Eventually I put the book down and sat looking out the window at the lush scenery. When I got tired of it, I went back to reading, dozing off now and then. The other girl fell asleep almost immediately. The boy ran out of conversation, leaned his head back against the wooden seat and began to snore softly. Nora closed her eyes. Soon she was asleep too, her head lolling on my shoulder. I glanced down at her. In sleep she looked very young, and I had a brief memory of when we were both young children and had played happily together. I sighed. How different life would have been had our relationship stayed that way.
NORA
When we arrived at the Queenstown dock I stopped in my tracks and looked up in awe. The Titanic loomed above me, like a massive, rocking beast.
‘A hundred feet tall and almost nine hundred feet long,’ said Dom, who stood behind me. I looked around at him. His ruddy face glowed and his eyes were wide. His sister, Maeve, clung to him, still looking terrified.
I strained my neck to look up at the top deck. There were people looking down at us on the dock. Although they were only small specks, I could see the outline of fancy feathered hats on the women and black bowler hats on the men. They would be the first-class passengers who had boarded at Southampton and Cherbourg the day before. My annoyance with Delia returned. If it wasn’t for her, I’d be up there among them, looking down on the ragged crowd below; men in shabby clothes and women carrying babies wrapped in shawls.
We went through the health examination where we were poked and prodded like cattle. I suppose they were afraid we’d bring our germs on board and infect the toffs up on first deck.
‘Come on, Nora, hurry up.’ Delia took me by the arm and steered me towards the gangplank. ‘Here’s your ticket!’ I shook off her arm and took the ticket. She’d become bossy all of a sudden. She wouldn’t have dared speak to me that way at home. I followed her, struggling a little with the weight of my suitcases.
As I walked up the gangplank, I caught sight of the dark water lapping below. I swallowed hard. I was deathly afraid of water – ever since the time Delia tried to drown me in the river near our cottage. She always denied it, saying she was only trying to hold me up when I started to struggle. But I didn’t believe her. Ma didn’t either. I looked away quickly and let my eyes bore into the porter’s back instead.
The porter led us down several sets of stairs. The suitcases grew heavier in my grip and my breathing laboured from exhaustion. With every new flight of stairs, I groaned. Mother of God, was he leading us down into hell itself? At last we came to a long, narrow corridor with doors lined on either side. The porter stopped at number 23 and unlocked the door. He smiled at Delia and me.
‘Here’s your cabin, girls,’ he said, as if it was the Taj Mahal. ‘You should find everything you need. Ye are lucky, ye have this cabin all to yourselves; the other two passengers cancelled. The toilets are around the corner there.’ He pointed to his right. ‘They’re flushing toilets,’ he went on. ‘I bet ye have never seen the likes of them in your life.’
I glared at him. ‘That’ll be all, thank you,’ I said in my most polite voice. ‘We’ll let you know if we need anything.’
His mouth dropped open. Then he let out a loud guffaw. ‘Ah sure, you’re a great teaser, love,’ he said. ‘A great teaser altogether.’ With that he moved on to the next cabin.
The space was tiny with four berths and a washbasin. The pine walls were painted white and the floor was linoleum. I suppose it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared, but I wouldn’t give Delia the satisfaction of telling her so. I heaved my suitcases onto the nearest bed and sat down. I glared at Delia, who was humming to herself as she opened her suitcase to unpack.
‘We’ll only be needing two changes of clothes, and we can rinse them in between,’ she said. ‘No need to take everything out of the case.’
I glared at her. Rinse them out, my arse! We were to be on the ship for five days and I for one was going to be wearing clean knickers every day. I watched her take out two blouses and skirts and two pair of knickers. I supposed it was all the clothes she had. I shrugged and turned away to avoid feeling sorry for her. Then she pulled out her books and set them on the bed. Her and her books – you’d think they were her children. On account of all that reading, she used words so long they would choke you. I always believed she did it on purpose to make me look ignorant; school hadn’t been my strong point.
