Phantom Waltz

by Catherine Anderson

  “That’s good to know.”

  Ryan took a chair across from them. He seemed tense to Bethany, but for the life of her, she couldn’t think why. It wasn’t because Jake was there. Her brother had done an about-face and couldn’t have been friendlier had he tried.

  The men talked about cattle for a few minutes. Then the conversation drifted to horses, a topic Bethany found far more interesting. As if he sensed that, Jake pushed suddenly to his feet. “Well, sis? You about ready to roll?”

  Bethany sighed. “There’s no risk in my talking about horses, Jake.”

  Jake grinned. “If you get a bee in your bonnet about riding again, it’s not gonna be my hide Dad takes after. I’ll let Ryan take the heat.”

  “I’m not going to start riding again.”

  Jake met Ryan’s gaze. “Never said you were.”

  Getting back home proved to be the least of her problems. Her specially equipped van was still sitting in a ditch. Jake told her not to worry, that they could do without her at the store until she had transportation again, but Bethany was concerned. She had bills to pay, and she was determined to earn her own way. It could take a day for the roads to clear enough for a wrecker to pull her van to a garage and heaven knew how long after that before the necessary repairs would be done.

  Ryan phoned that afternoon and immediately guessed by Bethany’s tone that she was upset. When she told him why, he tried to reassure her. “If you need to go somewhere, I can take you.”

  “No, no. It’s just that I hate to miss work for however long it’s going to take. It’ll make a big dent in my paycheck.”

  “I can float you a small loan.”

  “It’s not that. Jake will happily give me the money to make ends meet.”

  “Where’s the problem, then?”

  She sighed and twisted the phone cord around her finger. “That is the problem. Nothing would make my family happier than if I depended on them and didn’t work at all. It makes me—” She broke off. “I know it sounds silly, but knowing I may miss work for a week or longer makes me feel panicky.”

  Long silence at his end. “Panicky about what, sweet-heart? You’ll be back to work sometime next week.”

  “And Jake will be standing there with money held out, happy as a clam to be taking care of me.”

  “What a jerk.”

  Bethany laughed and closed her eyes. “I know I’m being silly. It’s just—I can’t explain.”

  “Try.”

  “I’ve worked so hard not to need anybody. It’s no big deal to other people, but to me, being independent, making my own way is everything. I know this sounds bad, but my family hovers like a bunch of vultures, just waiting for me to fail. My folks would love for me to move back home so Daddy could watch after me and Mama could pamper me. They’d be pleased if I never worked again, if I just let them do everything. The thought makes it hard for me to breathe.”

  “And not having your van may enable them.”

  “Exactly. Without it. I’ll lose ground. They mean well. And I love them all so much. It’s awful to feel this way, let alone say it aloud.”

  “I understand. We all need to feel self-sufficient.”

  “My folks want me back in the nest.”

  “Well, we won’t let that happen, so stop fretting. If they try to put you back in the nest, I’ll beat ’em off with a club. How’s that?”

  She smiled sadly. The very fact that he felt it necessary to offer his support made her feel like a lesser being. “Thank you, Ryan. You’re a good friend.”

  After they broke the connection, Bethany went to a window and stared out at the snow. In Portland, she had never become stranded like this. When it snowed up there, the driving conditions weren’t this bad. At least she’d never spun off into a ditch on some stupid mountain road.

  She needed her van. It was her freedom. She couldn’t even go to the grocery store for bread without it. Until she got it back, she would be a prisoner in her own house and dependent upon other people for everything.

  It was nearly midnight that same evening when the peal of the doorbell jerked Bethany from a sound sleep. She fumbled with her sling to get out of bed, her heart pounding with fear. No one in her family would come calling this late unless something awful had happened. Daddy. Her first thought was that he’d had a heart attack. Oh, God—oh, God. Not her father.

  “Damn it!” She jerked at the sling, hating the fact that she couldn’t simply hop out of bed and run to the door. When the bell rang again, she wondered if it was one of her brothers. They all had keys to the dead bolts, just in case she ever fell. Why would they lean on the doorbell?

