Phantom Waltz

by Catherine Anderson

  As if he guessed Bethany’s thoughts, Ryan said, “She’ll get hungry. When she does, she’ll come to the house.”

  No such luck. That night, Bethany had Ryan set out food for Cleo on the woodpile. At some point during the night, the cat must have dismounted the bull in order to eat, for the food was gone in the morning. But when Bethany went out to find her kitty, Cleo was nowhere around.

  “She’s still riding T-bone,” Ryan informed her a few minutes later when she entered the stable. “Sly says the bull came in for breakfast a bit ago, and Cleo was still curled up on his back, pretty as you please. She gave herself a bath while T-bone ate his grain.”

  Bethany shook her head. “Maybe T-bone’s her answer to ranch life. She feels safe on him. Everything here must seem really scary to her. He’s big and solid.” She smiled up at Ryan. “Sort of like you. I can associate.”

  Ryan’s eyes started to twinkle—which Bethany was quickly coming to realize meant trouble. “Oh, yeah?” He glanced around to make sure they were alone, then leaned down to kiss her. A long, heated kiss that made her head swim. “I want you,” he whispered.

  Bethany could associate with that as well, which struck her as slightly amazing. After the poolside exploit last night, two more sessions in bed, and a wake-up round that morning, both of them should have been completely sated. “Be good,” she whispered. “Sly’s here somewhere. We’ll get caught.”

  Ryan flicked the white fringe on the blue western shirt she’d purchased especially for him. “You don’t really think I can ignore the way that fringe shifts back and forth over your nipples, do you?” He grazed an already hardened tip and chuckled. “No way, lady.”

  Since she’d worn the shirt expressly for him, Bethany could only smile smugly, pleased that her efforts had been noticed. Nevertheless, she was startled when Ryan suddenly scooped her from her chair. She shrieked and grabbed hold of his neck. “Not in the stable.”

  “I’ll find a private place.”

  He carried her to the tack room, locked the door, and laid her out on a hay bale. This morning, she wore the shirt and snug blue jeans. He attacked the buttons of her top, saying, “This is where I eat my lunch most days. Tomorrow can you come to work wearing plastic wrap?”

  She giggled and then gasped with pleasure when he bent his head to nip gently at her nipple through the lace of her bra. “Ryan, I’m afraid I’ll forget where we are and make noise. Sly may hear me.”

  He grabbed for a length of leather hanging from a nail above them. Still nibbling at her flesh and sending shocks of delight coursing through her, he whispered, “Bite down on that.”

  She giggled again, and then she moaned, every thought in her head slipping away as he unhooked her bra and touched his hot, wonderful mouth to her bare breast. When he shifted to give her other breast the attention it craved, the cool morning air washed over her moist nipple, making it turn rock hard, which seemed to inflame him when he took it in his mouth again. June sunlight poured in the tack room window to play over them. Ryan mumbled something about barely ripe strawberries, making her whimper mindlessly as he unfastened her jeans. “I’m starving for you. I promise this won’t take long.”

  It took about forty minutes, and she loved every second.

  Ryan. She was quickly coming to realize that he was going to be an impulsive, unpredictable, and insatiable lover, the kind of man who could be working intently one moment and then be totally focused on making love to her the next, the only uncertainty being where he might grab her.

  After the tack room episode, Bethany didn’t really expect to make love again until that night, if then. Ryan had other ideas. Later that morning in the stable office while he was showing her how he kept the books, the phone rang, and Bethany automatically answered because she was sitting closer to it. It was Jake, calling during his mid-morning break to check on her.

  Bethany no sooner greeted her brother than Ryan grinned wickedly and started unfastening her blouse. She pushed at his shoulder. When he moved in to kiss her collarbone, she braced the heel of her hand on his forehead, trying to hold him at bay. It was like trying to keep water from rushing downhill.

  “This shirt drives me wild,” he whispered. “Why should I let this fringe have all the fun?” He drew the cloth apart, unfastened the front clasp of her bra, cupped her breasts in his big hands, and proceeded to drive her half crazy with his fabulous mouth while she tried to carry on an intelligent conversation with her brother.