She turned around, smiling. ‘Do you need help unpacking, Nora?’
As I’d watched her my irritation had grown, and when she spoke to me, I blew up.
‘No!’ I shouted. ‘I’ll be needing no help from you. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be enjoying the luxury up in first class instead of being down here in this dungeon.’
Delia stood there, her mouth a perfect O, waiting for me to finish shouting. But I wasn’t finished.
‘You’re a devious little divil. How you got around Da to arrange a passage for you, I’ll never know.’ Tears stung my eyes and I balled up my fists. ‘You’ve been jealous of me since the day you were born. You’d do anything to spite me, wouldn’t you?’ I paused to catch my breath. ‘Well, just you wait, you’ll get your just dues. A week from now you’ll be down on your knees scrubbing floors for strangers, while I’ll be at ease in Mr O’Hanlon’s posh home with nothing to do but amuse his young daughter!’
I turned my back on Delia so she would not see the fear on my face. The truth was, I was nervous as a cat at the thought of going to some posh house in New York pretending to be a governess. What if the seven-year-old daughter was already able to read and write better than me? I shook off the doubts as best I could and turned back to Delia. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke.
‘I’m sorry you feel that way, Nora. But it comes as no surprise. You’ve always been a selfish girl. And, to tell you the truth, I’ll be happy to scrub floors day and night as long as I’m away from you and Ma. All you two have ever done is torment me. The only one who ever showed me any kindness was Da.’
I stared at her in shock. Where had she found the nerve to speak to me like that? And she’d said it all without the hint of a stutter. I was going to say more, but I was already sick of fighting with her. I opened the cabin door and looked out. Young people with accents from all over Ireland were milling in the corridor, talking and laughing. There might be some good craic to be had down here after all. I smoothed out one of my new dresses, a lovely blue one with a low-cut neckline. I put it on along with a matching hat and stepped out, closing the door behind me.
DELIA
When Nora had gone, I heaved a sigh of relief. How was I going to put up with her for the entire journey? I could understand why she was upset – she’d been used to having her own way – but I didn’t want to keep fighting with her. I liked peace and quiet. I decided to ignore her as best I could.
The little cabin was quite cosy. The walls smelled of fresh paint and the linoleum floor was bright and clean. The wash basin gleamed. I supposed the newness wouldn’t last long after a string of passengers came and went through the cabin. It was thrilling to be the first people to sail on the Titanic.
I must have been asleep when Nora returned. I had heard some traditional music coming from the other end of the ship. I’d no doubt my sister was out dancing in the middle of the floor. She was a big, curvy girl, but she was light on her feet, and the boys were drawn to her like bees to honey. She’d never be short of a partner at a dance. It was always that way. I hated going to dances in the village. If a boy I didn’t know approached me, I’d stutter, and he would back away muttering excuses. After a while I refused to go. And while it made me a little sad that I wasn’t out enjoying the music in steerage, I believed my experience would be no different than at the dances in Kilcross. So, as usual, I took refuge in a book before I fell asleep.
In the morning we were awakened by a bell announcing breakfast. Nora and I walked in silence down the corridor to the large room that had been set aside for dining. We sat down at a table, but
Nora got up immediately when she spied some of her new friends from the night before. She ran over to them, full of smiles and greetings, and they made room for her to sit down among them. I was left to myself.
I was astonished when I saw the breakfast menu. I had expected just porridge, bread and tea, but this was like a banquet. Besides the porridge we had a choice of smoked herring, potatoes, and ham and eggs. There was even butter and marmalade for the bread. My mood brightened. Even Nora couldn’t complain about this feast.
We took our dinner and tea and supper in the same room, and the food was equally plentiful. The rest of the time we were free to go back to our cabins, out onto F-deck or, if we wanted company, we could socialize in what they called the General Room. From the morning until night Nora and I spent no time in each other’s company.
