by Kat Brookes
“Garrett,” Hannah gasped, her hand tightening over his. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said soberly. “It’s not something I’ve felt the need to share with others.”
“But you’re telling me.”
He cleared his throat, which suddenly felt constricted. “I’m telling you because you’ve shared so many confidences with me.” And because he trusted her. “I hope it will help you will understand a little better why marriage isn’t in my future.”
“Marriage isn’t only about creating a family,” she told him with a frown. “It’s about finding that one special person to love and be loved by. It’s about supporting each other through the good and the bad. It’s about trust and commitment. It’s about sharing a faith and allowing that faith to guide you through your lives together.”
“How can you feel so strongly about marriage?” he asked her. “After what happened with your first.”
“Because forever is a very long time to spend alone.”
“You’ll have Austin.”
She nodded. “I will. But I pray for the Lord to bring someone into my life to complete our family.”
“You deserve that,” he said solemnly.
“Garrett...” she asked hesitantly “...are you certain you can’t have children?”
“According to the doctors who treated me following the bronc riding injury that sent me to the emergency room in Missouri the year before I gave up competitive riding for good, I am. And I only have myself to blame for it.”
“You were a competitive bronc rider,” she told him. “That meant risking possible injury each and every time you rode. But accidents can happen in any line of work. You shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“It could have been prevented,” came his muttered admission.
She looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“My sterility could have been prevented.” His frown deepened. “I put off going to the ER after my ride, even though I was in a great deal of pain, because of my aversion to hospitals after losing Grace. If I had sought medical attention right away, sterility would probably not have been an issue.” He laughed, the sound almost brittle. “The rodeo left its mark on all of us. Jackson with his lame leg. Tucker’s broken marriage. And my infertility. The funny thing is, despite all of that, we still love being a part of the rodeo circuit.”
Moisture filled her eyes as she sat looking up at him.
“Hannah, please don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it,” she said as her tears swelled in her eyes. “When I think of all my coming here has cost you emotionally. Having you hold Austin so I could rest after giving birth to him. That had to be so hard for you. If I had known...”
“I would have held him anyway,” he told her with a tender smile. “You needed to get some sleep. And I promise my thoughts weren’t on anything but the unexpected little blessing I was holding in my arms at that moment.”
“But then you drove Austin and me to the hospital. To the place that holds your last memories of Grace. Painful memories. And it didn’t end there. You spent hours on end on a floor filled with newborns when you can’t...” She didn’t finish what she’d been about to say.
It had cost him emotionally. He couldn’t deny it. But it was nothing compared to what it had gained him. “That first day,” he began, “when I brought you and Austin in through those emergency room doors, my main focus was on getting you and your son the medical help you both needed.” His gaze locked with hers. “I wasn’t going to lose you. Either of you. And while I’ll admit it’s been hard, I found myself wanting to be there for you in the days following Austin’s birth more than I wanted to avoid memories from my past.”
“Garrett,” she said with a tender, teary-eyed smile.
“It’s true,” he said. “You’ve given me new memories where that hospital is concerned. So if anyone should be doing the thanking, it should be me. You’ve helped me to let go of some of the past that I should have let go of a long time ago.”
Tears spilled out onto her cheeks. “How can I ever thank you for the emotional sacrifice you’ve made for us? Are still making,” she added with a soft sob.
Garrett turned his hand over, threading his fingers through hers. “By being happy.”
Nodding, she brushed a tear from her cheek with a soft sniffle. “I want the same for you. And whether or not you can father a child makes you no less lovable. Plenty of couples adopt.”
He frowned. “Maybe so, but I would always wonder if any woman I would marry would start to resent having to raise someone else’s child when they could have had one of their own.”
“If you were my husband, would you feel that way about raising Austin?” she asked, making him take a mental step back. “Because he’s my sister’s son, not mine. Just as he won’t be a physical part of any man I might marry. Should I avoid ever marrying again because my husband might resent, if not me, then the child I will be raising as my son?”
The last thing he wanted to think about was the man who would be part of Hannah’s future. But her bringing it up made him rethink his thoughts on the matter. “No,” he muttered. “If I were your husband, I would love you even more for opening your heart and giving a motherless child a special place in your heart. And I would love Austin. I can’t imagine any man not wanting to be a father to your son.” But to be that meant that man would be more than just a father to Austin. He’d be Hannah’s husband and all the things Garrett found himself wanting, despite knowing they were just out of reach.
“I pray you’re right,” she said with a soft sigh. Looking his way, she asked, “Do you have time to go for a short walk? I’d like to stretch my legs a bit.”
He managed a smile. “For you? Always.” Reaching out, he took hold of her hand.
Hannah glanced down at their joined hands, her heart dancing happily as he walked her across the porch. She felt like a young girl on a first date, rather than a grown woman simply spending time with a friend. Because that’s what Garrett was to her—a very dear friend. Someone she could share her innermost feelings with, with the exception of those she held for him. Something that had been missing from her life since losing her sister.
