Wilderness Untamed

by Butler, J. M.

  Of all the things AaQar could have told him, this was perhaps the most startling. He stared at him. "Rasha." Bile rose in his throat. "How?" he growled.

  "Based on the tapestries that were present, I am relatively certain that a Neyeb was involved in creating the connection. Rasha could not confirm that though. She was limited in what she could say because she was being held prisoner."

  "Rasha? A prisoner?" This conversation kept taking twists he did not expect. "Who could possibly do that?" She had beaten back five hundred elemental and telekinetic warriors within moments of giving birth, all without sustenance or support. In their own kuvastes, she had been more than a challenge for him, and when she was on their side, they had had no greater ally.

  AaQar's expression said he already understood Naatos's objection. Perhaps even anticipated it. "She couldn't say. Only that she could not escape. Her captor allowed the connection."

  "Why?"

  "To torment us. They've had her this whole time. She didn't leave me of her own accord."

  If this was true, it brought up many additional problems. "Why now?" Naatos demanded.

  He dropped his gaze to the ground. "I wounded myself too grievously for the connection to be made until recently." Guilt and reproach filled his voice, that same self-loathing tone that he'd used before the whitening and all of the punishment he had inflicted upon himself.

  "If that is true, and we have yet to determine that, you could not have known."

  "Perhaps not. I tried to reach Rasha again while I was in the coma, but I was unsuccessful. At points, it felt like she was so close though." He dipped his head forward. "What I am about to suggest is by no means selfless. My own need may be marring my judgment. But Amelia has been showing growth as a mindreader by leaps and bounds. With each new form she has attempted, she has shown increased strength. The fact that she could get through all of our barriers and walls without issue is remarkable and significantly more advanced than anything an unmentored beginner should be able to manage. Even if she is using energy reserves. So we have her make contact, and she can bring Rasha into view for all of us the way Sinara did with Trilan. And if she can do that, two possibilities present themselves.

  "First, is that we will hopefully find that there is indeed another Neyeb imprisoned somewhere. One who possesses great skill and whom we can find a way to reach and rescue along with Rasha. Even before we reach that Neyeb, maybe they can provide guidance and support for her and assist in remaking her barriers. The second is that if Amelia can make that connection, take hold of Rasha, and bring her into view, then she may be able to do this with the spectral woman she has spoken of. Then we can determine whether it is the Ki Valo Nakar or something else, and perhaps, more importantly, we will be able to reason with it. Calm it. Convince it to leave her alone."

  Naatos mulled this over, uncomfortable with the implications. He had underestimated Amelia's powers significantly. Shreds remained of that old image of her as this weak helpless Neyeb who had been reduced to a timid shell. Even as she had wept in his arms, she hadn't been the eggshell doll he had feared. Yet he wished there was time between telling her this and all of the horror it would bring her.

  "If you think she lacks the strength to do both, then we should start with the spectral woman," AaQar continued. "But my concern is that starting off with a furious entity who wants to harm her is a terrible way to test out such a treacherous skill. And Rasha, even at her worst, would not fight her. The Ki Valo Nakar otherwise…"

  It would be like asking her to stick her bare hand into a cobra's burrow. He drew his palm over his face once more. Wretched woman kept making him worry and feel things. "The Ki Valo Nakar will not be pleased to see any of us."

  "What harm can it actually do us? It has not started working its powers within her, so neither she nor it can rip our souls out. Without that, it has no teeth. For us at least. And if we get it out for a conversation, we can remind it that she is one of the only Neyeb left. It might not know that. We have no way of knowing how much it has been aware of while it has been inside Amelia."

  That was true. It might be the one bit of leverage they actually had. Assuming she had enough strength to do it. "The only Neyeb host left, so it must treat her gently unless it wants to wander formless and voiceless until the end of time without a host." It was a threat he'd be more than happy to make good on. If he had his way, he'd strike it down and kill it as soon as it was out of her. For now, he had a difficult conversation ahead of him.

