DELIA
It was the last full day of our voyage. Tomorrow we would dock in New York and our lives would change, maybe for ever. Our days on the Titanic had been like floating in limbo, suspended between the old world and the new. The joyous excitement in steerage had been infectious. Promises to meet up in New York had been made, handshakes sealing vows of new friendships; secret kisses stolen in the hidden nooks of F deck; small mementoes exchanged between new lovers; and, tonight, music and dancing would raise the rafters in final celebration. Tomorrow, cries of ‘Good luck, now!’ would echo across the docks as the young pilgrims strode down the gangplanks and into a new world.
Up until now I had not let myself think about the future. I’d been afraid my dream would evaporate. Now, I allowed myself to finally believe that fortune had indeed smiled on me. Here I was, almost in New York, and my dreams were about to become a reality, though along with my new optimism came fear. The frightening prospect of landing in the middle of a world of strangers filled my mind. What would the ‘good Catholic family’, as Da had called them, really be like? How would I find my way around the streets? Would I get lost? Would people be kind to me? With every new question I felt myself growing more and more anxious. Gone now were the fantasies I had made up about stepping out bravely to embrace faraway adventures. This was no fantasy – this was real.
The cabin walls began to close in around me. I had to get out. I shut the door behind me and hurried up to F deck, my breathing ragged. As I stood leaning over the railing, looking out at the horizon, my trembling eased, and I took several deep breaths. Then I looked up at the sky and made a vow to God. ‘Whatever awaits me,’ I whispered, ‘I will face it with courage. I will not squander this chance you have given me at happiness.’
That evening, as I had expected, the sounds of music and singing outside the cabin soared. I closed my book and ventured out into the corridor and down towards the General Room, where the noise was loudest. This was the first night I had done so, but the music enticed me. The pulsing rhythms of accordions and fiddles filled me with sweet memories of Ireland, and when I drew closer and heard a lad singing a sad, familiar air, tears stung my eyes. The reality was that my life in Kilcross had been an unhappy one but, at this moment, homesickness overcame me like a crashing wave. Instead of fighting it, I let it seep through me and allowed my tears to flow.
Nora, of course, was having the time of her life dancing and carrying on in the middle of the crowd in the General Room. She raised her dress up to her knees and spun around, her feet beating out the rhythm of the music on the floor. I couldn’t help but smile along with everyone else. Her good humour was infectious. I knew she would probably stay there until the dancing was over. I went back to the cabin, packed my suitcase and then lay down on my bed with a favourite book.
I must have dozed off, for I was awakened by a strange noise. I sat up and looked towards the door. Maybe it was Nora returning. But her bed was empty. I came fully awake and realized that it was not really a sound I had heard, but a sensation like a bump. At first, I thought it was the music that had awoken me, but it had already stopped and there were no sounds out in the corridor. I was about to dismiss it as my imagination and go back to sleep when I felt another bump, followed this time by a loud grinding, scraping sound as if the ship had grazed against something.
I sat straight up in bed and held my breath. I knew now it had not been my imagination. My ability to predict events, which had started in childhood, had never left me. It always started with the same signs – a quivering deep in my stomach, sudden chills, and a sense of elation or, more often, foreboding. It was foreboding that I felt now. Something was not right with the ship. I went to the door and opened it to look up and down the corridor. All was quiet. I went back inside and stood as if to attention, listening and waiting.
Eventually, I heard Nora giggling outside the door. I presumed she was with her new conquest, the young English steward, Robert. Maybe she was angling for another visit to first class . She came in humming to herself, sloughed off her dress and boots onto the floor and, ignoring me, fell into bed. In seconds she was sound asleep. If she’d heard the noise, she paid no attention to it.
NORA
The bed was moving. Blearily, I wondered if a storm was tossing the ship about. That was enough to make me finally open my eyes. I hated water. It was then I realized it was Delia shaking me.
