No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  Jessie hesitantly stepped inside. “I’m here to take your cast off and then take you to radiology, Ms. Baldwin,” she said.

  “Thank you,” Indy said, sending her a friendly smile.

  Poor kid, screwing up in front of your hot boss. No matter what Noah had said about her not being his type, there was no way he was not Jessie’s type. Shit, he has to be pretty much everybody’s type, male or female. Seriously. He certainly is yours…

  Noah and Josh were both so fucking sexy, yet completely different. Josh was sweet, adorable, and cute, whereas Noah—despite his gentle, calming voice and manners—was raw, masculine, and breathtaking. The two of them made a pretty deadly combination.

  Asking Indy’s permission for every single step, Jessie carefully removed the cast and gently cleaned his arm. Indy’s guess was that the girl had gotten some extra instructions aka barked orders from Noah to make sure she wouldn’t screw up again. When the cast was off and Indy’s arm was clean and resting on a pillow, Jessie unlocked the bed and wheeled him out of the room.

  A concussion wasn’t Indy’s biggest worry. With proper rest that would be cleared in a week, two at most. But his arm and those ribs…they had better be bruised and not broken, otherwise he’d be royally fucked. How was he supposed to take care of himself, protect himself when he was that vulnerable? Plus, living in a car with injuries like that? Pshaw, he’d be so fucked.

  Even if he was screwed physically, he still didn’t regret saving Josh. He couldn’t have let him walk out in blind panic with the high risk of getting shot. With a nervous kid like that handling a .45 bad things could happen, even by accident. Saving Josh had been the right thing to do, no matter what it would cost him. It was a small consolation, but it did make him feel better.

  The exams were fast and relatively painless. Luckily, scanning an arm took no undressing and precious little touching. A few minutes later, Indy was back in the ER, waiting for Noah to return with the results of his scans.

  Why did his heart rate speed up at the mere thought of this man? It was weird to start noticing guys again. First Josh, whose kisses had totally turned him on, and now Noah who caused his heart to gallop with a simple smile. Maybe his body was ready for sex again, even if his mind wasn’t and probably would never be.

  The door opened, and Noah stepped in.

  “What’s the verdict?”

  “Your arm is bruised, not broken, and the previous fracture is healing. We’ll put on a new cast, give you some pain meds, and then we can go home.”

  Home. Now, there was a word he hadn’t used in a long, long time.

  4

  Indy leaned back in the front seat of the car as Josh navigated the sturdy-looking Subaru through the sparse traffic. Out of habit, Indy checked the cars behind them in the side mirror. Nobody seemed to be following them. It was easy to track with so little traffic.

  Noah was in the backseat behind Josh, still wearing his scrubs. He sat turned to the right with his right leg stretched out on the seat, rubbing his thigh every now and then. Probably that leg injury Indy had spotted before bothering him. That also had to be why Josh was driving, because Noah didn’t seem like the type to not be in the driver’s seat.

  God, he was tired. Exhausted, more like it. Even after Noah had cleared him to be released, he still had to finish the administrative stuff. He’d paid his hospital bill himself, which had set him back way too much, but he’d had no choice. The hospital administrator hadn’t looked suspicious of his story of not having health insurance yet after moving, not when he had an old Georgia address and driver’s license to go with the accent. His license even listed him as female. Thank you, Houdini.

  Noah had to be suspicious after seeing the scars and knowing about the previous injuries. Plus, you know, the whole fake woman thing. Fuck, Noah and Josh had seen him freak out. Yet they hadn’t asked any questions. It was a trust that felt unfamiliar, yet good. He had to keep his distance from them, though. He couldn’t afford to make friends. He’d get well and get on his way.

  The tight bandage Noah had wrapped around Indy’s ribs had brought relief. Noah had done it himself instead of asking a nurse and had made small talk the entire time, and it had made it anything but awkward. The heavy-duty painkillers Noah had prescribed had improved Indy’s mood even more. He’d received the first dose in the hospital, and they’d just picked up the rest at a pharmacy—which had cost Indy another fucking fortune. It made a huge difference to his headache as he could at least open his eyes without getting stabbed in the head. Still, every bump and dip in the road made him wince. And the meds made it damn hard to concentrate, to think clearly.

