A Little Bit Vampy

by A. A. Albright

  Maybe he was still himself, even if only in small ways. The guy who had helped me find my parents. The guy who I’d eaten dozens of pizzas with, watched Witch Wars with … the guy who had an endless supply of lollipops, and who always had some extra treats for his friends.

  My hands began to shake more than ever. How could I kill him when I knew there was still so much of the real him left inside?

  And then, like a bolt from the goddess herself, it came. Everything I’d learned over the past few days suddenly coalesced into one bright and beautiful idea. I knew how to get Greg back without killing him. Not only that, but I might just be able to sway the battle in our favour.

  My heart and mind began to race faster than ever, but now … now it wasn’t because I was desperately panicking. Now, it was because a plan was forming.

  As I set the goblets down, I accidentally on purpose tipped Greg’s goblet over. ‘Oh, dear Dracula!’ I faked an expression of embarrassment. ‘I’m so sorry, Gregariad. It’s just that I feel ever so clumsy when I’m around handsome, powerful men.’

  I picked up his now-empty goblet, quickly wiping the spilled blood. ‘I’ll have another brought to you straight away.’

  21. The End is Nigh

  ‘You didn’t do it?’ My grandmother stared at me. Actually, everyone stared at me, but her eyes were the most intense of all.

  ‘I didn’t,’ I said. ‘And I’d do it again. Or … not do it again. You know what I mean.’

  ‘My darling, I get it. I do. The last thing I wanted to do was kill your best friend.’ She shook her head sadly, with another one of those strange tears falling from her eye and smashing to the ground. Talk about dramatic. ‘But by this time tomorrow, he’ll have helped to kill us all. He’ll have helped to kill you. And honestly? I’d rather lose Greg over you any day.’

  I swallowed. ‘That’s … that’s really sweet, Granny. But what if there was a way you didn’t have to lose either of us? What if I told you I had a plan?’

  ‘That’s not possible,’ she argued. ‘I’m the Queen of the Fae, my darling. If I can’t think of a way out of this, no one can.’

  My mother grasped my hand. ‘Úna, my daughter might not be the queen of anything, but if she says she has a plan, then we’re going to listen to her.’

  Dylan, Jared and my father nodded vehemently. ‘Darn straight,’ said Dylan. ‘I’ve learned the hard way that it’s always best to shut up and listen whenever Miss Smith has an idea.’

  I laughed softly, looking around at the small gathering. As soon as we’d arrived back from the party at Darina’s mansion, it had been obvious to all that I hadn’t killed Greg. The Queen had taken Jared and me aside to question us, and my parents and Dylan had barged their way into the discussion.

  I hadn’t yet had a chance to greet Felim, who my parents and Dylan had tracked down in my absence, and I really wanted to talk to the wizard. He looked forlorn to say the least, and I was worried about Mark.

  Outside the door, I knew that Grace, Nollaig, Malachy and Brent probably had half a dozen listening spells on the go, but I spoke louder just in case they were having trouble. ‘I think my plan might just be our way out of this, as a matter of fact. And I think–’

  I never did get to say what I thought because, at that moment, a shouting match began outside the door. I could hear Cassandra, screeching, ‘I’m going into that meeting,’ while Melissa cried, ‘No, Granny! You can’t just barge in where you’re not wanted.’

  Grace, Nollaig, Malachy and Brent joined in with Melissa, but they all lost and, within seconds, Cassandra had pushed her way into the kitchen.

  ‘What’s this I hear about you not killing Gregariad?’ Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were flashing angrily. She was being almost as dramatic as my own grandmother.

  ‘Greg,’ I said quietly. ‘I didn’t kill Greg.’

  Behind Cassandra, Melissa tumbled into the room with the rest of my friends.

  ‘Oh, thank the stars!’ Grace’s hand went to her chest. ‘I can’t tell you how much I’d miss that wizard if he were gone. So come on. Tell us this master plan of yours.’

  ‘Okay,’ I said, taking a deep breath to prepare. ‘Well, it’s kind of inspired by my elemental magic lessons, and–’

  Once again I was interrupted by Cassandra, except that this time she was tutting rather than barging. ‘It doesn’t matter how many plans she has. The prophecy was quite specific. Whoever Pru or Jared turned would be a veritable maniac, and according to the version that this Rita Balfe person related to you, then the person Jared or Pru turned would lead Vlad’s Boys to victory.’

