Rising to darkness

by Lucia Guglielminetti

  "It's not possible. I'll never believe it."

  We had now reached the denial stage. A classic.

  "Didn’t it occur to you that it was strange never seeing me eat or drink anything every time we met? And that first night, when I ran like hell, weren't you taken aback at all? That time I almost ended up incinerated because when I'm with you, time has no meaning. Do you want to see where I sleep? "

  "I... I'm not sure."

  I reached out to her and took her into my room.

  "Nice... but what's wrong with it?"

  "You don't understand. I sleep in here," I said, pointing to the trunk at the bottom of my bed.

  "May I?" she asked, ready to open it.

  "Be my guest."

  She saw the thin mattress covering the bottom of the chest and the elaborate bolt that allows me to be locked in from inside; she also noticed the dry bloodstains, a souvenir of my punishment.

  "Come, I want to show you something else."

  I guided her to the kitchen and opened the fridge, empty apart from some bottles and blood bags. The freezer, however, was crammed with them. She took one, cut off a corner, and smelled the scarlet fluid; then she gave it to me.

  "It's real blood. Drink it. If you really are a vampire, drink it all without gagging. I still think it's all a joke, maybe because of the colleagues from my team, but I want to see it."

  "Okay. I just felt like having a snack..."

  I emptied the bag into a glass and I gulped it down in front of her horrified face. I licked my lips then and I looked at her with a mischievous smile. "Good vintage without a doubt. What else can I do for you, my dear Sophie?"

  "I... I'd better sit down. So, everything you had told me was a lie."

  "No lies. I am really Dutch, I’m really 28, and I’ve been like this for quite some time now. And I'm really on holiday. What else?"

  "So that's how modern vampires feed? Blood bags? No killings?"

  She was pressing a very hot button issue. I needed to be cautious.

  "Well, not really. This is used just in case of an emergency. We mostly use the... traditional method."

  "Ah. I see. And when was the last time?"

  "Uhm... yesterday."

  "So, let me see. You killed a man and then you went out with me as if nothing had happened?"

  It sounded bad hearing it like that, I must admit.

  "I'm afraid I did, yes."

  "And who was your victim?"

  "Damn it, I don't know! I don’t ask for their IDs beforehand. He was a vagrant."

  "Ah, yes. Much better choosing the invisible people of society, isn't it?"

  "Unfortunately, yes. I know it is difficult to accept, but that's what we do. There are the predators and then there are the preys, and we belong to the first kind. It does not amuse me – well, sometimes it does, but she didn't need to know that- I always try to be quick and to avoid making people suffer, but I can't stop myself from doing it. You are a doctor, you save lives. I can understand it upsets you, but I promised I'd be sincere and not sugarcoat the situation. And yes, we look for people with little social visibility because it's much easier and they usually have no family members."

  "Why are you telling me this? Why couldn't we go on as we had been doing? I was comfortable around you. I could talk, be myself..."

  "I couldn't. You saw what happened last night. The idea of being touched by you and having you feel the way I am without first telling you the truth was intolerable to me. I had enough of pretending. Our relationship had no possibility of evolving in any way. I want it to go forward. I have accepted to risk my life to give us a chance, but the last decision is up to you, now that you know everything."

  "Why me? Why a human? Isn’t there anybody from your species worthwhile?"

  "I don't know. I do not date anyone from my kind a lot, actually. To be honest, before meeting you, I hadn't been dating anyone of any race for a long time. But you... you are... more."

  We were back on the couch, side by side; as I spoke, I leaned forward and smelled her scent deeply, fearing it could be the last time. Unlike before, she did not shrink back and our lips met. I could hear the quick beating of her heart as her mouth explored mine first outside and then inside, gingerly at first and then with increasing determination. When she noticed my protruding and sharp fangs, she moved away for a moment and touched them with her fingers, then she started to kiss me again. I felt something melting inside me and I let out a groan as she drew back for a moment and unveiled a passionate gaze, gently stroking my face. She kissed me first on one eyelid, then the other; she maneuvered her hands on to my shoulders and pushed me back. When she unbuttoned my shirt, however, she received another shock: on my chest appeared very prominent scars from wounds I had obtained from the lycans during the most recent battle and which I had tried to cauterize with fire. She touched them gently, staring at them in shock.