  “We’re here,” Josh announced, as he banged a left into a driveway, and hit a button attached to the visor.

  Indy wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t the suburban single-family home they pulled into. Holy crap, this was a nice house, illuminated by several outside lamps and garden lights. This was where Josh and Noah lived? He’d expected an apartment. What’s the story with these two? It didn’t matter. He wasn’t here to stay.

  “I’ll take Indy in,” Josh said. He switched the car off inside the garage and pressed the button again. The garage door closed behind them with a buzz. Josh's eyes found Noah’s in the rearview mirror. “You go get changed,” Josh said.

  Indy frowned. Why would Noah want to change so urgently? Surely scrubs weren’t that uncomfortable. From the corner of his eye, he caught Noah climbing out of the car, a pained wince flashing over his face. Josh waited till Noah had disappeared through a white door before he exited the car. He walked around and opened Indy’s door.

  “Do you need help?”

  “Can you unbuckle me? Twisting my back hurts like a mother…”

  Josh bent over him, clicking the button to release the seatbelt. As Josh pulled back with the belt, his hand brushed against Indy’s crotch. A small shock blazed through Indy. What the fuck was going on? It was like a switch had been flipped, and suddenly his body responded to every little touch. Damn inconvenient, not to say fucking embarrassing.

  “Sorry,” Josh mumbled. He straightened and stepped back.

  Indy extended his hand, and Josh took it without hesitation, sending another sparkle through Indy’s body. Josh had a strong grip, more powerful than Indy had expected. Leaning on Josh's hand, Indy turned his body to swing his legs out. He let out a groan as his ribs protested. Josh grabbed Indy’s other hand and waited till he pulled himself up.

  “Can you walk?”

  “Yeah, I’m good,” Indy said and let go of his hands.

  Josh stayed one step behind Indy as he made his way through the tidy garage to the door. When he got there, Josh reached out around him and opened it. It led into a brightly lit hallway with a small mudroom to the left, a door presumably leading to the back yard in front, and a bathroom and steps to the kitchen to the right.

  “Go on in,” Josh said.

  Indy made his way into the kitchen, which was decked out like an amateur cook’s dream with a double oven, a large five-burner stove, several appliances he didn’t even recognize, and more glossy white cabinets than he could count. The gray marbled counter ended in a breakfast area with a couple of black leather bar stools. Little red flowerpots containing various green plants perched on the small windowsill. The faint smell of lemon hung in the air.

  The parlor was homey with light gray walls and carpet, a warm burgundy red couch and two big reading chairs in the same color. A huge TV was mounted to the wall, with a nizza sound system and an Xbox. It was all so fucking clean and tidy, so lovely normal, Indy thought.

  “The guest bedroom is upstairs,” Josh said. Indy slowly climbed the stairs, every step radiating pain to his ribs and head.

  “Second door to the right,” Josh offered when they reached the upstairs hallway.

  The first door was closed, but light was spilling under the door. That had to be Noah’s bedroom where he was getting changed for whatever reason. Josh once again re
ached in front of Indy to open the door and flicked on the light. The guest bedroom was sparsely decorated, but had a comfy-looking queen bed, a dresser, and a small closet. It beat the hell out of the places Indy had stayed at lately, and it sure as fuck was a whole lot better than his car.

  “Your bathroom is across the hall. There are towels in the cupboard under the sink as well as some toiletries.”

  A muffled groan sounded from the room next door. Josh's face tightened. “Can you get yourself comfortable? I’ll be back in a minute to check on you and see if you need anything.”

  Indy nodded carefully. What was going on?

  Josh closed the bedroom door, and another door opened. Low voices drifted through the wall, but they were too soft to make out.

