Chantecler
Page 10
excited?
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Slightly bored._] Yes,--because I know the Cock is coming.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Delighted._] To-day? He is coming to-day? [_She announces to the
general company, enthusiastically._] Chantecler!
THE PEACOCK
[_Slightly miffed._] A far greater triumph lies in store for you, fair
friend.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Triumph? [_The_ PEACOCK _nods mysteriously._] What triumph?
THE PEACOCK
[_Walking away from her._] You shall see.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Following him._] Of what triumph are you speaking?
THE PEACOCK
I said, "You shall see!"
MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Cock Braekel of Campine!
SCENE THIRD
THE SAME, _then gradually the_ COCKS.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Stopping short, amazed._] Braekel? At my party? There's some mistake.
THE BRAEKEL COCK
[_Bowing before her._] Madam--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Breathless with emotion in the presence of this white_ COCK _braided
with black._] This unexpected pleasure--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Cock Ramelslohe--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens!
THE MAGPIE
[_Finishing._]--of the Slate-blue Claw!
THE PEACOCK
[_In the_ GUINEA-HEN'S _ear, while the startling_ RAMELSLOHE _bows._] He
is one of the most recent leucotites!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Blankly._] A leucotite--How interesting!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing in a louder and louder, more and more impressive voice._]
Cock Wyandotte of the Sable Spur! [_Shiver of emotion among the_ HENS.]
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Off her head with excitement._] Heavens and gracious powers--my son!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Running to her._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Wyandotte! Cock Wyandotte!
THE PEACOCK
[_With a fine carelessness._] Cock with strawberry coronet, product of
Art Nouveau!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the newcomers who are surrounded by astonished murmurs._]
Strawberry coronet!--Gentlemen--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Who has gone to take a look outside._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
--so kindly condescending to honour my poor house--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
Mamma, there are still others coming!
THE MAGPIE
His lordship, the Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Heavens, what Cock?
THE MAGPIE
Cock of Mesopotamia with the Double Comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Double! Oh! [_Dashing to welcome the newcomer._] Charmed, charmed indeed!
THE PEACOCK
Out upon the obsolete! I wished to show you a few young gentlemen
slightly superlative and veritably precious.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] How shall I thank you, Peacock, dear
friend? [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _patronizingly._] You will excuse me, I
know, you charming little thing. You must understand, my dear, that his
lordship the Cock of Mesopotamia has just arrived! [_Running to the_
COCK, _who bows his two combs._] A proud day for us! Charmed, delighted,
enchanted!
MAGPIE
Cock d'Orpington of the Feather-ringed Eye!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Feather-ringed--Oh!
THE BLACKBIRD
The plot thickens!
THE MAGPIE
[_While the_ GUINEA-HEN _is flying toward the_ ORPINGTON COCK.] Bearded
Cock of Varna!
THE PEACOCK
[_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] A typical Slav!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Leaving the_ ORPINGTON _for the_ BEARDED COCK.] Oh, the Slav soul we
have heard so much about! Charmed, beyond words, charmed!
THE MAGPIE
Rose-footed Scotch Grey Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Leaving the_ BEARDED COCK _for the_ SCOTCH GREY.] Oh, that rose foot!
I do admire that rose foot! Think of introducing that rose foot at my
tea! [_With conviction._] What a social event!
THE MAGPIE
Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Out of her senses._] No, I say, no! There can't be any more!
THE MAGPIE
Cock with Goblet-shaped comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Who at every name rushes excitedly toward the newcomer._] Charmed, I
am sure! Oh, what a novel notion! Goblet-shaped!
THE MAGPIE
Blue Cock of Andalusia!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Your egg, I presume, was laid in the vibrating hollow of a guitar!
Delighted and honored,--both!
THE MAGPIE
Cock Langsham!
THE PEACOCK
A Tartar!
ALL THE HENS
[_Smitten with amazement at sight of the black giant._] A Tartar!
THE MAGPIE
Gold-penciled Hamburg Cock!
ALL THE HENS
[_At sight of the gold-laced_ COCK _in the cocked hat._] Gold-penciled
Hamburg!
