No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  “Charlie!” Brad’s voice was so pain-filled it made Charlie’s eyes tear up. He rose to his knees, hugged Charlie. “You’re worth so much more…I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  This was Brad, too. This infinite kindness and compassion, this tenderness and care.

  “Because I was ashamed for being this stupid. He played me like a fiddle, Brad, knew exactly what to say to a lonely, love-starved kid like me.”

  “You’re not stupid. This is all on him. He was the adult, sweetie. You were just a kid.”

  Charlie untangled himself from Brad’s arms, cupped his cheek with his right hand. “So were you. Blake told us a little about what happened with your parents.”

  Brad stiffened, his face closing down. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Yup, the defenses were back up. Charlie sighed.

  “I failed you,” Blake said, stepping forward.

  “No, you didn’t. You took care of us all,” Brad said, but his voice was emotionless.

  “No, Brad, you did. You cooked and you cleaned and you did everything. And I didn’t see it until it was too late. I kept Burke out of trouble, but you took care of both of us, like you cared for Benjamin before Mom died.”

  Brad’s eyes shifted restlessly. “I had to, because he was all alone. Mom always focused on keeping you and Burke quiet, so you wouldn’t anger Dad. Benjamin was all by himself.”

  “And who took care of you, Brad?” Miles asked, his voice so full of love Charlie got goosebumps. “Who looked after you?”

  “He only hit me once or twice. It was way worse for Blake and Burke.” Brad’s voice had dropped to a whisper.

  “That’s not what I asked, baby. Who took care of little Brad?”

  “They didn’t want me.”

  Brad’s shoulders sagged, and his eyes went down to his fidgety hands.

  Blake inhaled as if to say something, but Miles stopped him with a finger. “Who didn’t want you, baby?”

  “No one. No one wanted me. Matt and Julie, the couple who adopted Benjamin…I’d thought that maybe they’d want me, too, but they didn’t. They only wanted Benjamin.”

  This time Miles couldn’t keep Blake quiet. “You never told me you wanted to go with Benjamin.”

  Brad looked up. “You never asked. You asked Burke if he’d be okay with you as guardian, but you never asked me. No one asked me.”

  Blake looked stricken. “You didn’t want me as guardian?”

  “I wanted a family! For once in my life, I wanted someone to see me, love me, care enough about me to spend some fucking time with me. The only one who ever loved me was Benjamin, and that’s because he didn’t know any better!”

  Brad’s chest was heaving with ragged breaths, his voice broken. Max licked his hands, and Charlie’s heart melted at witnessing the dog’s loyal love for Brad.

  “I love you, Brad. I know I fucked up, but you have to know I love you.” Desperation laced Blake’s voice, and Charlie felt for him. Couldn’t be easy for this guy to hear all this, knowing he’d messed up.

  “Well, you have a funny way of showing it. You take care of everyone else, Blake, you always did. Burke never got away with shit, and it was you who made him into the man he is. You run this amazing program for abuse victims. You open up your own house for people who need shelter, for fuck’s sake. God, you take care of Aaron like it’s nothing—no offense, Aaron. But when have you ever been there for me? You knew I was self-destructing, was letting everyone and their brother fuck me, but you never gave a damn. Not enough to call me out on it.”

  Tears streamed down Brad’s face, his eyes still red and swollen from previous cries, yet he’d never looked more beautiful to Charlie. For the first time ever, he felt like he was seeing the real Brad. It was painful to watch, and it hurt to see him suffer so deeply, but it was liberating at the same time. They’d broken through Brad’s defenses, which meant there was hope.

  * * *

  He’d done some pretty humiliating things in his life. Sucking off complete strangers, letting himself be fucked by guys whose name he didn’t even know. Nothing topped being stripped of all his defenses, however, in front of all these men. What the fuck was wrong with him that he’d broken down like this, had admitted way more of the truth than he should have? Any chance he’d had of a relationship with Charlie and Miles was now definitely out the window. God, he was pathetic.

  It was true, what he’d said. All of it. The anger at Blake he’d kept hidden for so long had finally risen to the surface. “I failed you”, Blake had told him. And what the fuck did that buy him?