  ‘Prophecy schmophecy,’ said my mother.

  ‘That is not a good counter-argument,’ replied Cassandra.

  ‘Isn’t it?’ My mother stared the vampire down. I was really liking this version of maternal love. ‘Pru never dreamt of turning Greg. She dreamt of him being killed, not of him being the killer. So this isn’t the prophecy we’re living through now. This is something different. Which means it can end differently – something you might already know if you bothered to hear my daughter out, instead of cutting across her every time she opens her mouth to speak.’

  While I was revelling in my mother’s support, Cassandra was giving me a pitiful shake of the head. ‘I’m sorry to say it, Aisling, but whatever idea you’ve come up with is just wishful thinking. The end really is nigh, you know. I always know when the future is shifting, and right now it’s perfectly stable. This prophecy will be lived out, right up until the fae are destroyed.’

  Melissa fixed her eyes on Cassandra. ‘Y’know, you were saying to me earlier on that when you were watching the latest episode of the Vamp Factor in your house, you came over all dizzy and faint. And I happen to know that the Vamp Factor aired at the same time as Nollaig’s and Ron’s wedding. I know because the power was out in Riddler’s Cove, and I headed up to my house in Dublin so I wouldn’t miss it.’

  ‘So?’ Cassandra’s face was blank.

  ‘So, couldn’t you have been feeling the effects of the future shifting?’ Melissa suggested. ‘That’s how you say it makes you feel, isn’t it? You come over all dizzy?’

  ‘Hmm.’ Cassandra’s hand went to her chin. Her tattooed arms were bare, and a slit in her skirt revealed that the leather of her sandals wound all the way up her legs. She looked like a Grecian sculpture. ‘You see, I was trapped in my house by then, and I was eating an awful lot of junk food when I felt funny. I suppose it could have been the future shifting. I think it’s more likely that I had indigestion, to be perfectly honest. But I suppose I ought to at least shut up and let Aisling explain her idea.’

  Melissa shook her head. ‘You do know it was never up to you, right? Everyone in this room was going to listen to Aisling’s idea, no matter what you had to say for yourself.’

  Cassandra held her chin in the air. ‘Just carry on, will you? I have the Apocalypse to prepare for. They’re never as much fun as people seem to think.’

  Taking a deep breath, I looked around at everyone who was gathered and said, ‘Well then. I’d better get on and tell you all my plan.’

  ≈

  Ten minutes later, my grandmother opened her mouth, and then closed it again. ‘That’s … she said eventually. ‘Well, it’s …’

  ‘Brilliant,’ said Jared. ‘It’s bloody brilliant.’

  There was a beat of silence, until my grandmother sighed and said, ‘It’s almost brilliant. But I think you might have misunderstood what I meant during our elemental magic teachings. We can work with nature. But … I don’t think we can quite manage what you’re suggesting.’

  I grasped my mother’s hand and said, ‘I’ve thought of that. And yes, we might not be able to control things to the degree we’ll need, but my mammy can.’

  I could feel my mother’s hand begin to shake in mine. ‘Well, I haven’t used my inanimage gifts for a long time but … they were always strong. I think I can do this, I really do.’

  There was a
tad more silence, and then finally my grandmother said, ‘I think … I think you really do have a good plan, Aisling. But we still have the same problem. All of this – you breaking the Staff of Wrath and your mother doing … well, what she’ll be doing … it all takes time. Time in which Vlad’s Boys will be focused on killing you and Jared.’

  ‘And me.’ Melissa put her hands to her hips. ‘They’ll be focused on killing me, too. I’m going to help Ash and Jared. I know I don’t have the Pru-level power that’s needed, but I do okay.’

  It was the turn of Melissa’s grandmother to hesitate. ‘I can’t let you do that,’ she said. ‘Aisling will have her locket to protect her, but you’ll be a sitting duck.’

  Melissa lifted a brow, staring her grandmother in the eye. ‘Maybe. Maybe not. Why didn’t Vlad’s Boys kill you, Granny? Just as a matter of interest? I mean, they certainly would have wanted to. After all, they didn’t know we had Alvis on our side. As far as they were concerned, you were the only one who could have shared valuable info on the Staff of Wrath with us. Seems like the kind of thing they would have killed to protect and yet … here you are. As if by magic.’

