by Megan McCoy
Why did she care about Mac and his emotions? Well, she knew he’d built a wall since Carly died. That wasn’t healthy and it wouldn’t be good for Sam long term. Plus, if he were ever to get married and give Sam siblings, then he needed to be ready. He’d had girlfriends in college, she knew, and after, according to Carly, but no one ever hung around long. No clue why. He seemed nice enough, if you liked them staid and solid, but her goal was not only to make sure Sam had stability before she left, but make sure that, if she couldn’t raise him herself, that Mac was the guy she knew he could be.
He’d done a good job comforting her earlier. She appreciated that, and some good woman would be the happy recipient of that in the future. She needed to do that for Sam. He deserved a good mom figure in his life. As long as she’d always be the favorite aunt, anyway.
Drifting off to sleep, she wondered where they would go tomorrow and vowed to have a good weekend, despite her worries. Why not? Worries would still be there Monday.
“You enjoyed that more than Sam,” Mac said as they loaded the car back up after a long but gorgeous day.
“Sam is not quite three months old, about the only things he likes is being fed and being held.” She reminded him as she broke down the stroller to go in the trunk. “But yeah, I had a really good time, it’s been years since I’ve been to this zoo.” The St. Louis zoo was about three hours from Macintyre and they’d often done day trips here when they were younger.
“Remember when you, Carly, Ryan and I went? And Mom got tired and let us run wild while she rested at the snow cone stand? We spent an hour making faces at the gorillas.” He clicked Sam into the car seat as she tucked the diaper bag next to him.
“And then made Carly scream in the reptile house?” Jess giggled. “That was a good time! Have you heard from Ryan lately? You two were as inseparable as Carly and me.”
“We talk several times a week, he went through a divorce last year,” he said.
“That’s too bad. Any kids?”
“Just one, she lives with her mom.”
“That has to be hard.” Jess realized that is basically what she’d be doing with her—with Mac’s—little one. Parenting from afar. Aunt-ing from afar. It was so hard not to fall in love with him, though, and want to be with him every day. She’d get used to it, she assured herself. Like the kindergarten moms who walked out of the school on the first day bawling their hearts and eyes out, and by end of week two, were dropping the kids off at the door with a wave. People adjust. She would too. Sam was so little, he wouldn’t remember these short weeks when she had been his support system. Hopefully she could always get him for a month or at least a couple weeks in the summer every year. Sighing, she thought, if she still taught, anyway.
“Tired?” Mac asked as they clipped in. “I give Sam until we get out of the parking lot to zonk out.”
“Yeah, he had a rough day, being cute and carried around,” Jessie teased.
“Hey, it’s hard to be a baby, just ask him,” Mac said. “I thought we’d go to the hotel and clean up a bit, then I’ll take you out to a nice dinner.”
“You said to pack casual,” Jess protested.
Mac shot her that grin that made her weirdly tingle, she didn’t like it. “Okay, a nice dinner in a casual place.”
“Deal. Hopefully they have the crib set up in the room by now.”
“You sure you are okay sharing the room with me?” he asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” That was the only answer that question deserved.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, making her giggle.
She watched the roads as they drove back to the hotel they’d checked into earlier that morning. “You are right, he’s zonked out,” she said, looking in the baby mirror to see him. “Mac, I just love him so much.” Well, that slipped out.
“I am glad. He’s going to need all the love he can get while he grows up. Even though he won’t ever remember it, he’s had a rough start in life,” Mac said. “He doesn’t have much family and those of us in it will have to step up.”
“What about his dad’s family?” she asked. “Have they ever contacted you or anything?”
Mac shook his head. “Sam, his dad, I think you already know, grew up in foster care and we don’t have any idea of his family. My lawyer is looking into it, though. I don’t want any surprises down the road.”
Jessie shuddered. “I don’t either. That’s a scary thought, though really, no one could be more qualified than you.”
