The Titanic Sisters

by Patricia Falvey

  She stirred the tea absently, then made the sign of the cross.

  ‘God rest her soul, when he asked her to go clear across the country with him, she went despite her da’s threats to disown her. Ah, she was a great girl, so she was.’

  She swallowed the rest of her tea and banged the cup down on the saucer.

  ‘To Texas of all places! May as well have been to the moon. He was going to drill for oil, he said, and it turned out he made a fortune. But poor Mary took sick with the fever. While he was caring for her, he took his eye off the business and lost a lot of his money. When she seemed on the mend, Mr Aidan brought her and Lily back from Texas and they moved into this house. But she had a relapse . . .’

  She sighed and looked towards the ceiling. ‘And now that poor Mary’s gone, I know Mr Aidan is itching to go back to Texas to build things back up. Sullivan is dead set against it. He blames Mr Aidan for Mary’s death and he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Lily. Mr Aidan doesn’t want to uproot Lily either, given the state she’s in. He’s torn.’

  She stood up and brought the cups over to the sink. ‘That’s what they argue about all the time,’ she said over her shoulder.

  That night I lay sleepless. I had never seen Aidan so angry, although I had long suspected he had a temper. It had alarmed me, but not as much as his father-in-law’s behaviour. I cringed when I thought about how he had stared at me. When he said I was good-looking he leered like a hungry wolf. Still his words had shocked me. No one back home had ever suggested such a thing – quite the opposite, in fact. Then I remembered Dom’s words a few weeks ago – You’re a good-looking girl, Delia. They’re seeing things, the two of them, I said to myself, I’m plain and I’ll always be plain, and that’s the size of it!

  I turned my mind to what was really bothering me – the news that Aidan had plans to move away to Texas. Texas? I had barely even heard of it. All I knew was that it was far in the south-west of America, with expansive, flat lands, and cowboys. How I longed to see it. What a wonderful new adventure that would be. But then fear set in. What if Aidan didn’t take me with him and Lily? What if he found out I was a liar and left me behind? What if I never saw either one of them again?

  Everyone predicted that the storm which came up the night before would turn into a full-blown hurricane. It had all the signs, they said. I had read about such storms in books like Wuthering Heights and Typhoon, and even in The Tempest, but I had never experienced one. While Ireland had its share of fierce gales and rain, we had never seen a hurricane.

  Now I felt an odd excitement born of curiosity. The window shutters were secured, and sandbags placed in front of the outside doors in case of flooding. The car was locked in an adjacent shed. Mrs Donahue and Kathleen bustled about, finding candles in case all the lights went out, and putting up sandwiches in case they were not back to cook for a day or two. Aidan had insisted that Mrs Donahue go to stay with her sister, who lived nearby, and Kathleen with her aunt and uncle who lived farther inland. I chose to stay. I wanted to be with Lily in case she became frightened. And, anyway, where had I to go? Besides, there was something about the prospect of this coming storm that excited my thirst for adventure.

  As the afternoon wore on, the wind died down although the rain kept up at a good pace. Disappointed, I began to wonder what all the fuss was about. Aidan was in the library, and I kept Lily occupied drawing pictures on the kitchen table and waited for something to happen. Eventually, Aidan emerged and came into the kitchen. I jumped up to get him some food, but he waved me away.

  ‘Don’t bother, Miss Sweeney, I’ll just get myself a sandwich. Have you and Lily eaten?’

  ‘We have, sir. Let me make you some tea.’

  He sat down next to Lily. The child smiled up at him and thrust her drawings towards him. He examined them, then looked up at her in surprise. ‘These are very good, Lily.’ She beamed and ran out of the room. Aidan turned to me, frowning.

  ‘Are you sure she did these?’

  I nodded. ‘I watched her draw them. Mrs Donahue said she thought they were her memories of Texas even though Lily was quite young when she left there.’

  Aidan laid the drawings down on the table and gazed towards the window where the rain beat against the shutters. The quiet of the kitchen was broken by the murmur of distant thunder. Aidan appeared to have forgotten where he was, his thoughts obviously far away. I risked a glance at his profile. A lock of black hair had strayed over his forehead and curling black eyelashes shielded his eyes. I wanted to reach out and stroke his hair, but I shrugged off the temptation. Instead I stood up and cleared the cups from the table. When I went to lift Lily’s drawings, he put his hand on my wrist.

