Always

by Cheryl Holt

  Didn’t she deserve to learn the truth? Shouldn’t she have the chance to decide for herself if she minded Percy’s affair or not? Yet if Trevor breathed a word of the debacle, it would tear their family apart. His mother and brother would never forgive him. That much was certain.

  Susan tarried in the drive, maintaining a merry façade until Percy vanished, then her shoulders slumped, her vexation clear. During their discussions, she’d revealed that she was very nervous about being a bride. She was much too polite to admit that Percy was being an ass to her, but she’d only skimmed the surface of how dreadful he could be. After she became his wife, she was in for a rude awakening.

  Trevor dawdled a few seconds, then a few more, then he went out to join her. His expression was pleasant and innocent, as if he’d stumbled on her by accident.

  “Hello, Susan!” He bounded down the stairs and approached her. “Was that Percy leaving?”

  “Yes. His friends are hosting a bachelor party for him in London.”

  “Oh, yes, I’d forgotten about it. He invited me”—a huge lie—“but I’m not much for drunken bacchanals.”

  “I’m glad to hear it, and since your brother has abandoned me, it appears my schedule is free. How about yours? Could you entertain me again?”

  Her irritation was scarcely concealed. He wanted to shake her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to steal her away from the calamity that was winging toward her like a runaway carriage.

  “I have some suggestions as to a few activities we could try,” he said.

  “I’m all ears. You always have the best ideas.”

  “I’m delighted you think so.” He nodded to the house. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll plan an enjoyable escapade.”

  “I don’t suppose there’s any reason to loaf in the driveway, is there? It’s not as if I can drag Percy back with the power of my thoughts.”

  “No, you definitely can’t.”

  He laughed as if Percy’s conduct was normal, as if he was treating her like any other betrothed would with his wedding so near. Then he escorted her in, guiding her through the foyer and down an empty hall. When he got to the end, he opened the door to a deserted parlor and walked in with her.

  It was time to initiate the very first brazen move he’d ever made in his life.

  He pushed her against the wood of the door—a little too forcefully probably—then he kissed her severely as he’d dreamed of doing for days. He couldn’t guess how she viewed his bold advance, but he’d persuaded himself that she wouldn’t be shocked by it.

  He wasn’t a green boy. He’d participated in two amorous relationships while at university, and he’d also trifled with plenty of actresses and other slatterns, but he was smarter than his brother. He’d never looked at one of them and wondered if they’d be a suitable wife. They’d been girls for fun, girls for sport, but not for matrimony, and he’d taken full advantage of what they’d offered.

  He drew away, and all she said was, “Oh!”

  He was afraid she might scold him, so he kissed her again. The second embrace was more torrid, but very thrilling too. His heart was beating so fast that, if it burst out of his chest, he wouldn’t have been surprised.

  Eventually, she pulled away, and she gazed at him, her beautiful blue eyes wide with astonishment. “Trevor! My goodness.”

  “I’m not sorry!” he vehemently insisted.

  He held his breath, waiting, the tense interval extending forever, then she said, “I’m not sorry either.”

  “I’ve been dying to kiss you since the moment we met.”

  “You have not,” she scoffed, then shyly, she asked, “Have you?”

  “Yes. You’re so remarkable and so pretty and so…so…” He stopped and shook his head. “I’m babbling like an idiot. You make me babble.”

  “I’ve been wishing you’d kiss me too.” Her cheeks heated to a fetching shade of pink. “But it can’t ever lead anywhere. You understand that, don’t you?”

  “No, I don’t understand it.”

  “I’m engaged to your brother.”

  “He doesn’t deserve you! He’ll never love you.”

  “Of course he won’t. Love doesn’t have anything to do with marriage.”

  “Don’t say that to me. Please don’t!”

  She glanced down. “All right, I won’t.”

  “You should have a husband who worships you, but Percy doesn’t care about you, and he never will.”

  “I can’t listen to that sort of denigration, Trevor.”