  "Who did this to you? How awful!"

  "Even vampires have enemies. I'll tell you about it. Do they put you off too much?”

  "I'm a surgeon, remember? I don't have a weak stomach."

  She bent over and started to kiss me all over. Her acceptance of my least attractive feature finally gave me the courage to return her caresses. I took her in my arms and we moved onto the bed where we celebrated the first meeting of our bodies.

  I behaved well: no vampire speed and no bites. These two things together could be a little shocking the first time. Also, controlling my strength not to massacre her was no mean feat. The whores with whom in recent years I have vented my sexual needs were not so lucky, and conversely, with Shibeen, I don't have such problems. Despite these limitations stemming from my true nature, I enjoyed those moments. The warmth of her body... it is one of my favorite aspects in having a relationship with humans. Her thoughts, full of wonder and excitement ... Maybe I could have even drank from her, you know. In a way, she was expecting it. She could not help herself from thinking "Will he bite me?' but it would have been too predictable. You'll have to wait, dear Sophie. I do not want to play all my cards on the first night, and you have no idea what the members of my race can do in terms of screwing.

  At the end, our bodies remained entangled as she explored my face with her delicate fingers and a tender gaze. She traced the contour of my nose, my jaw, and my eyebrows; she often stopped to explore the scars that run across my chest and my back. I am a living map of the wars that I have fought over the centuries. Some signs have almost completely faded. Others, more recent, are still quite distinct to remind me of my violent lifestyle.

  Each time she came across a new one or a new series like the serpentine scars on my back I received from a flogging- another gift from my eternal enemies - she covered me with kisses, as though she was hoping to be able to erase them with her warmth.

  "I've never seen such a tortured body. How can you be still alive?"

  "I wouldn't say alive. I guess I’m adept and lucky. And very, very tough."

  "It's... mad. I realize that I don’t have the slightest idea about the life you live. I wonder if, when I wake up, everything will seem like a crazy dream... I wish daylight would never come. Now everything's so perfect, but what about tomorrow?"

  "Shhh... don't think about that. To me nothing is going to change. I must ask you a promise, though. It's very important."

  "Tell me."

  "You have to know that what I had revealed to you about my race is a cardinal secret. Showing you my true nature was a violation of our most important decree. If this ever comes to light, it would be the end of me and you would be in serious danger. Please, believe me. So, never ever tell anyone what happened tonight, Sophie, not your mother, your best friend, or even the priest if you confess. Do you think you are able to take this oath? I absolutely need to know that I have your word.” In case of a negative answer, I would have to bewitch her... or kill her. However, I would rather not.

  "Yes, of course. I don’t think that I could even tell anybody. Who's going to
believe me, anyway? I still don’t believe it myself..."

  "Are you absolutely sure about that?"

  "Come on, read my mind and see if, in any corner of it, I have the intention of betraying your secret."

  "No, I believe you. Thank you, Sophie. It was something that had me a bit worried." It would have worried you too if you knew what the consequences had been.

  "What if... No, never mind."

  "What if what? If you let it out by accident?"

  She nodded, very serious. I picked up fear from her for my answer, but I had to be sincere for both our sakes.

  "I hate to even imagine of that prospect ever coming about, but if word ever gets out, you'd sentence me, yourself, and the people to whom you have revealed the secret to death. My Clan would feel entitled to extinguish the whole episode as if it was the plague and no one, I repeat, no one, would be able to help you. Never forget it and forgive me if I have put you in danger with my secret. It was a very selfish act - I am very selfish, unfortunately - but ... it has been a long time since I have felt the way I feel when I'm with you. "

  "The excitement never ends with you, does it?"

