by Emma Vikes
I sat beside her, not saying anything, knowing that she had a lot more to say. “Everything that I’ve tried to do to make it up to him after having Max, it was all pointless. He couldn’t even look at my son because he was the reminder of every mistake that I’ve ever made and Max doesn’t deserve to be seen that way, Leo.”
She hiccupped and the tears glistened on her cheeks as she turned to me. “He told me that I was useless and that nobody’s ever gonna love a knocked-up woman. He said that even my child didn’t love me enough to stay.”
Then she laughed and shook her head, her golden eyes staring at me. “You didn’t even stay. Maybe he’s right.”
I reached out my hand and touched her face, wiping away the tears that tainted her cheeks. “I was stupid not to stay but now I’m back and I won’t leave you. Not again. Not ever.”
She stared at me and then took me by surprise by pressing her lips against mine. I could taste her tears as she moved her lips against mine, thirsty for a response as her tongue continued to nudge at my lips. Unable to control myself, I responded to the kiss and brought her closer to me until Eleanor climbed on my lap, clinging to me tightly.
From my lips, she moved down to my cheeks, jaw, neck and then her hands fumbled with the buttons of my shirt, popping the first buttons open as she showered my chest with more kisses. My eyes were shut tight, the desire making my toes curl in pleasure as Eleanor fully unbuttoned my shirt and then proceeded to unbutton my jeans.
My eyes suddenly flew open when I felt her begin to fumble with my boxers. “Ellie, no.”
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with the pain of what life forced her to go through. “I thought you wanted me.”
“Not like this.”
But Eleanor held onto me. “I just want to feel wanted. Make me feel wanted, Leo.”
My god, I did want her. I wanted to taste her for the second time. I wanted to be inside her again. But Eleanor was drunk and I didn’t want to take advantage of her. “You’re drunk, Ellie. You’re going to regret this tomorrow morning,”
“I told you I’m just tipsy,” Eleanor murmured and then crawled on top of me again. “Make me feel wanted, Leo. I want your lips on my skin. I want the heat to make my toes curl. I want to feel you inside me as you whisper to me just how much you want me, Leo. Please.”
I swallowed and stared at her. Her golden eyes were beckoning me and my dick was getting harder and harder with each passing moment. But I could smell the alcohol on her breath and I didn’t want this to add to her list of regrets.
So I did the next best thing I knew would make her feel how much I wanted her. I held her head in my hands and pressed my lips against hers, slowly moving my mouth as our lips found the familiar rhythm that it been accustomed to years ago. My hand moved to the side of her neck, thumb caressing her cheek. I slowly moved her back on the couch and then pushed her gently on the side so she was lying down.
The kiss remained slow. There wasn’t anything urgent in it and what I was feeling at the moment. All I wanted was to make sure that Eleanor got what she wanted, that she knew how much I wanted her. It was as if our lips were dancing in a song with a slow beat, in its own gradual pace, not rushing into anything, but making sure every lyric was felt and hit home.
And then I pulled away and kissed both her cheeks and her forehead and I held her face in my hands, my gray eyes boring into her golden ones. “I want you, Ellie, more than anything in the world and you have no idea how painful it is for me right now to resist you right now. But I don’t want to take advantage of you. You deserve more. You always did.”
CHAPTER 10
Eleanor
My head throbbed when I woke up, the sunlight slipping through the curtains. Blinking, I sat up slowly, my hand on my head as pain shot through. Slowly, I opened my eyes and took in where I was. In my bedroom. Still in my work clothes. On a Saturday morning. I turned to the digital clock on the bedside table. 11 AM. It was almost noon. I hadn’t slept this long since I drank myself to death the day after Leo left me.
Leo.
Holy shit.
The memories of the previous night flooded my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut, willing them away. The meeting with Dad, the way he humiliated me in front of his colleagues telling them that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of his firm even when he had always held a position for me. The way he told them that I was a tramp, knocked-up and a disappointment. I went home with a dozen of beer after that and drank about four bottles when Leo arrived.
And then I threw myself at him. I literally threw myself at him.
I thought you wanted me.
Not like this.
A small gasp escaped my lips as I grasped the notion that Leo did not take advantage of me. There were so many stories about Leo that I’d heard of the first time we were together, stories I’d ignored when I was with him and realized were true when he left. He was a Casanova, hell-bent on breaking hearts. Last night, he could’ve given me what I was begging him for, he could’ve fucked me right there and then in the living room and tell me that I was the one who asked for it come morning.
But he didn’t. He didn’t even undress me.
All he did was kiss me and made me feel like I was the only thing he wanted in the world.
I wasn’t sure if he was still in the house but I got up from the bed and brushed my teeth and when I opened my bedroom door, there was a tray sitting on the floor, a glass of water, a red liquid that smelled really bad and a note that was in Leo’s handwriting.
Didn’t want to wake you so I left this here. Take the blood Mary to help with your hangover. I’m downstairs if you need me.
Xx,
Leo
The bloody Mary looked intimidating but I remembered how often Leo talked about it and how he always claimed that it worked wonders. Placing it close to my lips, I held my breath, closed my eyes and began to drink until I finished the entire glass and retched when I was done but made sure I didn’t vomit in the hallway.