‘In the name of God,’ I shouted, ‘can you not just leave me the feck alone! ’Twas bad enough you spent your days following me around the ship – every time I turned around, I’d see you watching me. For God’s sake, could you not at least leave me to sleep?’ Groggily, I turned over, pulled the bedclothes up over my face and tried to go back to sleep.
‘There’s something wrong with the ship!’ she yelled. ‘We have to get out!’
Just then there came a loud banging on the cabin door. Groaning, I sat up. Robert burst into the cabin carrying lifebelts. One look at his face and I could tell something was wrong. Before I could open my mouth to speak, he began giving out orders.
‘You have to get out, now!’ he said, his voice louder and more commanding than I had heard before. ‘Put this on,’ he said, shoving the bulky lifebelt at me.
‘I could suffocate in that thing, ’tis so hot,’ I protested.
‘Now, Nora!’ he shouted.
I looked at Delia. She was busy throwing my clothes into my suitcase. My temper flared. ‘Stop that!’
She stopped in her tracks and gave me a strange look.
Robert looked at Delia, then back at me. ‘You don’t understand, Nora,’ he said, speaking slowly as if he was talking to a child. ‘The ship is going to sink. You have to get out of here now!’
I didn’t like him talking to me that way. ‘And how would you know?’ I demanded.
He sighed and kept talking in the same tone as before.
‘I was just up on the bridge,’ he said, ‘and I heard the captain and the first mate arguing. The first mate said an iceberg had hit the ship and he had to slow down, or we would sink. The captain wouldn’t believe him at first, said it was too early to change speed, but the first mate insisted. He wanted the captain to give the order to prepare the lifeboats and start alerting the passengers.’
Robert paused, sweat running down his face. ‘You can’t wait. You have to go now! There aren’t enough lifeboats, Nora. If you don’t go now, there’ll be no room left.’
‘He’s right,’ said Delia. ‘I felt it when we hit something, or something hit us.’
It was then I came to my senses. I looked at Delia and her face was white as a sheet. I jumped out of bed, not caring that Robert would see me in my underthings, picked up the dress I had dropped on the floor earlier and shoved my feet into my unlaced boots. Robert helped me fasten the lifebelt. I reached for his hand and together we ran out into the corridor towards the stairs to the upper decks.
As we ran, I heard Delia’s voice behind us. She was yelling about identity papers, but I paid no attention. I couldn’t care less about identity papers. I’d even left my suitcase behind. All my fine new clothes. But I’ll go back for them later, I thought. As we ran, a few passengers poked their heads around the cabin doors and then closed them again when a porter told them to get back in. Fear clutched at me. My throat turned dry and pounding filled my ears. I could hardly breathe. I clung desperately to Robert’s arm for fear he would let go. I tripped going up the stairs and kicked off my unlaced boots which were holding me back from running. Through the drumming in my ears I could hear the crew shouting to one another. I wanted to be sick.
For the entire voyage I’d tried not to think that I was on a floating pile of wood and iron out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I’d distracted myself from my fears by dancing and flirting and carrying on. And I’d succeeded, almost to the point where my fear had gone. But now it all came roaring back.
Robert was almost dragging me now, for I wasn’t fit to keep up with him. As we rushe
d across the second-class deck, I fancied I heard Delia calling my name. I prised myself free of Robert and turned around, but I couldn’t see her. I yelled out her name, but my voice was drowned in the clamour of sounds around me. I tried to run back the way I had come, but Robert caught me and forced me forward. ‘Keep going,’ he shouted, ‘she’s right behind us.’
We reached the first-class deck and Robert pulled me through the crowd to where a line of women stood.
‘Get into the lifeboat!’ he said before disappearing into the crowd.
‘Robert!’ I cried.
But he was gone. I looked around frantically for Delia, hoping against hope that she would appear, but there was no sign of her in the crowd that was surging up the stairs towards me – I was well and truly alone.
‘Mother of God, save me,’ I whispered.
