My Cousin is a Time Traveller

by David Solomons

  I was breathing rapidly and could feel the others looking at me. I knew I was making a scene, but I didn’t care. I sat back down again and turned my fury on my pasta, tearing into it like a megalodon at a swimming lesson. The remainder of the meal continued in tense silence punctuated with the usual chat about school and the comic shop. When I’d polished off my second slice of pie I pushed away my plate, scraped my chair back from the table and stood up.

  “Wait a minute, Luke.” Dad glanced at Mum. “I think it’s time we had that family chat.” He reached across to the kitchen dresser and picked up the envelope I had noticed addressed to Zack. It was already open. He slid out a typewritten letter on a stiff piece of notepaper with an elaborate header in gold print. I noticed the word “school”. “Sit down, son. We have something to tell you.”

  “It’s good news,” added Mum, but the catch in her voice suggested to me she was trying to convince herself of that too.

  From somewhere I could hear the ticking of a filigree pocket-watch.

  “Your brother’s been offered a place on a special programme for children with his particular abilities.”

  “You mean superpowers?” is what I didn’t say.

  “Maths,” said Zack, clearing up any doubt. “My teacher put me forward for the award. I didn’t even know about it until a couple of days ago.” He fizzed with excitement. “It’s a chance to study with one of the world’s great mathematical brains.”

  A mathematical brain? That sounded villainous. Dad could sense my confusion.

  “Imagine Professor X, but in real life and without superpowers,” he said helpfully.

  “So, what, a bald guy who can do sums in his head?”

  “There’s one more thing,” said Mum. “The school is in Aberystwyth.”

  I couldn’t take it all in. “We’re moving to Wales?”

  “No, Luke,” said Dad. “We’ll still be living here. Zack’s moving.”

  I felt sick. “Forever?”

  Dad laid a hand on my shoulder. “The programme’s only for a year.”

  A whole year! It might as well be forever. So that’s what Zack meant last night when he’d said that a big change was coming. I looked round the table at their faces. Zack had made up his mind. They’d all made up their minds. I wasn’t being asked for my opinion, just told that’s how it’s going to be from now on. I’d never felt quite so powerless.

  “Luke, are you OK?” said Dad. “You haven’t spoken for a whole minute.”

  “We know this will take some getting used to,” said Mum. “But it’s a great opportunity for your brother.”

  “Of course it is,” I snapped. “Zack gets all the great opportunities in this family, doesn’t he?”

  I stormed out of the kitchen, expecting one of them to shout after me to come back, but they let me leave without a protest.

  Zack had been chosen again. Zack was the special one.

  Zack was going away.

  We gathered in the tree house that evening – Zack, Serge, Lara and me – but not for the emergency meeting I’d hoped for. There was no point in holding it now since Zack was set firm on handing in his superpowers. He’d said he wanted to put Star Lad behind him and make a fresh start at his new school. The four of us waited in awkward silence for Zorbon the Decider to appear and carry out the superpower-removal procedure. The tree house felt like the dentist’s waiting room and we were braced for a particularly nasty extraction. Zack hadn’t wanted Serge and Lara present for this bit, but I’d insisted. They’d been here at the beginning and they deserved to be here now. They were S.C.A.R.F. to the end.

  Serge and Lara stood on opposite sides of the tree house, as far from one another as it was possible to be in the small space. Lara’s head was buried in Arthur Veezat’s new book, while Serge had started Billy Dark’s. I’m not sure if the novels were unputdownable page-turners, or if my friends were using them as shields to ignore the presence of the other.

  Lara was wearing jeans and a top with an ironic unicorn. At least, I think that’s what she’d said. It might have been “ironed-on”. It was always difficult to know with Lara as she had a habit of jumbling her words. I had asked her to come to the tree house wearing her Dark Flutter costume, because I’d thought that if Zack saw her in full superhero mode it might make him reconsider his own decision. Lara had politely declined. For a moment I’d panicked that she too was planning to give up her superpowers, but she assured me that she was not. She liked being Dark Flutter. But then she’d added that it would feel weird to be the only one in costume once Zack was de-powered. Hence the jeans and unicorn.