  “I’m so sorry,” Blake said, his voice broken.

  What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? Of course, Blake was sorry. He was a good man. Fuck, he’d only been a kid himself at the time, had done the best he could. Didn’t make it right, though. Brad’s head was fucked-up, probably forever.

  “Guys, would you wait for us outside? I need to discuss something with just the three of us,” Miles said.

  Blake wasn’t happy, but Aaron held him close and led him out of the room, following the others. Miles gave some kind of signal to Josh, who whistled for Max, and coaxed him to follow.

  Brad held his head high. He knew what was coming. This was it. The end of his short-lived fantasy with these two perfect guys. Indy was the last one out, and he closed the bedroom door behind him, then the front door. All that was left were his own irregular breaths.

  “I know what you’re gonna say, okay? So save yourself the trouble. It’s over. We’re done. I get it.”

  Charlie gasped, but Miles didn’t show the reaction Brad had expected. Instead, he shifted on the bed until he had two feet on the floor, his back turned toward Brad. Miles took an audible breath. “Come here, boy.”

  His voice was deep, steady, and oh, so damn authoritative. It pushed all these needy buttons inside that no one had ever reached.

  Brad’s eyes widened slightly, but his mouth set. “No.”

  “I’m gonna count to three, and if you are not on your feet in front of me at three, there will be severe consequences, you hear me?”

  The air sizzled with electricity, as Charlie’s mouth dropped open and Brad froze. He couldn’t be serious. What was Miles playing at now?

  “One.”

  The muscles in Brad’s jaw ticked, his body completely tense.

  “Two.”

  Charlie gasped, pushed against Brad. “Go!”

  Brad stubbornly shook his head.

  “Three.” Miles’s hand shot out, grabbing Brad’s ankle before he had a chance to pull it away. If Brad really wanted to get away, he could. Miles was still hurt, so one well-placed kick against his ribs would do the job. He let Miles yank him off the bed on his knees to the floor.

  “Stand up.”

  Brad rose slowly. Miles’ eyes were completely focused on him, shining with sheer determination. Without words, he unbuckled Brad’s belt, unbuttoned his pants and shoved them down. One hard pull by his wrist and Brad was across Miles’ lap, his bare ass sticking up.

  The slap as he hit Brad’s ass echoed through the room. It stung like a motherfucker, and Brad eyes welled up. Again. Another roaring smack hit his cheeks, then another and another. It hurt so badly, yet so good at the same time. Brad went slack on Miles’ knees, not struggling even in the slightest.

  Behind him, Charlie gasped.

  “Tell him,” Miles said, his hand coming down hard and steady. Between his legs, Miles’ cock swelled until it was rock hard. “Tell him how much you want this. Tell him what you want to call me right now. Say the words. Your secret is out, boy.”

  How the fuck did Miles know? How had he figured it out? His ass stung like crazy, but Brad refused to surrender. Fuck, no, what would Charlie think? He’d never even look at him again.

  His cock hardened faster than he’d ever felt it react since his surgery. A sob worked its way up through his lungs, and he had to let it out. God, his ass had to be crimson by now. It fe
lt so damn good.

  Miles’ hand halted, and Brad whimpered in protest. “Do you want me to stop, boy?”

  Nonononono, he couldn’t stop. Not when it was so perfect, and he was so close. To what, he didn’t know, but his whole body tingled, and there was the promise of something good, barely out of reach. If Miles would continue just a little longer. Oh, God, please.

  “You’re a stubborn little shit, boy, but you’ve met your match in me. I will not give up, and I will not walk away. I see you, Brad. All of you. Tell me what I want to hear. Tell me what you need to say to me.”

  “Don’t stop.” Brad hated the plea in his own voice, but he needed more.

  “Speak up so Charlie can hear you, too.”

  “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

  “Don’t stop, what? What do you call me?”

  Another sob tore through him, and he gave up. He was so damn tired, and Miles would simply keep battering at his walls until they crumbled. “Please, don’t stop. Daddy.”

  “That’s a good boy.”

  Miles’s hand came down again, softer this time, and it felt like water on dry land. Miles settled into a steady rhythm, slapping both cheeks until they burned to his very core.

