Murder on the Ballot

by Elizabeth Spann Craig

  “We could seat someone right away. Miss Patsy is about to go under the dryer for a while, so that chair will be available. You need a wash and set?”

  Myrtle shook her head. “Not for me, no. Tell you what—I’ll make my little announcement and then we’ll see.”

  Kat nodded and went back to her client, still looking curiously at Myrtle and Wanda.

  “Wanda,” asked Myrtle in a whisper, “would you be interested in having your hair done? You don’t have to, I just wondered if you might want to try it out.”

  Wanda looked conflicted. “Sort of stand out in here.”

  Myrtle said, “Pfft. Don’t you worry about these ladies in here. Kat is salt of the earth. I taught most of the others, except for that Patsy who might be around my age.”

  Wanda looked longingly at the bottles of shampoos and hair treatments. “Won’t it take a while?”

  “Not all that long,” said Myrtle with a shrug.

  “What about Miles? Him’s out there in the car.”

  Myrtle frowned. “Yes. Hmm. I’d rather forgotten about Miles. Tell you what; you sit down in the chair, I’ll make my announcement and get my signatures, and then if you’re comfortable with me leaving, I’ll go with Miles back to Town Hall and get my packet turned in. By the time we get back, I’m sure you’ll be finishing up.”

  Wanda’s eyes lit up and she nodded shyly.

  “I’ll just have a word with Kat real quick and fill her in,” said Myrtle striding over to quietly speak to her.

  Kat immediately glanced around the room and said, “Cady, can you shampoo Wanda? I’ll cut and style her as soon as I’m done here.”

  Cady, a cute young woman who looked to be in her early-twenties, motioned Wanda over to the shampoo station and chatted with her as she fit a towel around her thin shoulders.

  Myrtle cleared her throat and said, “If I can have everyone’s attention?” A buzz of loud conversation from a very deaf customer continued and Myrtle boomed, “Everyone?”

  Once everyone was looking her way, Myrtle gave a speedy spiel, which was followed by applause. Myrtle was irritated with herself for not having Miles come in for pictures, but then saw Kat had paused blow drying her client’s hair and was taking snapshots.

  “For my Instagram,” she said with an apologetic smile.

  “Can you send those to me? I’m trying to put together some pictures for my campaign.”

  “I’ll text them to you right now,” she said, getting Myrtle’s phone number first.

  The conversational buzz started up again and Myrtle said, “Just one thing more, everybody! I’m sending around a document for everyone to sign as part of my registration packet. If you could all sign it, I’d be very appreciative.”

  Myrtle handed the packet to an old lady who’d been under the dryer most of the time. She squinted at the page then took Myrtle’s pen and scribbled out her name before handing it to the blue-haired woman under the dryer next to her.

  “What’s this for?” hollered the blue-haired woman.

  “A petition,” said the old lady.

  “To stop spam calls on my cell phone?”

  “Same kinda thing,” agreed the old woman, who was very unclear about what she was signing, but didn’t want to admit it since she’d already signed.

  Apparently believing they were signing something to end spam calls forever, the slots were quickly filled up with signatures.

  “Excellent!” said Myrtle. “All right, I’ll be back soon, Kat. Thanks for taking care of Wanda for me.”

  Cady had just finished washing Wanda’s hair and Wanda was looking relaxed and sleepy. As well she might, thought Myrtle, having walked all night long.

  Cady led her over to Kat’s station while Kat cashed out her prior client.

  Chapter Five

  Miles, in the car with the windows down, had fallen into a deep sleep and was snoring lightly. When Myrtle hopped into the car, he jerked awake, startled.

  “All done?” he asked blearily, rubbing his eyes.

  “It was a piece of cake. Wanda’s getting her hair cut and styled, so we’re going to run by town hall and turn in my packet before coming back.”

  Miles said, “I must still be dreaming. I could have sworn you said that Wanda was getting her hair cut and styled.”

  “That’s precisely what I said. Kat always does a marvelous job, so I’m sure Wanda is in good hands. Sometimes, when you’ve had a rough spell, a trip to the salon can work wonders.”

