No Shame: The Complete Series: Including exclusive bonus materials and deleted scenes

by Phoenix, Nora

  He gave Brad’s ass one hard slap, watched with satisfaction as Josh clenched his fists.

  “I’ll tell you what, Joshua. I’ll make you a deal. Brad has forty-nine more to go. I’ll give them to you, but we’ll have to double them. Let’s make it one hundred, to round it off. What do you say: forty-nine for Brad or a hundred for you?”

  “Hundred for me, sir.”

  Like there had ever been any doubt. “Okay, then. Bring me the paddle, Joshua.”

  Josh's eyes flew up, but he restrained himself. He got up, walked over to a cabinet in the corner and came back with a sturdy paddle. Miles tested it against his hand, Brad still draped across his lap. “One hundred with this beauty. That’s gonna hurt, Joshua.”

  Josh sank to his knees again, his eyes downcast. It was the first sign he was surrendering, and it was beautiful.

  “Want me to test this out on you, boy?” he asked Brad.

  Brad looked at the paddle for a few seconds. “I trust you, Daddy.”

  Miles smiled, smacked his ass once, but held back. “How’s that feel?”

  “It’s different. Hard.”

  Miles nudged Brad off his lap. “Let me set Josh up, and then we’ll find something for you to do, okay?”

  He walked over to what had to be a work out bench for Connor, considering the weights placed nearby. There was a towel over the seat edge. It would be perfect. He didn’t want to put Josh on his lap, since the smell and feel of his body might be too distracting for him to relax. He put the towel on the seat itself, threw a pillow on the floor.

  “Joshua, kneel here, arms around the back of the seat.”

  Josh obeyed without words. Miles tied his hands behind the seat with a piece of rope he’d spotted. He made sure the rope was tight, but not cutting off circulation. Next, he put a blind fold around Josh's eyes.

  Josh trembled, but he didn’t protest. Miles check in with Indy, who nodded his approval. Miles put a chair close to Josh, so he’d be comfortable while paddling him.

  “Spread your legs a little wider,” he ordered him. “That’s good. I want complete silence now, from everyone except Josh. Joshua, you have permission to make any sounds you want. Are you comfortable?”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  “You do not have to count or keep track. I’ll do that for you. I want you to simply take your punishment, okay?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Let’s start.”

  He started gently, with smacks that would barely register with Josh, which was exactly the point. Josh shifted, restless, seeking more intensity. By the time Miles had reached twenty-five, Josh was settling in, his ass getting red and warm. Miles spread the hits out all over his cheeks and upper thighs, wanting to create a big a palette as possible.

  All that time, Brad had been sitting on the floor, waiting. He too, had been restless, but he hadn’t made a sound. Miles gestured him over with one finger, then put a finger on his mouth to indicate he wasn’t to make a sound. Brad’s face was pure delight when Miles pointed toward his crotch. His cock was so hard it physically hurt, and he breathed a breath of relief when Brad quietly liberated it from his boxers. Miles didn’t miss a beat—literally—as that sweet mouth engulfed him, took him all the way in.

  Josh groaned, then whimpered. He was feeling it now, the steady rhythms of smacks getting to him. Miles checked in with Indy again, who smiled at him. Charlie gestured to the bed and Miles nodded. He didn’t need it anytime soon, so the boys could relax there.

  Miles made no other sound than a small gasp as he flooded Brad’s mouth with an orgasm that bordered on painful. Brad looked up at him, cum dripping down his chin, a blissed expression on his face. Miles gave him a smile of gratitude and love, rubbed his head with his left hand while continuing the paddling with his right.

  He’d lost track of the count with Josh. Not that it had ever been his goal to deliver one hundred exactly. The idea had to be to make it so much Josh wouldn’t be able to count, and would be able to let go and surrender. It looked like he was well on his way, aided by the silence in the room, his blindfolds, and the smell of Connor on the towel his head was resting on.