  Serge had come straight from taekwondo and was still in his uniform of a white crossover jacket and trousers with a white novice’s belt. Taekwondo was a new hobby for him. Following the recent spate of alien and monster attacks across Bromley, the local council had taken the decision to fund self-defence classes. Serge had signed up right away, but I had decided to give it a miss. If I was going to turn into a martial arts expert it wasn’t by sweating through Saturday morning classes in the sports centre. It would be the old-fashioned way, by being granted powers.

  Bloop-whoosh!

  My heart sank as the odd but familiar sound reached the tree house. It meant that the moment had come – Zorbon had finally arrived. Sometimes he’d parked his spaceship right outside; on other occasions he’d left it in a secluded spot and then hovered over. Sort of Park & Glide.

  The doorway filled with a purple light that was so intense we had to shield our eyes. It was accompanied by a choir of high-pitched voices that sounded as if someone had driven over the singers’ toes in an SUV. Just as quickly the light dimmed and the voices faded. Serge and Lara lowered their books and I dropped my hand from my eyes to see the magnificent figure of Zorbon the Decider. He wore his usual shiny purple suit, with its gold collar and swishy cape. The three gold stars on his chest pulsed like a heartbeat. His bald head gleamed like a polished doorknob.

  “Nice entrance,” I remarked. “The choir’s new.”

  Zorbon studied me the same way a scientist looks at a bacterium slide through a microscope.

  “Thanks for coming,” Zack’s voice interrupted. “Let me explain why I asked you here today.”

  “THERE IS NO NEED,” said Zorbon, who always spoke as if each word was carved in stone. “I KNOW WHY YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME.”

  Zorbon had a habit of knowing what was about to happen.

  “Don’t try to change my mind,” said Zack. “I’ve … decided.” He swallowed hard as he informed the Decider. “Take away my powers,” he said with surprising firmness. “Do it!”

  “Don’t do it!” I blurted out. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the tree house on me. “The world needs Star Lad.”

  Zack gave a sigh. “The world got on perfectly well for millions of years without him. It’ll be just fine when he’s gone. If anything, the world will be safer. Seems to me that Star Lad’s existence has caused more harm than good. Those aliens only picked Earth to invade because it had a superhero defender and they make for good TV ratings. And that brain-in-a-jar wouldn’t have escaped her prison without Star Lad’s powers.”

  I felt myself losing the argument. “That’s as may be, but you can’t just click your fingers and make the powers magically disappear.” I turned to Zorbon. “Can you?”

  The alien drew himself up to his full height. “I HAVE BESTOWED SUPERPOWERS UPON MANY BEINGS IN MANY UNIVERSES. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO REMOVE THEM.”

  So embarrassing. My brother was the biggest dork in the multiverse.

  “So can’t you do it?” Zack’s voice was suddenly filled with doubt. “Please tell me I’m not stuck like this forever.”

  Zorbon gestured for silence. “UNDERSTAND THIS: ONCE YOU HAVE DECIDED, THERE IS NO GOING BACK. ARE YOU CERTAIN OF YOUR CHOICE, ZACK PARKER?”

  Zack seemed to take ages before answering, but then he nodded. It appeared to be happening in slow motion. Although Zack had clearly st
ated his aim from the start, I hadn’t believed he would go through with it. Until then.

  “One last question,” said Zack, addressing Zorbon. “I don’t suppose you can transfer my powers to him, can you?” He pointed at me.

  Wha-a-a-t?!

  Zack was asking Zorbon to make me a superhero. Most of the time I felt sure Zack barely noticed my existence, and yet here he was offering me the greatest gift in the universe. I forgave him for everything. Past and future.

  “Luke’s always wanted my powers,” he continued. “And if it hadn’t been for an ill-timed wee, he’d be standing in my shoes.”

  It was true. The greatest regret of my life. There, but for a full bladder.

  “IT WAS NOT THE WEE,” Zorbon intoned.

  I heard Serge and Lara both gasp, and felt my knees buckle under me. I gripped the wall for support. What had he said? I must have misheard. All this time I’d believed that if only I’d held it in I would have been present in the tree house to be turned into a superhero along with, or instead of, Zack. My world wobbled.