  * * *

  Amelia stared down at her wrists.

  The scratching in her head had intensified. It pulsed in her ears.

  QueQoa and WroOth had busied themselves at the fire, putting out fresh meat to grill and refilling the canteens. QueQoa was telling a story about something that had happened on one of his wandering adventures. Something about a very large frilled lizard and a boot with a hole in it and nail soup.

  Leaning forward, she dipped her hands into the suphrite, not stopping until she was in up to her elbows. Those slashes weren't deep. They were little more than papercuts, similar to the ones when QueQoa grazed her with the mantis forelegs. They didn't really hurt that much. She'd had similar cuts in the past that had really only smarted after they had started to bleed a little or she had seen them.

  As she drew her hands out, she noted that the cuts had healed already. Good then. That was good.

  She finished bathing the cuts and scrapes, pouring the suphrite out liberally. Then once she was cleaned up, she joined WroOth and QueQoa in preparing for the evening meal and the other small tasks of the camp. As she did, she fidgeted with the bracelet. Its humming was stronger now, but the scratching was almost maddeningly loud.

  The sun hung low and heavy in the umber and orange sky when Naatos and AaQar returned, both in somber moods. Naatos came to sit beside her as AaQar spoke to QueQoa and WroOth. Whatever he said, they left at once.

  Her head hurt so badly, she couldn't find it in herself to ask where they were going or what he wanted. It was difficult to hold herself up. Crying so hard had left her empty. She drew her hand to her cheek; the chill in her fingertips startled her awake. The scratching in her mind faded a little.

  The fire crackled. As a log fell, sparks rose into the air.

  Naatos took her hand in his. "You're not going to ask where they're going?"

  She blinked, realizing that it hadn't occurred to her to ask. "Where are they going?"

  "You aren't feeling so well, are you?"

  "I'm just tired. And I can't get warm. Sometimes there's this cold bead, and it's icy and crisp and clear. It makes it easier for me to move. To fight. I don't care when I'm in it. But this is different. It's murky. And it's slowing me down."

  He wrapped her hands in his. "Is that better?"

  She smiled a little, almost saying yes but pausing. "Nothing helps," she admitted. "I can feel that you are warm, but it doesn't reach me. I probably just need to sleep, but… I can't, can I?"

  He studied her, his gaze surprisingly gentle, tinged with concern. "AaQar thinks Rasha may still be alive. When he passed out at Tri Ce, she came to him in a vision that may have been created by a Neyeb, if it is real."

  Her eyes widened. "What? Is that—does he want to see her again?" His dream flashed back through her mind. He had been looking for her. That's why he had taken the herbs! He'd hoped they would let him connect to her.

  "Oh, he would give almost anything to see her again. What we are considering is seeing whether you can take hold of a presence or an entity and bring them out into the waking world, project them so to speak. And it's possible—" He tilted his head to better look into her eyes. A frown creased his brow. The concern strengthened. "We'll talk more about that another time. There's something else I need you to hear, but you can't make any assumptions about yourself. You are not a monster, and you most certainly are not evil."

  She lifted her chin. This wasn't an especially promising start. Her elmis prickled. That scratching sou
nd was louder. Her head hurt more. "All right."

  "There is an entity known as the Ki Valo Nakar. It is… it can release souls from their physical forms. Sometimes. It is very powerful. Sometimes it eats them. Other times it just kills those whom it has determined have suffered too much or do not add enough to the worlds."

  That scratching sensation intensified. She winced. "Ki Valo Nakar?" It hurt to say the words, as if the words were attached to hooks that ripped through her mouth. There was blood in her mouth. Her stomach twisted, and a burning spread through her mind.

  "It takes a host, and it molds itself to that host, using it to enact its purpose. Your mother decided she wanted you to be that host and somehow lured it into you and trapped it in there."

  "Oh." She blinked, dull fear rising in her. Her palms sweat. "It's inside me? It wants to make me eat souls?" Her hand moved to her chest, shielding her heart. "It—it hates me."