  When Ryan started tugging at her nipples with his teeth, Bethany had to ask Jake to repeat a question. She glanced worriedly toward the door. Ryan chuckled and whispered. “I always plan ahead. It’s locked.”

  That made her feel marginally better—until he pushed her breasts together so he could tease both throbbing nipples at once. The gentle squeeze made blood rush to the tips. Ryan leaned back to observe the swelling process with some interest, his gunmetal blue eyes glinting with mischief. In that moment Bethany wondered how his mother had survived his childhood.

  Over the weekend Ryan’s parents came to visit. Ann was limping from the bruise on her hip. “The doctor says it’ll be a while healing, that I’m lucky I didn’t break it. I’m getting too old for bouncing off the corners of desks.”

  Keefe, who was sporting barked knuckles on one big hand, put an arm around his wife’s narrow shoulders and said, “The little son of a bitch will think twice before he pushes a lady again.” He winked at Bethany. “He dropped the charges against me yesterday. Got to thinking how it’d look on the front page of the paper and decided his behavior toward my wife had been inexcusable.”

  “I wonder who put that thought in his head,” Ryan mused. “You didn’t threaten to call the newspaper, did you, Dad?”

  Ann smiled. “Your father is far too direct a man to be that conniving. I threatened to call the newspaper.” She glanced adoringly at her husband and held out a hand. “My hero. That’ll be ten dollars, please, you ornery old curmudgeon.”

  Keefe muttered and scowled, but he plucked a ten from his pocket and handed it over. Ann slipped it in her shirt and smiled at Bethany. “Not to worry. I won’t let a little bruise keep me from being at the wedding.”

  This wasn’t the first time Bethany had seen the men on the Rocking K getting ten-dollar bills out of their clips or wallets. She looked bewilderedly at Ryan, who quickly explained about the no-cussing rule on the ranch. Bethany thought it was a marvelous idea. By the time she and Ryan were able to adopt, the women would have all the men trained.

  On Monday her saddle arrived. Ryan no sooner removed it from the crate than he started putting it on Wink. Bethany’s stomach got nervous jitters when she realized he meant for her to go riding straightaway. When he turned and caught her expression, he knelt beside her chair, searched her gaze for a long moment, and then hooked a finger under her chin to lift her face.

  “Sweetheart, you don’t have to get on her. If all you want is to love Wink and be with her every day, that’s fine by me.”

  Bethany stared at the horse for a long, heart-pounding moment. Memories flashed in her mind of her riding accident, and sweat filmed her face. It had happened so quickly in reality, yet in her mind the events leading up to that split second played out in slow motion. She yearned to ride Wink again. The wanting was so intense, her bones ached. But she was also terrified. No one who’d never experienced what she had could possibly understand how the fear grabbed her by the throat.

  “I—um …” She squeezed her eyes closed. “Oh, Ryan, I want to so much. But I’m scared. So scared.”

  He caught her face between his hands. “I can get you to the lake for the wedding on a four-wheeler, honey. Don’t even think about this as a have-to thing. All right?”

  The wedding. Oh, God. Everyone planned to ride horses in to the lake to see them be married. A cold feeling washed over her. She felt all shivery when she met Ryan’s gaze.

  He swore under his breath and started raining kisses all over her face. “I’m sorry
. Jesus, sweet Jesus. I need to be horsewhipped for being such a blockhead. Forgive me.”

  Bethany curled her hands over her wrists. “I want to ride again, Ryan.”

  He stared hard into her eyes.

  “I want to ride again,” she repeated. “I just have to gather the courage.”

  Fifteen minutes later Bethany was strapped onto her horse. She also sweated so badly that it dripped off of her, and she felt nauseous. Terror and bagels didn’t mix.

  Ryan held the reins. “You don’t have to do this. Let’s get you down.”

  “No.” Bethany realized she was clinging to the saddle horn like a child. Oh, God. The ground looked a hundred miles away. She imagined Wink stumbling and coming down on top of her. She gulped convulsively. “I need to do this. Even if I never go riding outside a corral, I need to do this, Ryan.”

  He just stood there, holding her horse and staring up at her. “Bethany, honey, please. This is all my fault. Let’s get you down.”

