Hide and Secrets

by Sophie McKenzie

  It must have fallen out of Rik’s pocket when he and Dad fought.

  Thinking fast, I square up to Rik. ‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Deal.’

  I can’t look at Dad. Can’t bear to see the fear in his eyes.

  ‘I’ll get Bess,’ Tyler says, his voice loaded with meaning.

  I know exactly what he is leaving unsaid:

  You get the diamond.

  ‘Okay,’ I say.

  I step away from Bess, letting Tyler pick her up. Rik watches us warily. He hasn’t noticed the diamond.

  Tyler has Bess in his arms. He turns, takes a step towards the jetty. Then another. He lays Bess on the jetty’s wooden boards, then hoists himself up after her.

  Rik’s eyes are on them. His foot still holding down Dad.

  Dad’s eyes meet mine. I want to believe he is telling me to save myself. And Bess.

  But all I can see is his naked terror.

  ‘Go on, then,’ Rik urges.

  I make as if I’m turning to leave then, in a single movement, I dart forward. Snatch up the diamond. It’s coated in petrol, thick and gloopy.

  ‘No!’ Rik’s eyes widen as he realizes.

  He lunges towards me. As he moves, Dad rears up, grabbing his ankle and toppling him over. The boat lurches violently. I slip sideways, landing with a painful thud on the deck. Rik and Dad are fighting again. They’re between me and the jetty. I scrabble away from them.

  ‘Let Dad go and I’ll give you the diamond,’ I shout.

  But Rik is fighting like a wild animal, too crazed with anger to hear me. Dad lands a punch on his chin. Rik kicks out, punching back hard.

  Dad falls back into the stern again. He splutters, hauling himself up. Petrol drips from his hair. His jacket.

  I watch, open-mouthed, as Rik bounds towards him. For a split second the two men stare at each other.

  I hold up the diamond. But before I can yell at Rik again to let Dad go, Rik whips a lighter from his pocket. Dad’s eyes widen as Rik flicks on the flame. And then everything happens at once.

  Dad jumps into the sea.

  Rik hurls his lighter into the petrol, which flares up into flames engulfing the whole stern of the boat… and the sea around it.

  I’m frozen to the spot. ‘Dad!’ I yell.

  I stare at the sea just beyond the boat. Fire rises up, off the waves. Smoke fills the air. I can’t see Dad in the water. Can’t tell if he’s burning. Drowning. But surely he must be. He was covered in petrol. It was all over him: his hair, his clothes.

  Rik strides towards me. He holds out his hand.

  ‘Give me the Blue Fire,’ he orders.

  I shake my head. ‘You killed him,’ I yell.

  ‘No.’ Rik narrows his eyes. ‘He’s already dead, remember?’

  Behind him, the fire flares around the engine in the stern. I register – as if in a dream – that it could explode any second. That I need to move, get off the boat.

  I can dimly hear Tyler shouting my name from the jetty. But all I’m aware of is the Blue Fire, hot and sticky with petrol in my palm. I stare at it for a second.

  For all its beauty and value, it’s brought nothing but pain and death.

  As Rik lurches towards me, his hand outstretched, I hurl the diamond into the heart of the fire.

  ‘No!’ Rik roars.

  He turns towards it. I catch a glimpse of his horrified face, lit by the flames. Then I turn away, flying across the deck.

  ‘Get off the boat!’ Tyler’s voice rings out, now loud and clear. ‘It’s going to blow!’

  I slip. Scramble for the jetty. Tyler’s hand grabs my arm, hauling me up.

  I stand, panting on the wooden boards. Rik is still on the boat, staring into the fire at the spot where I threw the diamond.

  ‘Get ou—!’ But before I can finish my warning, Rik hurls himself towards the flames, his hands reaching for the gem. And in that same moment, the engine explodes, sending the boat, and everything in it, flaring high into the sky and then down, down, into the deep, dark water below.

  37

  I’m knocked back by the blast, the heat flaming at my face. Bits of the boat fly into the air, landing around us on the jetty.

  Tyler and I throw ourselves over Bess. I cover my head, watching as the fire flares up, licking at the air, lighting the sea all the way to the beach.

  A moment passes. Shocked and trembling, I scramble to my feet, peering across the water. There’s no sign of Dad… of his body. Just splinters of wood and the remains of the bow of the boat.