“Will you tell me a little more about the ranch and your rodeo business?”
“What would you like to know?” he asked as they walked along.
“How big is your ranch?”
“Eight thousand acres in total,” he replied.
“That’s huge.” She looked around, her gaze coming to rest on the herd of broncs grazing in the distance. “But then you probably need that much land for all the horses you have.”
“They’re our livelihood,” he explained. “They need room to roam.”
“How many horses live on your ranch?”
He followed the line of her gaze. “We have 110 rodeo-ready horses, foals that have yet to come into their own, about a dozen or so retired broncs. That’s not counting our own personal saddle horses.” He pointed to the barn. “We store supplies and feed for our stock horses in the main barn.”
They moved past the barn to where a pair of double-decker semitrucks were parked next to one of the galvanized grain bins. “Horse trailers?” Hannah inquired as she took in the sight of them. They looked newer and had fancy, scrolled detailing around their doors, a saddle painted on each side of the elongated horse trailers with Triple W Rodeo Ranch arched over the top.
Garrett nodded. “We use these for equine transport to the various rodeos. They are top-of-the-line with every safety measure and comfort taken into consideration. We want to be certain our horses make it to their contracted destinations safely, experiencing as little stress as possible.”
“Wow. So much goes into operating a stock contracting company,” Hannah said in awe. “This,” she said, motioning to everything around he
r, “is all so impressive, Garrett. And to think I had only pictured a rodeo consisting of a fenced-in riding area with a gate for riders to come in and out of, and a bunch of horse trailers. But there is so much more to it.”
Garrett chuckled. “A lot more than in your imaginings from the sounds of it. You really need to experience the real thing.”
“I know,” she said with a wistful sigh as she stared off toward the herd galloping across the pasture beyond the barn.
“How about this evening?”
She looked his way, her questioning gaze meeting his. “What?”
“There’s a local rodeo this evening over in Shanter,” he said of the town thirty-five minutes away from Bent Creek, even closer from the hospital they drove to every day. “It’s an indoor competition, one that’s a somewhat scaled-down version of the rodeos our company normally contracts for, but it’s a rodeo all the same. I was thinking that if you are feeling up to it after visiting with Austin today, we can take a ride over and check it out.”
Her face lit up instantly at his suggestion, snagging yet another piece of Garrett’s heart.
“We can even grab some dinner there if you’re good with burgers.”
“You already had me sold on the idea, but burgers totally sealed the deal.”
“It’s a date then,” Garrett said without thinking. Then frowned at his words. “Well, not a date exactly. You know what I mean.”
Her smile sagged ever so slightly. And then she laughed, sounding forced. “Of course. I’ve just had a baby. Not what most men are looking for when it comes to dating.”
His brows drew together. “It has nothing to do with your son. If things were different,” he told her, regret filling him, “I would ask you out in a heartbeat. I like you, Hannah. I like you a lot. But you deserve a man who can give you children. A man who can give Austin brothers and sisters.” He looked around, feeling uneasy with the direction their conversation had taken. The last thing he wanted to do was lay his heart out there on the line when doing so wouldn’t change anything. “I should be going. I’m supposed to help Tucker and Jackson clean some of the storm debris out of the creek before it damns up.”
“Thank you for taking the time to walk with me this morning.”
He nodded. “I’ll be back to pick you up around three.” Walking over to his horse, Garrett unwound the reins from where he’d secured them to the porch railing, and then swung up into the saddle.
“Garrett...” Hannah said as he turned his horse to leave. “You never did ask what my favorite flower is.”
He cast a curious glance her way.
“A while ago, I asked what yours was,” she explained. “You told me a marigold. I thought you might want to know what my favorite is.” She waited patiently for him to ask.
Unable to help himself, Garrett smiled. He’d wanted a change in conversation. This was definitely it. “All right, Hannah, what is your favorite flower?”
Her lips drew up into a bright smile. “That’s easy. A sunflower.”
As her reply settled in, Hannah moved up onto the porch.
“A sunflower, huh?” he repeated. “Not a perfectly bloomed rose or brightly colored tulip,”
“Nope. Definitely a sunflower,” she replied. Reaching for the screen door, she glanced back at him over her slender shoulder. “They’re tall and I like tall. And strong. Always tipping their faces upward to soak in the warmth of the sun. Mostly because they remind me of you,” she said with a playful wink. “See you after work.”
The screen door swung shut behind her, leaving Garrett to process her admission. It didn’t matter that she’d compared him to a flower. What mattered was that he was her kind of flower. Hope, as irrational as it was, stirred inside him as he rode away.
* * *
“The burgers were awesome, but these are the best fries ever,” Hannah said, looking up at him with a happy grin as they made their way to their seats in the front row of the rodeo arena.
They had grabbed a couple of burgers and fries when they’d gotten to the rodeo. Garrett had finished all his, but Hannah was still enjoying the last bit of her fries. “Mine were good,” he replied. “But that’s because they weren’t all smothered in ketchup and vinegar, like some people’s.” He followed that up with an exaggerated cringe.