  “I’m spanking you because you’ve been disrespectful to Charlie and to me when we were trying to take care of you. When I’m done, you will apologize to us, you hear me?”

  Brad’s mind shifted, somehow. The crazy cacophony of thoughts inside his head quieted down.

  “I asked you a question, Brad. Answer me.”

  Peace. There was peace in his head.

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  He humped Miles’ leg, thrashing and twisting to get away from Miles’ hand that kept descending ruthlessly on his ass, yet seeking it at the same time. Miles’ hand came down one last time. Brad’s ball drew up unexpectedly, and he came violently, a white hot explosion thundering through his entire body.

  He’d come. How the fuck was that possible? One minute his ass had been on fire, shockwaves of pain radiating everywhere, and the next he’d come from humping Miles’ leg.

  “That’s a good boy.”

  Miles’ words rang in his ears as his body hung limp over the man’s legs. Snot and tears were dripping down his face, probably mixed in with saliva from his mouth, because fuck, it had hurt. Still did. Yet the sweet praise reached deep inside, somehow.

  How had he known? Brad had never told anyone, not even Charlie. He’d been deadly afraid to ever reveal this sick desire inside. If Charlie knew, it would be the end of their friendship.

  He knew now.

  Oh, fuck.

  The reality of what had transpired settled in. Miles had spanked his ass bleeding red, and he’d called him daddy. The FBI agent had taken the role Brad had never even dared him ask, because first of all, it was sick as fuck. And secondly, the guy was only two years older than he was. Who would have thought he’d be suited as the authority figure Brad had dreamed of?

  “What do you need from me, boy?” Miles asked, still in role.

  More. He needed more. If he was going down, he would do it after experiencing everything he’d dreamed of.

  He couldn’t ask. He’d do, instead.

  Brad slid off Miles’ legs, not caring that his pants were still somewhere around his ankles. He kept his head low, avoiding Miles’ eyes as he reached for his buckle. He unbuckled him with one hand, rubbed his stiff shaft with his other. Miles’ hand shot out, blocked him from unbuttoning him.

  “What do you need to ask, boy?”

  Miles was gonna make him say it, give voice to the deep need inside him that was too embarrassing to think, let alone give words to.

  “Please, let me suck you off, Daddy.”

  Miles’ hand released his, moved to his head where it affectionately rubbed his hair. “I’d love that.”

  A weight he’d never consciously experienced before released from his shoulders, his heart, as his hands made fast work of his Miles’ pants. They whipped out that perfect cock that was always ready for him. He bent his head, sucked it in deep. The first release needed to come fast, Miles was on the edge. It only took seconds before his mouth filled with cum. He couldn’t even keep up swallowing, let some of it drip along his mouth, his chin, where it joined in with the remnants of saliva and snot. He was a fucking mess.

  “Nobody sucks cock like you,” Miles said. “Give me another one.”

  Yes.

  He licked him clean, started sucking all over again. His jeans were still on, making it too tight for him to do much else. He pulled back.

  “Fuck my mouth, please, Daddy?”

  Miles stood up and Brad took position. That delicious cock was pushed all the way inside his mouth. He angled his head back, relaxed his throat. He wanted to make this as good as possible. Pleasing him, that was all that was important.

  “You’re such a good cock sucker, boy. No, no, don’t fight me. Trust me. I know when it’s too much. That’s it,” Miles praised him. “Mmmm, feel my cock fill your mouth, your throat? You’re so hot and wet and tight.”

  His mind went blank again as Miles thoroughly fucked his mouth, holding his head with two strong hands.

  “Damn, I love your mouth as much as I love your ass. Is your ass ready for me, boy? Because I’m gonna fuck you hard. No prep for you, huh? I’m gonna burn my way in, make you feel all full inside. And you know what I was thinking? I think you need your mouth full, too, so you’re gonna suck our Charlie off while I pound your ass.”

  Brad didn’t know if the words were meant for him or for Miles himself, or maybe even for Charlie, but damn, they were a turn on. Miles was getting close again, and Brad’s own cock was stirring again, too. He groaned around the fat cock in his mouth.