  Indy lowered himself onto the bed. Fuck, it was good to be lying down again. The painkillers helped, but his body still felt like he’d gotten run over by a car. He inhaled deeply. The bed linens smelled wicked fresh, like those expensive dryer sheets.

  The voices next door continued with some kind of discussion. Were they arguing about him? Did they not want him here? Had Noah spoken out of turn? If they didn’t want him, he’d leave. He wasn’t staying where he wasn’t welcome, injured or not. Where would he go? His heart rate sped up and he clenched his fists. He pressed his eyes shut, not wanting to even think about leaving again.

  “For fuck’s sake, Noah, are you insane?” Josh exploded next door.

  Indy’s eyes flew open. What the fuck?

  Noah said something back—Indy recognized his voice—but it was still too soft to hear.

  “Oh, fuck you, you arrogant shit!” Josh shouted.

  A door slammed and someone—Josh, Indy assumed by the even and rhythmic steps—stomped down the steps. Shit, he was seriously pissed off. What was happening?

  Seconds later, a low, hard thump reverberated through the floor. Oh, God, what was that? Indy scrambled up from the bed and made it to the door, cursing through his teeth at the pain in his head and ribs at the sudden movements.

  “Noah!” Josh cried out from downstairs.

  Indy yanked the door open. Josh came flying up the stairs, his face twisted in worry. He blew into Noah’s room.

  “Are you okay?” Josh shouted the question that was on Indy’s lips. Indy stood in his doorframe, hesitant to intrude.

  “I’m fine. I needed you back here and didn’t feel like shouting, so I kicked a chair over.” Noah’s voice had a touch of amusement, as if he was satisfied his little trick had worked.

  “Oh, I want to…” Josh cut himself off, but the frustration in his voice was unmistakable. Something told Indy they’d been through similar confrontations.

  “Trust me, I know exactly what you want to do to me.”

  “You drive me crazy sometimes, you know that?” Frustration and affection laced Josh's voice. Thank fuck the dispute had been resolved, whatever it had been about.

  “Will you trust me when I say this is the right thing to do?” There was that tone in Noah’s voice again, the one that made you want to follow him to the ends of the earth and back.

  “Always.” Josh's voice sounded muffled.

  Indy stepped into the hallway. Noah appeared seconds later, balancing his weight on two crutches. He was wearing a Patriots T-shirt that sat tight across his wide chest and biceps and simple white boxer shorts—and his right lower leg was missing. What remained was a red, irritated stump that ended above the knee. Angry scares covered both of his legs.

  Indy swallowed, then let his gaze move up again. Noah’s eyes were kind, vulnerable. He was showing Indy his scars because he’d seen Indy’s. Who was this man? Why the fuck would he do this for a complete stranger?

  Nothing could have made Indy feel more accepted than this. Nothing. God, he knew how Noah felt. Completely exposed, stripped bare, even if he’d made the deliberate choice to show this. All Noah wanted was for Indy to look at him the same, to know that his wounds didn’t change how Indy saw him. It’s what I want more than anything else.

  How could he express that to Noah? He could make a joke about it, or show it didn’t make a lick of difference. Dammit, he was too fucking fried to come up with anything funny, and he was so over his fear of touching Noah. Indy’s face broke out in a smile as he stepped up to Noah, grabbed his neck and pulled him down to kiss him square on the mouth.

  “You’re still sexy as hell,” he said, letting him go.

  Noah’s eyes widened and behind him, Josh stood frozen, his jaw dropping. Then Noah smiled, a big, lazy smile that lit up his entire face. Sweet fuck, Indy had never seen a smile like that. It was like lighting a thousand-watt bulb in a dark room and holy mother of all, it was fucking deadly. Indy’s whole body reacted to that smile, was drawn to it, drowning in it.

  “I take it kissing is your solution for everything?” Noah asked.

  Indy forced himself to descend from the light of Noah’s smile. “What, you’re complaining?”

  His stomach turned sour. Fuck, what had he done? He hadn't been thinking. When would he ever learn to activate that fucking filter? He kissed a man. On the mouth. A man who knew he wasn't a woman.

