by Emma Vikes
We were at the back porch when I dropped the paper bag I had been holding, my hand running through his wet hair as he pressed me against the back wall, his mouth hungrily kissing my neck, lowering down to my collar bone. I moaned as his teeth gently nibbled on my collar bone, sucking and surely leaving a mark.
“Leo,” I breathed, pulling his face away from mine for a moment.
He paused, breathing hard against me. “Tell me you want me, Ellie, and if you don’t, I’ll stop.”
I could feel his erection against my stomach and the faint memory of him inside me made me shiver. The alarm was ringing in my head, telling me to stop this right now, knowing that it could only lead to something that might break my heart.
But what if it won’t?
“I want you, Leo,” I whispered, staring straight into the gray eyes that were slowly darkening with desire, the same way the skies outside darkened with rain.
His hand cupped my face gently and his thumb caressed my cheek. A small smile spread on his lips as he pressed them against mine softly, resting his forehead against mine. He carried me inside the house and began to climb the stairs, opening my bedroom door and then pushing me against it again once we were inside, his lips on my skin, feverish kisses showered on every inch of skin that his lips could be on.
Leo pulled away just so he could remove my clothes until I was stripped down to my underwear. I tugged on his shirt and he didn’t hesitate in pulling it off for me, followed by his jeans. His dick was straining against his boxers and the sight made me lick my lips. How many times had I thought of him in this way over the past seven years?
“Oh!” A sigh escaped my lips when Leo unhooked my bra, his mouth latching on my right boob. My fingers ran through his hair, closing my eyes and arching my back, shoving my boobs more and more into his face. His free hand slid inside my panties, cupping my vagina, his middle finger stroking my clit gently. “Shit, shit, shit, Leo!”
I felt like all my veins were singing with excitement, like I was a ticking time-bomb, ready to detonate at any given moment. When Leo knelt down and started kissing my pelvic bones as he slowly pulled down my underwear, when he blew on my core, I lost it. With eyes still closed, I collapsed as I came and Leo caught me and I shivered in his arms.
Leo chuckled as he stroked my hair. “Been a while?”
I nodded meekly. “Very.”
And then I kissed him and he was quick enough to respond. He picked me up without breaking the kiss and placed me on the bed, biting my bottom lip and dragging it gently down, he began to kiss my neck, collar bone, and then proceeded to go farther down. I placed a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look back up to me.
I swallowed as his piercing gray gaze seemed to bore right into my soul. With effort, I switched our position so I was straddling him. I began to kiss his lips lightly, teasingly and then copied his actions as I kissed him from his neck, his collar bone, each of his abs on his stomach and then stopped at the ‘v’ and the happy trail that guided me to the erection that my body was craving. I kissed his dick beneath his boxers and Leo groaned.
“Fuck, don’t do that, baby,” Leo growled, sitting up and cupping my face. My eyes flickered down to his erection and gently, I pulled down his boxers and his cock sprang up. Pre-cum glistened on the head of his dick and I licked it, making a face at the potent taste. Again, Leo chuckled and then placed both hands on my face. “You don’t have to.”
He switched our position again, grabbing a condom from his wallet in his jeans and back to me; this time, his dick was positioned at my entrance. I stared at the gray eyes and it reminded me of our first time, when he stared at me with the same soft gaze. I swallowed. If tomorrow morning Leo wouldn’t be beside me, it was something I had to accept. After all, I was the one who wanted this.
Leo pecked my lips gently and pushed himself inside of me. My eyes shut close at the intrusion, the pleasure spreading from my stomach and all throughout my body as Leo continued to thrust inside of me, pulling out and then pushing himself back in, building a slow pace. I wrapped my arms around him, nibbling at his ear, whispering, “Faster, baby, take me harder.”
He stopped for a moment and then positioned my leg over his shoulder, adjusting my position and then ramming his dick inside of me without warning. “Ah!”