  “It’s all about the money for him. That’s all it’s about, and it will never be about you or what you might need.”

  “Well, yes, it is about the money. How could you imagine there’s any other basis for the match? I’m an heiress, Trevor.”

  He clasped her hands and linked their fingers. “Come away with me.”

  The words were out of his mouth before he realized he would utter them, and she scowled. “What? Come where?”

  “It doesn’t matter where. Name the spot. We won’t even pack a bag. We’ll just…leave and never return.”

  “I couldn’t. My wedding is next week.”

  “Let me save you from it. We could be so happy together! I’m sure of it.”

  She sighed with regret. “I could never behave so recklessly. I’d be shamed and shunned. We’d be outcasts. I couldn’t carry on that way. Could you? Be honest.”

  “What would I lose if we left? Life with my mother and brother? It’s no life at all.”

  “What are you contemplating? Would we elope? Or would we live in sin? In the process, how would we support ourselves? For I can guarantee you, my father would cut me off without a penny. Then where would we be?”

  In his haste to declare himself, he’d bungled his message. She wasn’t hearing what he was anxious for her to hear. “Think, Susan! Percy is about to be your husband, but he won’t stay at Selby to socialize with you for a single afternoon. Can you picture what your future will be like as his wife? Must I spell it out for you?”

  “No marriage is perfect,” she primly stated, parroting her horrid mother. “Percy and I will adapt, then we’ll be fine.”

  “I can’t bear to see you hurt.”

  “Your brother won’t hurt me, and you’re being appallingly melodramatic. I should probably head to my room.”

  “I’m so worried about you.”

  “Don’t be. It’s my destiny to be your brother’s bride, and we can’t change my fate.”

  A huge wave of veracity was bubbling up. He’d been debating his path for weeks. If he had been about to marry, but his betrothed was madly in love with another, wouldn’t he want to be informed? How long was Percy presuming he could keep his secret? Once Susan found out—wives always did—it would be too late to cry off.

  “I have to tell you something about Percy,” he blurted out. “It’s a situation he’s hidden from everyone. I’ve been concealing it from you, but I can’t continue.”

  She studied his expression, then inquired, “Is it bad?”

  “Yes, it’s very, very bad.”

  “Are you certain you should reveal it then?”

  “You have to know, Susan. You have to know—before you speak your vows.”

  * * * *

  “I need to go to London tomorrow—and I need you to go with me.”

  Nell gaped at Susan as if she’d tipped off her rocker. “You and I? Go to London? Absolutely not. I’m stunned that you suggested it, and your mother would never permit it.”

  “I don’t intend to ask her.”

  “What do you intend then?”

  “We’ll claim we’re sightseeing, and we’ll sneak off. We’ll get up early, and we’ll gallop there and back. Edwina has guests coming for supper again, but we can be here in plenty of time.”

  They were in Nell’s bedchamber. Nell had been fussing and stewing, reflecting on her scandalous sojourn into Lord Selby’s bedchamber. Susan could be prone to theatrics, and Nell could usually calm her dow
n. Not now though. Nell had her own problems to solve.

  Namely, she was terrified she might be falling in love with Lord Selby. He was such a desperate, forlorn fellow. What woman wouldn’t yearn to have him for her very own?

  By her brazenly tucking him in bed when he’d been weary and battered, she’d proved that she could erect no barriers to keep him at bay. She’d nursed him, and as she’d listened to his tales of woe, she’d convinced herself that he hadn’t shared his stories with anyone else. Just her. Just paltry, ordinary Nell Drummond.

  She felt overwhelmed and special and totally out of her element.

  “Why the sudden urge to traipse off to London?” she inquired.

  “You won’t believe what Trevor told me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Susan went to the door and spun the key in the lock, which was silly. Nell’s room was located in a deserted wing of the mansion. A housemaid stopped by once in the morning to straighten up and that was it. There was no reason to fret over eavesdroppers.

