This is Me

by Shari Low

  ‘What’s this?’ he asked, clearly pleased as punch.

  ‘Just a wee something,’ she replied coyly. He didn’t need to know that she’d been saving a couple of pounds a week for the last six months for this present.

  He ripped open the paper, opened the box and pulled out a pair of Adidas football boots. ‘Yes!’ he exclaimed, smothering her face in kisses.

  ‘Yuk,’ Doug exclaimed, disgusted.

  Ray took no notice. ‘Just as well I got something for you too then.’ He reached up for the jacket that had been tossed over the couch when he came in the night before, rummaged in the pocket and pulled out a tiny jewellery box. It wasn’t gift wrapped, but Denise didn’t care.

  Cheeks sore from smiling, she popped it open to see two gold heart shaped earrings. ‘Oh my God, I love them,’ she gasped.

  ‘Not as much as I love you,’ he told her. ‘Happy Christmas.’

  Ray kissed her again, a full blown snog this time.

  ‘Yuk!’ Doug moaned again.

  ‘Hey, that’s enough, you,’ Ray told him, in mock seriousness. He pushed his arms up in the air and stretched. ‘Right, is that us done with the presents?’ he asked, gesturing to the kids.

  Denise nodded.

  ‘Thank God. It was taking forever and I’m needing my bed.’

  Denise tried not to show her disappointment. She was hoping they could spend every minute of the day together today.

  ‘Come on, then,’ he said, kissing her playfully.

  ‘I can’t, babe. It’s Christmas Day.’ It just didn’t seem right. Besides, she had so much to do. The family would be arriving in… Shit, four hours.

  He nuzzled her again. ‘Who’s the most important person in your world?’ he asked, laughing.

  Her smile was automatic. She just couldn’t resist this man. And she loved that whenever he was with her, he wanted all of her attention. How many times had he told her how he just couldn’t get enough of her because he loved her so much?

  ‘You are,’ she murmured, kissing him. She didn’t even care about the morning beer breath.

  ‘I am,’ he agreed. ‘So come and pay some attention to your husband then. Call it an extra Christmas present.’

  ‘But the kids…’

  ‘They’ll be fine,’ he objected. ‘Look at them!’

  He had a point. They were so busy with their presents, they wouldn’t even notice she was gone. Surrender. There was no way she could say no to him.

  ‘Right you two, Mummy and Daddy are just going for a lie-down because we were helping Santa last night,’ she said.

  Claire looked up from her doll. ‘But, Mummy, I want to play with you. I want to show you my—’

  Ray cut her off. ‘Later, Claire. We’ll play with you in a while. Man, these kids are hard work.’ With that, he tugged on Denise’s hand and she willingly followed him upstairs to the bedroom.

  He was right. They’d have plenty of time to play with the kids later. Quality time with her husband was top of her priority list.

  On the way down the hall, she glanced in the mirror, her eyes immediately drawn to the new earrings in her ears. Two hearts. One his. One hers.

  And she absolutely knew that as long as he loved her, there was nothing else she would ever need.

  Twenty-Four

  Claire – 2019

  ‘Yeah, but tell them the rest of it,’ Jeanna demanded as Claire finished the story about Jordy’s first day at school.

  Claire’s face was the same colour as the red velvet pedestal in the middle of the room. ‘I’m mortified just thinking about it,’ she admitted. ‘The headmistress sent a letter out to all parents expressly forbidding them from entering the playground during school hours. And I don’t know how it got out, but everyone sussed what I’d done. Some mothers started crossing the road when they saw me coming.’

  ‘Oh, my toes are curling,’ Val hooted. ‘And that’s no mean feat with my bunions.’

  ‘And…’ Jeanna pressed, making it clear that there was more and forcing Claire to spill the details.

  ‘And Sam was totally pissed off because it turned out that he’d arranged for his brother to come through from Edinburgh to take over from Jeanna and look after the kids, and he’d booked dinner and a night in that swanky hotel he got the award in. He’d planned this whole big surprise. Thankfully he phoned and cancelled his brother when he got my text, so at least he didn’t come all that way for nothing.’