I didn’t mind being alone. I was content to sit and watch people coming and going. They were mostly young like us, faces shining with the excitement of this new adventure. There was talk of what they would do when they arrived in America. For them the Titanic was the ship of hope. I was sure most of it was fantasy, but they were having fun and would face reality soon enough. There were some older people as well: mothers with young children, prim older spinsters, and a few clerks in cheap suits. From conversations I overheard, most of them were going out to meet some relative who had already established him- or herself in the New World. I felt a jolt of homesickness. I would know no one except Nora and, I realized, once we landed, I might never see her again.
The next morning, Dom, the lad from Kilcross, came over to where I was sitting. As usual, his sister, Maeve, trailed along behind him. He took off his cap and put it in his pocket.
‘Are you by yourself?’ he asked.
I nodded.
‘Mind if we sit down and keep you company?’
My insides started to spasm with sudden panic. I looked around for Nora, but she was busy laughing with her friends. I turned back to Dom and his earnest face calmed me a little.
‘O-Of course you can,’ I said, putting on what I hoped was a smile.
He pulled out a chair for Maeve and dragged another one over for himself. He sat down, smiling pleasantly.
‘So what are ye making of it so far?’
My heart lifted at hearing his soft, lilting Donegal accent and I relaxed.
‘’Tis grand,’ I smiled. ‘A great adventure.’
He looked over at the table where Nora was telling a story while her new friends drank in her every word. ‘I see your Nora wasted no time making friends,’ he said.
I said nothing and changed the subject. I looked at Maeve.
‘How are you feeling, Maeve? You looked very pale on the train.’
She flinched, startled, as I spoke to her. ‘I’m all right,’ she said, her head bowed.
‘Ah, she’ll be grand after we get there,’ said Dom. ‘She’s taken an awful case of sea-sickness, but I’ve walked her outside on the deck as much as I can. The fresh air does her good.’
I smiled at Dom. He was a thoughtful lad. I wondered why I hadn’t known him better in school. But then I hadn’t been interested in any of the boys. I don’t know if it was because I was afraid of them or they were afraid of me. I suppose I wasn’t too popular. I used to blush with shame when the teachers singled me out, telling the class I was the scholar they should all look up to. I wanted to crawl into a hole every time the teachers praised me.
‘’Tis a pity we weren’t friends in school,’ Dom said as if reading my thoughts. ‘Maybe ’twas because you were cleverer than the rest of us. I was afraid to talk to you.’
I blushed. ‘Ah, sure that wasn’t true, I was just the one the teachers picked out as an example. I wanted to disappear into the ground every time they did it. Anyway, you’re talking to me now.’
‘Aye. Being on this boat and on our way to America changes everything, doesn’t it? It’s as if Kilcross never existed. Maybe we’ll be friends in New York.’ He hesitated, and a faint flush covered his cheeks. ‘I’ll give you the address where we’ll be staying, so. Maybe we can meet some day for a cup of tea.’
Later, as I walked back to my cabin, my heart fluttered. Dom was the first boy ever to take an interest in me. I could hardly believe it. Suddenly, the promise of the New World took on a shine I had never thought to see.
NORA
I was enjoying myself. I’d made a lot of new friends, girls and lads, and was having the time of my life. I giggled with the girls and gossiped about other passengers. It was like being back in school again. As usual, just like at home, the boys were tripping over themselves to dance with me. I had no intention of being friends with them once the journey was over, even though they all wanted my address in New York. It wasn’t just Ma’s advice echoing in my ears; I realized that I’d have no future with any of these lads. Mr O’Hanlon was the better prospect; Ma was always right.
One particular lad set his cap for me though and I almost forgot myself. His name was Robert and he was tall, handsome and English. He was a steward who worked up in first class but had been drawn down to the third deck by the sound of the music and carry-on that was drifting up to the upper decks. I bombarded him with questions about first class and he was happy to tell me all about it. I think it made him feel important and, sure, what was the harm in that? When he promised to sneak me up to the first-class dining room the next morning at breakfast, I was over the moon with excitement.
