For the first time in my life I don’t feel the need to flush my system with the toxic shit of the world. I may not be a saint, I’ll still smoke and drink, but I don’t feel the demons lurking in the corners of the world coming for me anymore.
The world looks different today. I’m no fool in that, I know I will have these ugly days, but I know that I am more and stronger than the demons now. I wave at Jenn and Saint from the driveway. I stopped by after work to talk with Jenn and check in. She asked me to keep checking in and for her I will, I don’t feel I need to, but maybe it’s good to keep my head on track.
She laughed pretty hard when I told her that I won’t ever stop smokin’ the shit and pounding beers, but I promised her not to use them to drown out the pain. Maybe that’s the key, but I’ll leave that up the girls to figure out. Fuck, all I know is that I have a chance at life. The rest will work out.
I rev up the bike, throw my shades on, and head out to buy dinner for my family. I’m coming home, now is the time. I smirk on the drive; the sun heating my face, it feels like heaven shining down on this new man. He’s ready, and he’s going to bring down anyone or anything that stands in his way. Forever battle born.
Chapter 25
Pawn
I park the bike outside of Tami’s house and I spot her through the window looking out at me. I wave my hand in the air. My eyes roam over her beautiful face and her blonde hair shines in the rays. She reminds me in this moment, why I have called her my angel for so long, because she is. She, like me, is perfectly imperfect. Just perfect because she is mine.
Her face is unsure and weary, and I understand why. Mostly, I have only showed her the bad. I want to show her the good. She tentatively brings a hand up and it drops quickly. She’s not giving me much but hell, she isn’t hiding either.
I jump off my bike and pull out the takeout of burgers, beer and a juice box for Cash. I hold them up and show her, tilting my head towards the porch. Tami’s face radiates happiness and nods yes, then she’s gone, and the curtain covers the window.
The easiness holds me hostage to the spot. The simple things that I never could feel before making me happy. Filling more inside than a drug ever could. I snap out of it when I hear the door crack open and I take the steps two at a time, reaching them at the top. My arm with the beers wraps around Tami and Cash. I place a quick kiss to their foreheads and usher them over to the swing.
Cash animatedly reaches for the juice box and I hand it to him when Tami sits him down between us. His little face lights up and his little hands clench around the cardboard box and juice squirts all over him. The best part is, Tami full on heartedly laughs at his giggles and his smile that holds only a few teeth.
She changes her mind though when he squeezes it again with all his strength and hits her face and chest when he aims at her. Her hands fly up and quickly takes it away.
“Cash.” She scolds, “That’s not funny.”
This time I laugh at her, “You can’t blame the kid.” I pick up the poky-lipped face little stinker and set him in my lap. I hand him a chicken nugget while Tami wipes herself dry.
Together we sit and eat. She doesn’t tell me much about her day when I asked and that shocks me a little bit. “You didn’t have to go to work today?”
“No.” She shakes her head a bit and looks the other way at the street avoiding my question.
My fingers run over her shoulder causing goosebumps to raise and I hold back the thrill that it brings. Her reaction to my touch is intoxicating. “You off for the week?” I poke at her, because I know she’s hiding. I don’t need to know, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to harass her either.
“No, I’m not working at the bar anymore.” My fingers stop the small circles I was tracing, and she tries but fails miserably to hide, at first, the smile that cracks free and then the full-on gloating one that she got me. Tami takes a long drink from her beer and turns to face me sitting sideways on the bench. One leg curls up to her and the other hangs as she swings it back and forth. This is my angel. This is how she is meant to be in this world. Picture perfect.
“I’m working from home, from my laptop.” She proudly admits, “I’m growing my own business online.”
My eyebrows hit my hairline expecting her to finish, but she chuckles, “Nah-ah. It’s all mine right now. Maybe one day I will share.”
“Proud of you.” I blurt. The words surprising the both of us. “When you are ready, I want to hear all about it.”