  “No!” She didn’t mean to scream at him, but she did. Screamed. As if he were her enemy. “Would you stop standing there and do something to help me?”

  He stroked Wink’s neck, trying to calm the mare because her rider was doing just the opposite. In some part of her brain, Bethany knew she needed to get hold of herself. “I need you to help me do this,” she repeated shakily.

  “What do you need, Bethany? Tell me, and I’ll do it.”

  “Talk to me. Make me so I’m not nervous.”

  The next thing Bethany knew, he was behind her on the horse. The instant his arm came around her, she could breathe again. “I’m right here, sweetheart. Right here with you.”

  She leaned against his chest and twisted to press her face against his neck. Ryan. She felt safe when he was holding her. Absolutely safe. Rationally, she knew he could do nothing to protect her if the horse came tumbling down on top of them. But that didn’t matter. Her fear wasn’t rational.

  She started blabbering. About the accident. How it had happened. How she’d leaned forward and shifted her weight as Wink went into the turn. How they’d been beating their best time, racing with the wind. Then the sudden lurch. The dizzying sensation of flying through the air. Pain. A flash of pain so excruciating her brain exploded and went black.

  “When I woke up, I couldn’t feel my toes. Isn’t it crazy that I remember that over everything?” She tipped her chin back as far as it would go and stared at the blue sky above them. “It wasn’t my legs I was worried about. I couldn’t feel my toes. I remember staring at the sheet and trying to wiggle them. Trying as hard as I could. And—realizing. Realizing. My mom and dad were there. Jake grabbed my arms and pinned them to the bed. I remember looking into his eyes and screaming. They didn’t even have to tell me. I knew when I couldn’t wiggle my toes.”

  Ryan let Wink’s reins fall and wrapped both arms around her. “Forgive me, Bethany. Please, forgive me. You never have to get on a horse again. You can enjoy Wink just as much without riding her.”

  “That’s just it,” she whispered against his neck. “I need to ride. I need to, Ryan, like I need air to breathe. Don’t let me get off. I’ll never have the courage to get back on. Keep me on her until this stops.”

  “Oh, Jesus,” he whispered.

  “Please,” she begged him. “Don’t let it end like this. Don’t take me down. Just make it better. Please?”

  Ryan splayed a hand over her midriff and retrieved the reins. “Sly!” he yelled.

  “Yo?” The ranch foreman came into the exercise area. “Whatcha need?”

  “Throw open the gate,” Ryan ordered.

  Bethany watched Sly unlatch the gate and pull it open. Ryan drew Wink around and lunged her out of the corral. Bethany’s heart flew into her throat. The ground looked as if it might leap up and smack her in the face. Ryan veered the horse toward the lake. Even though he reined the mare to a walk, the panic she felt was indescribable. She was going to die. Her heart was going to stop. Only it kept beating, and Wink kept going.

  After a bit Ryan slowed the mare’s pace even more. The breeze that blew in off the lake to kiss Bethany’s face was laden with rich, wonderful scents—spring grass and budding wildflowers, pine and fir, and a crispness to the air that came in off the mountains. She relaxed against his hard chest, letting her body undulate with the horse and him.

  “Oh, Ryan …”

  He pressed his face against her hair. “You know, honey, the way I see it, there’s only two ways to live life. One way is to protect yourself from all danger as best you can, existing in a safe little bubble. Even then, chances are you could end up getting run over by a bus or contracting some terrible disease.”

  “What’s the other option?” she asked with a shaky laugh.

  “You can grab hold of life with both hands, enjoy every blessed minute of it, and take a chance that you may get hurt or killed while you’re doing something you love.”

  She laughed again, the sound still quivery. “No halfway measures, like having a little bit of fun while you play it safe?”

  He nibbled her neck. “That’d be like making love and never having an orgasm. Big-time frustrating.”

  “Been there, done that. I don’t want to live my life that way.”

  “Then, grab hold with both hands,” he whispered, and the next thing she knew, she was alone on the horse. He reached up to give her the reins. His beautiful eyes held hers for a long moment. “Live happy, darlin’. You’re strapped on, so you can’t fall. The only way you can get hurt is if Wink stumbles, and the ground squirrels don’t dig burrows along the lakeshore. They stay in the fields where food is plentiful. She seems like a surefooted little lady to me.”