  Noah’s smile faded into something way more serious, but equally powerful. “No. No complaints,” he murmured.

  Indy let out a breath he’d been holding. Noah lifted a hand to brush a curl from Indy’s forehead, and the tender gesture caught Indy’s breath again. He slowly released air as Noah drew back.

  Why did this guy affect him so much? Shit, it was equally exhilarating and scary as fuck. It seemed his body was ready to feel again after being dormant and self-reliant for so long. He’d encountered many guys in the last two years, especially since he’d started dressing as a woman. None of them had affected him. His body hadn’t been ready yet to awaken, apparently. No fucking wonder. But today, he’d been ready. Fuck, he’d been more aroused in one day than in the entire two years before, maybe more aroused than ever.

  It was a relief, in a way, to discover that part of his life wasn’t over. But dammit, it was fucking complicated, too. How could he react this strongly to two guys? That was weird, not normal. No shit, when was he ever normal?

  Maybe it was because intuitively, he had trusted both guys. And trust right now was the biggest turn on he could think of, ranking way above a hot body. Sure, both Josh and Noah were hot, but that wasn’t what attracted Indy. It was their inherent trust. Noah had trusted him with something few people got to see, and Indy had wanted to honor that. That had to be it. He wanted to reciprocate that trust, include Josh as well.

  “Did you tell Josh?” he asked Noah.

  Noah understood what Indy was referring to. “No. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”

  To his credit, Josh didn’t ask what they were talking about but merely studied Indy. Josh knew about demons, alright. The guy had PTSD. He wouldn’t judge or ask what Indy wasn’t ready to reveal. For the second time that night, he made the leap to trust. He slowly turned around and lifted his blouse. Even with the bandage around his ribs, the scars had to be visible.

  Like Noah, Josh never gasped. When Indy wanted to drop his blouse again, a flutter of a touch caressed his back. Josh's hand, or maybe just his fingers for it was so feather light, followed the jagged path of the biggest scar. Indy’s back tingled where Josh brushed him, sending shivers to his core.

  It was seconds at most before Josh dropped his hand. “Thank you,” he said softly.

  Indy pulled down his blouse, then turned around to face them.

  “You’re safe here, Indy.” Noah’s voice was warm, strong, and his eyes beamed.

  “I know.”

  Josh's gaze traveled from Noah to Indy and back, and there was something indecipherable in his eyes. “Let’s get some sleep,” he said, his posture stiff and his voice pinched.

  Indy stepped back. He was still standing awfully close to them both. “Yeah. I’m wiped.”

  Noah’s face shut down. “I have the evening shift again tomorrow, so you can sle
ep in. I’ll wake you every three hours.”

  “Thank you.”

  Noah cleared his throat. “Can you give Indy one of your shirts to sleep in? He’ll drown in mine,” he asked with a sideways look to Josh. It was the first time Noah had referred to Indy as he, but it was okay. They knew he was pretending, even if they hadn’t asked why.

  Noah’s eyes fixated on Indy, who squirmed under his scrutiny. Why was he looking at him like that?

  Josh went into the room next door. Noah’s room. Their room. Noah and Josh were sleeping in the same room.

  Noah was gay.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  He was pathetic. The biggest fool ever. In one night, he had kissed not one, but two hot guys…and they were together. How the fuck had he missed this? He’d known Josh was gay, but even with that, the thought had never crossed his mind that Noah was gay too. Dammit, Noah had told him they lived together, and Indy still hadn’t connected the dots. He was an idiot and a pathetic one at that.

  Indy raised his chin, willing himself to meet Noah’s eyes. God, Noah and Josh had to be laughing their asses off. Or feeling sorry for the pathetic fucker who’d completely missed they were together. Fuck, he wasn’t sure which one would be worse.

  But when he met Noah’s green eyes, they weren’t mocking him, or laughing. Instead, he let his hands fall to his sides with a pained expression. Indy didn’t wait for him to say anything, but made his way into his room, closing the door with a definitive click.

  Kill. Me. Now.

  * * *