Her smile lights up her face again and I want nothing more than to touch those lips with my own. But we need so much more, we need everything and to have that, I will take it slow.
Cash fusses and I set him down on the porch, he falls in place and crawls around a bit finding the random toys that has been left out for him. I scoot over and pull her legs to rest over mine and wrap her up with my one arm. One hand glides across her silky legs and the other massages her head when it falls to my shoulder. She groans and closes her eyes and I fight back the hard-on the husky noise evokes.
She and I sit, watching the sun begin to set and Cash play. Being here, with them, brings out a longing deep inside for a connection that has been exposed. Taking a leap, I tell her about talking to Jenn. Tami stills for a moment and her gaze locks with mine. I don’t leave out any details and how she has helped me. Tami takes my hand and holds on tighter when I explain about my childhood. I tell her about what it was like growing up and showing weakness has always been hard for me. It’s not anymore because I learned what my weakness really is; family. Jenn and I have a pact to check in with each other to keep the darkness in check. I’m open with her about smokin’ weed but not letting it be a crutch anymore.
I tell her everything that is important. Rather than telling her that I love her, I show her. That everything I have thought about has everything to do with her and Cash. She doesn’t say much but listens. Eventually, one of her hands rest on my leg and the other lands on my chest. My free hand takes hers and embraces it there. For the first time she sees the man behind the bullshit from before and I know my time is coming to an end when Cash gets moody and starts to cry.
Tami gets up to pick up our mess and head inside. Swooping up Cash from the porch, I take him inside to start his bath. I take my time playing with him and the bubbles until his eyes are droopy and pull him out and dry him off. After I dress him in his pajamas and lay him in his bed, he’s out within seconds happily.
Quietly, I step out leaving the door barely cracked. Tami is back outside but her back is to the door and a sweater is tightly wrapped around her body. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head on top of hers for a moment before she turns around and looks up to me with her bright hazel eyes.
My fingers sweep back the blond hair blowing into her face. Both of my hands cup her face and laying a soft long kiss on her lips I rasp, “Good night, Tami.”
When I pull away, she whispers, “I don’t want you to leave me.” I feel and know that is so much more than just tonight. It’s a small confession of her fear.
“Not ever leaving you, even when I tried, I couldn’t.” I pull her into my body and hold her. “I’ll be back every day until you believe it.”
“Then what, Pawn?” Her eyes bounce between mine looking for the answers and reassurances. Her heart cracked open just a little for me. She’s testing me and giving me a chance to earn her back.
“We find out what happily-ever-after is all about, is what, angel. But we find out together.”
Tami’s head falls forward hitting my chest, and she shakes holding in her laugh. “Smooth, really smooth,” she croaks.
Lifting her head, I kiss each corner of her mouth and then one last one in the center. “Tomorrow.” I promise not only her but myself because it takes everything in me to fight the lust flowing through my veins.
Letting her go, I trot down the steps and to my bike and I crank it on. She places her hand to her lips and kisses her fingers before waving goodbye. Tami laced
with love is fucking powerful. She is my drug and my ultimate addiction.
Chapter 26
Pawn
A few weeks have gone by and my balls are in pain. Each night we’ve talked and hung out with Cash as a family. Then, when he went to bed, we took things a little bit farther without actually seeing each other naked. My hands have touched every bare inch exposed from her clothes. But they itch to uncover the rest of her. I’m dying and I can’t hold out any longer. There’s only so many hand jobs a man can take before he needs his woman. I’m at that point, she better be on board with the Pawn train headed into her station because as far as I’m concerned, it’s done. There ain’t anything more that needs to be dealt with.
I’ve never, in my life, spent more time talking and romancing a woman. It hasn’t been bad, we both needed it. I wanted her to feel important to me. I scoot onto the stool across from Kat at the bar and she glares at me from over the top of the draft beer handles. “What do you want?” she growls at me.
“I fucked up and it won’t happen again.” Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit what these women thought of me, this is for Tami.