  "It may resent being trapped. Sinara bound it along with the memories in the cavern and other traumas. But she died before you were of age and before she could tell me more regarding how to protect you and keep it restrained. It could be the spectral woman."

  "Is it going to take over me? Is it the cold? The murky cold?"

  "It may be." The way he looked at her broke her heart. He was afraid for her. Not of her. "I've seen the Ki Valo Nakar consume two Neyeb. They became something they weren't. But that won't happen to you."

  Another rush of nausea twisted through her. Her throat stung, and the fire in her mind intensified. Cold fire. Something was unraveling. And fast. "It's getting stronger." Her head dropped forward.

  He gripped her hand tighter. "The Ki Valo Nakar—"

  "Stop!" She spat out a mouthful of blood, then gulped in as deep a breath as she could. Something screamed deep inside her. There wasn't room. There wasn't room inside her for anything else.

  Fibers and strings ripped and tore behind her eyes. Yards and yards of red yarn. She clenched her eyes shut, gasping.

  The cold bead pressed out within her mind, offering her refuge. She pushed it away, fighting for consciousness. Something thrust against her as sharp claws cut into her throat and mouth.

  Naatos held onto her, shouting something. A dull roaring moved up within her, stopping up her ears. Clawed hands seized her throat and ripped her back into darkness.

  39

  A Shade

  Even her blood was cold as it rolled down her throat and choked her.

  The spectral woman slammed her into the marble floor. Unintelligible shrieks poured from the woman's mouth, assaulting her ears and drowning out everything.

  The tapestries fell all around her, striking the floor and writhing. Red yarn ripped away and spiraled off of some. A baby's screams tore through her mind. Screeches of pain. Terror. Agony. It ripped through her chest and down her stomach as the spectral woman choked her and slashed at her.

  The darkness intensified. All she could see were the strips of yarn fluttering in the air overhead. They faded in color.

  Where was she going? What happened if you were crushed in your own mind?

  The cold white bead pressed brighter against her thoughts as she lost feeling in her feet. Her fingers no longer felt like they were there.

  This spectral woman, whatever she was, she was going to kill her. Her body might live on, but she would be gone.

  More space expanded between her thoughts. The screams faded, the darkness heavier. Even the pain moved away. Or perhaps she moved from what little remained of her consciousness. That space just kept growing and growing. She saw her form laying there in the dark. Cold fire flared along her feet and legs and rose up from each of the cuts. The murkiness grew.

  "Let go," the spectral woman snarled. "No more waiting! I will not be contained."

  Let go? She could do that.

  It would be easy. So incredibly easy. Easier than the dreamwalking. Easier than falling. Easier than anything.

  And then it would be finished.

  All of it.

  Except the Tue-Rah wasn't restored.

  She groaned. The pain became clearer, and everything came closer.

  It wasn't her time. And there was more to do. So much more to do.

  She could barely even shield her own face. The cold fire spread along her arms. Silver and orange shot up into the perpetual darkness. Some of the yarn caught on fire and collapsed into ash.

  Her body lay there motionless, the spectral woman ripping her apart. Those flames grew stronger, higher.

  Leaving now meant stopping a lot of things.

  She would never see Uncle Joe again or hug him and tell him it was all right and how he had been right about so much. Never find out about Matthu and whether he got someplace safe. Never discover what happened to the Vawtrians or whether Naatos was insane enough to find a way to merge the timelines back. Never tell Jacinda about all of the strange things that had happened and thank her for being the best friend she could have been to such a messed-up girl with a death wish. And never sort out this snarl of emotions with Naatos.

  That sent the sharpest pang through her, one that nearly made her sit up. There was a lot she hadn't experienced. Her cheeks heated.

  And who was this spectral woman anyway? Why did she get to decide this was her end?

  Her body was framed in that firelight, but it wasn't consuming her.

  How did she stop this? Elonumato, help me, she prayed.

  Naatos had wanted her to pull something out so they could reason with it. The books had something on that. What was it?