“My fear is that maybe Sam has a sister or brother he never met, who is married and has a kid his age and would raise them together and a judge would see that as more of a family home than what I can give.”
“That almost makes me ill, but yeah, I’ve heard of that kind of thing, too,” she said, slowly. “But nothing so far?”
“No relatives so far,” he said. “My lawyer hired a PI and hopefully that will all be on record, too. That we did everything possible to find someone.”
“I hope there is nothing to find. Next exit.”
“So do I.” He flipped on his blinker. “ I want everything legal as soon as I can get it.”
“If you get married in the next couple years, have your wife adopt him, too,” Jessie suggested. “It sure can’t hurt.”
“Finding someone while I’m working all the time and raising a baby is a piece of cake,” he said.
“Step it up, get on that.” Jessie smiled over at him. “You’re kinda cute and when you try, you can be almost decent. Plus you have that really really cute baby.”
“With all those things going for me, I should be beating them off with a stick,” he teased.
“Maybe, if you didn’t talk about blistering their butts like you tell me all the time, it might be easier. Just a helpful dating hint, for you.”
“What if, like you, they deserve or want their butts blistered?”
“Mac!”
“Jess!”
“I swear.”
“Don’t swear in front of my child. I can have you over my knee as soon as we get in the room.”
“I give up.”
“You never give up.” He found a parking spot in the hotel parking lot and parked. “One of the many things I admire about you.”
Jess shook her head and got out of the car. “You getting him or the stuff?” Silly man. There was no way she wanted to be spanked like a child. That was nonsense. Utter and complete nonsense and the fact it had always intrigued her meant nothing. She felt fascinated by gorillas too but it didn’t mean she wanted one.
Standing in the shower just a few minutes later, she let the heat and sweat roll off her while she thought about being with Mac. No, she wasn’t thinking that. He was the closest thing she had to a brother, of course! Of course. True, he wasn’t but, still.
She hoped Sam slept well in the crib that the hotel had brought up, and that he slept through dinner. She smiled, it wouldn’t be long before he was sitting in the highchair beside them, throwing food on the floor. Beside them? What was she thinking? She was being ridiculous. Her entire world right now, was finding him a nanny, and finding herself a job. Oh, and take care of him in the meantime.
Dressing awkwardly in the small bathroom, she came out, and said, “You can shower, I’ll watch the baby and do my hair and things.”
“And things?”
“Hush, a girl needs to do what she needs to do.” Wrinkling her nose at him as he went into the bathroom, she went in to check on Sam before she did her hair and makeup. As always, he slept on his back with his arms outstretched. He was absolute perfection, the best baby in the world.
Two hours later, she was glaring at Mac as they stood on the street in front of the restaurant. “I can’t make him stop. You make him stop.”
“I can’t make him stop. Maybe we should take him to the ER?”
“You seriously want to show up at the emergency room and tell them your baby is crying?”
“I sort of really do. Why won’t he stop? He nev
er does this.” Mac jostled him up and down outside the restaurant where they had been having dinner before the wailing began. She’d taken one lovely bite of the best salmon she’d tasted when this loud shrieking noise started. It had come from their baby. She picked him up and put a bottle in his mouth. He didn’t want it. He wasn’t wet but he was sure loud. She tried burping him. Then Mac took him and tried the same things she did then they both decided, for the sake of not being melted into a puddle by all the death glares they were getting, they would take him outside.
It didn’t help. People walking by gave them death glares too. They were going to be melted. Nothing she could do about it.
“What is wrong with him?” Jessie took him back from Mac who seemed eager to give him up. “Why is he crying?”
“How would I know? Sam! You’re fine. No reason to cry!” Mac told him.
“Oh, sure. He’s going to say, ‘fine, dad, I’m all good now that I know there is no reason’. Good plan.” Jess jostled him and put him over her shoulder trying to burp him again.
“Jess, he never does this. I’m going to see if there is a doc in the box close.”
“He’s just crying,” she said. “I think that is overreacting.”