  Still though, Susan was incredibly unnerved. She leaned in so she could whisper in Nell’s ear.

  “Percy has a mistress. He’s been with her for years.”

  Nell froze. It was the last news she’d expected to hear. “Trevor told you that?”

  “Yes. He thought I deserved to be apprised so I could make a valid assessment as to whether I should go through with the wedding or not.”

  Nell gasped. “Don’t even say it!”

  “Nell, he has two children with her! Two beautiful, blond-haired daughters!”

  Nell clasped a palm over her mouth to stifle a groan of dismay. Her mind was racing with issues that were far beyond her understanding.

  Men had mistresses. They had affairs. They sired bastards, and Percy was twenty-six. Were they to be surprised that he’d misbehaved with a strumpet? Yet it wasn’t a subject that had ever occurred to Nell and Susan.

  As Nell contemplated all the wretched angles of the dirty business, she wondered if Edwina Blake was aware of it. And what about Susan’s parents?

  When Edwina had contacted Florence about a possible match, had Albert investigated Percy? Had he uncovered the shameful secret? If he had, would he and Florence have decided to arrange it anyway? Were they that determined to form an alliance with the aristocratic Blake family?

  “How does Trevor know about this?” Nell asked.

  “He’s always known. The woman used to be an actress! Percy begged to marry her when he was younger, but Edwina wouldn’t let him. She demanded he break it off, but he never did.”

  “Are you certain Trevor is telling the truth?”

  Susan snorted with disgust. “Why would he lie?”

  “He’s in love with you, Susan.”

  “He is not,” Susan firmly stated, but she glanced away, unable to hold Nell’s gaze.

  Nell pressed on, anxious for Susan to logically review the situation. “What if he is in love with you though? What might his motive be? Perhaps he’s hoping to drive a wedge between you and Percy. If he can wreck your betrothal to his brother, he can step in and have you instead.”

  “He’s not like that, Nell. He’s kind and considerate, and I like him very much.”

  “How much, Susan? Enough to ruin your engagement because of him?”

  The dangerous words were out before Nell could bite them down. Once voiced, they seemed to fly around the room, bouncing off the ceiling and the walls.

  “I just have to check,” Susan ultimately said. “I have to find out for sure.”

  “Are you positive you want to know?”

  “Yes, I’m positive.”

  “It might be better to not know, wouldn’t it? What if your parents command you to forge ahead despite this information? Wouldn’t you rather be in the dark?”

  Susan bristled with outrage. “If he has a mistress and children, I will not marry him. I won’t turn a blind eye—as if I’m some mousey housewife—and if he’s really pursuing this relationship, then he’s not the man we think he is. My parents wouldn’t shackle me to someone who is so inconstant in his affections.”

  Nell didn’t suppose that was true at all. Susan’s parents might insist she continue, with both of them worried about the scandal they’d create if Susan cried off at the last minute.

  “Will you come with me in the morning?” Susan asked. “You have to agree. I can’t go alone.”

  “When you arrive, what are you planning?”

  “I’d like to visit the street where he lives with her.”

  Nell was stunned to her core. “He lives with her?”

  “Yes. It’s why he traipses off to town—to be with her.”

  “I can’t believe this. Your wedding is so close!”

  “It’s mad, isn’t it? If we park there, we might catch him in the act.”

  Nell was visualizing a thousand disasters that might erupt. Florence could learn of the trip and confront them. Percy could see them spying. It seemed as if Susan would be racing to her doom, and Nell would be running alongside her.

  “Then what, Susan?” she inquired. “If you manage to catch him with his secret family, what will you do?”

  “I will call it all off. And there is no force on Earth strong enough to make me proceed.

  * * * *

  Nathan was tiptoeing down a rear stairway, eager to sneak out of the house without being accosted. Delay wasn’t likely though. It was very early, the sun having just crested the horizon, so the only people who’d crawled out of their beds were the servants who had to get the morning fires started.

