Didi Dodo, Future Spy: Recipe for Disaster

by Tom Angleberger

  “You’re right!” I shouted.

  Then I thought about it.

  “You’re wrong,” I whimpered.

  “What now?” she asked.

  “Well,” I said. “First, I don’t have any cookies because we didn’t finish baking them!”

  “No problem …”

  “Second, I have my secret ingredient for the fudge sauce, but now I don’t have any other ingredients!”

  “No problem …”

  “Third, the contest starts in an hour and we’re miles and miles away from the mall!”

  “No problem …”

  “Fourth, we’re at the bottom of a road that is too steep to skate up!”

  “No problem …”

  “And fifth, the herd of angry yaks has knocked down the fence and is charging at us again!”

  “No problem!”

  “What are you telling me ‘no problem’ for?” I yelled. “Yes, these are problems!”

  “And here comes the solution,” said Didi Dodo. She pointed at a food truck zooming straight at us!

  She waved the truck down with her wing.

  The brakes screeched!

  The truck spun!

  Didi grabbed me and jumped!

  We sailed through the open window and landed in a comfy seat.

  “Welcome to Penguini’s Food Truck, my friends,” said the driver, a penguin, stomping on the gas and driving way too fast up the curvy road out of Dangerously Steep Valley. “Would you care for an appetizer?”

  “Thanks, Penguini,” said Didi Dodo, eating a stuffed mushroom. “Do you mind if Koko Dodo uses your kitchen while you drive us to the Royal Cookie Contest at the mall?”

  “It would be an honor,” said Penguini. “But he may want to wait until after we’ve jumped over the broken bridge. It may be a little bumpy.”

  PART 3

  Food Court Royale

  Chapter 7

  Are you kidding me? It was a lot bumpy!

  But I baked some oatmeal raisin cookies and made the fudge sauce in the tiny kitchen in the back of Penguini’s food truck. It is not so easy drizzling fudge sauce on cookies when you are in the back of a truck driven by a fast and furious penguin, let me tell you!

  “Three minutes to spare,” said Penguini as he screeched the food truck into the mall parking lot.

  “Three minutes?!” I yelled. “What are you telling me with the three minutes?”

  “The contest starts at noon, right?”

  “Right!”

  “Well, right now the clock says 11:57! So, I got you here with three minutes to spare!”

  “But the contest is INSIDE and we are OUTSIDE! What are we going to do, Didi?”

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I have a daring plan! Koko, grab the cookies and jump on my back. Penguini, put the truck in reverse. Full speed!”

  “This plan is TOO daring!” I told Didi.

  “This plan is TOO daring!” Penguini told Didi.

  “Thank you,” said Didi. “Now hit the brakes, Penguini.”

  Penguini hit the brakes. The back doors flew open and we flew out!

  I know I said dodos can’t fly, but for a minute it felt like we could!

  Then we landed with a whump and I lost several of the cookies! But we kept rolling at some kind of crazy speed. The number is so high I cannot even tell you.

  “Hey! Teenage Rooster! Open the mall door!” Didi shouted, and a Teenage Rooster opened the mall door just in time.

  “Watch out for the Mall Cop, dudes. He’s mean,” Teenage Rooster shouted, grabbing a cookie as we went by.

  We whooshed inside, spilling more cookies along the way and bumping into many, many chickens. (This mall is very popular with chickens.)

  “Where’s the cookie contest, Cute Baby Chicks?” yelled Didi Dodo.

  “It’s in the Royal Food Court,” chirped the Cute Baby Chicks, grabbing cookies as we went by. “We’d come with you, but we can’t go there, because the mean Mall Cop kicked us out for pooping on the chairs. But we can’t help it, we’re just—”

  We didn’t hear any more, because Didi Dodo just kept on skating faster and faster.

  “Which way to the Royal Food Court, Sweet Old Hen?” Didi shouted, and a Sweet Old Hen pointed to a down escalator.

  “Better not let the Mall Cop see you on those roller skates, dearie,” said the Sweet Old Hen, grabbing a cookie as we went by.

  Didi steered straight for the escalator!

  “No! You’re going too fast! Please don’t do it!” I begged. “It’s just TOO daring!”

  She did it.

