Shutout

by Jami Davenport

  ~~Easton~~

  Having my children and the mother of those children watch me playing hockey had a profound effect on me. I hadn’t realized how emotional I’d be until I saw those kids’ faces pressed against the glass as they shouted at me to get my attention.

  I choked up, my eyes burned with unshed tears, and I fought to hold these emotions overwhelming me in check. They looked great in my jerseys, and several teammates approached me at the intermission to shake my hand and congratulate me on being a father. Better late than never, but as soon as it could be given the circumstances.

  The word sped through the team faster a puck sped to the net. Once a few of my buddies knew, all the coaches and staff knew. Cousin Coop wanted to meet everyone, and I promised we’d arrange that soon and begged him not to tell my family. I wanted to tell them in person.

  Then there was Caro. One look at her in my hockey jersey, and I wanted to stamp my name all over her. Jealousy clawed my insides knowing she and my kids had someone else’s last name. I planned on rectifying the twins’ last name as soon as they knew about me. As far as Caro was concerned, the only way to change her name would be to marry her.

  Marriage was something I’d always imagined I’d do far into the future when I found the right woman. Caro might be the woman I wanted to fuck, but I didn’t know where we’d end up beyond that, and I didn’t want to think about such things.

  Better to focus on today. Enjoy my twenties. Party while I could. Be the best dad when I could. And stay away from long-term relationships with any woman. I was too young to know what I wanted out of life, including the woman I wanted. In my opinion, I’d only get one chance to do this right. When I married, I’d marry for life. I suppose everyone thought they would, but I was determined to make my marriage last, just as I’d been determined to be a professional hockey player. Failure wasn’t an option.

  After the game, Caro took the kids home. Junie and I went to the after-game party, but my heart wasn’t in it. When Kaden offered to give Junie a ride home later, I had zero reason to stick around.

  Instead of going to my condo, I stopped at a grocery store and made a purchase. Once home, I hesitated at my door, crossed the hall, and listened at Caro’s door like some kind of sick stalker. When I head the television, I knocked lightly. I wiped my palms on my dress pants and ran my fingers through my hair. Plastering a pleasant smile on my face, I waited.

  A few seconds later, the door opened. Caro stood there, dressed in sweats and a hoodie, with fuzzy slippers on her feet. Her luxurious hair was tied up in a ponytail, and her skin was devoid of makeup. She looked sexier than any model I’d ever taken to a black-tie affair.

  “Easton, what are you doing here?”

  Knowing her weakness, I held up a carton of Ben and Jerry Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.

  She clapped her hands together in child-like glee. “You remembered.”

  I remembered, all right. I remembered smearing it all over her body, even the more intimate parts, and licking it off. My dick responded with a hell yeah, ready for a repeat of that seven-year-old performance.

  Her face flushed when she realized what I was actually remembering.

  “I mean you remembered how much I loved this. I mean, love this ice cream. I mean, I—” She was stammering and stuttering and had the most adorable flushed face.

  I pushed past her into the living room, not allowing her to protest. I paused to appreciate the little touches she’d added to the once-sterile décor to warm it up and make it a home. I’d have to ask her to do the same for my place.

  “Where are the kids?”

  “In bed. They were exhausted. It’d take a stampede of elephants to wake them.”

  “Good.” I didn’t comment further as my filthy mind turned down a dirty path. This might be an even better night than planned. Maybe I’d put that ice cream to good use after all.

  I rummaged in a couple kitchen drawers and produced two spoons, then plopped down on the couch. I patted the cushion next to me. Caro hesitated, but when I held the first spoonful of ice cream up to my lips and made a show of sucking it into my mouth, she laughed.

  Caro sat down next to me, keeping a safe distance between us. Safe was an illusion. I was anything but safe tonight. I wanted her. I’d had a taste of her earlier this week, and I craved more of the same and then some.