THE GUINEA-HEN
My kitchen-garden party will be famous! [_To the_ HAMBURG COCK, _whose
breast is striped with black and yellow._] Oh, what a wonderful
waistcoat! May I ask what it is made of?
THE BLACKBIRD
Of zebra!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Zebra, you don't say so! It will be the pride of my life, of my whole--
THE MAGPIE
Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Jumping._] No, I can't believe it!
THE MAGPIE
--of Burma!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Burma! [_Increasing general agitation._]
THE PEACOCK
An East Indian.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, I can see his Hindu soul right in his eyes, the Hindu soul we hear
so much about! [_Running to the newcomer, in an adoring voice._]
Charmed, charmed! The Hindu soul--oh!
THE MAGPIE
Padua Cocks--The Dutch Padua of Poland!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Dutch of Poland! This is really more than I ever aspired to!
[_The_ PADUA COCKS _enter, shaking their plumes._]
THE MAGPIE
The Gold Cock! The Silver Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_In ecstasies of admiration before the flowing plume of the latter._]
With a waterfall on his head!
THE BLACKBIRD
And a suspension bridge!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_No longer conscious of what she is saying._] And a suspension bridge!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ PATOU.] Poor Guinea-hen, she will say anything after anybody!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing in a louder and louder tone ever more extraordinary_
COCKS.] Bagdad Cock!
THE PEACOCK
[_Dominating the tumult._] Consummately Arabian Nights.
THE GUINEA-HEN
Did you hear? Consummately Arabian Nights!
ALL THE HENS
To be sure! Awfully Arabian Nights!
THE PEACOCK
Kamaralzaman himself is hardly more so.
THE MAGPIE
Bantam Cock with ruffles!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Transported._] How eighteenth century this is! Look, oh, look! A
dwarf!
A dwarf! Dwarfs! Little cunning bits of dwarfs!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK
[_Low._] Mamma, do control yourself!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Screaming in the midst of the_ COCKS.] No, no, I can't and won't! That
is Kamaralzaman! I don't really know which I prefer, which I--
THE MAGPIE
Guelder Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing to the newcomer._] This is truly a treat! Another Belgian!
THE MAGPIE
Serpent-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rattled._] To you, dear Seacock, I owe this Perpentneck!
THE MAGPIE
Duck-sided Cock! Crow-billed Cock! Hawk-footed Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Who has fallen upon the new arrivals, bursts into shrill volubility
before the last of them._] This surpasses all! An albino! Charmed, my
dear sir, honoured, enchanted! Oh, on his head he wears a cheese!
A HEN
So he does, a cheese!--A cream cheese, to be sure! A cream cheese!
ALL THE HENS
A cream cheese!
THE MAGPIE
Cr�ve Coeur Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing to meet him._] Oh, he has horns on his head!
THE PEACOCK
Satanic.
THE MAGPIE
Ptarmigan Cock!
THE PEACOCK
Aesthetic.
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing up to him._] Oh, he wears on his head an Assyrian helmet!
THE MAGPIE
White Pile--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Rushing up to him._] He wears on his head--[_Stopping short at sight
of his docked comb._] Nothing whatever. He wears nothing whatever on his
head. How odd it looks!
THE CAT
[_From his apple tree, to the_ BLACKBIRD, _indicating the_ WHITE PILE
GAME-COCK.] There is the champion. The dust conceals a razor on his lean
foot. [_The_ GAME-COCK _disappears among the throng of fancy_ COCKS,
_who are surrounded by a swarm of cackling_ HENS.]
THE MAGPIE
Negro Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Gone quite mad among the multitude of_ COCKS _now filling the
kitchen-garden with their extraordinary head-gear aigrettes, and plumes
and helmets, double and triple combs._] Charmed, honoured,
enchanted--enchanted, honoured, charmed!
PATOU
She has taken leave of her wits!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the empty air._] Charmed, charmed, enchanted, en--
THE MAGPIE
Cock with Supernumerary Toe!--Naked-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Naked?