  Bethany nodded. “She’s only fallen with me once, and that wasn’t her fault.” Even so, once was all it had taken. She closed her eyes and hauled in a bracing breath.

  “I’m walking back,” he told her. “This being your first time out, it would probably be best if you came up and rode near the stable, where I can keep an eye on you.”

  Bethany stared straight ahead, so terrified she was trembling. “I, um … it’s nice, even ground for as far as I can see. Wink responds to voice commands. I’m sure I’ll be fine, and—” She broke off and swallowed to steady her voice. “I need to do this, Ryan. First time out, I need to do it by myself for a bit.”

  She heard him sigh. She didn’t dare look at him for fear she’d lose her nerve. “All right,” he said. “Go, then. It’s flat ground all the way around the lake. I don’t recommend that you go too far the first day, but I’ll leave that up to you.”

  Bethany nodded, resisting the urge to ask him to saddle his horse and go with her. It was stupid to feel afraid. The likelihood that Wink might stumble was minuscule. “I, um … I won’t go too far.”

  “When you’re done, I’ll be in the stable. Just ride in and holler. I’ll help you off.”

  Bethany nodded, still staring straight ahead. “If I—um—don’t come back in thirty minutes, come find me. Okay?”

  “Honey, that goes without saying.”

  She felt better, knowing he’d come after her if she didn’t return in a specified period of time. Heart in throat, she urged Wink forward.

  Ryan waited at the stable in a sweat, worrying every second Bethany was gone. When twenty minutes had passed, he saddled up his sorrel gelding and went to find her. She was clear at the opposite end of the lake near his parents’ place when he caught up with her. At the sound of his approach, she twisted at the waist and waved, her face beaming, her eyes glowing.

  “Oh, Ryan, thank you … thank you. This is so wonderful. So freeing. I can go places that are impossible in my wheelchair. You’ve opened up a whole new world for me.”

  He slowed his horse to a walk beside hers. His heart hurt to see her so happy. “Pretty special day?”

  “Oh, yes. I don’t feel so afraid now. Not entirely at ease yet. But not terrified, either.”

  “That’s good. How’s Wink doing?”
>
  “Fabulously. I used to run her a lot, and she loved it. But today she seems content to walk.” She leaned forward to stroke the horse’s neck. “Maybe we’re both just getting old. I think she’s enjoying the slow pace.”

  “Nothing wrong with a slow pace. You can enjoy the scenery.”

  “That’s true. It’s so beautiful here, Ryan. You have no idea how very lucky you are to have all this in your backyard. The lake, the forests, and that incredible view of the mountains looming against the sky. It’s heaven.”

  “It’s your backyard now, too, you know.”

  She lifted her face to the gentle sunlight. “It is, isn’t it.”

  “We’re getting married in five days,” he reminded her.

  “Only five days.” She smiled at him. “You getting cold feet yet?”

  “Nope. Are you?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve never felt so sure about anything.”

  He hated to be a wet blanket, but he was worried about her riding for too long. “It’d be best not to overdo the first day. You haven’t been on a horse in eight years, and you can’t feel what it’s doing to your legs.”

  “Just a while longer. It’s so wonderful, I don’t want it to end.”

  Ryan considered their location. “You want to ride all the way around? We’ve gone so far, I don’t think it’ll be all that much closer if we double back.”

  “I’d love it!”

  It took half an hour to circle back to Ryan’s place. Shortly after their return to the stable, Bethany’s legs started to cramp. Ryan carried her to the house. When he jerked off her shoes and jeans, he saw that her feet were bent nearly double in muscle spasms and that the tendons were knotted in her calves and thighs. She lay forward at the waist with her teeth clenched.

  As Ryan tried to straighten her legs, she couldn’t stifle a scream. He rushed to the phone to call Dr. Kirsch, the Kendrick family physician. The kindly old doctor drove out to the Rocking K. After examining Bethany, he gave her an injection to help relax her muscles.