  She struck the side of her head, trying to rouse her memory. She'd read those books cover to cover. There were parts that had described things like what Naatos wanted her to do. Pulling out an image. Sharing it. Putting it in a separate space.

  Where was it? The pages appeared before her eyes, but the words dimmed and faded. Gritting her teeth, she focused.

  Energy pulsed along her elmis. The pages winked out as the flames crept higher. Pain shot through her limbs as she became aware of them once more. They hung like dead weights as the spectral woman's screaming grew louder.

  Something snapped.

  It was clear.

  She sat up, driving her flaming arm into the spectral woman's face. "Get out of me."

  The spectral woman skidded back, looking at her clawed hands as if in disbelief. She screeched again. "You have no power over me, tissue girl. You will be consumed! Now or later, it never mattered. Just how much it hurts. And I'm done waiting."

  Blood poured down Amelia's chest and throat, but she could speak again. This was her mind. Her domain. Hers and hers alone. "You are not welcome here, so you will leave. By my will and Elonumato's strength, you shall go. I cut you off and cast you out. You have no place inside me."

  The spectral woman snarled and lunged. Before Amelia could respond, the spectral woman was on her, her fingers shredding her throat once more.

  Hot slimy froth choked Amelia. Pressure filled her ears, but her own rage flared stronger than the spectral woman. The thought of this thing smothered her terror. She spat the froth out and struck up again, catching the spectral woman beneath the chin.

  This time she pounced and pinned the spectral woman to the floor. "You do not control me! You do not own me. You will never own me! I don't care what you were promised. I don't care what you are! This is my mind, my body, and my soul. Not yours, you molding parasite!"

  With that she seized the spectral woman and shoved with all her might. Her ears popped with the pressure as some barrier gave way. She found herself sprawled back in the living world with the spectral woman tumbling out into the clearing.

  "There it is!" she rasped, staggering to her feet. Naatos was immediately behind her, steadying her. "Ki Valo Nakar." She spat more blood from her mouth. Dozens of cuts had shredded her skin, most directly at the center of her chest and to the base of her neck. They stung as the wind blew against her, trickles of blood flowing down.

  The spectral woman thr
ust her bony arm against the ground and started to rise. A long low hiss escaped her gaping maw.

  All had gone silent except the fire as it crackled and popped.

  "That's not Ki Valo Nakar." Naatos's grip on her shoulders tightened as he stared down the spectral woman. Anger underscored his words.

  "Not even close." WroOth unsheathed his dagger. "That's a mind shade." His gaze flitted back to Amelia. "And it's still attached."

  QueQoa struck his fists together. The fronts of his bracers expanded, the wolf heads projecting out with great teeth. "So we beat it to oblivion and then sever the connection."

  AaQar held his hand up. "Amelia, can you keep it from going back inside you."

  "I don't have a clue what I'm doing," she said, her hand still over her chest. Those thick dark strands from the spectral woman connected to her throat and her heart. She wrapped her fists around them. "But I don't want it back in me."

  The spectral woman snarled as she stood. Her shadowy form elongated, her hands becoming nothing but skeletal claws, and her eyeless face sunk in. Though her feet were firmly planted on the ground, her gown trailed back to Amelia, becoming something tentacled and sharp and holding her fast. "You think I want to return?" She drew herself up, harsh laughter rippling from her mouth. "Oh, I am done with you, child of straw and filth. All those years trapped in that simpering shallow empty little shell! I thought I'd have to claw my way out, but look at you, giving me this one last gift. Well, almost last gift. I won't be going until I have it all."

  "Then we're at least agreed on that," AaQar said. He exchanged a glance with Naatos as he stepped closer. He spoke in an overly friendly, almost conversational tone. "Amelia, this is a mind shade. It's moving into its final stage." Obviously they had all dealt with something like this before.

  The blood thundered in her ears. She kept her fists tight on the strange material. Something was pulsing within it, pulling… something out of her. Disgust swelled within her. "What does that mean? What is this!"