THE MAGPIE
Necked!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To a_ HEN.] My dear, now we shall see something worth while!
THE MAGPIE
Japanese Cocks--Cock Splendens!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_At sight of this_ COCK _whose tail is eight yards long._] Oh!--In a
swallow tail!
THE MAGPIE
Clump-backed--
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Perceiving that this_ COCK _is absolutely flat at the back._] In a
monkey-jacket!
THE MAGPIE
[_Finishing._]--or Tailless Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Beside herself._] He has nothing whatever behind! This is the crowning
moment of my career! [_To the newcomer, effusively._] Charmed! No
tail! This is--
THE BLACKBIRD
I like his cheek!
THE MAGPIE
[_While more and more heterogeneous_ COCKS _appear._] Cock Walikikili,
called Choki-kukullo! Pseudo-Chinese Cuculicolor!
THE GUINEA-HEN
What a choice gathering!
THE PEACOCK
Kaleidoscopically cosmopolitan.
THE MAGPIE
Blue Java! White Java!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Losing all shame._] Won't Java cup o' coffee?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Falling upon the_ JAVA COCKS.] Charmed, charmed!
THE MAGPIE
Brahma Cock! Cochin Cock!
THE PEACOCK
[_Proudly._] The great vicious Cocks, representatives of the corrupt
East, the putrescent Orient!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Intoxicated._] Putrescent!
THE PEACOCK
Unwholesome, morbid grace!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_To the_ COCHIN COCK.] Charmed! Charmed!--Do notice his obscene eye!
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing wildly, infected with the general delirium._] Chili Cock,
curled hindside fore! Antwerp Cock, curled inside out!
ALL THE HENS
[_Fighting for the newcomers._] Oh, putrescent!--Oh, hindside fore!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Inside out!
THE MAGPIE
Shankless Jumping-cock!
A HEN
[_Fainting with emotion._] I suppose he jumps with his stomach!
THE GUINEA-HEN
An India-rubber Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ PATOU, _who from his wheelbarrow is looking off into the
distance._] And Chantecler?
PATOU
Will be here soon.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Can you see him?
PATOU
Yes, off there, scratching up the earth. Now he is on his way.
THE MAGPIE
Ghoondook Cock with Umbrella Topknot!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Iberian Cock with Lint Side Whiskers!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Cock Bans Backin or Fat Cheek of Thuringia!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM
Oh!
THE MAGPIE
Yankee Cochin of Plymouth Rock!
[_Sudden silence._ CHANTECLER _has appeared at the entrance, just behind
the_ COCK _last announced._]
CHANTECLER
[_To the_ MAGPIE.] Pray simply say, "The Cock!"
SCENE FOURTH
THE SAME, CHANTECLER, _later_ THE PIGEONS, _and_
THE SWAN.
THE MAGPIE
[_After looking_ CHANTECLER _up and down, disdainfully._] The Cock!
CHANTECLER
[_From the threshold, to the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your pardon Madam,--my humble
duty!--for venturing to present myself in this plumage--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Come in, I pray!
CHANTECLER
I hardly know whether I should. I have a limited number of toes--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Indulgently._] Oh, never mind!
CHANTECLER
I cannot claim to be a Carpathian, and--I hardly know how to conceal it
from you--I have feet!
THE GUINEA-HEN
Oh, let not that distress you!
CHANTECLER
A plain red-pepper comb, an ordinary garlic clove ear--
THE GUINEA-HEN
Of course, of course, we will excuse you. You came in your business suit!
CHANTECLER
Nay, my best! Pardon if my best combines merely the green of all April
with the gold of all October! I stand abashed. I am the Cock, just the
Cock, without further addition. The Cock such as he is still found in
some old-fashioned barnyard. A Cock shaped like a Cock, whose outline
persists in the vane on the steeple-top in the artist's eye, and the
humble toy which a child's hand finds among shavings in a little
wooden box.
&nbs
p; AN IRONICAL VOICE
[_From among the group of gorgeous prodigies._] The Gallic Cock, in short?