  She reached for a spoon and dug in. I watched as she put the spoon to her lips and licked the ice cream off it. Oh, fuck. I was going to lose it just watching her. A dab of ice cream was on her lower lip. Before she wiped it off, I leaned in and slid my tongue along her lips, savoring the sweetness of the ice cream combined with the heady taste of her.

  My cock jerked in my dress pants, begging to do the deed. My boy was tired of being told no, and to be honest, so was I.

  Caro pushed me away. Her eyes were wide and questioning as she gazed up at me. When she looked at me like that, I wanted to be her hero, but I wasn’t anyone’s hero, and that line of thinking was going to get me in deep shit.

  “Don’t push me away. You want this as much as I do.”

  “The kids,” she countered in a hushed tone with a glance over her shoulder toward the long hallway.

  “You said yourself it’d take a stampede of elephants to wake them.”

  “I’m not ready.”

  “You feel ready to me.” I ran my hand over her crotch.

  She sucked in a deep breath and gazed up at me with glazed eyes. She was unable to resist me. I saw the lust peppered with resignation in her eyes, as if she’d given up fighting me.

  Resignation?

  That wasn’t what I wanted from her. Right then, I knew the time wasn’t right. I couldn’t do this, not under these circumstances, and I hated myself for being so noble.

  I scooted away and rose to my feet.

  Chapter 18—Not Rushing

  ~~Caroline~~

  I blinked several times, attempting to get my bearings. One second, Easton and I were on the verge of fucking each other’s brains out; the next, he stood away from me, hands in his pockets, while his impressive erection pushed against the fly of his jeans.

  Stunned by what just happened and trying to make sense of his actions, I stared dumbly at his crotch for a long time before dragging my gaze up his body to his face.

  “Easton?”

  “I can’t do this.” He was in agony yet determined.

  “What?” I stared at him incredulously, not making sense of his words.

  “It’s the look on your face.”

  “What look?”

  “I saw the look on your face, like you were resigned to your fate. I don’t want sex with you to be like that. Either we’re both looking forward to fucking with zero regrets or we aren’t doing it. I don’t want to hurt you or be hurt by you. I don’t want resignation. I want what we used to have—fire, passion, absolute commitment to each other’s pleasure.”

  “I’m confused.” Easton just turned me down, and I was shocked.

  “You’re the mother of my children. I can’t walk away and never see you again. We’re forever bound together by the twins. Therefore, we need an amicable relationship. If sex causes you regrets, we can’t do it. We have to be on the same page and want this for the same reasons.”

  “And those reasons are?”

  “Short term, sexual gratification and fun. Long term, I haven’t a fucking clue.”

  At least he was honest.

  “We’re on the same page,” I said quietly.

  “I don’t think so.”

  I considered protesting but didn’t and nodded slowly. “I understand.”

  “I’m leaving it up to you. I want you, Caro, so badly I haven’t looked at another woman since you came back in my life, but any relationship beyond friends causes complications. Are you willing to live with those complications? I know we have to think of the kids. You plan everything. Maybe you need to figure out if sex with me fits in your plan.”

  He was right, and there
wasn’t any arguing with his logic.

  “I’ll think on it.”

  Easton’s longing gaze did nothing to sooth the turmoil boiling inside me. With a wry smile, he walked to the apartment door and let himself out.

  I wanted him, but he’d made it clear he didn’t want emotional attachments. Would I be able to do that?

  Yes, I told myself, I would. I’d experienced the white picket fence with two kids and a husband. Been there, done that. My priorities were different now. I needed security for my children and me, but I’d work toward independence and not lean on a man for anything. I wouldn’t be my mother, who’d required a man to bring home a paycheck and never picked the right man. She’d also considered her children inconveniences and done minimal parenting. She dumped me off with my older sister, who was struggling in her own living hell married to an abuser.

  My senior year, I’d started dating Mark. His family had been my first taste of normal. Like a drug, I’d craved more normalcy. I’d clung to him like a lifeline until he’d left that summer for a tour of Europe, and I’d met Easton. We’d had a magical summer, but magic usually ended and you were left with nothing.