  Cassandra eyeballed her granddaughter. ‘You’re reading my mind, Melissa Wayfair. I’ve told you not to do that.’

  Jared’s eyes widened. ‘Well I can see why she’s reading your mind, seeing as I’ve just started to do it too. Vlad’s Boys didn’t kill you because they couldn’t kill you. You have a spell, don’t you? Something that could help us, something that could keep me and Melissa safe and give Ash the time she needs to break the Staff of Wrath’s magic.’

  ‘Melissa is not helping tomorrow night,’ Cassandra stated, ignoring Jared’s question. ‘And that’s the end of that.’

  Melissa smiled sweetly. ‘Oh, but I am helping, Granny. See if you can stop me. Oh, and also … see if you can keep me out of your mind for a few seconds, will you? Because all those lessons you’ve given me have left me awfully familiar with your blocking techniques. It’s like your brain is naked right now.’ She shuddered. ‘Yeah, I realise that’s a bad choice of words.’ She recovered quickly, turning her attention to Jared. ‘Are you seeing what I am, Mister Super-Vamp?’

  Jared whistled. ‘I am, as a matter of fact. I’m seeing your grandmother try awfully hard to hide a spell called … the Invisible Thread? And something about a link she has to a locket just like Ash’s.’

  She slumped down into a seat. ‘Fine. If you insist on doing this, Melissa, then I have no choice but to tell you. But be warned – if news of this spell gets out, there will be consequences. Even if you manage to keep it between us lot, there might still be consequences. Spells like this can often come back to bite you on the behind.’

  I shrugged. ‘If you don’t tell us, none of us will have behinds to be bitten, will we? So you might as well spit it out.’

  She held up her hands. ‘Fine. Here’s the thing. I’m linked to another person, through a spell called the Invisible Thread. It’s one of my exes – I shall not tell you which one but, suffice to say, this person wears an Impervium locket much like the one around Aisling’s neck. That’s why Vlad’s Boys couldn’t kill me – because as long as my ex was wearing this locket, his protection extended to me. And believe me, Darina and Bella tried their best to put an end to me. They even broke my favourite pool cue and tried to stake me with it.’

  The Queen frowned. ‘Why haven’t I ever heard of this Invisible Thread spell? Have you heard of it, Brian?’

  My father shook his head. ‘I think if the last few days have taught us anything, it’s that the sióga don’t know half the things we think we know. But all that really matters is whether or not you know how to replicate this spell, Cassandra.’

  The vampire sighed. ‘I know how to do it. You’ll need a powerful wizard to carry it out, though. Just like the Staff of Wrath, it won’t work with anything but a wizard.’

  ‘Well then.’ Dylan grinned. ‘It’s a good thing we have one of those, isn’t it?’

  Cassandra rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t see what you’re all getting so excitable about. None of this is actually going to work when it matters. Vlad’s Boys are destined to win the battle against the fae. It’s prophesied. So as far as I’m concerned, the end is still nigh.’

  ‘Sure,’ said Melissa. ‘The end is nigh, Granny. Now please, just tell us how to do the spell, so we can put Ash’s awesome plan in action.’

  ‘Ash’s awesome plan?’ Fuzz strolled into the kitchen and hopped into my arms. I had no idea where he had been, but judging by the way he was eyeing my grandmother’s cupboards, his adventures had given him an appetite. ‘What plan is that?’

  I stroked behind his ears. ‘We’ve got a few things to discuss right now, so I’ll tell you about it later. For now, you’ll just have to remain in suspense.’

  He narrowed his eyes. ‘Has anyone ever told you you’re a terrible tease?’

  ≈

  In the early hours of the morning, I still couldn’t sleep. I was desperately trying, seeing as I knew there was going to be a long day of training ahead. My plan would only work if it was perfectly timed, and during the short practice session we’d had after the meeting, it had not gone as well as I’d hoped.

  But things would go better when we did it for real. They had to.

  I turned over in the bed, looking at Dylan. He looked so handsome when he slept. Like he was carved out of my dreams, like he was …

  ‘You’re staring at me, aren’t you?’ he said, opening one eye.