  Miles, who used a barber, gave a doubtful grunt.

  At the town hall, Myrtle practically pranced through the door, waving her completed packet as she approached the town clerk. BeeBee gave her a stiff smile. “Hi there, Mrs. Clover. Wow, that was quick work.”

  “Oh, I perform well under deadlines,” said Myrtle. “And of course, everyone was so eager to sign on to support my candidacy. It’s been a very personally rewarding day.”

  BeeBee carefully checked the packet and then signed and stamped a paper. “You’re good to go.”

  “Is there anything I should know about?” Myrtle frowned at BeeBee as if she were falling down on the job.

  BeeBee appeared to be frantically thinking. “I don’t think so, Mrs. Clover. Is there something I’ve forgotten?”

  “Are there any formal campaign dates I should be aware of? Debates? Things of that nature?”

  BeeBee said slowly, “Well . . . no. It’s a town council seat. We don’t really host debates for small seats. Actually, there aren’t even debates for mayor. The newspaper editor just sends over interview questions to the different candidates and they respond and he prints them. That’s the main way citizens understand where the candidates stand on issues.”

  Myrtle’s eyebrows drew together. “That really won’t do at all. I want to make sure certain issues are addressed. I want the town council to understand how poorly they’re behaving and I need a platform for that.”

  “You could always challenge the other candidate to a debate,” said BeeBee with a shrug. “I’m sure we could host it in the council room. Sloan would surely advertise it in the paper. That would be a good way to spread the news about your message.” She looked a bit curious as to what this message might be.

  Myrtle turned to Miles. “What do you think, Miles?”

  Miles, who had been busy using hand sanitizer since he opened the door leading into town hall, looked startled and then a bit abashed for not paying attention.

  Myrtle frowned at him. “What do you think about asking Royce to debate me? Doesn’t that sound like a way to amplify my ideas?”

  Miles nodded. Then he cleared his throat. “Is Royce the only other candidate? Because we did speak with Erma, you know.”

  Myrtle shuddered at the mention of her name. “We certainly did. I devoutly hope she didn’t follow through on her intentions.”

  “Erma Sherman?” asked BeeBee. “She’s already turned her packet back in.”

  Myrtle and Miles blinked at her.

  “She’s an official candidate?” asked Miles slowly.

  “Who on earth signed her packet?” asked Myrtle.

  BeeBee neatly stacked an already-neat stack of papers. “She mentioned that she collected them from all the different physicians she sees.”

  Myrtle and Miles gave each other doleful looks.

  “That would fill up her page with signatures right there,” said Myrtle.

  Myrtle and Miles silently left town hall and got back into Miles’s car and drove back over to the Beauty Box salon.

  Myrtle was still muttering under her breath about Erma. “What a disaster,” she said.

  Miles shrugged. “I doubt she’s going to win the election, Myrtle.”

  “Well, but I doubt she has an exit strategy from the campaign like I do, either. I’d hate to have to stay in the race to ensure people have anti-Erma options.”

  Miles pulled into a parking spot. “But they would have an anti-Erma option when you drop out. They could vote for Royce Rollins.�
��

  Myrtle made a face. “That’s not exactly much of a choice. Some people might mistakenly think Erma is the lesser of the two evils. All I wanted to do was to run for a while and scare the council into acting like grownups. Then I’ll drop out gracefully.”

  “You still might have the opportunity to do that. We don’t know how it’s all going to end up.”

  Myrtle got out of the car and walked somewhat distractedly into the salon. She stopped short as she saw Wanda, grinning shyly at her with freshly washed and styled hair.

  “Wanda! I love your new cut,” said Myrtle.

  Wanda reached a frail hand up to carefully touch it as if worried about damaging it in some way. She nodded. “Kat done good.”

  “She certainly did,” said Myrtle. Wanda’s gray-streaked hair looked so much healthier with the chin-length cut and Kat had indeed worked wonders with her layering technique.

  Kat gave a little bow and a laugh. “Wanda is great. You come back anytime, okay?”

  Myrtle rummaged in her purse for her wallet. “I’m going to take care of this today. We’re having a little ‘celebrate Wanda’ day today.”