  “Coming!” she yelled.

  Minutes later she fumbled with the locks, and cracked the door open to peer out. She’d forgotten to flip on the light, and all she could see was a dark, hulking shadow of a man standing on the step. Ryan? She’d kill him. Was he out of his mind, coming to see her at this hour?

  “You scared me out of ten years’ growth.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. I couldn’t get it here any earlier.”

  “Get what here?”

  He dangled her car keys in front of her nose. “Your van. She’s running again. We used liquid weld to patch the radiator up. Won’t last, but it’ll work until I can pick up another one at a junkyard this week.”

  A lump came into Bethany’s throat. She opened the door wider to look out, and sure enough, there sat her van in the driveway. Behind it, a dark-colored four-wheel-drive idled, the parking lights casting an amber glow over the snow in her driveway.

  “Sly helped me tow her to town.” Ryan bent down and kissed her forehead. “Don’t want to keep him waiting long, so I’ll make tracks. Sorry for dragging you out of bed so late, but I figured you’d be glad to have your wheels first thing in the morning. Now you can go to work.”

  “Oh, Ryan …” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I don’t know what to say. You didn’t need to do this.”

  “It was no big thing. We just pulled her out of the ditch with a winch and took her back to my place for a quick fix.”

  It was a big thing. A very big thing. Now that her eyes were growing accustomed to the darkness, she could see how tired he looked. She guessed that he’d worked on the van for hours to get it running.

  “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “Friends don’t have to thank each other, honey. It’s understood. When you come out Saturday to watch Heidi ride, Sly and I will stick a new radiator in for you. You’ll have to go to a body shop to get the grill and hood fixed, but at least she’ll run.”

  With that, he was walking away, and Bethany was left to sit there, shivering in the icy draft, staring after him through tears. Friends don’t have to thank each other. That man. That big, wonderful, impossible man. He was going to make her fall head over heels in love with him, whether she wanted to or not.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Just friends. Over the next few days, that became Bethany’s mantra. She could never be the woman Ryan needed or deserved, not in bed or out of it. To allow herself to wish or entertain the notion that they could be more than friends would be sheer folly, she told herself firmly. As tempting as the thought might be, it wouldn’t be fair to Ryan.

  On the following Saturday when she went out to the ranch to watch Heidi ride, she was determined to set the tone of their relationship. The first part of the visit was a snap, for Ryan was busy somewhere else, working on her van. When the radiator was finally replaced and he rejoined her to watch Heidi ride, she reminded herself not to let gratitude weaken her resolve.

  “Thank you, Ryan. What do I owe you?”

  He turned a twinkling gaze on her. “Nothing. It was a junkyard special and only cost a few bucks. We have our own engine shop, so it wasn’t even much work to slap it in, not with all the right tools to do the job.”

  “I really do want to pay you.”

  “Nah.” He winked at her. “I’d rather just take it out in trade.”

 
Bethany had heard that expression before. Her cheeks flooded with heat, and she averted her eyes, momentarily uncertain what to say. Then years of experience at verbal sparring with her brothers came to the rescue. “I really hate to rip off a friend. In a trade like that, you’d definitely get the short end of the stick.”

  He chuckled and said, “You can fix me dinner some night. How’s that?”

  “How do you know if I can cook?”

  “Any woman who enjoys her food as much as you do has to know her way around a kitchen.”

  The tension between them dissipated then, and she was able to relax. It was easy to joke and laugh with a rancher who had a very spoiled pet bull, an equally spoiled and very plump dog, and was in the process of building a pen down at the lake to save orphaned ducklings from marauding carnivores. Ryan had a wonderful sense of humor, an appreciation of the absurd, and wasn’t easily offended when she ribbed him about being such a softie.

  When his bull made an appearance, he issued a warning to Bethany. “If T-bone ever starts bawling and slobbering all over the sliding glass door when you’re up at the house alone, just toss him a carrot. Make sure you close the door fast, though, so he doesn’t get inside.”