“Oh my god,” I mumbled, shaking my head as I cleansed my palette with water.
“It gets better when you get used to it.”
I looked up and saw Leo. He was in a white shirt and the same jeans he wore yesterday. “You would know, how many times have you taken it in this lifetime?”
“Probably too many to last for another one,” he replied casually. Whatever happened between us last night, Leo didn’t seem to want to discuss it. “I checked with Imogen. Max is having fun there. She really missed her grandchild, huh?”
I swallowed and shrugged. “She adores him.”
“Can’t blame her. Max is too lovable.”
Silence followed after that and Leo took the tray from the floor and the glass of water in my hand. He flashed me a crooked smile and began to head downstairs. I didn’t have much of a choice but to follow. We were nearly downstairs when Leo suddenly turned around, his eyes wide. He suddenly seemed unsure of what he was supposed to do.
Eyebrows furrowed, I stared at him. “Are you okay?”
He let out a shaky laugh and then shrugged. “I kind of wanted to surprise you with something but didn’t really think it through when I headed downstairs to see how you were doing.”
I narrowed, suspicious of what he meant. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
Leo cocked his head to the side, a boyish smile making its way on his handsome face. “I thought the living room needed a good decoration that couldn’t be bought online, in Target or in Ikea.”
Slowly, he took the remaining steps and I followed and then sucked in a breath because I immediately saw what he meant. Behind the couch was a beautiful blown up picture of Max and I, printed on a canvas. He was stepping on my feet and we were both laughing, my head thrown back with glee and Max looking up at me with the familiar adoration in his eyes and his signature toothy smile. I think it was during our first night in Chicago, during the dinner at Milo and Megan’s.
Leo was standing a fai
r distance at my side and the tray and the glasses were on the coffee table. I turned to look at him. “When did you...?”
He shrugged. “You were always my favourite muse. Milo wanted me to stay away from you starting that night but I couldn’t. It was as if the lens were simply drawn to you.”
And suddenly I felt like melting in a puddle, my heart racing, my insides churning in a way that I couldn’t really understand. There was this part of me begging me to cross the short distance between the two of us, wrap my arms around his neck and pull him towards me, pressing my lips against his again, wanting him to hold me the way he did last night when he kissed me, like his arms were the safest place in the world.
But I couldn’t. It scared me to do so. “It’s beautiful, Leo. Thank you.”
When I turned, he was already close. We faced each other and Leo reached out a hand and touched the side of my head. I didn’t recoil or slap his arm away but I resisted the urge to close my eyes. “Last night you wanted me to make you feel wanted...”
My eyes flew open and I stared at his gray ones and began to speak, to defend myself, to use alcohol as an excuse. “Leo, I didn’t-,”
But he held up a finger against my lips and then moved his finger to the side so his finger could trace my mouth. Involuntarily, I shivered beneath his touch. “I couldn’t sleep last night thinking that my kiss wasn’t enough to make you feel wanted.”
I sucked in a breath as my lips remembered the feel of his, the gentle caress of his hands, the arms that held me together when I was falling apart. The way he held, how his mouth moved against mine, guiding me back to a familiar rhythm of how our lips used to dance. “Leo...”
“Which is why I thought that maybe today you could spend it with me and allow me to let you know just how much I want you, just so you know how much you mean to me.”
“I’m guessing there’s a sob story behind this. Let me guess, you’re boyfriend just dumped you and you’re asking yourself what you did wrong or what you lacked.”
“I’ve never been in a relationship,” I whispered, feeling the heat rising to my cheeks because of the embarrassment at the truth.
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “Date ditched you?”
“He didn’t even come,” I answered quietly, looking at him sadly. “Maybe I’m not worth the time.”
He whistled lowly. “You’re taking my time now. That means something.”
“Why should I?” I whispered.
Leo reached for my hand and then held it in his. “Because I know you want to. Give me this chance, Ellie.”
A part of me- the rational part- told me that I shouldn’t, that allowing Leo wasn’t a good idea, that by doing so, I was letting him know that I did want him back, that I was willing to take him back. But then there was this part of me that simply just wanted him. I wasn’t lying last night even if last night meant that I was only going to use him.
It didn’t change the fact that it rather be him than a stranger.
“Make it worth my while, Hudson.”
He cocked his head to the side, grinning, the ghost of a dimple appearing on the side of his cheek as he tugged at my arm and pulled me to the back door that led to the backyard. I sucked in a breath when I saw the setup. There was a wooden Korean table in the middle of the backyard and a bag of McDonald's sat on top of it.
“So you’ve never had a first date?” he asked me as he handed me the helmet.
I stared at it and then at his motorbike. I wasn’t even sure why I agreed to meet up with him again. “The first time we met, the person I was meant to date ditched me. So yes, Leo, I’ve never had a first date.”
He motioned his head for me to hop on and I hesitated for a moment. Leo chuckled. “Well, do you trust me?”