  ‘Please leave them, Miss Sweeney.’

  ‘Of course, sir,’ I said.

  He rose and, gathering the drawings in his hands, went back to the library, passing Lily in the hallway. Her face clouded as she watched him go, then, with a sigh, she sat down and began drawing a new picture.

  I was beginning to think the hurricane had been just a mild storm after all, and was about to swallow my disappointment when a sudden blast of lightning lit up the kitchen. Startled, I jumped up from my chair and threw my arms around Lily. The child tried to fight me off, and I realized I was more scared than she was.

  ‘She was used to worse than this in Texas.’ Aidan’s voice rose from behind me. ‘A tornado will beat a hurricane any day.’

  Lily broke free of me and ran to the window.

  ‘I-I thought it was over,’ I said.

  He chuckled. ‘Hardly. Haven’t you heard of the calm before the storm? Hurricanes fool a lot of people, Miss Sweeney. When the eye of the storm is overhead, all appears as peaceful as a summer’s day. But then the back-end hits with a fury you cannot imagine.’

  ‘What shall we do?’

  Aidan was about to speak when a tree outside the window began to groan and creak. Its branches clawed against the glass panes where a shutter had dislodged. I had a sudden vision of shattered glass and Lily’s bloodied face. Without thinking, I dived for the child and pulled her away from the window just as the shutters gave way and the tree branches broke through, causing glass to shatter all around us. Rain poured in relentlessly, soaking us both as I lay over Lily on the floor, shielding her with my body. Aidan’s agonized voice rose behind me.

  ‘Lily!’

  He knelt beside us and I rolled away from the child and stood up. Sobbing, she threw her arms around her father’s neck. He soothed her as best he could and then looked up at me.

  ‘Thank you,’ he whispered. ‘Thank you.’

  I moved slowly towards the window. Rain continued to pour in. Outside in the garden bushes were flattened against the ground and debris of all kinds rolled across the lawn. The roar of the wind was deafening, and I imagined the house was about to break free of its foundations. A knot formed in my throat as I recalled the last few minutes. I dreaded to think what might have happened to Lily had my intuition not arisen just in time.

  As I stood, the rain soaking me to my skin, I was suddenly back on the Titanic clinging to a deck railing as the water swirled about my ankles. The cries of drowning passengers echoed around me and I covered my eyes and ears to block the sights and the sounds. I screamed as my legs gave way and I began to sink. Darkness engulfed me, black and cold as the sea that had swallowed the great ship.

  I opened my eyes to see Aidan crouching over me.

  ‘W-What happened?’ I whispered.

  ‘You fainted.’

  ‘I thought I was back on the Titanic.’

  He nodded. ‘I guessed as much.’

  I realized I was lying on a sofa in the library. I wondered if he had carried me there, and my face flushed at the thought. ‘How’s Lily? Did she get hurt?’

  He stared at me. ‘Don’t you remember?’

  I struggled to sit up. ‘No,’ I said.

  ‘You saved her from terrible danger, Miss Sweeney. But for you she would have been badly hurt.
’ He paused, then went on, a slight choke in his voice, ‘How do I thank you?’

  Tears filled his eyes and we stared at one another. My head began to throb, and I lay back down. Aidan sat down on the edge of the sofa and took my hands in his.

  ‘When you fainted, I thought at first it was from the effort of saving Lily, but then I realized you might be remembering the Titanic,’ he said, his tone gentle. ‘How awful it must have been for you. And you’re such a brave girl not to have ever talked about it. And it was thoughtless of us – er, me – not to mention it.’

  I gave him a weak smile. ‘I don’t usually think about it during the day. It’s at night the memories come to me. They’ve begun to fade though, and I really thought I was over it u-until now.’

  Aidan laid a finger on my lips. ‘Ssh,’ he whispered, ‘just rest. I must go and see what damage there is to the rest of the house.’