I went over to Delia to tell her the good news. I was, of course, hoping to make her jealous. But when I got closer, I saw her talking to Dom. I was shocked. Delia always ran like a scared rabbit any time a boy came within a mile of her. And here she was now, laughing and carrying on with Dom. I shrugged. Let her have him, I thought, I have better fish to fry.
The next morning, good to his word, Robert came and fetched me. He knocked on the cabin door and I opened it at once. He put his finger on his lips to be quiet, then he smiled. Ah, he had lovely dimples, so he did. He led me up to the steps to the second deck, then up a gleaming mahogany curved staircase. I noticed the difference at once. The air smelled fresher than down below and the light was better. Instead of the noise and chaos downstairs with people knocking each other over to get into breakfast, up here passengers sauntered about as if they had all the time in the world, murmuring quietly while soft music played in the background.
Robert led me down a carpeted stairway and into a huge, formal dining-room where tables were decked out with white linen cloths, glistening glasses and polished silver cutlery. Even the butter was carved in wee curls and arranged on a silver plate. There were flowers on each table and in big brass urns around the room. I’d never seen the likes of it. My eyes opened wide and I fought not to open my mouth as well. Then I caught a couple of older men staring at me and I straightened my shoulders, held my head up, and tried to act as if I belonged there.
Robert led me to a table and gave a small bow as he seated me. I felt like the Queen of Sheba. If only Ma could see me now. Robert left me alone and I read the menu. Mother of God, you should have seen the lovely sounding dishes on offer. The variety available in third class had surprised me, but this was the last word. A waiter startled me.
‘Has madam made her choice?’
As he waited, he gave me a wink, and I knew then that Robert had set the whole thing up with him. I smiled back.
‘I believe I will start with the baked apples, and then the smoked Findon haddock with eggs and potatoes, and a pot of tea,’ I said, doing my best to imitate how I thought toffs would talk. ‘Oh and perhaps a scone with blackcurrant jam.’
‘Very well, madam,’ he said, and left.
While I waited, I looked around the room. Passengers were beginning to drift in. I admired the women’s finery – silk dresses, silk stockings and fine leather boots. And some wore hats, even at this time of the morning! The men were just as smartly dressed, with gleaming white shirts and collars, and tailored jackets. I was glad I had worn my best dress. But as a fe
w of the women looked my way, I stuck my feet under my chair so as they wouldn’t see the plain, cheap boots I was wearing. When I bought them in Donegal Town, I’d been told by the saleswoman they were the last word in fashion. A lot she knew! Stubbornly, I stuck my little finger out as I picked up my teacup and raised my chin as the women moved past me. But even though I tried to act as if I hadn’t a care in the world, deep down the fears of whether I’d ever fit in with this new world roiled in my stomach.
The feeling passed and Robert came to escort me from the table. I wanted so much to stay in this lovely place, surrounded by beautiful people. But I knew if we lingered it wouldn’t be long before we were found out. I didn’t want him getting in trouble, so I stood up as gracefully as I could, took his arm, and walked with him to the door, my head held high.
When we got back down to the third-class deck, the two of us collapsed laughing. It had been great craic altogether. Robert said he’d be back for the dancing tonight. It would be the last night of the journey; we were to dock in New York the next day. The craic tonight would be even greater, with all the young ones determined to make the most of their last night together.
I told Robert goodbye and sauntered back to the cabin, humming softly to myself. A mild sadness suddenly came over me and I stopped humming. I stood at the cabin door without opening it; I wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a moment. Part of me wanted to curse Robert for bringing me up there – even though, to be fair, I was the one who egged him on. Because now that I’d got a taste of the grand life the toffs had, the more I wanted that for myself. After all, Ma had always said that’s where I belonged. I said a prayer that Mr O’Hanlon would give me a crack at a life like that.
The Titanic Sisters Page 3