  A fresh wave of misery washes over me. Dad will be sunk now, deep under the waves, along with Rik and the diamond.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Tyler’s voice is hollow with shock.

  I turn to him and nod. Then I crouch down beside Bess. I reach for her hand. It’s like ice. Her face is unnaturally pale in the moonlight, her eyes still shut. My fingers tremble as I press them against her wrist, desperate to feel a pulse. There. A slow, steady beat. Relief washes over me.

  She’s alive.

  ‘We should get her off the jetty,’ Tyler says, picking her up in his arms.

  I nod again, then lead the way carefully along the jetty, to the shore. Tyler follows in my footsteps. As we reach the beach, Bess’s eyelids start fluttering, as if she’s waking up from a nightmare.

  ‘I think she’s coming round,’ Tyler says. He wraps Bess in his jacket, and sets her carefully on the sand. He indicates the phone Sandy gave me. ‘I’ve called nine-nine-nine. The ambulance won’t be long.’

  I caress my sister’s face, smoothing the strands of hair away, trying to warm her cold cheeks. Out at sea, the boat is still burning. I go to take off my jacket to add to Bess’s coverings.

  Tyler puts his hand on my arm to stop me. ‘No,’ he says. ‘You need that, you’re shivering.’

  I look down at my arms. He’s right, though I realize it only in that moment. I am trembling from head to toe. A terrible pain sears through me. Everything I’ve done since Rik told me Dad was alive has been for nothing.

  Because Dad is gone again. Gone for ever.

  Leaving Tyler with Bess, I stand up and stumble across the beach. Away from the fire, still blazing at the end of the jetty, all is darkness and silence. The only glimpses of light come in the white curls of the waves, glinting in the moonshine. The only sound, the faint lapping of those waves against the shore.

  I’m too numb to cry.

  And then I catch movement at the far end of the beach. I freeze. A dark shape is rising up, out of the water, staggering on to the sand. I hold my breath, waiting for the shape to take form. A man. He lifts his hand, then starts running towards us.

  Dad.

  My heart leaps with joy and relief as he pounds across the sand. I run to him and hurl myself into his arms. He is wet through, his sea-sodden jacket soaking into me. For a single, fleeting moment I remember exactly how safe his hugs used to make me feel. Then Dad pulls away, shivering, his damp fingers on my face. ‘Is… is Bess—?’

  ‘She’s fine, I think,’ I say, pointing back along the beach. ‘Tyler saved her.’

  We race towards them.

  ‘What about Rik?’ Dad asks, panting as we run.

  ‘He stayed on board to get the diamond from the fire,’ I explain. ‘He was right over the motor when it exploded.’

  Dad nods, his expression dark, serious.

  ‘The diamond is gone too,’ I say.

  ‘Good.’ He sounds like he means it.

  We reach the others. Dad drops to his knees and reaches for Bess’s hand. ‘Butterbug?’ he breathes.

  It’s his old name for Bess.

  Bess gazes up at him, with wide round eyes. I’m about to explain that she doesn’t speak, that she hasn’t said a word since he disappeared seventeen months ago, when Bess herself opens her mouth.

  ‘Daddy?’ she lisps.

  My heart jolts into my throat.

  ‘Oh, Butterbug,’ Dad says. He looks up at me, holding out his hand for me. I take i
t and kneel beside him, as Bess struggles on to her elbows.

  ‘Daddy?’ she says again. Her voice is slow and rasping and uncertain.

  ‘Bess… you’re… how…?’ I can’t even form my swirling thoughts into a question. I just stare at her, utterly bewildered.

  How has her voice just switched back on like that?

  Tyler fades away into the darkness, as Dad pulls Bess and me into another, huge hug. We sit on the sand together for a few silent moments. Dad holds us tight. His cheek feels damp where it presses against mine. For a second I wonder if he’s hurt, if it’s blood. Then I realize that he is crying.

  Sirens sound in the distance.

  ‘That’ll be the ambulance,’ Tyler says. ‘And the police.’

  Dad draws back, letting Bess and me go.

  Bess gazes at him, her face lost in wonder.

  ‘You’re on the beach, Butterbug, you’re safe.’ Dad talks in a low, soothing voice, his hand stroking her arm.