“He’s my kid, not yours. I will make the decision.” Mac scrolled through his phone while she patted and rocked back and forth.
“Are you okay?” An older woman stood before them. “Is there any way I can help?”
“He won’t stop crying,” Jess told her. “We don’t know why.”
She held out her arms. “Here, let me see, I’m a nurse and I have five kids.”
Jess looked at Mac who nodded. She handed Sam to the woman, who crooned at him. “Ahh, little man, what happened in your day today?” Jess watched the way she held him, over her arm, and patted his back. She patted his back! She’d done that, it hadn’t helped.
Suddenly Sam let out a huge burp and settled down. The woman put him in the crook of her arm and crooned, “We had a nasty gas bubble, didn’t we? But it’s all gone now. Tell Mom and Dad you are okay, so they won’t worry anymore.”
She handed him back to Jessie, who almost cried at the silence and the fact he didn’t seem upset anymore. “Why did that happen?” she whispered to the angel from above.
Smiling, she said, “That happens sometimes with babies. It just does. Might be different water, environment, the way he was lying, all kinds of things. But he seems over it now. Call his doctor Monday if you are worried and get him checked out, but from personal experience, he’s fine. Now, Mommy and Daddy, go finish your dinner. You are doing just fine.”
“Thank you so much. Can I buy your dinner?” Mac asked her.
“Oh, I’m good. You two just take care of that perfect child you created.” With that she walked away and Jessie looked at Mac.
“Do we dare go back in?”
“We have to, we left his car seat in there,” Mac said. “Is he asleep? What is a gas bubble? I need to take a class.”
“Or your nanny does,” she said, tartly. They walked back in and she felt like slinking to their booth.
“Ow,” he said as they sat down and stared at their now cold food. “Jess, I’m doing the best I can. I don’t know what else to do.”
“I know.” She poked at her unappetizing plate. “I’m sorry. Just a little stressed.” She looked over at Sam, now slumbering like the angel he usually was. “Between losing my job and everything going on…”
“I get it,” he said. “But these pokes at me and my work schedule have got to stop. Either be here and be a help and support or go back home. I’ll figure something out.”
“Like what?” she snapped at him. “A nanny a week until he starts school, then have him come home to an empty house?”
“Jessie, you are pushing it.”
Yeah, she was. Why? Just because she was stressed, didn’t give her the right to take it out on him. But for some reason she didn’t want to stop. “I’m tired, let’s just go back to the hotel.”
Lying in bed and watching hotel TV seemed like a luxury right now. Mac flagged down the waitress and paid the bill, and they were back in the car. Jess swore she heard grateful applause as they left the building. Maybe that was her imagination. Maybe not.
She turned on the radio and they listened to a Cardinal game on the way back. “I’m looking forward to taking Sam out to the game when he’s a little older.” Mac said.
“Just don’t let him root for the Cubs,” she said.
“As if I would. Seriously, Jess?” He pulled into the parking lot and they did their, by now familiar, routine of pulling Sam and all his gear from the car. Thank goodness for click in car seats. Riding the elevator up in silence, she looked over at Mac who stared at the wall. That little stressor he had, a set to his jaw she’d seen before, stood out to her. What was she doing? They’d had a good day, and now they were both unhappy and upset. Why? Because the baby cried in a restaurant? Yeah, that had never happened in the history of life before.
They both had a lot going on and she needed to adult. Grinning suddenly, she realized how she could adult that would make them both feel better, at least eventually.
Silently, they put the baby down and loaded the bottles into the mini fridge and plugged in the warmer so it would be ready later. She put a couple of diapers and wipes on the nightstand and turned the TV on. Sam slept through it, so she turned it up a little bit more and motioned to Mac who sat on the edge of one of the beds.
“Come here,” she said. Walking to the bathroom, she turned on the shower. More noise. Looking around, she grabbed Mac by the arm and pulled him into the bathroom with her and shut the door. The look on his face thrilled her. “Time to put your words into action, big boy,” she told him, heart racing.