  Kat held up her hands. “Nope. It’s on the house. It was my pleasure.” She said under her breath to Wanda and Myrtle, “It was nice to do something besides dyes and wash and sets.”

  Myrtle beamed at her. “Well, thanks so much! You know I’ll be back in soon and we’ll catch up.”

  Wanda gave Kat a smile and a thanks and then they headed out. When they got into the car, Miles said, “Wanda, you look fantastic.”

  Wanda blushed and mumbled a thank you.

  Myrtle said, “This is turning out to be a very good day, isn’t it? I think to cap everything off, we should go ahead and drop by the consignment shop and pick out some new outfits to complement Wanda’s new look.”

  Miles sighed. He hadn’t planned to be part of Wanda’s makeover day.

  “While Wanda is shopping, I’m going to call Royce and challenge him to a debate,” said Myrtle as Miles started driving toward Attic Treasures, the thrift shop.

  Miles said, “I don’t think you challenge the other candidate for a debate, do you? You’re making it sound as if you’re setting up a duel.”

  “Invite him to debate me, then,” said Myrtle. “And the sooner the better.”

  Attic Treasures was very quiet, which was a good thing. Wanda already looked a bit self-conscious being there and having a lot of other customers would have definitely made things worse. It was a fairly small store that had a few cute outfits with brightly colored accessories in the front window that the owner, Patsy, had put together. Inside the shop were clothes organized on racks by color and then by size.

  Miles, wisely, had decided to stay in the car.

  Patsy came over with a big smile for Myrtle. “Miss Myrtle! How are you doing, sweetie? I haven’t seen you in here for a while, darlin’!”

  Myrtle bared her teeth in a smile at Patsy as Wanda gave Myrtle a wary look. Myrtle was not at all fond of people speaking to her as if she were three years old. However, she was willing to overlook this and not give Patsy a crushing reply. Wanda did need better clothes and Patsy, despite her obvious inadequacies, was very good at personal shopping.

  “Actually, I’m in here to help my friend, Wanda, find some new clothes. Do you think you could help us out?”

  Patsy gave Wanda an assessing look and then quickly said, “Goodness, yes. We have all kinds of cute things that I just know you’ll like, Wanda.”

  “Do you know your size, Wanda?” asked Myrtle.

  Wanda froze and shook her head.

  Patsy gave a careless wave of her hand. “Pfft, Miss Myrtle. No need for her to tell me. I know a 00-Tall when I see one. I don’t often see one, so we have even more cute things for you to consider, Wanda, because no one else can wear them!”

  Wanda gave her a tentative smile and followed as Patsy swiftly strode to several racks, narrowing her eyes at various selections before whipping out a few and holding them up to Wanda’s thin frame and giving them considering looks between narrowed eyes. “Yes. You’re one to go with more of a classic look, aren’t you? Not a bold pattern, but lots of solids in neutral shades, right?”

  Wanda, looking rather bemused, nodded obediently.

  Myrtle tilted her head to one side. “Patsy, can you go ahead and stick those in a changing room for Wanda?”

  “Of course, sugar dumplin’!” Patsy trotted off to the back of the store.

  Myrtle said to Wanda, “These things are not expensive, Wanda, and it’s my treat. The important thing is that we don’t owe Patsy anything. If you don’t like these clothes, we’ll go somewhere else. If you like all of them, we’ll get them all. So it shouldn’t be something you worry about, okay? If you need me to tell Patsy to back off, believe me, it will be my pleasure.”

  Wanda slowly gave her a crooked, snaggle-toothed grin. “Got it.”

  “If it’s okay with you, since I’m not much help in the fashion department, I’ve got a phone call to make to Royce to set up a debate . . . is that okay? You just be sure to give me a sign if Patsy is starting to railroad you.”

  Wanda said, “Okay.”

  Myrtle kept a watchful eye as Wanda trudged off to the changing room to see how the clothes fit. Then she pulled her phone out of her pocket. She didn’t have Royce’s number, but she had his wife’s. She called Jenny and got Royce’s phone number from her. Then she called Royce.