  Now I had to save myself. I’d enroll in the winter quarter at the local college, and I’d never depend on a man for the basic necessities of life again.

  Sleeping with Easton for pure enjoyment would prove I was nobody’s fool. I was a strong, independent woman who made mature decisions and was able to separate emotion from recreation.

  I could do this.

  ~~Easton~~

  After leaving Caro’s, I trudged across the hall to my condo and let myself in. Steele was sprawled on the sectional watching a whodunnit, his jam as much as the Food Channel was Kaden’s.

  “Hey,” I said as I slumped next to him.

  “Hey,” he said back, never taking his eyes off the TV.

  “Where’s Kaden?”

  Steele shrugged. “Where’s Junie? He was supposed to bring her home.”

  “Oh, she’s doing shots with some of the guys. One of them will see that she gets home.”

  “You don’t know where Kaden is?”

  “Probably with his secret girlfriend. Don’t think he’ll be home tonight.”

  “The one we think is married?”

  “Yeah, the one he’s texting all the time. The one he sneaks off to meet. She has to be married. They never come here or go to her place. They get a hotel room.”

  “How do you know this shit?”

  “I listen.”

  “Eavesdrop,” I corrected.

  “Not on purpose, but the two of you aren’t exactly discreet.”

  “Why are you including me in this?”

  “Because you have the hots for the mother of your children.”

  “I do not.”

  “You were strutting around like a bantam rooster when you saw Caro and the kids sitting behind the glass wearing your jerseys.”

  “I was not.” I sounded like a whiny little boy who’d gotten caught filling up on candy before dinner.

  Steele snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re a dweeb.”

  “A dweeb?”

  “Yeah, in denial and too stupid to see what you want and go after it. Life is like hockey. If you want the big payout, you have to work for it.” Steele shrugged. This was the most I’d ever heard him say.

  “Like you do?” The guy seldom dated or hooked up. He was a loner who rarely let anyone see even a glimpse of what was going on in his head. He was a great roommate. Quiet, no drama, and anal about housekeeping—one of us had to be.

  Instead of being offended, he cracked a rare grin. “Yeah, like me.”

  I grinned back at him. “Sometimes life isn’t as cut and dried as hockey. I mean, in hockey, there are definite rungs in the ladder, the top two being making the NHL and winning the Cup. In life, it’s not so obvious.”

  “Why don’t you just tell her you’re crazy about her and figure out if you can start a life together. Then the remaining Puck Brothers can decide on a punishment.”

  “I’m not crazy about her, so don’t start coming up with shit. There’s no reason to rush into anything.”

  “But you’re rushing.” His smugness was starting to piss me off.

  “I am not. She’s recovering from the death of her husband. That takes time, and I don’t want to be the rebound relationship. That shit never lasts. I wouldn’t be averse to sex. I had some of the best sex of my life when I was with her.”

  “Did you ever stop to think it was so good because there was more to it than sex?” Steele shot me an unreadable look, stood, and left the room. I heard his bedroom door click shut a few seconds later.

  I stared out the huge windows at the night sky and pondered what he’d said. Sometimes Steele was wise beyond his years.

  Chapter 19—Up to the Task

  ~~Caroline~~

  The next three weeks sped by. Easton was a constant presence in our condo when he wasn’t on a road trip. Somehow, we’d managed to keep our clothes on thanks to one long road trip and two kids who constantly demanded his attention. Regardless, he sent sizzling looks my way often, and I lobbed them right back, and we did manage to steal a few hot kisses in the hallway between condos.

  Moving here just before the holidays hadn’t been one of my smarter plans. I was running on empty. Not only had I spent the last few weeks unpacking and putting away everything, but I’d spent the better part of the day decorating for Christmas. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and I was ill-prepared for the holiday. I hadn’t made my usual lists, but Hailey had done me proud. She had a list a mile long. Heath only wanted one thing, the very thing his father had promised him but would never be able to give him. I’d found the next best thing, and I prayed he’d see it as an acceptable replacement.