  WHUP … WHAP … WHUG … WHAMMM! We bounced down the escalator steps!

  KRASMASH! We landed on Ye Olde Pretzel Cart!

  SHPLASHPILL! Hot butter went everywhere! So did the rest of my cookies! I let go of Didi and just barely grabbed the last one.

  WHOOSHOOOOOOOOP! I fell off Didi’s back, landed in the hot butter, and slid into the Royal Food Court!

  Chapter 8

  I slid past Ye Olde Frozen Yogurt Palace.

  I slid past Ye Olde Jester Jim’s Juice Hut.

  I slid past Ye Olde Tacos on a Stick.

  I slid past Ye Olde Cookie Castle. (Not as good as mine, trust me.)

  I slid past Ye Olde Deep Fried Dungeon.

  And, at last, I slid to a stop at the feet of a duck wearing a crown. The Queen of the Royal Food Court!

  I staggered to my feet and held the final cookie in the air!

  “Here!” I shouted. “Here is my cookie, Your Majesty!”

  I handed her the cookie.

  She ate it.

  She smiled a queenly smile.

  “Thank you, flightless bird. That was the best cookie I have ever eaten.”

  “What are you telling me? Did I win the contest?”

  “No,” she said. “You MISSED the contest. It ended thirteen seconds before you handed me that cookie.”

  “But …”

  “SILENCE! The Queen has spoken!”

  Chapter 9

  I started to cry.

  All the hard work! All the daring plans! All the relish! All for nothing!

  “I’m sorry, Koko,” said Didi Dodo. “I tried, but … I guess you needed a real spy. Not a future spy.”

  Then Didi Dodo started to cry, too.

  We sat there in a puddle of lukewarm butter and wept.

  My phone rang.

  “Hello, this is Koko Dodo. What are you telling me?” I sniffled.

  “Koko Dodo! It is me, Inspector Flytrap! I am checking to see if you caught the thief who stole your fudge sauce!”

  “I don’t care anymore,” I sobbed.

  “You don’t care?” asked Flytrap. “What about justice?”

  “I don’t care about justice!”

  “Justice is a very big deal!” said Flytrap. “I’d say more, but I have to go stop Nina from eating my grandmother. Good-bye!”

  “Inspector Flytrap is right,” I told Didi Dodo. “Justice is a big deal. What about your daring plan to figure out who the thief was?”

  “Well,” said Didi Dodo. “My daring plan was to catch whoever DID win the contest, because they must have used your fudge sauce.”

  “Excuse me,” I said to the Queen. “Who won the contest?”

  “No one,” said the Queen.

  “No one?”

  “No,” she said. “No one entered.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “Why should they enter when you win every year?”

  I had not thought about that. I looked around and saw that no one was paying any attention to the contest. No one cared who won, because I always won. Well, except for this time.

  “Since no one won,” said the Queen, “I get to keep the trophy and—more important—the large cash prize! Buh-bye.”

  The Queen hiked up her dress and waddled out of the food court, tossing the trophy in a trash can on her way.

  “That daring plan didn’t work, either!” cried Didi. “You didn’t win, a
nd I didn’t catch the thief. The whole thing is a big poo-poo!”

  “What are you telling me about the poo-poo?” I asked.

  “What I am telling you,” said Didi Dodo, “is that the whole thing makes no sense! If someone didn’t steal the fudge sauce to win the contest, then WHY did someone steal the fudge sauce?”

  “I guess it was someone who really, really, really, really likes fudge sauce made with pickled rhubarb relish,” I said.

  Didi looked up.

  She wiped away the tears.

  She waved one wing in the air.

  She held her beak high.

  Her eyes sparkled and so did the cold and clammy butter sauce stuck in her feathers.

  “I know who stole the fudge sauce AND I have a daring plan to catch them!” she shouted.

  GRAND FINALE

  Where Dodos Dare

  Chapter 10

  “STOP THAT DUCK!” Didi yelled.

  “The Queen?” I gasped.

  “Yes!” exclaimed Didi. “She’s the one who loves the secret fudge sauce more than anybody! She loves it so much that she gave you the prize every year! But this year she got greedy. She wanted the secret sauce AND the cash prize!”

  “Well, that was mean!” I said.