  ‘No,’ I lied. ‘Okay, maybe a little. Hey, now that you’re awake, how do you think tomorrow night’s going to go?’

  ‘You should be asking how tonight is going to go, actually, seeing as it’s already …’ He cast a glance at his wristwatch. ‘… five in the morning.’

  I was about to reply, when Fuzz looked up from his spot at the bottom of the bed, a grouchy expression on his furry little face. ‘What are you doing waking me up, you madman? Ah.’ He gave Dylan a knowing look. ‘I see what this is all about. Are you having jealousy issues again? Are you grilling my witch about whether she loves you or the vampire?’

  Dylan’s teeth began to crunch. ‘Firstly, Ash woke me up, so you can blame her for your lack of beauty sleep. And secondly, I don’t have jealousy issues.’

  I reached out and stroked his stubbly jaw. ‘I know you don’t, Detective Quinn. But even though I don’t usually like to get mushy, maybe this is the perfect time for mushiness. I mean, according to Cassandra the end is nigh. This could be our last night in bed together.’

  ‘Except it’s not night,’ he said gruffly, pulling a pillow over his head.

  I shuffled closer to him. ‘Well, our last morning then. And so, even though you’re totally not the jealous type, I feel like I ought to tell you that I do love you. And only partially because I’m a sucker for punishment.’ I reached under the pillow so I could stroke his face again. ‘But seriously. I love you, Dylan Quinn. You and only you. You know that, right?’

  He grunted. ‘Okay, okay. And by the way, I love you too. A whole lot. Even if you do have questionable taste in coffee.’

  I yanked the pillow off his head. ‘I don’t have questionable taste in men, though. You’re my Mister Perfect, Dylan. You’re also my Mister Grumpy, but it turns out I like that. So how about you and me make some memories? Y’know, before we all die horrific deaths at the hands of Gregariad and chums.’

  ‘Hey!’ Fuzz jumped down off the bed. ‘You sure do know how to make a kitty uncomfortable, you pair of weirdos.’ As he stalked towards the door, the broom lifted from where it was sitting in the corner and, in the haughtiest manner imaginable, followed Fuzz from the room.

  ‘Good,’ said Dylan, pulling me in for a kiss. ‘I never did like an audience.’

  22. The Invisible Thread

  We could only afford to spend a few hours training the next day. If we wanted to beat Vlad’s Boys to the tree, then we had to leave well before sundown. But somehow, despite the sho
rt time we had, things seemed to be going even better than I hoped.

  My mother’s old skills hadn’t left her, so she would easily be able to play her part. The Queen and her people were riled and ready, too – thousands of sióga would be placed on either side of the tree, some in my grandmother’s realm and some in the witch enclave of the Wandering Wood – and together they had more power than I could even begin to fathom.

  In the late afternoon, just as we were enjoying a last meal together, Cassandra dragged Felim into the kitchen. ‘He’s ready,’ she said. ‘Finally. Although I did have to compel him to stop worrying about his grandson so he could put his all into the spell.’

  ‘Granny!’ Melissa exclaimed. ‘You didn’t have to compel him. We could have just talked to him.’ She patted Felim’s arm. ‘I’m so sorry for my grandmother. She’s … well, you can see for yourself what she’s like. We all know how worried you are about Mark. Once we’re done with fighting Vlad’s Boys, we’ll make sure he’s safe. Okay?’

  Felim looked at his high-top running shoes. ‘Let’s just get on with the spell. Cassandra’s told me what I need to do.’

  Cassandra stood in front of him. ‘This is like a bonding spell,’ she said. ‘It’s based on the false witch-familiar bond that some familiarless witches create, so you’ll have to end the spell as soon as the battle is over. Because otherwise, the three of you will be far too drawn to each other. It’s fine for two people who are in love like me and my ex, but it’ll be too strong for the three of you to cope with. You’ll be curled up at the bottom of each other’s beds, rubbing yourselves up against one another’s legs …’

  While Dylan stared and spluttered, I deftly changed the subject. ‘Forced familiar bonds? Is that really a thing?’

  ‘Oh, it’s definitely a thing,’ said Melissa. ‘Lots of the Berry coven don’t have familiars of their own, so they get themselves forcibly bonded to magical animals just so they won’t stand out.’