  To his surprise, as he reached the landing on the second floor, Nell was walking toward him. She was dressed for traveling, wearing her cloak and bonnet, and obviously trying to sneak out of the manor too.

  “Hello, you.” He felt an inordinate rush of delight at stumbling on her. “Why are you up at such an insane hour?”

  “If I tell you, I’ll have to lock you in a closet so you can’t tell anyone else.”

  He chuckled, liking how she approached so he could pull her into his arms and hold her tight. He kissed her thoroughly, being thrilled to have the chance.

  All night, he’d fussed as to whether he should search for her or not. In the end, he hadn’t. He’d loafed in his room, moping and pondering his future. He wouldn’t be returning to Africa any time soon, so what would he like to do instead?

  He couldn’t imagine staying at Selby if Edwina was there too. Percy and Susan would also be in residence as newlyweds. Was he ready to settle in at Selby? Was he ready to take charge? He’d have to send all of them away, then declare himself a gentleman farmer. Was he a farmer? He didn’t think so.

  So…what did he want? What did he crave?

  It was beyond him to decide. All the choices were fraught with challenges he didn’t care to assume.

  He’d focused on a more immediate problem. Edwina had given him directions to his childhood home, and he intended to stop there. He couldn’t figure out what he was hoping to find. Peace? Information? Details that might fill the holes in his memory?

  During his grueling trek from Africa, he’d been consumed by thoughts of the place and that missing piece of his life. He sought answers about many things, but mostly, he simply yearned to recollect those first few years that were the only period he’d ever been happy.

  Nell drew away, and as she studied his face, she grinned. The evidence of his fight was clear. His nose was swollen, and the skin under his eyes was purple, as if he’d painted them with cosmetics. His head was throbbing, his hand too, but all in all, he didn’t feel too bad.

  “Your nose looks painful,” she said.

  “It hurts, but it’s the price I have to pay for brawling.”

  “When you next contemplate a scuffle, please remember that.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

  “Why are you up so early?” she asked. “You’re dressed for traveling too. Where are you off to?”

  “I’m going to town. I ha
ve meetings with my lawyers and bankers.”

  “It sounds dreadfully boring, but maybe it won’t be. If they read the newspapers, they’ll all be presuming you’re deceased. As you stroll in the door, you’ll likely give them all a collective apoplexy.”

  “I should be so lucky,” he retorted. “Afterward, I’m visiting my childhood home. Where I lived with my parents when I was a boy?”

  “How nice for you. I’m glad.”

  “It will be nice. I’ve never been there, and I had no idea where it was. I finally forced Edwina to provide the location.”

  “Why did you have to force her? Why wouldn’t she apprise you in the past?”

  He shrugged. “Who can guess why she does anything?”

  “Your family is very strange.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” A wild notion occurred to him, and before he could tamp it down, he asked, “Would you come with me?”

  His question astonished her. “To London?”

  “Yes. I’m much too manly to confess that I’m very nervous about this. I’d love it if you’d accompany me—so I don’t have to go by myself.”

  “Why would you be nervous?”

  “I can’t explain why. The whole prospect just seems scary.”

  She sighed, appearing terribly pretty and sympathetic. “It’s probably because you associate it with your parents’ deaths. Deep in your heart, you carry a lot of grief from that time, and you’re about to stir a ton of difficult memories.”

  “I’m sure that’s it, but I’m too much of a coward to face it alone. Will you come too?”

  “I couldn’t possibly. Your aunt and Mrs. Middleton would collapse from a double fit of the vapors.”

  “I wouldn’t necessarily view that as a bad conclusion.”

  “Don’t be horrid!” she scolded. “But also, I can’t join you because I’m making my own very furtive, very quick trip to town.”

  “You’ve admitted it, so will you have to lock me in a closet now?”

  “No, but you have to swear that you won’t tell on me.”

  “I won’t, but you have to inform me of what’s happening. You can’t pique my curiosity, then leave me in the dark.”