  “That bull gets in your house?” Bethany asked incredulously. “Good grief.”

  “He just wants in the bathroom,” Ryan explained solemnly. “He got pneumonia as a baby, and I kept him in there under steam until he got well. He still remembers and can’t seem to understand why he’s not welcome inside anymore.” He scratched his head and frowned. “A man’s gotta draw the line somewhere.”

  A few minutes later T-bone pestered Ryan for a treat. Bethany laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks. The bull butted Ryan, and he nearly knocked him off his feet. In the end Ryan went to the house for a carrot. T-bone was in no mood to take no for an answer.

  After Heidi’s riding lesson was over and Bethany was making her way back along the planks Ryan had laid out to prevent her chair from getting stuck in the mud, he walked beside her. “You’re a fantastic riding teacher,” he told her. “Have you ever considered starting an academy?”

  “When I can’t ride myself?” she asked with a laugh.

  “With the proper facilities and a special saddle, you could ride again. ‘Never say cain’t.’ “ He flashed her an amused look. “That’s Sly’s motto, and he brought me up believing in it. ‘Ain’t nothin’ on earth ever gits done sayin’ cain’t, and that there’s a fact.’”

  Bethany sighed as she drew up near the van. “Well, not to contradict Sly, but I think we all must accept our limitations occasionally.”

  “You’re a natural,” he said softly. “You picked up on mistakes Heidi was making that I’ve never caught. And she’s right, you know. Your name is almost legend in these parts. With some advertising to generate interest, you’d have young people signing up for classes and summer-camp seminars in droves. What’s more, you’d love the work. What a waste, you sitting behind a computer.”

  Bethany smiled. “It’s lovely to think about.”

  “That’s a start.” He stood aside as she got settled in her van. Then he hooked his folded arms over the edge of her door. “Thanks for coming out. You made Heidi’s whole year.”

  “It was fun. I enjoyed every minute.”

  T-bone came ambling over just then to butt Ryan in the rump. He laughed and said, “If I bribe you with a barbecued T-bone steak, will you come out to watch her ride again sometime?”

  “I’d love to.” Bethany leaned out to pat the bull’s broad head. “Don’t listen to him, T-bone. He would never eat you.”

  Ryan grinned and scratched the bovine’s ears. “I sure as hell would. Butt me one more time, and you’re gonna be rump roast, T-bone. Makes my mouth water, just thinking about it.”

  Bethany was still smiling as she drove away. She had enjoyed the afternoon immensely and looked forward to doing it again. However, she didn’t expect to see Ryan again any time soon. He owned a ranch some distance from town, she had a desk job, and their paths weren’t likely to cross very often.

  But Ryan had other ideas. He appeared on Bethany’s doorstep that very evening, a boxed pizza balanced on one hand, two rented videos clutched in the other. Did she mind having some unexpected company? He was lonesome.

  Bethany couldn’t very well turn him away, so she opened the door, never guessing when she did that it wasn’t only her home he meant to invade.

  Ryan wanted to claim her heart, and set himself to that task. Corny B-grade movies set the mood. They spent the evening tearing apart the plots, criticizing the acting, and laughing at the absurdities while they munched pizza, sipped Coke, and snuggled together on the sofa under the afghan Bethany’s grandmother had crocheted. Just friends. No searching looks, no kissing, no hint of anything of a sensual nature.

  If Bethany’s pulse raced when Ryan curled an arm around her, that was her secret. If her heart caught just a little when he brushed his fingertips over her sleeve, that was her problem—or so she told herself.

  Actually that was Ryan’s plan—to be the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing.

  He became a frequent caller at her house from that evening on. Some evenings he took her out for dinner and then to a movie. On two occasions he accompanied her and her mother to the “Y” on swim night and got soundly trounced when he challenged Bethany to a race in the pool. The girl swam like a porpoise, compensating for her lack of leg propulsion with strong, rhythmic arm strokes. Afterward Ryan was huffing, and he found himself looking at her with new respect, wondering what she must have been like before her accident. Competitive, surely, and incredibly determined. He wouldn’t have wanted to enter a rodeo competition against her. She must have been hell on horseback, which explained why she’d been well on her way to the nationals and countrywide recognition as a barrel racer before fate had pitched her a curve ball.