DELIA
I wanted to shake Nora. At last the penny dropped and she jumped out of bed, dressed and ran out with Robert. I glanced at the suitcases, but instead reached for the leather satchel containing our identity papers and money. I could hardly lift the cases by myself, let alone run with them. As an afterthought, I lifted my books and stuffed them into the satchel. When I left the cabin, Nora and Robert were halfway down the corridor, running towards the second-class stairway.
‘Nora! Wait!’
As I ran, passengers opened their cabin doors and peered out, looking confused. A porter, the one who had escorted us onto the ship, was urging them back inside. Most nodded and did as he said. I wanted to scream at them to run, but I was almost out of breath and Nora and Robert were getting far ahead of me. I pounded up the stairs after them as they raced across the second-class deck. I shouted again, but by then I had lost sight of them. I stopped and bent over to catch my breath. Anxious passengers milled around me. The sounds of children wailing, and the shouts of crewmen filled my ears. I looked around trying to get my bearings. I had lost track of Nora, there was nothing I could do for her, but it occurred to me then that I could at least do something for Dom and Maeve.
I retraced my steps back down to steerage, pushing through hordes of people coming towards me. Icy water swirled around my ankles as I ran along the corridor and pounded on Dom’s door.
‘Delia?’ Dom’s earnest, open face peered out at me, his sister Maeve behind him. I reached into a pile of lifebelts on the floor, thrust two at them and told them to follow me. They did what I said without a word.
When we reached the second deck an older woman came towards us. ‘Get into the boat, my pets,’ she said, indicating myself and Maeve.
She led us across the second-class deck where women were being eased down into a lifeboat. ‘Get in there, dears,’ she said, ‘before it’s full up.’
‘B-But what about you?’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about me, my dear,’ she said, ‘they’re not letting men into the boats – women and children only.’ She gestured to a man with a grey beard. ‘I won’t leave my husband. We’ve been married forty years, and whatever happens we’ll face it together. Go on now!’
When we reached the lifeboat, I breathed a sigh of relief that it had not yet been loosed from its mooring. Dom and I tried to lift Maeve into it, but she struggled so violently against us we had to let go of her.
‘No, please,’ she cried. ‘I want to stay with Dom.’
Dom took her in his arms and looked at me over her head. ‘’Tis all right, Maeve,’ he said, ‘we’ll wait together for the next boat. They’re bound to be letting men into them by then. Isn’t that right, Delia?’
I nodded. But as I did, I had the awful feeling I would never see either of them again. Reluctantly, I eased myself down into the lifeboat and turned my face towards the sea.
NORA
I sank down on the nearest seat, then sat bent over, clutching my ankles, my teeth chattering, and my eyes closed shut. The boat rocked each time a new passenger was helped in, and my stomach did a cartwheel.
I kept my head down at first, but soon my curiosity got the best of me and my fear eased a bit. I looked up at the women who sat on the rough seats, prim and proper as if in a church pew. You’d have thought some of the passengers were off to a garden party with their silk dresses, big hats and fur stoles. Some wore fur coats over their nightgowns. Feckin’ fur coats, if you please. I nearly choked on their strong perfume. Their faces showed no signs of fear as they sniffed through long noses at the conditions around them. Must be a great thing to be brought up that way, I thought, expecting that trouble will never touch you.
I looked up at the deck, doing my best to keep myself distracted. I wondered was Delia up there, but there was no sign of her. I knew I had no right to expect it after the way I had treated her, but I wished fervently that she was here beside me; she would have known what to do – she would have eased my panic.
A mob of people, mostly men, pressed forward, even as the crewmen were trying to hold them back. They barked orders at the crew, like men used to having their own way. But the crew held their ground.
‘Women and children only,’ they repeated over and over.
One ignorant lout pushed a crewman aside and jumped into the boat. The women squealed like schoolgirls. You’d think they’d never seen a man before. I smiled in spite of myself. The feller was thrown out in short order and he disappeared into the crowd cursing mightily. He’d no sooner gone than a tall, thin woman, smothered in lace, rapped her walking stick on the floor of the boat and called up to an old man with white whiskers.