  “You like that? You’re a little boy slut, aren’t you?”

  His jaw hurt and his eyes were red rimmed from tears, but he’d never felt happier in his life. The cock inside his mouth jerked and he barely managed to pull back a little before the next load of cum was deposited. He was gasping for breath by the time the cock was pulled out of his mouth.

  “Hmm, that was nice. Now, on the bed on hands and knees, and open fucking wide.”

  Brad still didn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to see his eyes. He was playing along, but what was he thinking? It was too sick, right? Calling him daddy, then sucking him off and getting fucked. It was some twisted sexual deviancy inside him that made him crave this.

  He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his pants and socks, followed by his underwear and shirt. His ass stung like a motherfucker. No wonder with that spanking. It had been so fucking perfect.

  He yanked open his bedside drawer, threw lube on the bed for Miles. He climbed on the bed, couldn’t avoid Charlie who seemed to be waiting for him.

  “Kiss me,” Charlie demanded.

  Brad hesitated. He couldn’t be serious, right? Getting sucked off was one thing, but kissing, that was personal. Intimate. Kissing signaled affection. Acceptance, even?

  “Hurry the fuck up. I want to taste him.”

  Charlie meant it. Brad crawled toward him. Charlie reached for him as soon as he was close enough, fused their mouths together. Fuck, he always tasted so good, so sweet. Brad kissed him with all he had, sharing the remnants of Miles’ taste with him.

  Charlie moaned in his mouth. “Mmmm. Love how he tastes in your mouth. Strong.”

  What a massive turn on, to have Charlie taste Miles on his tongue. He moaned right back, as his cock grew hard.

  “Do you want to suck me off, babe?” Charlie asked him, their faces pressed together. If he wanted to stop, Charlie had just given him the perfect out. He was basically asking Brad to confirm that yes, this was what he wanted. This was his chance to deny it, say it had all been a game, a bit of sexual play. But he couldn’t lie anymore.

  “Yes. I love sucking you off, and I want to do whatever Daddy asks me to.”

  He held his breath, waiting for Charlie to reject him. Instead, Charlie smi
led affectionately, and then a soft mouth was pressed to his in a short, sweet kiss. “Off you go, then. And I’d better not feel any teeth when he’s fucking you.”

  “Thank you,” Brad said, his voice tight. “I’m…Thank you.”

  “I love you,” Charlie said.

  He’d said it before, but it felt different this time. Bigger. Deeper. Brad’s heart skipped a beat. This was not a friend telling him he loved him. This was a man, a lover, declaring his deepest feelings.

  “Even with this?”

  “Especially now. You’re letting me see the real you for the first time.”

  “How can you love me, knowing this? You watched me get my ass spanked red by Miles, and I fucking called him daddy.”

  “Yeah, so?” Charlie looked puzzled. “Did you think I’d be weirded out?”

  “Well, yeah. Because it is weird. It’s sick. Miles is two years older than I am, and I’m calling him daddy.”

  His head hurt, trying to wrap his mind around it. Behind him, Miles had moved to the bed as well, sitting down for now.

  “Babe, does it feel good when you call him that?” Charlie asked, his voice kind.

  Brad nodded.

  “Did it feel right when he spanked you?”

  “Fuck, yes. It hurt, still does, but in a good way.”

  “Did you want him to spank you, and call you boy, and dominate the shit out of you like he did?”

  He shrunk. “Yes. Even more than he already did.”

  Charlie wasn’t fazed, however. “What more would you like him to do?”

  Behind him, Miles came close, spooned him. He’d gotten rid of his clothes, at some point. The sensation of that strong body behind him gave Brad the courage. He took a breath, took the plunge. “I want him to tell me to clean my room, do the dishes, eat my fucking veggies. I want him to discipline me, punish me when I’m being a brat, or mouthing off. I want him to fuck me as hard and as often as he can, because I love being used by him. Fuck, yes, I want you two to double stuff me, split my ass wide open. I wanna do anything for him, suck him, rim him, fucking hold his dick while he pees, anything he tells me. I just wanna be taken care of…” His voice died, his face burning as much as his ass.