CHANTECLER
[_Gently, without even turning._] Sure as I am of my aboriginal claim to
this soil, I make no point of assuming the name. But, now you mention
it, I recognise that when one simply says the Cock, that is the Cock
he means!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Low to_ CHANTECLER.] I have seen your adversary!
CHANTECLER
[_Catching sight of the_ PHEASANT-HEN _approaching._] Be still! She must
know nothing of this!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Coquettishly._] Did you come for the sake of seeing me?
CHANTECLER
[_Bowing._] I am weak, you remember!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Listening to the_ COCHIN-CHINA COCK, _who is talking in an undertone,
thickly surrounded by_ HENS.] That Cock from Cochin China is
simply awful!
CHANTECLER
[_Turning._] Enough!
THE HENS
[_Around the_ COCHIN COCK, _giving little scandalised cries._] Oh!--
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Tickled._] Oh, you naughty bird!--He is quite the most improper of our
gallinacea!
CHANTECLER
[_Louder._] Enough!
THE COCHIN-CHINA COCK
[_Stops, and with mocking surprise._] Is it the Gallic Cock objecting?
CHANTECLER
I am not Gallic if you give the word a base or ridiculous meaning. By
Jove! Every Hen here knows whether my trumpet blast belongs to a
soprano! But your perverse attempts to wring blushes from little
baggages in convenient corners outrage my love of Love! It is true that
I care more to retain love's dream than these Cochin-Chinese, who,
courting a giggle, use refinement in coarseness, research in vulgarity;
true that my blood has swifter flow in a less ponderous body, and that I
am not a feathered pig,--but a Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Come, come away to the woods,--I love you!
CHANTECLER
[_Looking around him._] Oh, to see a real being appear! Someone simple,
someone--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] Two Pigeons!
CHANTECLER
[_Drawing a breath of relief._] At last,--pigeons! [_He runs eagerly to
the entrance._]
THE PIGEONS
[_Entering with a series of somersaults._] Hop!
CHANTECLER
[_Falling back in amazement._] What is this?
THE PIGEONS
[_Introducing themselves between two springs._] The Tumblers! English
Clowns!
CHANTECLER
Where am I?
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Running after the_ TUMBLERS _who disappear among the throng of
guests._] Hop! Hop!
CHANTECLER
Pigeons turning acrobats!--Oh, the joy of seeing something true,
something unblemished--
THE MAGPIE
[_Announcing._] The Swan!
CHANTECLER
[_Coming forward delighted._] Good! A Swan! [_Shrinking away._] He is
black!
THE BLACK SWAN
[_With swaggering satisfaction._] I have discarded the whiteness while
preserving the outline!
CHANTECLER
The real Swan's shadow does no less! [_Thrusting the_ SWAN _aside to hop
up on a bench whence, through a gap in the hedge, he can see the distant
meadows._] Let me climb up on this bench. I need to make sure that
Nature still exists--though so far away! Ah, yes! The grass is green, a
cow is grazing, a calf sucking--And Heaven be praised, the calf has a
single head! [_Coming down again beside the_ PHEASANT-HEN.]
THE PHEASANT-HEN
Oh, come away to the innocent woods, sincere and dewy, where we will
love each other!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Pointing at_ CHANTECLER _and the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _who are standing
close and talking low._] We are getting on!
THE GUINEA-HEN
[_Intensely interested._] Do you think so? [_She spreads her wings to
screen them._] Oh, I am so fond of helping along a clandestine
love affair!
THE BLACKBIRD
[_Sticking his bill under the_ GUINEA-HEN'S _wing so as to keep the pair
in sight._] I believe she has thoughts of annexing his comb.
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_To_ CHANTECLER.] Come, dearest, come away!
CHANTECLER
[_Resisting._] No, I must sing where Destiny placed me. I am useful
here, I am beloved--
THE PHEASANT-HEN
[_Remembering what she overheard the night before in the farmyard._] Are
you so sure?--Come away to the woods, where we shall hear real pigeons
cooing tenderly to each other!
THE TURKEY
[_At the back._] Ladies, the great Peacock--