  He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the forehead, then tiptoed out of the darkened library. I lay in a daze. Had I been dreaming? Surely so. The thought of Aidan O’Hanlon picking me up and carrying me from the kitchen to the library was clearly absurd but even more so was the notion of him holding my hand and kissing me on the forehead. What a fool I was. The shock of my memory of that awful night must have affected my reason. Still, I thought, it had been a lovely dream.

  I must have dozed off. When I awoke it was dark. The rain and wind had stopped, and the silence was almost more unnerving than the storm had been. I got up and went into the hallway. At the top of the stairs, I met Aidan coming out of Lily’s room.

  ‘Is she all right?’ I whispered.

  ‘She is safe, thanks to you. The question is, are you all right, Nora? You gave me quite a scare earlier.’

  ‘I-I’m fine now, sir,’ I whispered.

  He turned on the light and grinned at me – the mischievous grin of a young boy.

  ‘I think it’s time you let go of this “sir” business,’ he said. ‘Please call me Aidan. And, besides, when we get to Texas you will find that people are much more informal there. My friends would laugh their heads off if they heard you referring to me as “sir”.’

  I swallowed hard. This could not be real. Heat flooded my cheeks. Surely this was a joke. Sensing my distress, he came close and took me by the shoulders.

  ‘I know Texas is very far away, but think of it as an adventure, Nora. No need to cry about it.’

  I looked straight into his eyes. ‘I-I thought you were joking with me,’ I began. And then the words tumbled out. ‘I would like nothing more than to go to Texas with you and Lily, sir. Er, Aidan. Ever since Mr Sullivan mentioned it, I have been reading about it, but I never thought I’d have the chance to see it. I-I assumed you would go alone with Lily, and . . .’

  He smiled. ‘And why would I do that, silly girl? I can see how much Lily likes you, and you have been good for her. Before you arrived, she seldom seemed happy. Now she is a different child altogether. And,’ his voice fell to a whisper, ‘I can see how much you care for her.’

  I nodded. ‘Oh, I do. I would miss her something awful if I was separated from her.’

  ‘Well, now you know that won’t happen. I intend for us to leave New York in early spring. There is much I must attend to first, then we’ll be on our way. Spring is a lovely time of year there.’ He paused, and a faraway look came into his eyes. Then he turned back to me and took my hands in his. ‘Oh, Nora, you are going to love Texas.’

  That night, visions of Texas, or at least the Texas of my imagination, marched through my mind in an unending stream. I was so excited. I was setting out on another great adventure. I recalled how Aidan looked when he told me the news. His face was shining with pleasure and when he gazed at me his eyes were gentle. I admitted to myself now that I had been attracted to him for a long time, but never did I think he might return those feelings.

  In the morning I woke in a cold sweat. Instead of the happy dreams I had expected, my night had been filled with nightmares. Nora’s ghost had risen from the dark sea, her eyes hollow, a grotesque grin on her face. She gripped my arm.

  ‘You’re a selfish bitch!’ she croaked. ‘You stole everything from me: my life, my future, everything! How can you live with yourself? Wait till Ma and Da find out what you did.’

  No sooner had Nora gone than Father McGinty appeared. His face was florid with righteousness and he poked his finger at me.

  ‘You lied about who you are,’ he shouted, ‘and you’ve taken no action to renounce it.’

  ‘But I confessed it,’ I cried. ‘The priest absolved me.’

  Father McGinty shook his head. ‘You’ve told the same lie over and over. You’ve committed a mortal sin. And if you die in a state of mortal sin, you’ll go straight to hell!’

  Dom’s face appeared over Father McGinty’s shoulder.

  ‘He’s right, Delia,’ he said. ‘You’ve told a string of lies to cover up the first one.’

  I realized then that my guilt for my actions had never left me – and never would – for as long as I continued this deception. It would follow me to Texas and cast a long shadow over my happiness. I had to admit to myself that all the adventures in the world would not cure what really ailed me. I still felt unworthy and unlovable. Aidan was getting too close to me and I to him and that frightened me. I had to push him away before one of us got hurt. There was nothing left for me to do but confess to Aidan what I had done and then leave his house.

  The next morning, I went into the library. He sat at his desk, his head down. When he looked up, I saw immediately that something was wrong. After last night, I expected a smile and a greeting. But his face was pale and his lips tight. He pointed to a chair.