  When Josh's shoulders came down, and his body went still, Miles knew he’d reached subspace. Miles slowed down, continuing with light smacks to keep him in that happy place. He needed enough pain to stay there, but not so much it would yank him out. He was flying blind here, because he couldn’t see Josh's face, so he’d have to trust his instincts. Luckily, he’d always been good an interpreting body language, and Josh's body was signaling complete submission and surrender.

  After five minutes or so, he gestured Indy over. Indy raised his eyebrows, wanted to know what to do. Miles indicated he should fuck him, no prep, use lube only. Josh would be tight because of the spanking, and Indy’s cock would do the trick. Indy smiled and Miles knew he understood.

  Miles averted his eyes when Indy hesitantly stripped. He wasn’t sure how comfortable Indy was with them watching. Brad turned his head the other way as well, content to stay kneeling with his face in Miles’ crotch, nuzzling his cock and balls, completely relaxed. Miles’ hand was softly caressing his curls, and Miles was pretty sure Brad was about to start purring.

  He raised his eyes to find Charlie watching them with so much love pouring from his eyes, it made Miles’ breath catch. How had he ever gotten this lucky to find not one, but two amazing men he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?

  He kept spanking Josh until he saw Indy step up from the corners of his eyes. Only then did he put the paddle down, and he signaled his boys it was time to leave. They left quietly, as behind them sounds of Indy taking Josh filled the room, accentuated by small sighs and moans from them both. It sounded like Indy fucked him with more gentleness than Josh was used to, probably, but that was to be expected. The kid didn’t have it in him to fuck hard, and that was fine. It would hurt anyway, with Josh’s ass being so tender from the extensive paddling.

  Miles made his way to their own bedroom, groaning with discomfort. Damn, his shoulder and arm hurt like a motherfucker from the massive workout they’d gotten. He collapsed on their bed, exhausted. Both of his boys were on him in seconds, a naked Brad cuddling close, while a still-dressed Charlie started massaging his sore arm and shoulder.

  He kissed Brad’s head, sent Charlie a grateful smile.

  “I love you both so much.”

  * * *

  The sun shone bright, reflecting brightly off the endless rows of white crosses on Arlington. Josh stood ramrod straight, not a crease out of place on his dress uniform, his boots shinier than they had ever been. All of their friends had made the journey, even Blake and Aaron, to support Connor.

  Connor stood in the front. The sight of him in his dress Marine uniform had taken Josh's breath away. Connor had proudly worn his medals—more than Josh had even known he’d earned. He’d never talked about his Marine career before, other than some anecdotes, but to have earned those medals, he had to have been through hell and back.

  Next to Connor, Noah was equally formal and solemn as Marines brought the last honor to Lucas. Noah had been an absolute rock this week for Connor to lean on. And Connor had leaned hard. He’d shared more in the last few days than in all the months Josh had known him, and most of it had been with Noah, but that hadn’t bothered Josh. Connor wanted to protect him, and rightly so, since some of the details would have been too much for him to handle.

  But it was him Connor had sought comfort with. He’d held him, cuddled him, and Connor had fucked him absolutely raw. Even now, standing here, Josh’s ass was throbbing. Usually, they didn’t fuck every day, simply because Josh’s body needed time to recuperate from taking him. The last couple of days, it had been daily, and sometimes even more than once per day. Josh had done it with love, more than willing to sacrifice some physical comfort to be there for Connor.

  It seemed sacrilegious to think of sex at an occasion like this, but Josh had to. If he focused on what was
happening in front of him, he’d lose it. It triggered too much inside him. Sex it was, then.

  As much as he had loved taking care of Connor this week, he had reached his limit of what he could handle, at least physically. He wasn’t sure how to tell Connor, though. He’d always been there when Josh had needed him, so how could he say no when the tables were turned?

  The wail of “Taps” broke through Josh's thoughts, and he shivered. Fuck, he loved and hated that piece of music with equal fervor. It was so hauntingly beautiful, but so fucking heartbreaking at the same time.

  On his left side, Indy brushed Josh's hand with his pinkie. They couldn’t hold hands, not here, not with so many military men present. And not while Josh was in uniform. He respected the uniform and all it stood for too much for that. But that tiny little touch steadied him nevertheless.