  ‘You didn’t know this? You couldn’t have persuaded her to go?’ Val rounded on Jeanna, who put her hands up in surrender.

  ‘He didn’t tell me! Knew I’d crack and spoil the surprise.’

  Josie shrugged. ‘Yep, I can understand that. Mouth like the Clyde tunnel.’

  Jeanna laughed at the dig. As someone who dealt out brutal honesty, she’d long ago learned to take it when it was coming in her direction.

  Claire carried on, cringing as she spoke. ‘So, yep, it was the biggest achievement of his career and he wanted to celebrate it. Instead, I stood him up and he was home and in bed by nine o’clock. He didn’t speak to me for days.’

  Josie shook her head dolefully. ‘Claire, my darling, you know I love you, but that might not have been one of your better days.’

  ‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Claire conceded. ‘But at the time, in the moment, I really thought I was doing the right thing. Like I said, if my parents were one end of the care spectrum, I needed to be at the other. I may have got slightly carried away, I can see that now.’ It was true. Sort of. Even now, she knew she would probably still make the same decision and stay in with Jordy to cheer him up.

  ‘Slightly?’ Jeanna asked pointedly.

  ‘OK, very. But you have to remember, I grew up with the kind of people who couldn’t even be arsed staying with their kids on Christmas Day. They once pissed off for a snooze the minute Doug and I finished opening our presents. Thank God Doug and I had each other.’

  Val couldn’t comprehend this. ‘What? They just left you to it? On Christmas Day?’

  Claire nodded. ‘I still hate chipolatas,’ she said mournfully, making the others laugh.

  ‘Was that the year your dad got your mum those cheap earrings down the pub?’

  ‘Yep. They made her ears turn green by Hogmanay and she had to get TCP for the infection. But he spun her some story about how they represented their love, so she wore them anyway. That’s what he’s always done. He’s so charismatic, one of those guys who is always the centre of the room. She’s the opposite, so when he comes out with all the grand gestures, and a load of bullshit chat about how much he adores her, she falls for it every time. She’s never sussed that none of it is real, that it’s just his way of reeling her in so that she’ll do whatever he wants.’

  ‘What a pair,’ Val whistled.

  ‘They are,’ Claire agreed. ‘In hindsight, I can see how much he resented us. He had this big life planned for himself and he ended up getting tied down with a wife and kids at seventeen. I honestly think he never got over it. He hated Doug and me for changing his life, but he made the best of a bad situation by making sure my mother pandered to him at every turn.’

  ‘But why have Doug if he was so unhappy when you came along?’ Val asked, gobsmacked by the whole story.

  ‘Ah, another accident. Contraception wasn’t my mother’s strong point. Apparently, he hit the roof when he found out, as if it wasn’t his fault too. Same old story. Anyway, barmaid, my wine glass is empty. What kind of establishment is this?’

  The door buzzer delayed Jeanna’s answer and she went off to answer it, leaving Claire groaning, ‘Oh God, who’s there now? This is like one of those TV shows where they shock the crap out of some poor unsuspecting person. It had better not be Ant and Dec.’

  Claire’s warm and bubbly feeling of happiness was instantly restored when Suze marched in the door, pulling a cabin sized suitcase on wheels. ‘Nope, I’m much better looking. And taller. And not in possession of a penis.’

  Su
ze was the owner of Pluckers, the hair and beauty salon in the row of shops downstairs. She was so gregarious and outspoken that she made Josie, Val and Jeanna look introverted, but Claire – and everyone else who knew her – loved her for it. It was what made her salon so popular. Little old ladies who’d been her customers for ten years still popped in. The Glasgow glitterati loved to hang out there because Suze was the person who knew everyone yet was completely irreverent and unfazed by celebrity. And teenagers flocked to it because it was considered trendy and the place to be. That atmosphere and the young, edgy, anything goes culture was all down to Suze.

  She was also absolutely stunning too. Her long red hair fell in waves from a side parting to her shoulder blades, her pale skin was flawless and a brilliant advert for the treatments that were available in the salon, her make-up was always impeccable and she wore her standard salon uniform of black trousers and a black T-shirt with the word ‘BOSS’ embroidered in gold on the back. Only when you were up close, could you see that it also – in smaller letters underneath – said, ‘So don’t piss me off.’