  “Yes, it was! But we’ll bring her to justice!” said Didi. Then she shouted again, “STOP THAT DUCK!”

  But none of the mall customers tried to stop the Queen. In fact, they just ignored us and kept on shopping.

  “We’ve got to do it ourselves!” said Didi. “Hop on.”

  I jumped on her back.

  “Are you leaving already?” gasped Penguini, sliding into the food court on the spilled butter. “I finally got the food truck parked!”

  “We’re not leaving, we’re chasing a duck,” said Didi Dodo. “Hop on!”

  “OK,” said Penguini, and he hopped on my back.

  “Can we come, too?” asked the Cute Baby Chicks. “We snuck down here to see the cookie contest—and to poop on the chairs—and now we need to get out of here fast, before the Mall Cop catches us.”

  “Yes, but hurry,” said Didi. “The Queen is getting away!”

  The chicks hopped on Penguini’s back.

  Didi started skating … straight into Papa Pelican’s Ye Olde Hot Dog Stand.

  “Ye hast knocketh down my frankfurters!” yelled Papa Pelican.

  “Sorry!” she said. “It’s hard to steer with a dodo, a penguin, and Cute Baby Chicks on my back.”

  “No problem,” said the Cute Baby Chicks, chomping down on hot dogs. “We were hungry anyway.”

  “But the Queen is getting away!” I yelled.

  “Not if my daring plan works!” yelled Didi, wing raised, beak high, eyes sparkling.

  She pushed off from the hot dog stand and built up speed, and soon we were zooming through the crowd.

  “Ye chicks forgoteth to pay for thy hot dogs!” I heard Papa Pelican shouting behind us. “I’m calling the Mall Cop!”

  “Uh-oh,” said the chicks.

  Chapter 11

  “There goes the Queen!” I shouted.

  The Queen was running into a store called Barney’s Breakables. Didi made a hard turn, and we just barely held on to each other.

  We screeched into Barney’s Breakables.

  CRACK! CRUNCH! SHATTER!

  Many things were broken.

  Many, many things.

  The Queen ran out. We skated out. Barney wept.

  “Boo hoo hoo,” cried Barney. “I’m calling the Mall Cop on you!”

  “Uh-oh,” said the Cute Baby Chicks.

  “There she is!” I shouted.

  The Queen was running into a store called Leroy’s Extremely Clean Chairs!

  I would rather not say what happened next, but it was gross.

  “My chairs!” yelled Leroy. “Look at what those chicks did to my chairs!”

  The Queen ran out.

  We skated out.

  Leroy screamed, “I’m calling the Mall Cop!”

  “Uh-oh,” said the Cute Baby Chicks.

  The Queen ran into a glass elevator.

  We tried to follow her, but the doors closed just before we got there.

  The Queen gave us a royal wave as the elevator carried her up to the next floor.

  “We’ve got to get up there!” said Didi Dodo, swerving. “And we don’t have time to wait for the elevator. I’m going to use that Cheese Booth as a ramp and try to jump up to the next level.”

  “Can you make it?” I asked. It looked way too high!

  “No,” she said. “But you can … with a Triple Koko.”

  “What are you telling me with the Triple Koko?!” I shouted. “I’ve never done a Triple Koko on roller skates!”

  “It’s pretty much the same thing,” said Didi Dodo. “Plus, the wheels are coated in butter, so it’s just like sliding on ice.”

  “OK, I’ll try,” I said. “Just stop so I can put on the skates.”

  “I don’t know how to stop,” said Didi Dodo, “but I do have a daring plan.”

  “Uh-oh,” said the chicks.

  Didi skated on one foot and took off the skate from her other foot.

  “Put this on and get ready to switch,” she told me.

  I laced up the skate while she swerved around chicken shoppers and knocked over a display rack of priceless crystal donkeys.

  Then I started skating on one foot, while Didi hopped along beside us, took off her other skate, and put it on my foot. Then she climbed up on top of me, Penguini, the Cute Baby Chicks, and the Sweet Old Hen, who had somehow hitched a ride with us.

  “Be careful, dearie,” said the Sweet Old Hen.

  “That’s not part of my daring plan,” said Didi Dodo. “But this is … Now, Koko!”

  We hit the slanted side of the Cheese Booth and whooshed into the air.