  Bess leans against him, closing her eyes. I gaze at her, my head still spinning. The sirens grow louder. I stand up, as Tyler reappears from the shadows. Without speaking he puts his arms around me and we hold each other. The warmth of his body seeps into mine. Blue lights flash along the shore in the distance.

  ‘We should get Bess down to the ambulance,’ Tyler says.

  ‘Yes.’ Dad picks her up and carries her along the sand in his arms.

  Tyler and I follow.

  I’m still numb, unable to process what’s just happened. As we draw closer to the blue lights, voices drift towards us. I can make out snatches of their conversation.

  ‘It’s a family!’

  ‘Did you see what happened?’

  ‘Looks like a boat went up.’

  Tyler reaches for my hand. I grip it tightly as shadowy figures hurry towards us. Seconds later we’re surrounded. Separated. Someone asks for our names. A grey-haired police officer is frowning, talking to Dad with a serious expression. Every now and then I catch sight of Tyler, rubbing his forehead as he speaks to another police officer. A young paramedic fusses over Bess, wrapping a silver foil blanket around her shoulders.

  I don’t say anything.

  Somehow speaking will make it all real. Images rise up in my mind: Rik hurling himself towards the diamond. The boat blowing up. Tyler carrying Bess to safety.

  And Dad, on the beach. Alive.

  Someone puts a blanket round me and bundles me into the same ambulance as Bess. I’ve lost sight of Tyler completely. I feel empty, as if all the life has drained out of me. The paramedics let me sit in silence. I hear one whisper to the other:

  ‘It’s shock,’ he says. ‘She’s in shock.’

  I sit, staring out to sea through the open ambulance door. The hubbub of voices around me fades as I listen to the rhythmic suck and spew of the waves, watching as they swallow up the beach, then spit it out again.

  38

  We arrive at the hospital and Bess and I are put in a cubicle together. A warm, smiley nurse checks us over, then explains that Tyler is talking to the police about what happened down at the jetty. She says they’ll want to talk to me soon as well, then she asks for Mum’s name. I write it down on a piece of paper for her.

  I still don’t speak.

  After a few minutes, I peer through the cubicle curtains. There’s no sign of Tyler and I haven’t seen Dad since the beach.

  Is he even here? Or has he slipped away, back into the night?

  I go back inside the cubicle and sink into the chair beside the hospital trolley where Bess is sipping at a carton of milk. There’s one for me, but I have no appetite.

  More time passes, I have no idea how much. A doctor comes in and examines us both. She spends a while with Bess, then strides over and shines a light in my eyes. She asks me to follow her finger in the air and does a weird tapping thing with a small metal pencil against my knees. Then she gives a brisk nod, pronounces us both ‘physically okay’, and leaves.

  Outside the drawn curtains, I hear Mum’s agitated voice before I see her.

  ‘I knew something dreadful would happen today,’ she’s saying breathlessly as she hurries along. ‘A negative Saturn-Pluto conjunction in my fourth house – that’s the house of home and family.’

  I brace myself, ready for her to yell or cry hysterically when she sees us. A second later, she sweeps in past the curtain. She’s wearing a sequinned pink-and-red dress, with a long, glittering scarf wound round her curls and hot-pink lipstick that matches her highlights and ankle boots. Of course, I remember dimly that she was at some function this evening and must have been torn away to come here. Great. Another reason for her to be furious with me.

  Mum casts an anxious glance at me, then goes over to Bess.

  ‘Bess?’ she asks, gently.

  Bess looks up and gives her a cheeky grin. ‘Hello, Mummy,’ she says, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world for her to be talking.

  Mum lets out a sob, sweeping Bess into a huge hug. I watch Bess melt into her arms, relief expressed through her whole body.

  I wish I could go back to that feeling, the one that you have when you still think your parents can protect you from everything.

  When it feels like they hold up the whole world.

  Mum murmurs something I can’t hear into Bess’s ear.

  Bess looks up in surprise. ‘Yes, I did,’ she says. ‘It all just went dark and then Daddy was there and I said “hello”.’

  Mum hugs her again, tears streaming down her face.

  The smiley nurse appears, and says she wants to check Bess over one more time. She also explains that the police are waiting to talk to me, but she’s told them I need another hour or two first.