The last four words were like an echo of the last time he said, when he asked me to dance under the rain. I let out a shaky breath and hopped on his bike, clinging to him tightly as he revved the engine and launched the bike forward. I couldn’t stop cussing in my mind, my eyes shut closed as we zoomed through the night. And then we stopped and I was still holding onto him tight.
“We’re here.”
When I opened my eyes, we were in the main building of the university and I stared at him in annoyance but he got off the bike and helped me get off. He held my hand and I could feel the torrent of electricity that sparked between us and dragged me to a series of stairs until we reached the rooftop. The night breeze kissed my skin and I shivered as another breeze passed by.
Leo still held my hand and dragged me further into the rooftop that was made as a greenhouse by the Department of Science. I sucked in a breath when we reached the middle. White Christmas lights hung on trees, their light steady and illuminating the entire place. In the middle, there was a small table- I think it was the same table that some Koreans used- and in the middle of the table was a McDonalds’ paper bag.
He turned to me, grinning widely. “Welcome to your first date.”
“Welcome to your first date,” Leo whispered beside me and I turned to stare at him, the tears threatening to fall because of the memory I had shoved deep down. “It’s not entirely the same but it’s the best I could do.”
I blinked back the tears and turned to him, trying to restrain the smile that was threatening to break free from my lips. “Why did you do this?”
“That night you told me that you’ve never been on a date before and that even if you had, you don’t think you’re worth this kind of effort.”
“Wow,” I whispered, staring at everything in complete awe. I turned to look at him and he was smiling shyly behind me. “You did all of this? For me?”
“Every girl’s first date has to be special somehow.”
The tears fell no matter how much I tried to hold them back. “I don’t think anyone would’ve gone through all this for a first date. I’m not worth that kind of effort.”
He took a step closer and tucked my hair behind my ear. “You are to me.”
Before Leo could say anything further, I sat cross-legged on the table and he chuckled, sitting across from me and then unpacked the paper bag. There were two Big Macs inside and he pulled out two cups of Cokes and two large fries. I closed my eyes as I inhaled the scent of the burger, my mouth already salivating at the smell. I always stayed away from fast foods as much as I could and made sure that Max wasn’t a big fan of them but that didn’t mean that I enjoyed greasy take-outs once in a while.
“Still trying to stay away from fast food?” Leo asked as he inserted fries in his burger.
I shrugged as I took a bite, closing my eyes again as I let the greasy deliciousness overwhelm my palate. “It’s how I keep fit.”
“But pizza?”
Dipping the fries into the ketchup, I answered, “Not part of the junk foods I stay away from.”
Leo laughed and took a huge bite of his burger, the ketchup squirting all over his lips. I laughed and then grabbed the tissue, reaching out to wipe it from his face. Suddenly, it seemed as if time slowed. This was the first time I voluntarily reached out to touch Leo- aside from throwing myself at him last night. It was always him who did so and I swallowed, my heart hammering in my chest and I immediately pulled away as my fingertips grazed his skin.
He visibly reddened at the small gesture and I tried to keep away from his piercing gaze. “Eleanor...”
His voice was deep and husky and I could hear the longing as he said my name. I rewrapped my burger and then placed it on the paper bag again. “You know what, my head still hurts from last night. I think I should just lay down a bit again. Thank you for this, though, Leo, I really appreciate the effort you put. You even found a Korean table in such a short notice.”
I stood up after I re-packed all the food that was mine and was about to make my way back to the house. In the distance, thunder rumbled. Vaguely, I remembered that there was a storm coming as reported by the local news yesterday on the radio. Funny how it always seemed to rain on moments that involved Leo.
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“Eleanor,” Leo called out my name again and grabbed my hand. A shot of electricity went through my body where he touched me. Above us, the clouds darkened, heavy with rain, threatening to fall any moment.
He pulled at my arm so I could turn back to face him again and I tried to pull my arm from his grasp. “Leo, please. I don’t...I can’t...not again.”
“I still want you.”
How many times had he said those words since we saw each other again? But why did it make me melt right now, making me want him too? Was it because he’d been constantly good to me since last week, keeping true to his words? Or was it because that my lips still tingled from his kiss and my body was begging for more?
Desire, I’d come to realize, always craved for more after one taste. Leo kissed me that night he was drunk and since then, I’d wanted him again but I’d learned to temper it down, focusing my attention on Max. But the memory of the kiss was still fresh and I woke up today with Leo still under the same roof as I did. And then he recreated our first date.
Dear heart, please calm down.
I shook my head, wanting to stand my ground. “I can’t do this again with you, Leo. You broke my heart once and once was enough.”
But Leo took a step forward and reached out to touch my face. I melted in his touch. “Push me away and tell me to get lost, Ellie. Look me in the eye and say it to my face. I’ll stay away then, I promise.”
The rain was already starting. Gentle drops kissing both our skin. I opened my mouth to repeat what he just told me but as I stared at those gray eyes that haunted me in my dreams for the past seven years, I crumbled. “I can’t.”
By the time that those two words escaped my lips, Leo’s mouth was pressed firmly against mine and the rain had started to pour, drenching both of us in seconds. My arms wound around Leo’s neck, pulling him closer to me and he held me tight against him. He hoisted me for a moment and allowed me to wrap my legs around his waist.
