun. She won’t be staying at B&B forever—just until we get this threat resolved. But she works here, and until she gives us a valid reason to let her go, or she leaves on her own… she’ll still be around, even once the threat is over.”

  Blowing out a breath, she glanced over at where the sun was sinking below the horizon, chewing on her lower lip. He desperately wanted to take over and do that for her, but they hadn’t finished resolving the issues standing between them.

  “I think I can handle that. You’ve explained everything, and I get it now. Maybe you didn’t explain some things well in the moment, but I think I was insecure, so I was quick to jump to conclusions. I trust that you won’t give in when she comes on to you again. I still won’t ever be okay with her, but I can handle it better now.”

  Fuck if his knees didn’t go weak at her words, his lion purring in his chest. Shit. He’d been scared she’d draw the line at Georgie being anywhere around. He knew a lot of women would. He didn’t necessarily want the waitress around, either, but he couldn’t just fire her for nothing.

  If she was a deal breaker for his mate, though, he would have found someway around it. Even if it meant leaving the Enforcers. It was something he’d thought about before, because of his gift, but he hadn’t been ready to do it.

  For Tarun, thou
gh, he’d make himself ready.

  Unable to stop himself—and not even wanting to try—he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. It was just like it felt the day before. Powerful, all consuming, fiery. His pulse raced and heat rushed through his veins as he deepened the kiss, and by the time he pulled back, they were both breathing heavily.

  Pulling her in closer, he wrapped her up tightly in his arms as she snuggled in, laying her head on his chest. Nothing before had felt as amazing as that moment in time. He’d found his mate, and she was far more than he could have hoped for.

  “You know what happened to Georgie isn’t your fault.”

  He stiffened at her softly spoken statement. “It is. The man who assaulted her was trying to get info on me and the other Enforcers. The threat you warned about. I have every reason to feel responsible.”

  “No, you don’t.” Raising her head, she met his eyes, the conviction in hers warming him from the inside out. “You had nothing to do with this. This is someone who’s hunting you and the Enforcers for his own reasons. Someone who made the decision to rough up a woman to get what he wants. You’re not responsible for his actions. You’re only responsible for your own. He did this. Not you.”

  “I appreciate you saying that, but it’s harder to believe. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to. But for now, it feels like it’s all on me.”

  “Do you feel it that strongly because you feel so protective of women? That’s part of it, right?”

  He shrugged. “Probably, although I think I’d feel guilty to some degree no matter who it was who was assaulted—man or woman.”

  “Is there a reason you worry so much about women’s safety?”

  He froze, trying not to stiffen up too much at her question. It opened up a box of memories inside him that he tried to keep tightly locked up.

  “Hey,” she said softly, bringing her hand up to his face and running her fingers lightly over his short beard. “It’s okay. It’s obvious there is but you don’t have to talk about it.”

  Shaking his head, he gave her a last squeeze before moving to the railing, locking his arms on it as he gazed out into the twilight. “No, I think maybe it’s time I did. I haven’t ever spoken of it, but I’ve been feeling like I’ve been doing my family a disservice by keeping it all bottled up.”

  Tarun moved up next to him, rubbing his back briefly before joining him in looking out into the dusk. He took a moment, trying to find the right place to start, trying to find the words. Short and sweet, or in depth.

  Maybe somewhere in between.

  “I was born into a lion pride. In our culture, there’s no one Alpha. The man and woman, the mates, rule jointly, together. My parents were the alphas. I had a little sister, as well. Her name was Lara, and we all doted on her. Myself, my parents, the tribe.” Stopping, he shook his head as a shaft of pain shot through his chest as he remembered her. It’d been too long since he thought of her. “When I was eleven, my father died in a freak accident. It crippled my family, but we all pushed on. My mom remained Alpha, and I know it was hard on her. She didn’t have a chance to grieve like she should have. I began my fight training that year, resolved to shoulder some of the burden. Like the War Cats, our leaders passed from generation to generation, the line remaining in the same family, unless someone was declared unfit. I wanted to be declared the alpha earlier than usual, so I could take the pressure off of my mom.

  “I never got the chance. When I was twelve, we were attacked. Not the tribe—my house specifically, by another lion who wanted to rule the pride himself. I was asleep, and my mom rushed into my room, trying to be quiet. She was sobbing these unending, silent tears. She whispered that someone was in the house and I had to get out before he killed me. I said I couldn’t leave without Lara, and my mom didn’t have to say a word. I could tell by the look on her face that my sister was already gone.”

  Pausing, he clenched his hands on the rail, almost splintering the wood. Tarun didn’t say a word, just reached over and placed her hand gently over his. He was grateful, but he couldn’t allow himself to look at her. He could tell by the hitch in her breathing that she was crying, and he’d never be able to finish his story if he looked at her and saw the grief he felt reflected on her face.