  "I'm afraid not. Believe me, sometimes I wish I was an ordinary human being."

  "You wouldn't be just ordinary anyway."

  She hugged me and, despite the million unexpressed questions swirling in her head, she chose to remain silent and to be loved.

  Now I have to wake her up and take her back home before the sun rises. It will take some time before I venture having her sleep here, I guess. It is not that I do not trust her, but it still seems too weird. I need to know I am alone when I sleep. I hope she does not take offence since there is nothing personal in this choice. Tomorrow I want to go on with the story of my life where I had left off. I hope Sophie will want to read it someday.

  PART II

  VAMPIRE

  1705-1750

  1- TEACHINGS

  "Good evening. Did you sleep well?"

  When I opened my eyes the subsequent time, I didn't see the wooden lid of the coffin closed, but the vision of my maker and all her brothers. It was a total shock. I hardly recognized them.

  I mean, I knew who they were, but their appearance seemed radically altered. First, they were much more attractive, everyone, even Shibeen's brothers who, until then, all seemed quite mediocre to me. Their skin, so shiny and perfect, would have deserved hours of rapturous contemplation; their eyes, finally free from the screen of their shades, were like precious stones to me with millions of layers and nuances.

  I was confounded, sitting in the coffin staring at them with my mouth wide opened in surprise. I had not even thought about the fact that I had now possessed their same characteristics because I did not know what I had become, yet.

  "Yes, I know, it's a bit strange at the beginning, but you'll get used to it. Stand up. Now you can."

  As if it was the most natural thing in the world for someone crippled only three days before, I obeyed. When I realized the enormity of what had happened and the miracle that occurred, I started jumping around the room, laughing and shouting while Shibeen's brothers were looking at me as if I was mad. I embraced them one by one, I took Shibeen by her waist, and I picked her up spinning, making her laugh. Embarrassing, I admit it, but I wanted to indulge myself for once: regaining the use of one's legs is not something that happens every day.

  When she managed to calm me down and get my attention, Shibeen looked at me with a very serious expression and asked me to follow her in front of the mirror in a corner of the room.

  "Now you've got to listen to me, Raistan, because what I'm going to tell you is fundamental for your present and future life."

  As she was standing before me, I had not been able to examine my image yet. Staying focused on her words was a tall order: the most insignificant detail attracted my very attention. I stared at the pattern decorating the canopy; I could even see the hidden design of each fiber making up the fabric; the texture of the carpet was like a wonderful sculpture. When I saw the fire in the fireplace, I almost went into a trance and, for a few minutes, nothing could have distracted me from observing the ever-changing dance of the flames and their wonderful iridescent color. Everything I had seen until then was only a poor facsimile of the absolute beauty I had before me now.

  “He’s demented to me ...," said one of her brothers. That was the impression I surely was giving.

  "Please, Raistan, I know everything's new and beautiful, but you'll have centuries to contemplate it all. Now we must go out hunting but, before we go, there are some important things you have to know. In the meantime, I want you to see what you have become."

  I wore a long gown made of coarse linen. Shibeen let it slip down from my shoulders and left me a clear view. Another shock, even more horrendous. I turned back to see if there were other men in the room naked and white as a ghost, but I was the only one. I approached the mirror more closely, leaning a hand to it; I remember I felt it warm and was amazed. Then again, it wasn't that the mirror was warm; but rather, I myself was now cold.