  Zorbon fixed me with eyes that had seen more of the mysteries of the universe than the crew of the starship Enterprise. “ALL WILL BECOME CLEAR. IN TIME.”

  What did that mean? But before I could ask him, Zack butted in again.

  “Zorbon, can you turn me back to regular Zack Parker?”

  Zorbon nodded slowly.

  “OK, now we’re getting somewhere,” said Zack. “So how does this work then? D’you want me to lie down? Count backwards from ten? How would you—”

  “IT IS DONE.”

  In the stunned silence that followed this ending my mind flew back to the beginning. I hadn’t been present when Zorbon bestowed superpowers on Zack, but I had made him tell me in detail what happened. There had been a light show, a flash of searing pain and then – ta-daa – he was a superhero. So this was a serious let-down. I had been hoping that the removal of his powers would inflict some minor agony on Zack. Like a paper cut. Something painful enough to put him off the procedure. But instead, it seemed to have had the opposite effect. I watched the expression on Zack’s face slowly transform. The tense frown that he had worn since Zorbon’s arrival now relaxed. He suddenly looked younger than his fourteen and a half years.

  “YOUR POWERS WILL LEAVE YOU AS THEY CAME,” said Zorbon. It was only later on that we realised the significance of this statement. “AND NOW I TOO MUST LEAVE YOU.”

  He whirled around, his cape fanning out behind him, gold boots flashing as he strode towards the open doorway.

  It ran through my mind that with Zack back to normal there was no reason for Zorbon to visit the tree house ever again.

  “Wait,” I called out. He stopped in the doorway and I caught up with him. Looking up at the purple figure, I was gripped with the urge to give him a hug. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to embrace an alien Decider from the High Council of Frodax Wonthreen Rrr’n’fargh. I didn’t care. I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my head against his shiny suit. I could feel the static electricity course through my hair. “I’ll miss you,” I said, my voice catching. “And your prophecies of doom.”

  “Oui,” agreed Serge. “What will we do without your incomprehensible mission objectives?”

  “Will we ever see you again?” asked Lara plaintively.

  “YES,” said Zorbon. “ANNUALLY.”

  “Oh.” Maybe it wasn’t quite the touching end of the road I’d imagined. I carefully detached myself and took a step back.

  “FOR YOUR CHECK-UP,” he continued, brushing himself down and looking at Zack.

  “Beg your pardon?” said Zack with a wary expression.

  “THE LONG-TERM SIDE EFFECTS OF SUPERPOWER USE ARE … UNKNOWN. THE HIGH COUNCIL SUGGESTS REGULAR EXAMINATIONS ONCE EVERY ROTATION OF YOUR EARTH AROUND ITS SUN.” He paused. “BUT SHOULD YOU NOTICE ANY UNUSUAL GROWTHS. OR HAIR LOSS.” He stroked his smooth head. “CALL ME.”

  He gave Zack a fancy business card with his number and left. When he’d gone, Zack studied the details on the card for a few seconds.

  “So there is a code for the parallel universe,” he mused, and shoved it in his pocket.

  “Do you feel different?” I ventured.

  I could see Zack was thinking carefully about his answer. “Not especially,” he said at last.

  But he was different. Everything had changed.

  My brother was no longer a superhero.

  Zack informed the local council of Star Lad’s retirement, with immediate effect, calling the telephone hotline the council had set up for answering superhero enquiries from the general public. But when at last he got through to the right person, she didn’t believe it was him. In the end he had to don his mask and cape and show up at the Civic Centre in person to tell them that his crime-fighting days were over. This caused great consternation among the officials. Mostly because there wasn’t a form for that. However, they continued to staff the hotline even after Zack hung up his cape. Signs went up all over town: If you are affected by any superhero loss issues, please call this number. The council’s last act was to organise a ceremony to celebrate Star Lad’s contribution to the world, and Bromley in particular. They had ambitious plans but their budget was tight, so in the end the Olympics-style closing ceremony ended up being a family party at the town hall with a one-egg-sandwich-per-child limit. The climax of the celebration was to be the ceremonial switching off of Star Lad’s searchlight, for the final time.