“Sure as hell won’t. You mess with her and you’ve engaged war with me.” Kat keeps her glare and passes the beer along to the guy and he takes off leaving us to settle our shit.
“I hear you Kat. But so we are clear, I’m going after her and she will be mine. I will fuck up along the way. Not like before but give us enough room to figure our shit out on our own. I know you’re her family, but I got her.”
Kat scans my face looking for any signs that I may be bullshitting her, when she doesn’t find any she comments, “Fair enough. You break her heart…” She leans across the bar, “I’ll hurt you, I’ll make what Tank did to your pretty face feel like a fucking facial.” Kat waits for me to nod my head before she rests back on her heels and pours me a draft.
Slowly she slides it across the bar and if I’m being totally honest, I’m a little worried about drinking it. I don’t think she would kill me, I’m worth more alive than dead at this point. Tentatively, I take a small sip.
A boisterous laugh sounds from the corner of the room and I turn to find Tank laughing. He gets up from the corner table and slides onto the seat next to me and smacks my back. “Glad to see you and the Ol’ Lady have made up.”
Kat turns slightly, her black hair hiding part of her face, but her look is fierce. “Sure did.” She glares and goes back to helping the next customer.
Tank’s body shakes while he requests, “K-Love, can you grab me a whiskey and a chaser?” He totally gets off on his psychotic wife and finds her death threats amusing, crazy fucker.
Kat saunters over and makes a show of pouring him a shot of whiskey with her full tits on display. She’s fucking evil. I try looking around and ignoring her. She hands him first his shot then pops a beer open and slides the glass bottle across to him and winks before helping the next customer.
“I’m gonna need you to cover the bar when I finish my beer. Kat is going on break.”
I groan because he’s taking her to some place within the building. He’s made a point to claim her in every available spot possible. I think the asshole has a kink letting the other guys hear him get her off. Freaking show off.
“Can’t, Tami is on her way, right?” I chuckle to bust his balls.
Tank sighs heavily, “Damn, yes, I just asked her to meet me over here after she drops off Cash with Emilia.”
“She thinks her and Kat are hanging out tonight?”
“Yes, Pawn, I know how to set someone up. She’ll be here right about… now.”
The back door opens and Tami walks in wearing black leather pants. My blood pressure picks up at the sight. The urge to run my hands over her leather ass becomes an obsession. She wore black boots that begs to be taken out on the road. On my bike. With me.
She pulls off the leather jacket not noticing me yet and her blonde hair falls down her back. The weeks of pent up lust comes forward in full force. Need. Full blown ecstasy spikes my thoughts and what every second would be like alone.
My breathing picks up to a heavy pant. I’m not going to make it very long. Tami sets her jacket on the office hook and walks in with a white t-shirt with the letters printed across her modest size tits, “Chingona,” in black scripted lettering.
She walks behind the bar and gives Kat a hug. Kat whispers into her ear and Tami startles before turning to me. Fuck me. My angel looks like she came here from my dirtiest fantasies in hell. Her hazel eyes are rimmed in black makeup and red lips that I want to smear with my cock.
My muscles tense and I’m about to haul her out of the bar before Tank hits my shoulder and lets lose another round of laughter. “Bro, chingona, I wonder where she got that from?”
Kat smirks and Tami looks to Tank then Kat for an answer. Kat takes pity on her and says, “I gave this to you to remind this guy,” she points over to me, “who the hell you are. Chingonas are the most badass girls. Fuck with them and they will kick you in the cojones.”
Tami’s eyes bug out and her face reddens. Her hands fly up to cover her shirt, but to do that, she has to hold her tits. Tank chokes on his beer and Cuervo walks up. “¿Por qué estamos pateando los cojones de alguien?”
“We’ll be kicking his balls,” Tank points his bottle at my face, “if he pisses Kat or Tami off.”
“Sí.” Cuervo turns his deadly stare at me. “Pinche moro, lo que yo tome esta noche lo pagarás. ¿Me entiendes güey?”