  Other nights they sat at her kitchen table and played games. She taught him how to play pinochle, which he’d actually been playing for years, but he pretended ignorance because it was cozier that way. He taught her how to play poker, which was also cozy—just not as cozy as it might have been if they’d been betting articles of clothing, which he didn’t dare suggest. On the evenings in between, they played other games—Monopoly, Aggravation (he was aggravated, all right), Yahtzee, Trivia Pursuits, and Mexican dominoes. Whatever the activity, they had fun.

  Ryan often gazed across the table at her sweet face and wondered how she could fail to see what was so glaringly apparent to him—that they were meant for each other. He loved the way she laughed, tipping her head back and just letting go, the sound almost musical. He loved her indomitable sense of humor. He liked the fact that she played to win and beamed when she outwitted him. God help him, he even enjoyed arguing with her. She had a quick mind and proved to be as stubborn in her convictions as a little Missouri mule, but she was also open to new ideas and conceded a point without any rancor if he was able to prove her wrong, which didn’t happen often.

  Ryan’s favorite nights were when he arrived with videos to watch, whereupon he deposited Bethany on the sofa, snuggled her up under Grandma’s afghan, and worked his ass off for two or three hours, trying to seduce her. Casual, seemingly innocent caresses were the ticket, he felt sure, all executed in such an offhand way she wouldn’t guess what he was up to—until it was too late.

  Ryan the wolf. It didn’t take him long to discover a few of her most vulnerable spots, his favorites being the silken nape of her neck and the sensitive hollow beneath her ear, which he tortured mercilessly with feathery touches of his fingertips. He pretended to watch the movies while he waged his assault, of course, but in reality, he was observing Bethany from the corner of his eye and smiling—wolfishly.

  When he touched her lightly just under her ear, he could see her pulse leap and then flutter in the hollow of her throat like the wings of a frightened bird. If he ever so casually trailed his fingertips down the slope of her neck and dipped th
em under the edge of her collar, a rosy blush flooded into her cheeks. He loved the sweet way her breath caught in response to him and how her lips parted on a silent little gasp, her lashes drooping low to veil eyes gone dark with desire. She often gave him searching looks that told him she was suspicious of his motives. He returned her steady regard with the well-practiced innocent look that had served him well with females most of his adult life.

  Bethany, an absolutely fascinating combination of wide-eyed innocence and wisdom. Ryan often found himself looking into her startled, big blue eyes and feeling like a low-down skunk for deceiving her.

  But he didn’t let guilt stop him.

  He wanted her—in his bed—in his life. One way or an other, he intended to have her. When he wasn’t with Bethany, he worked furiously out at the ranch, having his kitchen remodeled, building ramps, and pouring cement walkways until the property was networked, giving her wheelchair access even down to the lake, He also contacted her brother Jake and enlisted his help in tracking down Bethany’s mare, Wink, so he could work a deal to buy her back.

  When Bethany visited the ranch again, Ryan wanted all the construction to be finished and everything else close to perfect, his aim being to protest her every reservation and argument against marrying him. All his life, he’d heard that actions spoke more loudly than words, and he meant to show her, by the sweat of his brow, how much he loved her and that they could have a wonderful life together, if only she’d give him a chance.

  Yet, while Ryan was busily revamping the ranch, Bethany was agonizing over how to break off their friendship. They’d been seeing each other practically every day for over a month now, and it was time for her to face facts. She couldn t make this work. Every time she was with Ryan, it became harder and harder to think of him as only a friend. She had tried—oh, how she had tried—and for a while she had been able to lie to herself. She just wished she could go on lying in order to continue seeing him. He was so much fun, and he always made her laugh, no matter what they were doing. No longer having him in her life was going to half kill her.