  Thank God for Junie. She’d taken the kids to see Santa this morning so I’d be able to work without interruption.

  Sadly, Christmas had been an afterthought this year with everything else going on. The kids vacillated between excitement and sadness. This was their first Christmas without Mark and their grandparents, and their absence would be hard on them. It was hard on me. I’d invited Fran and Howard to visit for Christmas, but they’d just settled into their Arizona home. They promised we’d spend the next Christmas together.

  Mark and I had our family Christmas traditions, such as decorating the tree together. I’d order pizza, and Fran would bring chocolate cheesecake and eggnog. Mark and his father put the lights on the tree. The kids added the ornaments where they could reach. Mark placed the tree topper on the tree. We turned off all the lamps, and Mark made a big production of turning on the tree lights. We called it the Mills’ tree-lighting ceremony. Later, Mark and I would shoo the kids off to bed, put presents under the tree, and fill their stockings amid sips of eggnog and laughter.

  I lived in my own personal snow globe, where everything was perfect and nothing from the outside could get in. All the signs had been there—Mark’s late nights, disinterest in sex, and bored responses with me. We’d stopped discussing our future and having date nights. We’d fallen into a rut. We were comfortable, and all my attempts to spice up our marriage and elicit a response from him had failed miserably.

  I’d depended on a man for my happiness, my financial stability, and my self-esteem. I’d stand on my own two feet and be strong for myself and my children.

  Right now, that strength required I lift my weary body off this couch and continue with the Christmas decorations. I still hadn’t purchased a tree. I’d been miserly with the money I’d received from Easton, but I hadn’t considered the hundreds of dollars I spent on decorations. Christmas decorations were expensive when you were starting at ground zero. Even my careful list making hadn’t been foolproof, and I’d forgotten several essential items.

  Someone rang the doorbell, and I dragged my weary body to the door. I checked the peephole and saw Easton’s beaming face. With a sigh, I opened the door and jumped backward. The huge evergreen tree dw
arfed the rather large hallway.

  “Hey, where would you like this?” Easton asked.

  “I…uh…I…” Unable to respond, I merely stood back and allowed Steele and Easton to wrestle the large tree past me. I followed them into the living room, where Easton positioned the tree next to the corner by the large wall of windows.

  “What do you think?” he said.

  “I’m overwhelmed. It’s beautiful, but I don’t have a tree stand.”

  “We have all that.” As if on cue, another knock sounded on the door. I opened it find to a stack of boxes, behind which was Kaden. He carefully entered the apartment with the boxes tottering precariously. I held on to the top one to balance them until he put them down.

  The three guys grinned at each other, pleased with themselves.

  “Merry Christmas.” Kaden swept low in a bow, gracing me with one of his charming grins.

  Steele cast a rare grin in my direction.

  “From our condo to yours,” Easton added. His eyes lit up like the lights on a Christmas tree. He was getting a kick out of this. “Where are the twins?”

  “Junie took them with her for some last-minute shopping.”

  “Let’s get this set up before they arrive home.” Easton rummaged through the stack of boxes until he found the Christmas tree stand. I’d never had a real tree. Mark and I had a pre-lit artificial tree. It’d looked like the real deal but didn’t spread needles all over or need to be watered. I glanced downward in disdain at the trail of needles across my clean carpet.

  Easton could’ve asked first. I didn’t like being surprised. I’d had a plan, and now he’d messed up my plan. He was becoming quite talented at that.

  Regardless, I was being ungrateful, and I didn’t like being that person.

  ~~Easton~~

  If I’d been decorating the tree, I’d string the lights wherever, not really caring how they looked, just getting the job done quickly. Not Caro. Every light had to be perfectly placed the same distance apart and uniform rather than concentrated in one place and sparse in another.