  I twisted and twirled and felt Penguini grabbing on to my leg.

  “That’s one Koko!” yelled Didi.

  I twirled and twisted and saw Didi trying to hold the Cute Baby Chicks under her wing.

  “That’s two Kokos!” yelled Didi. “We’ve almost made it!”

  I twisted, but Penguini was losing his grip. If I twirled, he would fall, and so would Didi and the chicks!

  So instead of twirling, I twisted again. I had invented a new trick! I could call it the Quadruple Koko, or maybe the Dodo Double Double, or maybe the …

  But before I could decide, we were zooming up and over the railing!

  We had made it to the second floor! But because I had missed a twirl, I didn’t land on the skates.

  I landed on Penguini.

  Penguini landed on the Sweet Old Hen.

  The Sweet Old Hen landed on the chicks.

  The chicks landed on Didi Dodo.

  And Didi Dodo landed on the Queen!

  “Quack!” said the Queen.

  “We did it!” Didi Dodo and I yelled.

  “Please get off me, dearie,” the Sweet Old Hen said to Penguini.

  “I am so sorry, madam,” Penguini replied.

  “YOU BURDS ARE IN BIG TRUBBLE!” shouted the Mall Cop.

  “Uh-oh,” the Cute Baby Chicks chirped.

  Chapter 12

  The Mall Cop looked a lot like Cousin Yuk Yuk!

  “Are you Cousin Yuk Yuk?” I asked.

  “OF COORSE I AM CUZIN YUK YUK!”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, the relish business has been slow, so I took this job to make extra money,” he said. “NOW SHUD UP SO I CAN YELL AT YOO!”

  All of us, except for Didi Dodo, trembled in fear.

  “YOO,” he yelled at the Queen, “ARE FIRED!”

  He grabbed the crown off her head and balled it up. It was just cardboard.

  The Queen cried.

  “YOO,” he yelled at Penguini, “ARE PARKED IN A LOADIN ZONE! THEY ARE TOWIN YOOR FOOD TRUCK AWAY!”

  Penguini cried.

  “YOO,” he yelled at the Cute Baby Chicks and the Sweet
Old Hen, “ARE BANNED FROM THA FOOD COURT FOR LIFE!”

  The Sweet Old Hen cried. The Cute Baby Chicks said “Uh-oh,” and then they cried.

  “BUT YOO TWO,” he yelled at Didi and me, “ARE IN THA MOST TRUBBLE OF ALL! DO YOO KNOW HOW MUTCH DAMAGE YOO HAVE DUN TO THA MALL?”

  “Uh … no?” I said.

  “FIVE HUNDERD AN THREE DOLLURS AN THURTY-SEVEN CENTS’ WORTH! NOW PAY UP OR GO TO JAIL!”

  The Mall Cop got out a tiny notebook and started writing in it.

  I cried.

  Didi Dodo did not cry.

  “I’ve got a daring plan,” she whispered, quietly switching the skates back to her own feet.

  Then she yelled, “Jump on, everybody! Let’s make a break for it!”

  “Wait!” said the Queen. “I’ve got a better plan. Koko Dodo, you deserved to win the cookie contest. Here is the prize money … five hundred dollars!”

  “What are you telling me, Your Royal Highness?” I asked.

  “I got too greedy and now everybody is in trouble. It was my fault, so let me fix it,” she said. And even though she didn’t have her crown, she still seemed a lot like a royal duck. “You can take the prize money and use it to pay for the damages.”

  She handed me the money bag full of five hundred dollars.

  I handed the bag to the Mall Cop.

  “WHUT ABOUT THE UTHER THREE DOLLURS AN THURTY-SEVEN CENTS?” he yelled.

  I checked my pockets. I didn’t have any money. (Or any pockets!)

  “WELL?” roared the Mall Cop. “DO YOO HAVE THE MONEY OR DO I GIT TO STOOMP YOO?”

  I looked at Didi. She didn’t have any money, but from the way she was waving her wing and holding her beak and shining her eyes, I knew that she had a daring plan.

  She did.

  Epilogue

  After we escaped the Mall Cop, grabbed the trophy from the trash can, and rescued Penguini’s food truck, we all went back to my cookie shop.