Laughing, she held the cone-shaped paper cup out to him. “Don’t knock it until you try it, cowboy.”
He eyed the cup’s contents warily. “Thanks, but I’m a plain fry kind of guy.”
“Don’t tell me a man who used to climb onto a bronc, risking life and limb, is afraid to try a little, tiny, flavor-induced French fry.”
“You don’t play fair,” he said with a grin as he reached out to pluck a couple of fries from the cup. Then he popped them into his mouth, prepared to force them down just to prove to Hannah that he was still the fearless cowboy he’d once been. But Garrett discovered, much to his surprise, that fries were actually very tasty with ketchup and vinegar added to them. “Mmm...” he moaned.
Her smile widened. “Good, right?”
“Best fries ever,” he agreed, helping himself to another one as they headed toward the arena to take their seats. There had been so many firsts for him since Hannah came into his life. First time he’d ever rescued someone. First time he’d ever held a newborn. First time he’d ever thought about how empty his life, a life filled with work and family, still was.
“Garrett?”
Garrett stopped and turned, catching sight of two men he used to compete against when he was riding the circuit. “Huck,” he greeted with a nod. “Ben.”
“You thinking about coming out of retirement?” Ben asked with a grin. “Here to check out the competition?”
“Not a chance.” He looked to Hannah. “I’m just here with a friend.”
“Well, if I had the choice of sitting atop a bronc or beside this pretty lady here, I’d definitely stay retired.” Ben’s words made Hannah blush.
Huck nodded in agreement.
“Hannah Wade, meet Huck Salyers and Ben Freeman,” Garrett said.
Both men tipped their cowboy hats, murmuring their greetings.
“It’s my first rodeo,” Hannah told them. “I’m so excited to see this part of Garrett’s life.”
Both men slid questioning glances his way.
Not wanting to have to make explanations to soothe their curiosity, Garrett said, “I hate to cut this short, but we really need to get to our seats. The bareback bronc event is getting ready to start.”
The men nodded.
“It was good seeing you,” Huck said.
“Enjoy the rodeo,” Ben told Hannah.
“I’m sure I will,” she replied with a smile.
Garrett felt a stirring of something akin to jealousy as he stood listening to his friend make small talk with Hannah. Maybe it was because they were on the receiving end of her pretty smile. One he’d prefer to have aimed solely at him. He should have introduced Hannah as his girl, because that’s what he wanted her to be—his girl. It was high time he stopped fighting it. He turned to her as the two men walked away, intending to tell her just that, but the rodeo announcer came on the speakers to announce the bareback bronc event was about to begin.
“We’re going to miss the start,” she fretted.
“Not if we hurry,” he said, taking her hand as he led her through the thinning crowd.
She tossed her empty fry container into a nearly trash barrel as they hurried toward the bleachers that wrapped around the dirt-packed arena.
“Why are there other riders here?” she asked, sounding almost breathless with anticipation as they made their way up the steps and along the front row of bleacher seats.
“Those are the pickup men,” he explained as they located their seats and settled onto them. “Their job is to see to the safety of whichever cowboy’s
competing at that time. At the end of the ride, or even during if there appears to be trouble, they come in and help him safely to the ground. Then they herd the horse out of the arena.”
“That’s comforting to know,” she replied as she eyed the two men on horseback.
The rodeo announcer’s voice boomed out of the overhead speakers, “This is Give Him a Shake, seeing if he can do just that to Brock Lemley from Utah.” Music began to play. A second later, the chute opened. From that moment on, Hannah was riveted, at the edge of her seat as she watched the competition.
Despite the action going on inside the arena as rider after rider came out, each one trying to bring in the top score of the night, Garrett’s attention kept drifting to Hannah, who was leaning forward, both hands curled tightly around the railing in front of her.
Her gaze stuck like glue to the bronc rider currently making his ride in the arena. Her wide-eyed expression, and soft, worried gasps as the bronc bucked with increased determination had Garrett wondering if Hannah was going to last the entire rodeo. The night was only beginning.
The buzzer sounded, signaling the end of the required ride, but the bronc wasn’t ready to quit. Another violent buck, followed by a sharp cut to the right, sent the rider airborne.
Hannah let out a terrified shriek as the rodeo cowboy hit the ground about twenty feet away from where they sat watching, hard enough to send up a small cloud of dust. “Garrett—” her hand shot out, frantically grabbing for his “—is he okay?”
He eyed the fallen cowboy, praying that he hadn’t brought Hannah to a rodeo only to have a serious injury happen right there in front of them. Thankfully, the man pushed upright, shook his head as if trying to clear the cobwebs from it, and then scrambled to his feet.
“A little dazed,” Garrett supposed as he watched the rider break into a jog toward the fence, slapping his dust-covered cowboy hat against his leg as he went. “But medical will check him out.”
Nodding, she watched in silence as the young rider made his way out of the arena, her hand still clutching Garrett’s like a lifeline.