  On the night, Serge, Lara and I watched from my bedroom window. None of us could face attending the party, and we hadn’t intended to bother with the switching-off ceremony either, yet somehow when the moment came we found ourselves watching along with the rest of Bromley, and the world. The whole thing was being livestreamed for Star Lad’s fans across the globe. As well as what we could see from my window, we were also following the event on Lara’s phone. The searchlight raked the underside of the clouds, the familiar initials holding back the darkness for a few more minutes.

  “Per’aps they should keep the light, but alter the initials to DF,” Serge suggested.

  I was standing between my two friends. Serge cast a glance across me at Lara.

  “Y’know,” he said. “For Dark Flutter.”

  She acknowledged his suggestion with a flicker of a smile. They still weren’t talking much. But it was a nice thought and I could tell that she appreciated him saying so.

  “I spoke to the council about that,” said Lara. “We agreed that when I’m needed they can just message me.”

  That was good to know. “The world can still rely on one superhero. Star Lad may be gone, but Dark Flutter owns the night.”

  Lara shrugged. “Or at least the part of the night till about nine p.m.”

  That was when she had to go to bed. Though at the weekend she could stay up later.

  “The moment,” said Serge, staring at Lara’s phone propped on the windowsill. “It has arrived.”

  We were seconds away from the searchlight being snuffed out. The crowd counted down the seconds. I glanced at my friends. We’d faced the end of the world on numerous occasions since Zack became Star Lad, but this was different. This time it was just our world.

  “THREE, TWO, ONE…!”

  At the flick of a switch the night descended. The show was over.

  I couldn’t sleep. I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling, mulling over the events of the last few weeks. Amid the turmoil of Zack’s fateful decision I recalled Zorbon’s words to me in the tree house.

  “ALL WILL BECOME CLEAR. IN TIME.”

  I’d been wondering what he meant ever since. It sounded dramatic. But then again, everything Zorbon said sounded like that. I bet that even listening to him order tiles for a bathroom renovation would be thrilling.

  There was a gentle knock on my door and then I heard Mum asking if she and Dad could come in. Oh no. That meant Another Big Chat. I seriously considered pretending I was asleep, but that hadn’t worked on them si
nce I was three years old. They sat down on the edge of the bed. Mum stroked my hair, which I would’ve objected to except it was quite nice. I was right about the chat. Dad said they wanted to talk to me about “Change”.

  “You mean like when a lonely traveller on the moors is bitten by a supernatural creature with fangs and transforms into a werewolf?”

  Dad looked at Mum. I think he would’ve preferred to talk about werewolves, but what they actually said was a load of stuff about life and not standing still and change being thrust upon us. It was all to do with Zack leaving to go to his new school.

  “I know you don’t feel ready for this change, Luke,” said Mum. “But I’m going to let you in on a secret.”

  I sat up. “As a baby I was entrusted to you by a galactic king and queen on the run from an evil princeling plotting to usurp their space-throne?”

  “You guessed it,” said Mum. She smiled and touched my cheek.

  “Change can be hard,” said Dad, “but it can also be a good thing. And it’s OK not to be ready for it. People rarely are. Take me for example – most of my life has come as a complete surprise.”

  Mum glanced at him and gave a sigh, then she kissed me on the forehead and switched off my light. She took Dad’s hand, gave it a pat and gently led him out. I lay back in the familiar darkness of my bedroom and thought about what they’d said. They meant well, my mum and dad, but I wasn’t yet ready to enter this new world. For now I refused to let go of S.C.A.R.F. and Star Lad.

  “Lamp. On,” I commanded.

  “OK, Nigel,” a computer-synthesised voice responded. “Initiating start-up sequence.”

  During another online splurge, Dad had bought me a new bedside lamp from Rocketship.com. It was voice-activated, like the toaster, and like that device persisted in calling everyone Nigel. Despite several lengthy sessions with the manual and a lot of shouting, Dad had yet to work out how to change the name. The light popped on, I threw off my covers and slipped out of bed. Kneeling down I reached under the bed frame and slid out a small plastic sandwich box that I had put there. I prised open the lid.