Leo was relentless in his thrusts and pace and I was screaming beneath him in pleasure, moaning and groaning and the sound of his balls slapping against my ass, our heavy breathing filled the silence of the room. Outside, the rain poured, thunder roared and there was a flash of brighter light. The storm had come. Mine was back.
CHAPTER 11
Eleanor
My body felt sore but there was this tingling sensation that seemed to coat my entire being and it was as if I was floating on cloud 9. I turned to my side, expecting my body to collide and tangle with his but his side was cold and unoccupied. With furrowed eyebrows, I opened my eyes and stared at the open space beside me. Sitting up, I held the blanket tightly around my chest and looked around the room.
“Leo?”
There was no response and I got up from the bed, straining my ear, thinking that maybe he was in the bathroom or in the kitchen. But the lake house was completely and utterly quite. I wrapped the blanket around my body and went outside, thinking that maybe he had gone to the lake or to the nearest market.
But the rental car was still parked in front of the lake house, the canoe was in place and there was no sign of Leo anywhere. Heart hammering in my chest, I rushed back inside, looking for any sign of Leo’s stuff that would tell me that he just went somewhere but I couldn’t see the neon blue backpack that he was using. There wasn’t any sign of his clothes.
Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes now as I searched through the house and then I went back to the room and finally saw the note yellow note resting on the bedside table, a key on top of it. With shaking hands, I picked it up, already having an idea of what I was going to read.
Check out is at noon. The owners will come by to get the key from you. The key to the rental car is on the coffee table.
- Leo
It wasn’t the note that I was expecting to read. There was no explanation on where he went or why he had to go. The word ‘goodbye’ wasn’t even written on it and I stared at the note blankly, numbly, continually wondering if I wasn’t even worth the goodbye. All along, he just wanted to sleep with me and when he finally did, I was left like trash in a lake house in the middle of nowhere.
The tears fell in that instant, the pain ebbing from my heart through my soul. I never knew pain like this, suffocating and heart-wrenching, the kind that even if you cried hard enough, it didn’t take it away. I sank to the ground, pulling my knees closer to my body as my traitorous mind went through every memory I had with Leo, every moment he made me feel wanted, special, as if I was the girl that changed him, as if I was the very person that could get him to fall in love, to commit.
But he never said I love you, stupid. Foolish of you to think that you’re enough for him.
Choking on my sobs, I pulled myself up, trying to wipe away my tears selfishly and standing up, but only falling back to the ground again, the heartbreak too much for me to bear. All I ever did was love him but why did love have to be this heartbreaking?
The cool afternoon breeze made me shiver and slowly, my eyes fluttered open, staring blankly at the empty space beside me. Blinking, I sat up and looked at the window. The rain hadn’t subsided. The storm was still going on outside as raindrops continued to fall like harsh torrents on the rooftop. I let out a long exhale, my heart throbbing with the pain of Leo leaving, reminding me of the first time he did but also because there was a part of me who thought he wouldn’t do it again.
I slipped into denim shorts and a white hoodie, grabbing my car keys. I needed to drive around to unwind. Everything that had happened in the last nearly 36 hours had been overwhelming and I needed to get my mind off of things. But just as I descended down the stairs, I could
hear someone in the kitchen. For a moment, I thought that Mom had brought back Max while I was asleep but then remembered that she wanted her grandson throughout the weekend.
My heart raced, a bubble of unwarranted hope filling my veins as I took a step closer to the kitchen. There he was, in his jeans and white shirt again, his hair a complete disarray as he focused his attention on the video on his phone which seemed to be someone teaching how to cook dinner. I couldn’t really make out what the person was trying to cook but Leo seemed to be following her instructions since he was trying to cook something.
As far as I knew, Leo only knew how to fry things and make sandwiches.
“I’m hoping you don’t have the intention to burn down my house. I’ve only been here for two weeks, Leo.”