  “At that point, I almost lost it. I didn’t want to leave, especially since I knew my mom wasn’t going to go with me. I wanted to protect her and avenge my sister. But, even though I thought I was a man and a good fighter when I was twelve, I was no match for a fully mature male lion. My mom convinced me to leave. I had a friend staying over—actually, he lived with us. He was from a pride that’d been decimated, and my parents took him in. She made him promise to make sure I got out alive, and then pushed us toward the window.

  “I went fairly easily, because I might not have been a match for a mature male lion, but my mom was. She was a fierce lioness, and she could best damn near every man in the pride. But when I turned around at the edge of our property, I saw her in the window of the living room. She didn’t even try to shift and fight as the man approached her. He stabbed her, over and over, and she died. I cried out and tried to go back, but my friend clamped his hand over my mouth and drug me away. I struggled, but he was bigger and stronger than I was, so he managed it fairly easily.”

  “Oh, God,” she breathed, horror clear in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Luke. So, so sorry.”

  “I think she gave up. She knew I’d be taken care of, and with her mate and daughter dead, she just didn’t care enough to fight for herself.” He went quiet for a moment and Tarun ducked under one of his arms, wrapping her arms around him. “Anyway, that’s why I feel so protective over women. I wasn’t able to protect my mom or sister, but I’ll be damned if other women get hurt on my watch if I can help it.”

  “I’m sorrier than words can express, Luke. I can’t imagine going through that, and your protective streak makes total sense now. I know you wanted to stay and fight, but I’m glad your friend got you out of there. Do you ever talk to him still?”

  “Every day. You’ve talked to him, too.” His lips quirked as he glanced at her and caught the confused look on her face. “It was Noah.”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Really? I knew he was a lion, too, but I didn’t realize y’all knew each other before you became Enforcers.”

  “Yeah, we met when I was six and he came to stay with us. He’s a couple years older than me.”

  He fell silent, his mind lost in the past and the memories. But they weren’t images of that fateful night, like they usually were when he thought of his childhood. They were memories of the good parts of his childhood—when his parents and Lara were still alive.

  If only those were the only ones he thought of when he remembered.

  Tarun stood helplessly next to Luke, still pressed up against his side. If she’d known the reason he was obsessed with women’s safety was so horrific, she would have thought twice about asking.

  Still, maybe it wasn’t a bad thing she had. She hated reminding him of such a painful time in his life, but she didn’t think he allowed himself to think about the good times with his family nearly enough. Glancing up at him, she caught the distant look in his eyes and the small smile on his face, and knew he was thinking of those good times right then.

  Good. He needed to remember more than just the tragic ending. Life was kind of like books, in a way. It might sometimes end in tragedy, but there was a beginning and middle that, more often than not, held all the good parts. And it was important to remember those, as well—not just the last few pages.

  She was really glad he’d had Noah to help him. Not just with escaping and keeping him from going back, but for all the years since. She’d known he was also a lion, but she hadn’t realized they had any other connection besides the Enforcers.

  Brow furrowing, she wondered if Noah’s past had something to do with whatever he felt was missing. She considered it for a moment, but she didn’t think so. Surely, he’d looked at his backstory and wondered the
same thing, and clearly come up empty. Whatever it was, it didn’t have to do with his past, or wanting to find a mate. She wished she could help him, though. He was a good guy, and he’d done so much to help Luke. She wanted to return the favor.

  Luke squeezed her closer against him and she smiled up at him, brought back to the moment. He lifted the arm that wasn’t wrapped around her and brushed the hair away from her face, his eyes roaming over her features before meeting hers.

  “Thank you. I haven’t spoken about them in more years than I can count. I needed to, and for the first time since I was twelve, I was able to remember more about them than just that night. That felt good.”

  “I’m glad you’re remembering the good times with them.”

  His eyes dropped to her mouth and his thumb rubbed gently against her lips. Her breath caught as he turned to face her and leaned down, kissing her softly. It was slow and gentle, but it didn’t stay that way for long. Soon, it was amping up, heating her blood in a way she felt down to her toes.

  Going up on tiptoe, she wrapped her arms around his neck, taking the initiative and slipping her tongue into his mouth. He groaned, low and long as he pulled her in closer, their tongues tangling as they sought to get even closer.

  Her tiger began purring, and like before, his lion answered, adding a deliciousness to their kiss she loved. Her core clenched, her blood heating in a way only Luke had ever inspired in her, and as amazing as it was, it wasn’t enough.

  She hadn’t done much physically with a man before. And she’d always thought that when she did, it would be with her mate. She’d have bet money on it.

  Her tiger hadn’t said Luke was her mate, but she honest to God didn’t think it could get better than it was right then, even if her mate was someone else.

  The thought made her heart clench painfully. She didn’t want to consider the possibility that he might not be her mate. The thought was physically painful.