  ‘I heard there was an intervention and I’m here to play my part,’ she announced, eliciting a loud groan from Claire.

  ‘I’m scared to ask, but your part is…’

  Suze gazed upon her with something that sat between pity and exasperation. ‘Doll, on the inside, you’re truly beautiful.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Claire replied, touched.

  ‘But, my God, the outside needs work.’

  She didn’t even give Claire time to be offended before she opened the zip of the cabin case in one smooth motion and flipped the top section over to reveal the contents. Claire saw brushes, make-up, scissors, tubs of hair dye, tin foil, straighteners, rollers, a hairdryer, towels and several implements that looked like they belonged on the equipment tray of an operating theatre.

  ‘So, I’m giving you a makeover. And yes, it would be easier to take you down to the salon, but I know you’ve been indulging in the vino and the last time these two were pissed in my salon…’ she gestured to Josie and Val, ‘they started singing “Hi Ho Silver Lining”, got everyone up to dance, then they told three of the cast of River City that they’d heard they were getting killed off by a rare bug after eating a dodgy kebab.’

  ‘That was Josie,’ Val said, trying to defend herself.

  ‘I didn’t think they’d believe me,’ Josie exclaimed. ‘Everyone knows I talk nonsense. Would be a great storyline though. Killed by a doner kebab.’

  Suze rolled her eyes. ‘One of them spent the next three hours in tears, trying to get a hold of her agent. She doesn’t come in any more. Told the others that she still has flashbacks.’

  ‘Josie, you are totally my bitch goal,’ Jeanna told her, cackling into her wine.

  ‘Also…’ Suze went on. ‘I wasn’t going to work down there when you lot were having a riot up here. That would give me serious FOMO. By the way, Jeanna, that bag over there…’ she pointed to a large brown paper bag she’d dropped at the door, ‘has the food you asked me to pick up.’

  Only then did Claire realise she could smell something delicious.

  Jeanna pulled plastic cartons of buffet food out of the huge bag. Sausage rolls. Spring rolls. Chicken satay sticks. Cold meats. Crusty bread. A tub of salad. Claire suddenly noted how hungry she actually was. A glance at the clock told her that it was after two o’clock. The day had flown by.

  ‘I’ll swap you the food for a large glass of wine and a tiara. Looking at those two is making me jealous.’ Suze said, gesturing to Josie and Val, who instinctively tapped their sparkly, diamanté-studded hair accessories, making sure they were still perfectly positioned.

  Laughing, Claire removed another tiara from the headwear display and crowned Suze, just as Jeanna passed over the requested vino. Once again, a massive wave of gratitude flooded Claire’s senses. How lucky was she to have this? Yes, she’d lost the company of her sons, and yes, she was going to be living alone for the first time in twenty years, but today was definitely showing her how she could fill that gap with a different kind of love and laughs.

  Suze disappeared into the office, and came back with the black wheelie chair that usually sat at Claire’s desk. ‘OK, plonk yourself on here and I’ll get started.’

  ‘Do I get a say in this?’ Claire asked.

  Suze shook her head. ‘Absolutely not. This is my job. God forbid, if Tom ever ditches me for a trophy wife, I’ll come to you for my next wedding dress, but leave this stuff to me. I promise you’ll love it. And I haven’t killed anyone yet. Well, apart from that one client, but the post-mortem was inconclusive.’

  Claire was 95 per cent sure she was joking. So, as she’d done since she’d walked through the Everlasting Bridal Design door this morning, she decided to roll with it.

  The others dished up the food, refilled the glasses and then settled back down to eat, drink, watch and chat some more.

  ‘I’m curious, Claire…’ Val began. ‘What you were saying about missing Sam’s award thingy that day… Is that when you realised you two were in trouble?’

  Claire tried to shake her head, but Suze had pulled a towel around her shoulders, inserted a clip in her hair and was brushing on some kind of disgusting smelling cream.