  The pallbearers folded the flag, every move perfectly executed. Josh's throat was too tight to swallow. That could have been Noah right there. He’d come so damn close to losing him.

  Indy’s hand nudged his again, pulling him back. He had to think of something else.

  The Marine holding the flag approached Connor, offered him the flag. “On behalf of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to Country and Corps." Connor nodded, accepted it with a stony face.

  Josh managed to hold it together till it was all over. Indy and the others were standing near the front, leaving Josh standing a bit to the side. Connor was still talking to a few of his former Marines when loud talking erupted behind the group. Josh turned. A group of tourists was taking pictures of the graves, laughing and joking. Josh clenched his fists, but before he could say or do anything, a lone figure in the back marched toward them.

  “Be quiet!” his voice thundered. “You will respect the sanctity of this place and the sacrifices made by those buried here.”

  Josh recognized him on instance. Behind him, one of the Marines yelled: “Attention!”

  All military men and women snapped to attention. To the last man, including Noah, Connor, and Josh himself, they saluted General Flint. Instant silence descended upon the place. Even the birds seemed scared to sing. The tourists slinked off hurriedly, casting worried glances over their shoulders until they were out of sight.

  General Flint marched to the front of the group. “As you were.”

  His face softened as he approached Connor, but Josh tensed up. The last time they had seen each other was when Connor had booted him out of that hospital waiting room when Noah had his surgery. Only later had Josh understood how Connor had gotten rid of the man—by threatening to go public with the truth about what had happened to his unit.

  The General stepped in front of Connor, who still stood ramrod straight. “Sergeant O’Connor.”

  Connor didn’t even blink. “General.”

  “At ease, Sergeant. I’m sorry…for your loss. I understand he was your best friend.”

  Josh's breath stopped at that long pause. Noah’s dad was saying more than standard words. He was apologizing to Connor in a way Josh had never thought possible. Noah’s face showed the same shock Josh was feeling. Even Connor looked startled for a second or two. Then he, too, accepted the hand extended to him.

  “Thank you, sir. He was. The best Marine I’ve ever known and an even better friend.”

  Josh caught the baffled looks of the other Marines present. Few people knew about General Flint’s involvement in the operation that led to Lucas and Connor being captured. But even those who did must have been wondering why a general would show up to a Marine’s funeral.

  Then Connor’s CO stepped up, gave the General a crisp salute, which he returned promptly. “General Flint. On behalf of the United States Marine Corps, our deepest thanks for your relentless efforts in retrieving Corporal Martins’ body.”

  Josh's eyes widened, and he shared a quick what-the-fuck look with Noah. His dad had been involved in finding Lucas’ body? Everyone stood straight as the two men exchanged soft words.

  Noah broke rank first, walked toward his dad with unsteady paces on the uneven ground. Josh trailed behind him, wanting to make sure he was okay.

  “Dad,” Noah said. Josh held back a chuckle as Marines all around him suddenly checked the name on Noah’s uniform to make sure they’d heard it right. “Thank you for coming.”

  His dad nodded. “It was the right thing to do.” He lowered his voice, making sure only Noah, Connor, and Josh could hear it. “I kept in the back, though. Didn’t want to distract anyone. This wasn’t about me.”

  “No, but it means a lot to Connor that you showed up. And to me.”

  “Noah…” The general seemed to search for words. “I would love to come see your new house.”

  It was the clearest attempt at reconciliation Josh had ever seen the man make.

  “You know I live there with my boyfriend, right? And with Josh and Connor?” Noah asked.

  His dad nodded. “Yes. I’d like to meet Indy, but not here. Not like this.”

  Josh understood. The man who’d defended don’t ask don’t tell could not be seen in public with his gay son and boyfriend. The fact that he even wanted to meet Indy in private was a big gesture, though. You couldn’t expect miracles here, only small steps in the right direction. Would his own parents ever even make a gesture like that? He doubted it. As far as they were concerned, Josh was dead. Aaron, too.