  ‘Sit down.’ It was a command.

  He waved an envelope at me. ‘Please explain this.’

  My stomach pitched. The envelope bore a row of colourful stamps and deep down I knew it was from Ireland. I swallowed hard and said nothing.

  ‘It’s a letter from Mrs Sweeney from Donegal. In it she begs me to let her know if her daughter, Nora, ever arrived. She wants to believe that Nora did not drown, although she was listed as missing. She enclosed a photograph of her daughter. I must say she bears little resemblance to you, Miss Sweeney.’

  He held the photograph up for me to see, but I had no need to look at it. Stowed away in the back of my mind had been the fear that one day Ma might write to him, but as time went on and I heard nothing I’d dismissed the thought.

  ‘When—’ I began.

  ‘It appears to have been sent several months ago, but Kathleen only gave it to me this morning. She said she must have misplaced it and only just now found it.’

  I knew immediately what Kathleen had done. She’d had the letter all along. She’d probably steamed it open and read it, then bided her time until just the right moment to expose me. When she heard I was going with Aidan to Texas that was her moment to get revenge. And all this because of her jealousy over Dom? How could she?

  ‘You owe me an explanation, Nora, or whatever your name is.’

  I stood up and approached the desk. Close up, I saw another emotion on Aidan’s face – pain. I took a deep breath.

  ‘I have lied to you, Aidan, and I need to make it right. I am not Nora Sweeney,’ I hurried on. ‘My name is Delia. Nora is – er, was – my sister.’

  Aidan’s brow furrowed as he waited for me to say more. I took another deep breath and I let it all come out in one fell swoop.

  ‘You see, it was my sister who was supposed to come and be Lily’s governess, and I was to be a domestic servant in a house here in New York. But Nora drowned when the Titanic went down. When I arrived at the docks and saw Mrs Donahue with Nora’s name on a sign, I went to tell her what had happened to Nora, but she jumped to conclusions and thought I was Nora. So I told her I was Nora. I hadn’t meant to say it, but the words just came out.’

  I paused. Tears stung my eyes, and my cheeks grew hot. ‘I—’ I said, about to continue. But Aidan put up his ha
nd to stop me.

  ‘And what about the house where you were expected? I assume you went to explain why you had not arrived?’

  ‘No,’ I said miserably, ‘I didn’t go.’ And then I blurted the rest out. ‘T-They were Mr and Mrs Boyle, your guests here some months ago, and—’

  He stared at me. ‘And you stood here in this room and told them a bold-faced lie?’

  ‘Yes, but I was afraid if I told the truth you’d dismiss me and make me go there . . . a-and by that time I had grown so fond of Lily I couldn’t bear to leave her.’

  I didn’t add that I could not bear the thought of leaving him as well.

  Aidan sighed and looked away from me towards the fireplace. I stopped talking and waited for him to tell me to pack my bags and leave. But it was not to be that easy.

  When he looked back his face was pale and there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.

  The tears I had been holding back threatened to erupt. I had nothing left to say in my own defence. I stood, waiting for my sentence. Aidan tore his gaze away from me and stared past me towards the front window.

  ‘All that time you were telling me about your family, you were lying to me,’ he said, his voice hoarse. ‘How could you?’

  I realized then how much I had hurt him. I began to cry.

  His voice was almost a whisper. ‘If you’d told me right away, we might have worked things out. After all, your sister was dead and you were not harming her. But you continued to lie to me, you never wrote to your mother and said where you were, and you lied to Mr and Mrs Boyle. Just when did you propose to tell me the truth?’

  ‘I know you won’t believe me, but I was going to tell you today,’ I sobbed, ‘but the letter got here first. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’

  I turned to leave, but he got up and caught me by the arm. ‘As I expect you realize by now, I can’t take you to Texas.’

  I nodded. ‘I know that, sir.’

  ‘Where will you go?’

  I shrugged my shoulders in defeat. ‘Back to Donegal, sir. ’Tis where I belong. I never belonged here in the first place. I always dreamed adventure would make me happy, would change me, but I realize now I’m still the same Delia – the same worthless chit that Ma always said I was. She always said I didn’t deserve happiness, and she was right.’