  My eyes shocked me the most. The color had changed: the blue-green had turned into ice with some red speckles. Then there was that incredible reptile-like pupil, really disturbing. The hair, on the other hand, was beautiful, even longer, smoother, and shinier than before, like a silk, light-colored curtain almost touching my waist. I brought my hands to my face, fingering it, curious to examine the marble skin that now distinguished me as well; the hairs of a short beard grown during this period tickled my fingertips. I had three marks on my face reminiscent of my past life: a scar on my left eyebrow, one running through my nose and mid-cheek on the same side, and another one on the upper lip. However, they were very thin and faded, as if they dated back to decades before rather than just a few weeks ago. I was disappointed when they gradually vanished because they were my only physical link to the person I used to be. Everything else had no human trait left. My cheeks lost their usual pinkish halo as they were replaced with a pattern of bluish veins glowing in transparency.

  "Open your mouth" she told me.

  I obeyed and was introduced to the long fangs I had grown; I stood speechless and reached out my trembling hands to touch them, not wanting to believe that they belonged to me.

  My eyes lowered to look at the rest of my body, but here the differences were less obvious. Chest and legs had always been well shaped. As for the complexion, my natural pallor was just more evident now.

  Even if I didn't show it, I was deeply distraught. My maker assumed I knew what I had become, but I had only a vague notion, more like apprehension, for I didn’t want to ask anything in fear of the answer. And then, there was something that was more terrifying to me, digging inside me like a worm: no matter how much I tried to focus or to listen to myself from the inside, I couldn't feel the beating of my heart. It was supposed to be beating erratically given the trauma I was enduring. Still I felt nothing.

  "So? Not bad, I would say. What do you think?"

  "Why am I so weird? Why does everything look so different? You, your brothers, things surrounding me... I feel like I had smoked some strong opium, making everything look twisted."

  "Your new nature makes you see things that way, much more intense. You will get used to it, don't worry. I think you're wonderful. Shall we go out now? It’s getting late."

  "What new nature? What have you done to me? I remember... remember you bit me, and you told me about rebirth. What did you mean?"

  She looked at me kindly and smiled: "I think you know exactly what happened, my dear. Why don’t you think a little harder? "

  Two of Shibeen's brothers decided they had had enough of that philosophical discussion and left the room snorting, but I barely noticed them. My eyes were only for the woman who, in the meantime, had been sitting on an armchair and kept looking at me with an irritating smile on her face.

  "No. I want you to tell me. Tell me, Shibeen. Now."

  "Ohhh, for God’s sake. Yo
u are like us now. You are a vampire. I thought it was quite clear!"

  An animalistic and subhuman roar escaped from my throat as I pounced on her with that lightning speed I didn't know I had yet. Both things scared me to death. I read fear on her face for the first time but, before I was able to seize her, the three guys remaining in the room with us restrained and obstructed me.

  "A vampire! Ik ben veranderd in een afzichtelijke vampier! That is how you saved me? Turning me into a filthy vampire? One of those creatures that everybody hates and fears? I had a life! I had a family, people who loved me! What now? What have I become..."

  The three brothers' grip was firm and didn’t allow me to move. I just wanted to sit down and cry, but they gave no sign of letting me, fearing I would have jumped at their sister's throat. She stood up and came towards me, her green eyes blazing with anger.

  "If you cared so much about your family, if you liked your life so much, what were you doing in that horrible place being slaughtered for fun? You were throwing your very life away; I was just picking up the pieces as it started to disintegrate. Grow up, Dutchman, and take your responsibility once and for all! And stop talking in that irritating language of yours, I can't stand it!"

  The impressive string of insults gushing from my mouth in my native language cannot be recorded here, but her speech had hit the mark: I took all the anger I had towards myself and aimed it all at her.

  Then, I was slapped with such strong force, had I been human, I'd have flown yards away. This reignited my anger and caused me to magnify my efforts to break free; but there was no way and I eventually gave up. I lowered my head, defeated, and remained helpless in their arms. I saw a blood drop falling to the ground below me and realized with renewed horror that it was a tear from my eyes. I let out a moan and my legs yielded, but the brothers did not let me go. And it was only at Shibeen's signal did they do so. I knelt on the floor with my face buried in my hands and she bent down in front of me, stroking my hair and my bare shoulders.