He turned down the stove and then faced me. He looked like an absolute mess but he had the cutest smile on his face that made my heart skip a beat at the sight. “I thought I could make dinner but we both know I’m no Julian.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on but Leo was here. He could’ve left after sleeping with me like he did the first time and I would’ve accepted it because it was technically what I had gotten myself into by agreeing to having sex with him. But Leo was still here and now I didn’t know how I was supposed to react.
Moving further in the kitchen, I stopped where he stood. He was boiling water and a bag of pasta noodles were on the side. Chopped bacon, onions and garlic were in small bowls alongside a big bottle of olive oil. “What were you trying to cook?”
Leo smiled sheepishly. “Naked pasta. Julian taught me this once during the summer but you know how I’d rather salivate than listen. The lady on YouTube makes it so easy and I thought I could pull it off.”
I picked up his phone and rewound the video, watching it from the beginning. I could feel Leo hovering behind me, watching too and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck and involuntarily, it made me shiver. He didn’t tease me or say anything about my reaction and when the video was done, I handed him back his phone and proceeded to finish the dinner he was trying to make.
Silently, I cooked dinner for the both of us, following what I had learned through the video. It wasn’t too hard but Leo was right, he was never really one for the kitchen which is probably why often, I wondered what he fed Max for lunch. Most of the time, I would call him and ask what they had for lunch and he’d tell me they had either sandwiches, mac and cheese, or salad which were easy things that Leo knew how to do.
“Smells really good,” Leo whispered beside me and he wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my shoulder. My eyes fluttered closed at his touch and my legs felt like jelly. Weird how Leo could still affect me the same way after all these years. “You must be hungry.”
He was nibbling on my ear this time and I involuntarily let out a moan, turning off the stove and then turning around to face him. He had a smirk on his face as he pecked my lips lightly. My toes curled at the sudden kiss and I restrained myself from pulling his face and pressing my lips against his again. I was still in a sex-induced cloud and I needed to think rationally because last time, Leo wasn’t beside me when I woke up and now he was and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.
Leo plated our food, while I opened a bottle of wine and poured it into two glasses, drinking half of mine and then adding another one. Leo didn’t comment on it and the two of us began to eat the pasta. “I’ve never had this kind of pasta.”
He looked up at me and didn’t say anything. Instead, he stood up and then went to the living room, to come back with a camera in his hands. He took a picture of me and I looked away, my heart racing, remembering all the times that he took pictures of me seven years ago. Someone once told me that if a photographer constantly takes pictures of you, you were special.
I believed it at that time and believing it, broke my heart.
“Stop it,” I said and then pointed at his food. “You haven’t eaten since lunch.”
“Don’t worry, what I had earlier was so much better than any food,” he replied with a wink but shoved a forkful of pasta in his mouth. “Oh yea, Imogen called when you were asleep. She just wanted to tell you that Max is having fun there with her and Yves and that they’ll drive him back home tomorrow after lunch.”
“What time did she call?” I asked, twirling the last pieces of pasta on my fork and then downing it with the wine.
Leo paused and shrugged. “Around 3 PM, I think. You were really out of it for a while. Can’t blame you, it was pretty wild.”
I swallowed and then let out a shaky breath. I couldn’t really continue pretending that there wasn’t an elephant in the room that needed to be addressed. “Why are you still here, Leo?”
He chewed the food in his mouth and swallowed, staring at me with furrowed eyebrows. “I’m always here, Ellie.”
Shaking my head, I poured myself another handful of wine and stood up, taking my plate to the sink. “You got what you wanted from me. We just fucked each other. You can leave now. Stop with this bullshit.”
Leo stood up slowly, his gray eyes cautious and weary of me. “Do you really think of me that way?”
“Isn’t that what you do? Isn’t that like your entire modus?” I asked him, setting down the glass with shaky hands. I licked my lips and then looked at him, knowing that I couldn’t really hide the pain anymore. "Isn’t that what you did the first time?”
His eyes softened. “I meant what I said about wanting you back, Ellie. For real this time. I want to give it a shot. I’m not here for just the screwing and fucking.”