  ‘No. Looking back, it was the beginning of the end, but I don’t think I realised it until later.’

  ‘I remember exactly when it was,’ Jeanna interjected. ‘It was Christmas 2010.’

  Claire was shocked. ‘How come you remember the details?’

  ‘Because I shagged Doug that night too.’

  Twenty-Five

  Claire – 2010

  ‘Babe, come to bed,’ Sam pleaded. ‘Every single thing is done, and I want to give my wife her present.’

  ‘Is it an actual present or one of your body parts?’ Claire asked, knowing the answer. It used to be their annual tradition – sex immediately after midnight on Christmas Eve, the perfect way to celebrate the festivities.

  ‘Body part,’ Sam admitted ruefully.

  Claire leaned over and kissed him. ‘Then, much as that would be very nice, I’ll pass. I’ve still to put batteries in all the kids’ toys and I want to check everything is working.’

  ‘Of course everything is working. It’s all brand new and in the boxes!’ Sam argued.

  Why couldn’t he be reasonable about this? It wasn’t like she was asking him to do it. She was perfectly happy to stay up and do it herself. She didn’t want a single thing to spoil tomorrow. At ten and nine, the boys had stopped believing in the chunky bloke in the red suit, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to make Christmas absolutely magical.

  Sam sighed as he saw that she wasn’t budging. ‘Want me to stay up and help you and then I can give you your present?’

  She had a nagging feeling that she should be more into continuing the traditional sexy start to Christmas Day, but she didn’t have time to worry about it right now. Too much to do. And besides, they could have sex any other day of the week, so it was no big deal.

  ‘Tempting,’ she said playfully, ‘but no, it’s fine.’

  She realised she actually didn’t want him to help. It was nothing personal, but she just wanted to do everything at her own pace, without worrying that he was rushing her or getting pissed off. There had been way too much of that lately.

  Once upon a time, their arguments had been so insignificant she barely remembered them. Now it seemed like they spent most of the time getting on each other’s nerves. They were both busier than ever at work, she popped over every day to check on her grandad and when she had downtime, all she wanted to do was cuddle with the boys on the sofa and enjoy their company. Sam was rarely home before 8 p.m. now, and at least two or three times a week he was out at client dinners or events. The boys had activities on every night of the week that needed drop-offs and pick-ups, so there was no time together Monday to Friday. And at weekends she and Sam split the duties, with one of them taking Max to his rugby, swimming and ta
ekwondo and the other taking Jordy to three sessions of football and one of athletics. It was just unfortunate that her boys didn’t participate in any of the same sports. They were completely opposite characters in so many ways, yet, just like her and Doug, there was a closeness there that she was eternally grateful for. They would always have each other. And she would always have them.

  Sighing, Sam got up and headed to the door. ‘Merry Christmas then, love,’ he said, and Claire would have to have been incredibly naïve not to register the irritation in his tone. Instead of making her feel guilty though, it just annoyed her. For God’s sake he was a grown man, throwing a sulk because he hadn’t got what he wanted. Countless scenes from her childhood flashed into her head of her mother conceding to her dad on every single occasion. She pushed them all out of her mind before the memories robbed her of her excitement about tomorrow.

  She heard Sam moving about upstairs and then the bed quietly creaking as he climbed into it. Why was he so hung up about having sex tonight anyway? It wasn’t as if that was a regular occurrence these days anyway. It was a once-a-month event, if they were lucky. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, it just seemed like they were never on the same naked page at the same naked time.

  Somewhere along the last few years they’d stopped communicating on any kind of deep level. She absolutely knew it, but knowing about it and changing it were two different things. Juggling all the other stuff made it impossible to deal with, but they’d get around to it at some point. After the New Year, she’d make a conscious effort to spend more time focusing on Sam and try to relight that spark they’d always had until life, jobs and parent duties sucked up every minute of the day.

  It was after 2 a.m. when she climbed in beside Sam and he was already snoring. She gently rolled him on his side. Still snoring. Sam had hit thirty last year and Claire wasn’t far off it. Jeanna claimed it was all downhill after that. She might be right. She couldn’t remember Sam snoring or sulking when he was twenty.