  Mum comes over to the corner of the cubicle where I’m still curled up in my chair. The scent of her perfume fills the air. The nurse chatters away to Bess, asking how she’s feeling, deftly checking her pulse as she speaks.

  Mum perches on the arm of the chair. She leans in to me, wiping her face. I swallow hard, ready for the onslaught.

  ‘Cat,’ she says softly.

  I look up, bracing myself for her fury.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she says.

  I stare at her, my jaw dropping.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Mum repeats. ‘For not believing you about Dad. For… for letting you carry all this, all alone.’

  Tears prick at my eyes. We gaze at each other. ‘I spoke to Tyler outside,’ Mum goes on. ‘He told me about Rik… the boat…’ She hesitates. ‘And how your father was there.’

  So Dad’s gone again. I look away. I can’t bear Mum seeing the humiliation in my eyes.

  Mum reaches for my hand and squeezes my fingers. ‘Nothing that’s happened is your fault, Cat, you’ve been really brave, trying to get to the truth, doing whatever it took to protect your sister.’ She tips back her head with a long sigh and, sounding more like herself, says: ‘I should have realized. I did your dad’s chart the day I met him. The signs were all there that he would never be… well, let’s just say he was never going to be the most reliable partner, but my goodness, he was charming.’

  I stare at her. Lost in her memories, her eyes shine as she speaks. ‘When I fell in love, it wasn’t just with him. It was with the way that when he was around, my dull, grey world exploded into colour.’ She smiles over at Bess, then at me and, I find, suddenly, that I’m smiling, sadly, back. ‘I’ll never forget our time together, because he gave me you two,’ she says, ‘but the truth is that there were always issues with your dad, especially over money.’ She pauses. ‘It must have been a huge shock to see him, to discover he was alive? Everything that meant?’ She pauses. I say nothing. ‘Tyler said he told you about his gambling debts?’

  I nod.

  ‘You must have a lot of questions?’ Mum pauses again. She’s giving me time to talk, I realize, prompting me to open up about Dad and how his reappearance makes me feel. But what’s the point of talking about him? He was dead, then alive and now gone.
/>   The whole thing might as well have not happened. I swallow down my hurt, blinking away the tears that prick at my eyes.

  ‘He did – does – love you very much, you know.’ Mum gazes at me, as if she’s deciding whether or not to tell me something. ‘When your dad died – as we all believed – I discovered the extent of his debts. I was forced to pay off a lot of what he owed and ended up desperate for money. I own our house, of course, but my income wasn’t enough to cover the debts plus all our expenses plus Bess’s therapist and her tutor…’ She sighs. ‘Anyway, I want you to understand that’s why I started taking on so many clients, working so hard. I told myself I had to let the spiritual basis for my astrological beliefs take a backseat, that I needed to focus on making money.’

  I frown. I have never heard Mum talk like this.

  ‘But I realize now,’ Mum goes on, speaking softly, ‘that I got carried away and all the material things I collected – my fancy clothes and all the crystals and pictures and ornaments I’ve been collecting in the spare room – they became an end in themselves. I lost sight of what really mattered: you two.’ She plants a kiss on my forehead, then lets out a sigh. ‘I love you, Cat, and I promise, from now on things will be different.’ She glances at Bess. The nurse examining her is clearly finishing up – smoothing down her apron and stepping away. ‘The miracle of your sister speaking again is just the first step,’ Mum whispers.

  The nurse announces Bess is fine and leaves the cubicle. Mum goes back over to Bess, feeling her forehead and fussing around her in a way that she hasn’t for ages. As I slip out, unnoticed, Bess asks for a puppy. It must be the hundredth time she’s made this request to Mum, albeit the first in actual words.

  I hesitate, just outside the cubicle. Mum said just now things would change. Was that true?

  There’s a tiny pause and then Mum says. ‘Of course, my lovely, a puppy is just what we need.’

  I smile, feeling more like myself for the first time since arriving at the hospital. I stroll along the corridor, wondering where Tyler is. Past the nurses’ desk, I reach the electronic doors. They part automatically, releasing me into the cool night air. There are a few other people here, a couple smoking and an old man checking his phone. I wander over to a low wall by a lamp post and sit down, my chin propped in my hands.