I freeze.
Leaning over to Tank I ask, “What did he just say?”
Cuervo leans over to me and buts in, “That you, pinche asshole, are buying mi cerveza y tequila. Put a hundred on the bar.” He demands, sitting next to me. “You want into esta familia, you pay.”
Tank’s expression morphs into this conceded look like he’s made it. I’m confused as hell as to what I have paid into but it’s important, so I pull out a hundred, slapping it on the bar.
“Mija,” Cuervo barks at Tami, “Put your hands down.” Her hands drop to her side and his head tilts to the side, “¿Qué es esto?” He points at her chest, “Who gave that to you?”
Tami cracks a small giggle but doesn’t say anything. Cuervo swings his attention to Kat. She shrugs and flips her hand in his direction, dismissing his disapproval. They start to argue in Spanish with hands flying into another’s direction.
“No sabes lo qué es la chingona.” He laughs at Kat and she passes him a tequila and Corona.
“I know what chingona is, Cuervo.” Kat raises a brow with a dirty look and a firm stance.
“¿Y ella? Tami no lo sabe.” I’m lost here, but I’m guessing Cuervo is asking if Tami knows what is.
“You didn’t see Tami at the clubhouse, Cuervo.” Tank adds in and starts to tell him the story of our last fight. Cuervo sips his beer and his fingers rotate the shot around on the table listening to the story. I’ve seen some shit coming back from prison so even though I feel the stare of Cuervo on the side of my head, I don’t give a fuck what he thinks.
Slowly I get up and move around the bar, Tami watching me the whole way. We leave them to their crazy bickering, and I take my girl into my arms. “Hey, angel.” Her hands trace up my back over my shirt re-lighting my desire on fire. Pinning her against the cabinet with my body I slide my leg between hers. The heat radiates off her delicious body. Placing my elbow next to the side of her head I lean in blocking our faces from the crowd.
Our noses almost touch and she whispers, “I missed you.” Her hands run up the front of my chest and a low growl erupts from my throat. “Missed the fuck out of you.”
Tami’s hands coax me in. Her mouth opens and I capture her tongue with mine. My hands trail up the outside of her thigh, and under her shirt, until I find her smooth hot skin. Nipping and kissing I show her my desire for her. Tami grinds her pussy on my leg ever so slightly. My grip holds her hip, wanting it all. To shred all our clothes away and exposing her sweet and salty flesh.
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The temperature spikes and we are close taking this into the office before a beer bottle cap zings through the air and hits my arm.
“Hey, we have beer to drink first,” Tank demands.
Tami’s head falls back and hits the wood behind her with a thud. Groaning in frustration I push away before I take her hand and lead us back to the bar. I sit on the stool and position her to rest back into my body between my legs.
Kat pushes a beer for the both of us across the bar, “Cool off kids, you have the whole night.” She winks at Tami. That makes me damn happy, because to Tami, this is her family and I want everything for her.
“Only a few drinks.” My fingers graze over stomach, “I want to get drunk off of you.” She trembles under my touch and arches into me. All the doubts are obliterated. Tami has grown into the woman she wants to be, and I crave to consume her as my own.
Tami
Pawn stands up from the stool where we have been the last couple of hours. Curiosity has my interest peeked and my heart spikes. Like a slave I follow, my heart won’t allow me to hold back. Every small touch, every look has connected us, drugging our lust just that much deeper than ever before. Unbreakable. I want and crave it all. The ugly and good, infect me with her.
He walks us to the dance the floor and spins me around with our hands connected above my head for a moment while I spin. My palms land on his chest giving me a taste of his strength. He holds onto my hips as we sway from side-to-side together.
Participating in the fun instead of being behind the scenes is addicting. When I worked at the bar, I did my job and then went home exhausted. This has shown me, how much I needed to leave to be alive and live. Stop surviving and start living again. I haven’t laughed like this and felt so carefree in my life.
Loving You Forever (Battle Born MC Book 7) Page 13