  “Hello?” asked a brusque voice on the other end. It sounded as if Royce might be driving.

  “Royce, this is Myrtle Clover,” purred Myrtle. “I understand you’re running for town council.”

  Immediately Royce’s voice changed into a completely different, politicking tone. “Why hi there, Miss Myrtle. Goodness gracious but it’s been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with you. I am indeed running for office locally and would love to have your support.”

  “It’s so important to have good people on town council, don’t you think?” asked Myrtle sweetly. She watched as Wanda came out of the changing room in a black top and a pair of khaki pants and stood in front of a mirror with Patsy.

  “It certainly is.”

  “Which is exactly why I’ve chosen to run for that seat, too.” She watched as Patsy gave Wanda’s outfit a critical look and then shook her head. Apparently, that one was a no.

  There was a long pause from Royce on the other end. “You’re running for that seat, too?” he finally asked.

  “Yes. After all of the ridiculous shenanigans at the town council meetings, I decided it was time for a grownup to come in and make everyone settle down. Besides, I have a few issues I want to make sure get put on the table.”

  Royce said politely, “Well, that’s just wonderful, Miss Myrtle. Goodness, I never thought my high school English teacher would be running in a campaign.”

  Myrtle took this as a jab at the fact that she didn’t have any political experience. “I never thought the owner of a construction firm would be, either.”

  Royce gave a short laugh. “Business experience can come in handy in government, actually. Anyway, what was it that you called me about, Miss Myrtle? I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of time as I’m driving to a meeting right now.”

  “I called to find a time for us to debate. It would be good to give the people of Bradley an opportunity to hear from both of us and better understand where we fall on various issues,” said Myrtle smoothly.

  There was another long pause. “Well, Miss Myrtle, much as I’d enjoy having a conversation about our different views in public, I just don’t know if that’s really necessary. Ordinarily, folks running for town council simply do interviews with Sloan at the newspaper. Are you familiar with those stories?”

  Myrtle thought she detected a patronizing tone in Royce’s voice. That would never do. She said sharply, “Naturally. I’m Sloan’s investigative reporter, you might recall.”

  “Oh right, right.” Still that
patronizing tone. “Since it’s just the two of us and since I’m really busy . . . actually, I suppose we both are. Anyway, I believe it would be best to simply follow tradition in this matter and have our views run in the newspaper.”

  “Except it’s not just the two of us. Erma Sherman is also running for the seat.”

  This was the second bombshell of the conversation for Royce. “Erma Sherman? She’s running for office?”

  “She was inspired,” said Myrtle simply.

  There was a chuckle on the other end of the phone. “Okay. All right, I give up. When is it that you want to have this debate, Miss Myrtle? I’ll be there. You and Erma get together and set it up and I’ll be delighted to attend.”

  Myrtle bristled at the smugness in his voice. He certainly seemed confident that he was going to come out looking very good at the debate.

  “Oh, Erma is generally always free. I think this type of thing is better handled sooner, rather than later, don’t you think? Let’s do it on Friday evening at the town hall. I’ll make sure Sloan prints something in the paper tomorrow about it.”

  “You got it.” Royce’s voice sounded a bit bored now. “Okay, Miss Myrtle, it’s been a pleasure, but I’ve got to run now. See you Friday.”

  Chapter Six

  Myrtle got off the call as Wanda came out of the dressing area carrying several tops that apparently had both her and Patsy’s approval, a pair of black jeans, and a pair of blue jeans. What was more, Wanda looked flushed and happy.

  Myrtle settled up with Patsy at the checkout counter and then they headed back to Miles’s car where Miles was diligently working on a Sudoku he’d dug up from the center console.

  “All set?” asked Miles with a smile at Wanda and she gave him a smile and a nod in return.

  Miles said, “I’m almost scared to ask, but where to now?”

  “Back to my place, actually, after stopping very briefly by Elaine’s house to pick up a few toiletries for Wanda. She and I are going to need to launder these consignment clothes before she wears them. It’s probably time for us to eat again.” Myrtle said this in response to the sound of Wanda’s tummy growling. “Also, I’ll need to send Sloan that information for his article on me tomorrow.”