  At that exact moment, Aaron appeared at his side, sporting the insecure look he usually had when he was near Josh, as if he was expecting a blow. How long would it take before Aaron would feel safe with him and not expect Josh to reject him? It stabbed through Josh’s heart that this was what he had caused. He’d started to rebuild his relationship with Aaron, but it would take a long time before Aaron would fully trust him.

  He turned toward Aaron, sent him a soft smile. “Hey, bro. Thanks for coming today.”

  The smile Aaron sent back was staggering. He was indeed a little puppy, so eager to please. “We wanted to be here for Connor. And for you.”

  “I’m holding up okay,” Josh answered the question Aaron was probably afraid to ask. “But I could use a little distraction now.”

  “Want me to get Indy for you? Or Noah?” Aaron offered.

  “Nah. Just talk to me. How did your job interview go? I’m sorry, I forgot to ask this week, but—”

  “It’s okay, Josh, I get it. You had other things to worry about.” Aaron’s voice was kind, and Josh felt his sincerity. “I got the job. They called me Friday to tell me. I start in a week.”

  Josh’s face broke open in a smile. “That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you.”

  “Me too. I’m really excited, because it’s such a great cause, and it’s the kind of work I love.”

  Josh hugged him briefly.

  “How have you been?” Aaron asked. “Not this week, I mean, but like, in general?”

  It wasn’t the most articulate of questions, but Josh understood the sentiment behind it. “I’m relatively good. This week has been hard, obviously, most of all for Connor, but shit like this affects me too.” He hesitated. He wasn’t used to explaining himself to others, but maybe Aaron deserved more than finding things out weeks later. “Indy and I, we’re together now, too. Like, I’m with Connor and he’s with Noah, but we’re together as well if that makes sense.”

  Aaron sent him a sweet smile. “A polyamorous relation,” he said. “That makes total sense for you all.”

  Josh couldn’t hide his surprise. “How do you know about…?”

  Aaron blushed a little, but didn’t avoid Josh’s eyes. “I’m educating myself about all kinds of things, including the many options on the gender and sexuality spectrum, but also about different sexual kinks and preferences. I wanted to know more about puppy play, that’s how it started, and I kind of went down a rabbit hole from there.”

  Josh grinned. “There’s plenty
of kink to go around,” he said.

  “Josh, I’m happy for you and Indy. It’s obvious how much you love each other, and you’re blessed that Noah and Connor can see it, too.”

  Blessed. It was a word Josh hadn’t heard or used in a long time, but it was strangely fitting. He was blessed in every single way.

  22

  He was still not okay. It was the day after Connor had buried Lucas, and he felt like ants were crawling under his skin. What the fuck did he have to do to feel normal again?

  He’d talked. For the first time ever, he had talked. He’d shared memories of Lucas with Noah, but also with Josh and Indy, even with Miles and his boys. Something would happen that would trigger a memory and he’d talk.

  How they’d met in boot camp, became friends. His wicked sense of humor, always pulling pranks. How Lucas had struggled with reading, being severely dyslexic, but he’d been so proud to finish high school, then become a Marine. How much he’d loved his mom, who’d raised him as a single parent after his dad had walked out on them when Lucas was still a toddler. She’d died during his first tour, her body surrendering to the cancer she’d been fighting for years.

  He shared with Josh how Lucas must have known Connor was gay, but never said a word, and never treated him any differently. He’d been straight, Lucas himself. Not a womanizer by any standard, but definitely straight. And still, Connor had loved him. He hadn’t fully realized how much he’d loved him until now.

  “I’m sorry for not telling you,” he’d told Josh in bed sometime that week. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you.”

  “Oh, baby, there’s nothing to say sorry for. You didn’t lie to me. You didn’t know. Our mind protects us that way, and I understand.”

  Connor had sighed. “He called me Boston. He was from Connecticut, and he always laughed at my thick accent, so he started calling me Boston. He never went back to Connor.”

  He’d teared up, remembering the last time Lucas had been dragged off. “You’ll be okay, Boston!” he’d shouted out as he’d been hauled off to his death. Not something he could share with Josh. His sweet, nurturing Josh who was doing everything he could to be there for Connor, but who had to be protected from the gruesome details.