I barked a harsh laugh and shook my head. Had he said this to me seven years ago, I would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat. I would’ve believed every lie that he shoved at my face without hesitation because my heart belonged to him, because my soul was his for the taking. I was desperately and insanely in love with Leo Hudson that I wouldn’t have cared if he only said those things because I was a good screw.
But it’d been seven years and I wasn’t the same Ellie he used to know.
This heart’s been broken once and I wasn’t going to let him tear me apart all over again.
If only I could pull myself together.
“I’m going out for a drive. I want you out of here when I come back. You can leave your key on the counter. I’ll figure out a way to explain everything to Max.”
Leo was calling out my name but I still went out, rushing outside and trying to get my car to open but my hands were shaking. I wasn’t even sure why. I wasn’t sure why my heart was hurting over a decision that was meant to save it from hurting even more. I was already drenched from the rain and then I felt him grab my wrist, spinning me around to face him. Pulling my hand away, I tried to push him away but it wasn’t working. He was too strong. Or maybe I wasn’t putting enough effort because my body remembered his touch and all rationality was slowly shutting down.
“Eleanor, let’s talk about this. Please,” Leo’s voice was begging, his eyes pleading with me.
I struggled to pull my arm from him. “I can’t do this, Leo. I can’t do this again. I can’t let you hurt me again. I can’t go through all that again.”
“I love you!” He shouted, stunning the both of us. But Leo was the first to recover. He chewed on his bottom lip and let out a shaky breath as he looked at me, hair drenched by the rain, shirt completely soak to the point that it was translucent. “I’ve always loved you, Ellie, even then.”
And if he told me this seven years ago, I would’ve jumped in his arms right now. But he left me a note without any explanation, breaking my heart instead. “Then why didn’t you say goodbye?”
The flash of regret was clear in his gray eyes and he let go of my hand, blinking and running a hand through his hair. “I...”
I choked back a sob, the tears stinging my eyes as I held them back. “Was I not worth it?”
The pain was visible in his eyes as he reached out for me but I took a step back. “You were worth so much more.”
>
“Then why wasn’t I worth a goodbye?” I whispered as the thunder roared behind us but it wasn’t as deafening as my thumping heart, lightning lit up the dark skies and for a brief moment, I was brought back to the time that I cried in that lake house, calling out for someone who wasn’t coming back. “I deserved a goodbye, no matter how painful it would’ve been. Even if you simply just wrote it on that note, Leo. It would be better than constantly wondering why I wasn’t enough for you to leave just like that.”
Leo teared his eyes away from me and looked down, I was already shaking. The tears were masked by the rain that continued to soak us both. Seven years had passed but the wound that Leo inflicted still felt fresh. Maybe because he was my first heartbreak. “I was a coward. I’m sorry.”
He was looking at me again, gray eyes almost looking translucent, giving off the same glow that the moon did. But this moment, Leo looked helpless, bare and vulnerable, in a state that I’d never seen him in. “What?”
Leo reached to touch my face and I didn’t back away this time, savouring the feel of his warmth. Traitorous, I knew. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know that it’s seven years too late. I was a coward and I wasn’t ready to act on my feelings. I couldn’t find the courage to stay but now I have found the courage to come back to you, so if you just give me the chance.”
I could feel the sincerity in his words to the very core of my bones. My heart was hammering in my chest, begging me to give Leo the chance he wanted, knowing that giving him one meant that I was giving myself a chance to love again too. And the tiny voice of what was left of my rationality, of the pain that was slowly ebbing away after a simple ‘I’m sorry’ from him, after all those times he told me that he wanted to be with me again since the wedding, after he just told me he loves me.
How long had I been waiting for those three words to be said?
“What assurance do I have that this is gonna be real?” I whispered, my fists clenched tight. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to do now but all I knew was that the part of me telling me- begging me- to give it a shot was far louder than the rational side of me.