“I have literally never been more confused in my life,” he said.
“You are always threatening to blister my ass. Well, I need it, you want to do it. Let’s see what you have in you.”
“Jess, seriously? Don’t be ridiculous.” He looked at her as if she’d grown two heads and he could probably hear her heart pounding. What was she doing? Exploring, that was what she was doing. She was tired of his threats. He either needed to put up or shut up. Prove he could or never say those words again. Besides, she felt as stressed as she ever had in her life and needed some kind of physical release.
Putting her hands on her hips, she stuck her tongue out at him. “Not man enough?”
“Jess, you don’t know what you are asking for.”
Less than thirty seconds later, she agreed with him. “Mac! Ow! Not so hard!” She wasn’t even quite sure how she was over the knee he propped up on the bathtub. All she knew was she felt as if she was going headfirst to the floor and grabbed his other leg with the only hand that could reach it. “Ow!”
“Spankings hurt and you are going to be saying a lot more than ‘ow’ soon,” he said.
“No! Ow! Okay, okay, I got the idea! Ow!” Geeze, that hurt way more than she thought it would. For some reason that made him smack her harder. Obviously, he wasn’t hearing her.
“Is this what you need?”
“No! Argh!” He wasn’t stopping and her bottom hurt. For some reason, she didn’t think it really would, just a nice warm glow or something. “Mac!” She wanted to wiggle but was terrified she’d fall face first onto the bathroom floor, but her bottom needed to get away from those stinging smacks. “That hurts! Please stop, please!”
“Oh, we just got started. You be careful what you ask for, little girl, because now you know I am man enough and will deliver.”
He settled into some kind of rhythm and didn’t seem inclined to stop. She figured he’d smack her once or twice and she’d have a little stress relief and a nice warm bottom to sleep on. This was not what she expected! “Mac, I’m sorry! I’m done!” Her feet began kicking as if that would make it stop. Weirdly, it didn’t. “Mac! Ow!” Dang, her bottom was really starting to hurt! He needed to be done. “Mac!” Ahh, that was th
e key, her voice rising a few decibels. She’d have to remember that, she thought, glaring at him while suddenly standing on her feet. She didn’t know how that happened any more than being put over his knee in the first place. Weird. Putting her hands on her bottom, she started to rub the sting out, but he pulled both her hands in and held her wrists in one of his big hands.
“No, I put that burn there for a reason, you just think about that reason,” he said firmly and she got a little thrill of... what? Something? He’d never spoken to her quite like that before. She didn’t like it, she lied to herself. Not one little bit, nope.
He looked at her as if he expected her to say something. What? When in doubt, squeak, “Thank you?” Always good to be polite.
He let go of her hands, laughed and turned the shower off. “I swear, Jess, I have never met anyone like you.”
She still wanted to rub her stinging bottom, but decided she wasn’t going to chance it. Finding her mouth, or maybe her brain, wasn’t working for some reason, she just looked at him. There was really nothing she could say. She’d asked for it. If it turned out more painful than what she thought it would be, well, that was on her, wasn’t it? He didn’t know. She’d have to tell him for next time. Next time? Did she want that again? Oddly, she was already feeling unsettled and irked he didn’t… didn’t what? Finish? Do more? She’d been so ready to be done. Yet.
Sighing, she opened the door to go check on Sam, who had slept through it all.
“Do you need a hug?” Mac asked her, sounding like the old Mac again.
Jess nodded. Yeah, she did need a hug and, well, nothing she could have with Mac. Good thing there were two beds with a crib between them.
“Do you have the warmer set up?” Mac asked.
She nodded. “And the bottles in the mini fridge.” Oh, her mouth worked again. And her bottom didn’t hurt much. Huh. Maybe it hadn’t been as bad as she thought. She needed to look at her bottom, but there was no mirror where the bathroom and shower were. It was outside by the sink. Dang. Thwarted. Surely it was purple and blue? Or maybe not since it barely hurt now.