‘Charles, go and find the maid and have her bring a pot of hot tea. It’s freezing in here. Go along now, there’s a good chap. No sense standing about. It will be a while before they begin letting men into the lifeboats.’
I was gobsmacked. Who did she think she was – Queen Victoria? Surely, I thought, they can’t all be like her. There were a couple of young ones who looked as if they were holding back tears. I know if it was my husband being left to fend for himself on a sinking ship I’d have been beyond comfort. As it was, I wanted to cry for Robert. I supposed he’d be expected to go down with the ship. Such a lovely lad he was, and if it wasn’t for him, I might be drowning down in steerage at the minute.
I wasn’t one for prayers, but I bowed my head and said one for Delia, one for Robert and one for myself.
After a while the stream of women being eased down into the boat stopped. It was only half-full. I thought the crewmen would go and look for more women who might have been too frightened to come out to the deck, or maybe even maids who thought it wasn’t their place to step into the boat with their mistresses. But I hadn’t counted on the selfishness of the women around me.
‘What are we waiting for?’ called one. ‘There are no more women in line. We need to lower the boat now!’
I could hardly believe my ears. Without thinking, I turned towards them. ‘But we’re only half-full!’ I shouted. ‘We have room for two dozen more women.’
My words were met with silence and more than a few dirty looks. It was obvious to them, and to me, that I didn’t belong to their class. One woman spread out her gown, taking up two seats, and sighed.
‘I would so hate to have this crushed. It’s brand new from Harrods.’
I bit my lip. If I said any more, they might insist that I leave the boat since I clearly didn’t belong with them. But inside I was seething. How could I ever have admired these stuck-up bitches, I thought, remembering how impressed I had been with them in the first-class dining room. God, was that only this morning?
No more women arrived and soon the crewman in charge of our lifeboat jumped aboard and gave the signal to loosen the ropes that held the boat to the side of the ship. As he did, the deck turned into a madhouse, people shouting and crying and protesting that the boat wasn’t full. A large man pushed his way through the crowd and tried to jump into the boat as it was lowered. As he did so, a ship’s officer pulled out his pistol and shot him. He staggered backwards and collapsed. The women in the boat let go of all pr
etence of civility and began to scream. Bile rose in my throat and I wanted to jump out and run to the safety of the deck. I closed my eyes and did my best to beat down panic.
As the boat was lowered, it swayed and bumped against every deck. The front of it rose up and the back went down so that we were at a slant. Then it slanted the other way as the seamen fought to control the ropes. My knuckles were white as I grasped the side. I began to sob, but the wind whipped my tears away as soon as they appeared. I cried out to God and all the saints I could name to take pity on me.
We landed on the surface of the water with a thud. Freezing cold waves splashed over us. I trembled like a wisp of straw in the wind and my teeth chattered so hard I thought they would fall out.
‘Mother of God,’ I cried, ‘don’t let me die! I’m too young. I promise I’ll go to mass every week and light a candle every day, if only you’ll save me. And I promise I’ll be good to Delia and I won’t be selfish ever again, and . . .’
I carried on for a while, trying to bargain with the Blessed Virgin. When I ran out of promises, I quieted down. We had moved well away from the ship and our boat sat rocking in the water. The crewman told us we would have to wait there for rescue.
The Titanic was all lit up like something out of a fairy tale and I could hear lovely music coming from the first-class deck. For a minute I thought I had already died and gone to Heaven. But a ferocious slap of water from a cold wave brought me back into reality. I looked back up at the ship, this time letting my eyes wander along its length and down to F deck. There were no lights down there and I couldn’t see much in the darkness, but I could hear sounds which I couldn’t make out at first. I strained my ears and realized I was hearing screams and splashes as people leaped off the deck and hit the water. It sounded as if the screams were coming from hell itself.
The Titanic Sisters Page 4
